Here she is ladies and germs, my mundane "Not a Bajillion Dollar Turning Point Gaming Rig". Dell XPS 400 or so, 3.0 Ghz, 1 GB RAM, 250 GB Hard drive. She does what I need her to do (at least after having the hard drive and motherboard replaced), and she makes me happy. But not as happy as the absurd PC Destructoid is giving away would make me.
I keep my chotchkies off my desk, because I tend to spread my work across it instead. If you sincerely believe my work area needs to be spiced up though, feel free to send me free things and I'll be more than happy to display them.
The a cappella group I am in (The Eart Tones) has made a Relay For Life team, and we're trying to raise money, so I'm asking everyone I know to contribute. I know Destructoid, so I am asking you.
Relay For Life is the United States' largest fundraising event, and is run by the American Cancer Society. Relays are held year-round across the country, and recently even online via Second Life. A Relay is an all night event where teams spend all night walking a track, and raise money from friends and family to support the event. At least one member from a team must be walking the track at all times. All night there are games, music, speeches by survivors, and other activities. In essence, it's a huge party in support of raising money for cancer research and awareness.
That having been said, I am asking any of you with a dollar or two to spare to donate to the event. If you can't, that's cool, but this really is an extraordinary charity that really does save lives. Every dollar counts.
I'm sure many of you have family members who have survived bouts with cancer, and perhaps many who haven't. I've lost numerous members of my extended family to cancer, and my mother recently had a scare. I'm genetically predisposed, so I for one would certainly love to see more people give to help find cures to these deseases which take the lives of over half a million Americans, and millions more worldwide, every year.
If you are willing and able to donate, please follow this link and follow the instructions. It's a fairly straightforward process. Again, every dollar counts, so even if that's all you can contribute, please do so.
The fellows at For Tax Reasons, who were responsible for the hilarious video "IM IN UR MANGER, KILLIN UR SAVIOR", have just released a new short animation featuring the same cast. The new one is entitled "My Steampunk Papercraft Commodore 64 MMORPG Identity Crisis" and was featured on an episode of Boing Boing TV.
And for those among you waxing nostalgic about their previous animation, here it is:
My dear friends, we are gathered here today to bear witness to the passing of our fallen comrade, WiiSucks.
WiiSucks began his journey here on Destructoid as so many others do: spouting forth a mass of intense failure from from an internet mouth that never seemed to close. Despite countless attempts by the users of Destructoid to "kill it with fire", the beast returned time and time again, always hungry to provide us with more of his childish antics. Many methods were tried, begging, pleading, hilarious Photoshops, and comments about his dubious parentage, but still WiiSucks persisted, standing his ground where so many other fail-slinging noobies had fallen beneath the onslaught of flame. He seemed not so much as a person as a dangerous force of nature, unstoppable and inescapable. "Cannot this scourge be removed from our fair website?" the masses asked of Ron Workman, Wielder of the Banhammer. But WiiSucks remained, creating community blogs at a rate which both shocked and alarmed those unfortunate to witness his display of immature might.
As time passed though, a curious thing began to happen. While the astounding rate of his comments and community blogs did not slow, the retaliation began to dwindle. Slowly, yet surely, the persistence of WiiSucks began to win over the hearts and minds of the Destructoid community. Some even began to support his campaign, taking the position that perhaps a little childishness is good for us every so often. As this change occurred, even WiiSucks' postings began slightly more coherent. From time to time, they were even funny enough to be worth reading. WiiSucks soon became one of Destructoid most recognizable personalities. The community's opinion of him changed from a pest that needed to be stamped out immediately to that of a somewhat pesky but lovable kid brother who just refuses to grow up.
While we may never be able to say that WiiSucks' contributions were singularly impressive or notable, we can all acknowledge his fun-loving spirit and sense of childlike wonder. When we all forgot that the internet is not serious business, it was WiiSucks who would quietly slip in with a comment ridiculous enough to kill a kitten, and remind us all that we come to Destructoid not to argue or flame, but to have fun, and enjoy the randomness and fun-loving absurdity of the website we call home. WiiSucks' youth and immaturity kept us young, something we should all be wary of losing. Video games have brought us together here at Destructoid, and for most of us they are a thing that has grown out of our childhoods, and have blossomed into the bountiful harvest of community and gaming pleasure we have today. WiiSucks was a representation of that childlike innocence we all experienced at some point in our lives, and in remembering WiiSucks I hope that all of us can remember the joy we felt when we played our first video games at a very young age.
