Good morrow, my darlings!

By now you must have taken notice that fops such as ourselves sport only the finest of attire, and our impeccably styled hair surely needs no introduction. In watching my manservant, Manservante, play my games for me so that I don't strain my delicate hands, I find though that many video game characters are brutish louts, with barely a nod towards their own appearance. In fact, I begin to suspect that they have given nary even a glance into their pocket mirrors. My word! What if they don't even carry one in their makeup case?!

How is one to be accepted into higher society wearing that horrid shade of olive green, with a visor no less! I don't care a whit if he's in Her Majesty's Navy, that Master Chief fellow will never be invited to one of my parties. He's only an enlisted man after all. An officer would be another matter entirely. I do love a man in a fine uniform.

I chanced upon some Greek fellow as well the other day. I won't go into the travesty of his outfit, but I will say that body paint has never ever ever ever ever been fashionable. Manservante was fortunately close enough to catch me and carry me home when I swooned upon witnessing the tragedy of his accoutrements.

Surely there must be some video game chaps and gentlewomen that have a sense of style, an eye for flair, a modicum of interest in the cosmopolitan lifestyle. I must know who they are! You will tell me.

Today's theme: Video gaming's best dressed! Bon appetite!


Fondest regards,

The Baron Bartholomew Blatherhedge


P.S. - Don't forget about our delightfully foppish contest, here!

My darling dandies,

May the fopping commence! And surely we mustn't forget FOPday Night Fights! All of the FOP high society will be attending (including myself, should be Xbox return hence from the consolesmith).

Hugs and kisses,

The Baron Bartholomew Blatherhedge

My dearest FOPs,

I'll not waste time regaling you with my titillation over your rather enthusiastic response to the Friends of the PAXless. With all of those rum culls and scabs on ventures to foreign shores, I'm all agog to begin our foppish fun. Which brings me to our first gentlemanly (or womanly!) competition!

To truly be a FOP, one must prove an exceptionally elegant sense of style and flair. Fops of old were renowned for the cut of their waistcoats and the architectural prowess of their wig construction. While I am certain that there are hardly any among you to be counted as shabbaroons, I charge you, my fellow FOPs, to prove to me how foppish you can be. Submit a tintype or photograph in the comments below of your most foppish regalia. Included must be a sign reading "I am a Friend of the PAXless!", or simply "FOPtoid" will do in a pinch. This is to ensure that no one infringes upon the work put in by fops outside our fair community.

Submissions can be made until Monday, 11:59 PM EST, at which time all submissions will be judged by myself, the Baron Bartholomew Blatherhedge, and perhaps one or two other FOPs of my choosing. Only those not attending PAX may enter. The prize has yet to be determined, but you have my solemn vow that I will do my best to make it worth your while.

If you have any other ideas for Foppish contests or themes for FOP blogs for the coming days, please do not hesitate to forward your correspondence posthaste to Foptoid@gmail.com. I look forward to seeing you all in your foppish finery!

Fondest regards,

Baron Bartholomew Blatherhedge

My dearest compatriots, have you been affronted by the bourgeois and general air of unconcerned levity put forth by attendees of the Penny Arcade Expo? Does the incessant chatter of these wealthy popinjays regarding their enjoyment of of the Expo's multifarious activities and revelry in their companionship leave you feeling a mite bit peevish? Fear not, humble fellow, for your are not without recourse.

Enter: the Friends of the PAXless (FOPs).

While in years past, those among us who found themselves unable to book passage to the Northwest Territory for Penny Arcade's annual festivities may have found themselves quite vexed. Perhaps even overwhelmed. This year, you may set your watch and warrant that things will be quite different.

FOPs have dedicated their persons to providing alternate entertainment to endless flood of Expo-related news and tomfoolery that will soon permeate these hallowed grounds. It is our aim to provide small contests, daily activities, and entertainment to those who have not the wherewithal or weight to their purse to attend the frivolous festivities to soon commence in the Shire of Seattle. We propose to be the counterweight to the unceasing palaver and prattle of those ragamuffins who would speak of nothing but the Expo.