Since WiiSucks has left us permanently, along with much of the evidence of his existence, I would ask you all to join me in sharing your fondest memories of WiiSucks, followed by a moment of silence and a 21 Firetruck salute.
I am Destructoid's biggest fan-boy because instead of studying for my midterm tomorrow, I arranged and recorded a cover of the Destructoid Theme Song, by Jonathan "GameJew" Mann.
To start off, I'll give you the original. Ain't nothing like a scoop or two of old school to spice up your day.
Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey E
Mr. Destructoid B
Get your claws offa my lady, now C#m A
She's got video games all around her tits E B
But she's mine, she's mine
I posted her pictures And you whipped out your robot cock And I wonder if you're shootin' all your nuts and bolts tonight But she's mine, yeah she's mine
Destructoid, Mr. Destructoid You're not owned by Fox or AOL and I like that about you Mr. Destructoid, Mr. Destructoid You took on the big boys and you came out on top
So I say:
Hey, Hey, Mr. Destructoid
I decided to take some artistic license and go in another direction. Observe:
Yesterday, after seeing all the c-blog hate directed at Jack Thompson, I was impressed by how many of us in the comments of those c-blogs said to cut out the hate. I even saw some positive things written about him, and I sort of have to agree. While he may be on the extreme side of anti-gaming, he started his crusade with noble intentions, and he truly does believe that putting a stop to violent video games will help the world become better and less violent, and we can't deny that it's a worthy ideal. None of us want to hear news of events like the NIU shooting anymore. And if he's grown a litter bitter towards gamers as a group over the years, I think that makes sense too. We'd probably all do the same if millions of people were constantly ridiculing us and making absurdly offensive Photoshops.
So I e-mailed him.
I dug up the address he's using these days (which I will not release) and sent him a somewhat long, respectful e-mail. In this e-mail was a plea to see past the hate that permeated most of his welcome to Destructoid and open up some sort of open discourse between himself and some of our more intelligent, educated, and well-spoken members, as opposed to the "GRAAAGH JACK THOMPSON R TEH SUCX!" crowd. I feel this would be beneficial and educational to both sides, if both sides could keep the discussion civil and actually have a thoughtful debate. No legal threats, no Photoshops, no name-calling. Just the facts.
I had heard that in that past gamers who e-mailed him were not received very well, but the reply I got was not vicious or mean-spirited. He was upset (as usual) about some things written about him, and he seemed wary that any of us would be open to talk civilly. Finally, he suggested we feature him on a podcast.
My thoughts?
"YES. Perfect."
We rag on Fox News for telling only one side of the story, and this would be the perfect opportunity for Destructoid to step above that. To actually feature Jack Thompson, gaming's #1 enemy on a podcast? Unheard of! Not only that, but we might get the opportunity for some real-time debate. I told him I'd try to wrangle up some support for it.
Unfortunately, his reply was that we're all uninformed and ill-mannered, and that we don't care about the NIU killings.
Sorry folks, looks like no Jack Thompson podcast. And sorry for no silly e-mail shenanigans either. I played it straight, and got a straight answer. It went south, but it started alright. Maybe there's hope for the future?
From: MechaMonkey
To: Jack Thompson
Dear Mr. Thompson,
My name is Bryan, and I am a member of the community of Destructoid.com, where you recently set up an account and commented on a blog post regarding the New York Post's treatment of the Northern Illinois University tragedy. I hope this message finds you well, and that your less-than-warm welcome to our community has not put you off too much. The internet in this day and age has become a powerful quasi-nation all to its own, and some of its citizens often react somewhat poorly and rashly when challenged on their own turf. On their behalf, I would like to apologize.
As a gamer, I do in fact disagree with many elements of your personal crusade. Despite this, I do hold you in great respect. You have chosen a cause that you firmly believe in, one that you have initiated with the highest moral standards in mind, and you have chosen to fight on to reach your goals, despite suffering an intense campaign of attempts at ridicule and embarrassment by your opponents. For this, I cannot help but applaud you. Your conviction and willingness to stick by your guns is rare in this day and age.
In the gaming community, especially here at Destructoid, there are some of us with that same conviction and drive. While we often find ourselves in direct opposition to your agenda, you will find that we agree with you on many points, such as the fact that minors should not be purchasing or playing "M-rated" games, and that events such as the recent shooting Northern Illinois Shooting are tragic and a terrible loss that affects the entire nation. Personally, I will even go so far to say that games such as Manhunt 2 do not need to be made at all, though I cannot say my fellow community members here at Destructoid will agree.
Having said all this, I hope we can find some way to initiate some sort of open dialogue between yourself and some of our more respectful and well-spoken community members and editors now that you have initiated contact with us via the blog comments. Our members hail from countless different demographics with innumerable professional careers and lifestyles. I sincerely believe that this sort of discourse could be extraordinarily enlightening and educational for members of both sides of the debate.
I hope that you can see past the actions and comments of some of our more immature members and see that we aren't all prepubescent, hormonally-enraged young boys, and that you in turn can step up and be respectful of us. I must say, I was disappointed that your entrance into our community was heralded by references to us as "e-tards" and "sociopathic kiddies", though I suppose it may have been somewhat fair considering some of the comments made about you. A man of your moral standards should take the higher ground though. I cannot deny that there are a fair number of folks here that I wouldn't hesitate to assign the designation of e-tard, but the most prominent among us are educated and open to civil, intelligent discussion of the key issues.
If you receive this, I would be grateful to hear your response. I have heard that in the past you have often replied with some measure of scorn when contacted by gamers like myself, but my only goal is to aid in creating an environment of open discourse, something I know a man of your intelligence and background can appreciate. I will of course keep your contact information and communications discreet, should you so desire, as I know you have had difficulties with such issues in the past. Thank you so much for your time.
Best regards,
MechaMonkey
P.S. - I will be attending Benjamin N. Cardozo Law School this coming fall. Any tips for a first-year law student? (Aside from not playing video games, which I imagine I won't have much time for anyway.)
------------------------------------
From: Jack Thompson
To: MechaMonkey
I think you all should have a podcast with me so I can say what I really believe about these issues, not what some gamers want to say that I believe.
Jack Thompson, Attorney
-------------------------------------
From: Jack Thompson
To: MechaMonkey
The below is not by some random gamer at your site. It's by a guy running it. You can't expect me to take you all seriously:
Crack-a-Jack Thompson has been out in full force since the NIU shooting, going so far as to send tips to Destructoid and even join its community. It's very clear that the murders of youngsters excite him, as he grows steadily more active and wild in their wake, especially as he gets to complain about what he deems "murder simulators." In fact, in the comments for yesterday's post, that's the exact term Jackpot used:
"We need to get you sociopathics kiddies off these murder simulators and back to doing your homework."
Of course, this begs the question: Do any of we "sociopathics kiddies" actually play murder simulators? What exactly are murder simulators, and is Grand Theft Auto, BioShock or any other videogame worthy of such a label? Don't ask me, try asking simulator expert Robert Gauss. Gauss has worked with simulators for the US Army and knows a fair bit more about them than some defense attorney who's close to getting disbarred. This is what he had to say:
--------------------------------------
From: MechaMonkey
To: Jack Thompson
Like I said, I can't speak for everyone. You've ruffled a lot of feathers in your day, and unfortunately some of those feathers have stayed ruffled. I'm sorry for that. I have personally spoken to other folks though who are interested in putting down the slings and arrows and trying to do this in a more civilized manner. As for a podcast, I think it's a great idea. We often call out Fox News for not allowing both sides to have their say, and I think it's an excellent chance for Destructoid to take another road. Of course, that decision is ultimately up to the editors.
Whatever the case ends up being, I wish you the best in your work, and hope that one day the millions of more level-headed Americans on both sides of this issue can find some common ground and make positive change in the video game industry. Thank you again for your quick reply, and I'll see what sort of support I can round up for a podcast.
---------------------------------------
From: Jack Thompson
To: MechaMonkey
Please don't lecture me about ruffling feathers. Gamers are ill-mannered and uninformed, and they prove it everyday. They couldn't care less about the people killed.
----------------------------------------
From: MechaMonkey
To: Jack Thompson
I'm sorry to hear that you think that about all of us. I'm currently involved in setting up a memorial service for the victims and their families at the university I attend.
I can see you're not interested, so I apologize for bothering you. Again Mr. Thompson, best of luck in the future, and God Bless.
-----------------------------------------
From: Jack Thompson
To: MechaMonkey
Why would you have a memorial at your university? do you go to niu?