To be a FOP, one must devote themselves to the highest degree of video game fashion. This season, nonsensical yet gaming-related fun is all the rage, and so we must be diligent in our pursuit of such. If you have ideas for contests or activities for the Friends of the PAXless, or artwork or anything else you wish to share, please post your correspondence to Foptoid@gmail.com.

And so my friends, come, declare yourself a FOP! While the cats are away, the FOPs will play! Find funny, interesting, or otherwise entertaining tidbits for all of us to enjoy in the meantime, so we may not be lost in a blight of Expo-focused news. And when posting your blogs as a Friend of the PAXless, do not forget to include FOP in your title, so we may share in it, and glory in the mirth that those attending the Expo will wish they had not missed out on.

(Your first task is to find yourself an appropriately foppish name. Mine is Bartholomew Blatherhedge. Go wild.)

AMIDOINITRITE?

So the other day my girlfriend visited me, and decided we were going to visit the Museum of Sex in Manhattan. So we did, because when your girlfriend wants you to take her to a building filled with porn, you make it happen.

We get there just in time for a lecture being held in the middle of the first gallery, an exhibit of the sex lives of animals. We have no idea what the topic of the lecture is, but we sit down anyway. We have all afternoon to see the porn.

The speaker was the curator of a natural history museum in Amsterdam. his museum had a large wing that had glass walls, which proved fatal to many a bird. According to the curator, this was great for the museum, as he got plenty of bird corpses to put in his exhibits. You didn't think people just donated that stuff, did you? Anyway, one day the curator was just chillin' out, maxin', and curatin' all cool when suddenly he heard an especially loud bang against the glass and got excited. He ran to look outside and found the body of a large duck that had died upon impact with the glass.

Suddenly, another duck flew down and immediately began to copulate frantically with the corpse of the dead duck. The curator was amazed, and ran to get his camera and notebook. When he returned, the duck was still going at it. Imagine the curator's surprise when upon closer inspection, both ducks were male.

That's right folks. That duck was engaging in homosexual necrophilia.

(Humorously, my girlfriend later mistakenly referred to it as homophobic narcolepsy, which conjures an image of someone so afraid of gay people that they immediately fall asleep upon encountering them.)

The curator published an article on his observations some time later and caused quite a stir in the academic world. He speculated that the first duck had crashed into the glass trying to escape an in-flight rape by the second duck, which as it turns out it surprisingly common.

In conclusion, ducks are weird. Here's today's cblogs.


*- I didn’t even like this. I just want you all to be frightened with me, so I didn’t feel so alone. (Altered Beets)
*- Mega Man 9: One man’s spiritual tuba journey (Tubatic)
*- One-sentence exceptions: Mega Man 9 ringtone!
*- Shitty Movie Night gets an upgrade (Genki-JAM)
*- Autism is hilarious sometimes (youkilledmyguy)


A- How do we hate DSi? Let us count the ways… (BlindsideDork)
A- Brilliam wants to break up with Final Fantasy Tactics, but FFT doesn’t want to “just be friends” (Brilliam)
S- Video game characters: Kyo Kusanagi (nilcam)
S- Level Headed: Space Channel 5 (pendelton21)
P- Failcast: Episode 16 loses focus (FAILCAST)
M- Blehman fears inventory management (and grues) (blehman)
M- StumpFreak fears addiction, as do we all. Except the addicted. (StumpFreak)
M- Dire phoenix fears failure. Too bad more people don’t seem to. (dire phoenix)
M- randombullseye fears inferiority (randombullseye)
M- BigBaby9199 is a big baby, and fears many things (BigBaby9199)
M- The Incredible Edible Egg fears bedtime (the Incredible Edible Egg)


Too lazy tonight to find a link to DVDdesign's contest. Go find it and enter.


F- All aboard for The Ship Thursdays (Yashoki)
S- While most of this is VG-related, it’s got an update on his sick friend, which is more important (pedrovay2003)
S- Xbox tech support cannot pronounce “Pennsylvania” (JoeCamNet)
C- A treatise on one-sentence blogs and their effects on the economy (Blehman)


N- A wee… err, Wii liveblog (darkair)
N- Europe gets FIFA this week, because they all play soccer… err, football. (Gemsi)
N- Japan 2009 Wii release dates. Do we even have any of Hirohito’s boys here on Dtoid? (darkair)
N- King Hippo is in on the Little Mac Reunion Tour (Wa-Keen)
N- Buying games you’ve already bought is a reason to use your Wii (D-Nez)
N- Motley Crue album coming to a Rock Band near you (power-glove)
N- Left 4 Dead leaves 44 minutes of cutscenes for dead. That didn’t really make sense, I’m sorry. (BlindsideDork)
N- WiiWare rocking the Cave Story (Pedro Blandino)
V- Nintendo conference videos, from a man on the scene. (darkair)
V- These may or may not be the same videos. I didn’t actually watch them. (Gynecologist Cobra)
V- Interview with GrooveAddicts via GZTV (GameZombie)
V- Watch someone else play Mega Man 9 (michiyoyoshiku)
V- Naruto trailer: Believe it! (DreRox)
V- Metal Slug 7 is a game for burly men (jackal27)
R- Samurai Showdown: A cautionary tale (ParaParaKing)
R- PES 2009 demo impressions (Tyrian3)
T- This person likes Mega Man 9 (michiyoyoshiku)
T- DLC is to car wash as hammer is to banana (Johnny Justice)
T- NHL replays are awesome. Too bad Halo did it first. /flame (fetusmilk)
T- Saints Row should be persecuted like GTA, but in a good way (zgerhard)
T- PUNCH-OUT NEEDZ D00DS!!11! (catfish)
T- DSi: Nintendo included so much, they’ll probably forget games (coffeesash)
T- Nintendo hasn’t forgotten you… yet. (BlindsideDork)
T- HE FREAKIN CALLED IT (njsykora)
T- Garison likes having two cameras, so he can take pictures of himself taking pictures. (garison)
T- Being pro-DSi is like being pro-McCain on a college campus, but he does it anyway (NihonTiger90)
T- October’s got game (Skribble)
T- A Spore divided cannot stand (ScanCase)
T- Some stuff about DSi battery life (jackal27)
T- Wiimakes: Another example of the versatility of the name “Wii” (eternalplayer2345)
T- Nintendo announcements… not so much (madninja)


F- Martians are a pretty cool guy. They attack Earth and doesn’t afraid of anything (cannedpasta)
F- A ninja priest kicking ass for the lord? Check. (skull13666)
S- A brief glance back at the Star Wars CCG (Bmozed)
S- Of course they model the Jabba shirt on a fat guy… (Bmozed)


L- Ninjtendo confirmed for Brawl! (Tristero)
L- Frogs: The most aerodynamic creatures on Earth (Donhonk)
R- Dex made a man (Dexter345)
V- Is it HAWP in here, or is it just me? (bovine)
V- Still Alive is still alive (nintendoll)
V- Bewbs of GenCon (GameZombie)
?- Come again? That’s what she said. (HeavyD)


F- I wanted an in-depth review of Hell’s Highway. I did not receive it. (Phantom Spaceman)
F- An example must be made! Yeah, I did it. Ban me. (Topher Cantler)
F- BBCode fail and one video too many = site whoring (GameZombie)
F- We are legion, and we rant about Fable 2 (Sup3rt3d)
F- Though I’m excited about Club Nintendo too, I have to follow precedent on single-sentence blogs (Pedro Blandino)
F- Michi, I like you, but enough videos of you playing things (michiyoyoshiku)


HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO CBLOG RECAPS

Now I pass the mic to Nintendoll, for some of that Friday goodness.