-----------------------------------------
From: MechaMonkey
To: Jack Thompson
No, but just in support. Just as your efforts are in support. And I admire that you are working to prevent such events in the future, which is why I do respect what you do. I may not agree with all of it, but I can certainly respect it.
-----------------------------------------
From: Jack Thompson
To: MechaMonkey
Why don't you do something to stop these tragedies instead of making yourself feel better?
-----------------------------------------
From: MechaMonkey
To: Jack Thompson
I've worked directly with students suffering from psychological problems, including those committing suicide, both as a Resident Assistant and as part of a peer counseling group. I may not have your nationwide resources or expertise, but I'm doing what I can in the way I feel best. Though you are correct, more people do need to be acting instead of talking.
------------------------------------------
From: Jack Thompson
To: MechaMonkey
You don't have a memorial on another campus about something like this. that is designed to make you feel better about yourself and not help others.
------------------------------------------
From: MechaMonkey
To: Jack Thompson
A God-fearing man such as yourself should have no problem with people getting together and praying for the victims and their families. If you think prayer doesn't help, then we're getting into theological debate, and that's not a realm I'm keen on arguing about. Again, thank you for your time in responding, and I sincerely appreciate that you are trying to help me see that my actions aren't enough to initiate positive change.
-------------------------------------------
I feel sorry for him. I really do. A man of his conviction and drive could be doing great things. His talent is being squandered by his bitterness and refusal to see individuals as opposed to gamers as a whole.
With the 2008 Presidential race heating up, I thought it was about time I caught up on the politics. So far, I've had trouble deciding on a candidate, as I think all three major contenders (Clinton, Obama, and McCain) have their fundamental flaws, but I got to thinking: Which candidate is best from a gamer's perspective (aside from Mike Haggar, whom we all should be voting for anyway)? That question has sparked a new series of blogs bringing you information as to which Presidential candidate is the best for American gaming.
Sorry Britain, from the looks of things, your gaming may already be on the way out, if Gordon Brown has his way.
Anyway, from the looks of things, many game makers are actively working towards getting their favorite candidate elected. 1up.com has put together this list of campaign contributions by game developers and executives, including amounts. Let's see the results, shall we?
Activision
1. Brian Kelly, Co-Chairman
$4,600, John McCain (R)
2. Ron Doornick, Director
$2,300 Mitt Romney (R)
3. Nina Kotick, CEO
$2,300, Mitt Romney (R)
4. Robert Kotick, CEO
$2,300, Mitt Romney (R)
5. Brian Barnes, Game Designer
$2,000, Ron Paul (R)
6. Erol Otus, Designer/Illustrator
$700, Ron Paul (R)
7. Charles Homic, Programmer
$400, Ron Paul (R)
8. Travis Stansbury, Attorney
$325, Ron Paul (R)
9. Chris Nelson, Programmer
$285, Ron Paul (R)
TOTAL: $15,210 to Republicans
ZeniMax Media (Bethesda Softworks):
1. Brendan Anthony, Game Programmer
$352, Barack Obama (D)
TOTAL: $352 to Democrats
Blizzard Entertainment:
1. Kyle Harrison, Technical Artist
$500, Mike Huckabee (R)
2. Christopher Ryder, 3D Artist
$500, Ron Paul (R)
3. Jesse McCree, Video Game Designer
$250, Ron Paul (R)
TOTAL: $1,250 to Republicans
Electronic Arts:
1. William Wright, Vice President, Designer
$3,500, Rudy Giuliani (R)
2. Cindy Nicola, VP, Talent Acquisition
$4,600, Barack Obama (D)
3. Steven Schnur, Worldwide Executive Mark (?)
$4,600, Hillary Clinton (D)
4. John Taylor, Technical Arts
$2,365, Ron Paul (R)
5. Michael Lawson, Software Engineer
$2,300, Fred Thompson (R)
6. Ian Schmidt, Sales
$1,300, Fred Thompson (R)
7. Sharon Zezima, Attorney
$1,000, Hillary Clinton (D)
8. Jason Horwath, No title listed
$840, Barack Obama (D)
9. John E. Taylor, Technical Artist
$500, Ron Paul (R)
10. Timothy Cotton, Game Designer
$234, Ron Paul (R)
11. Jason Fisher, Software Engineer
$225, Ron Paul (R)
TOTAL: $10, 424 to Republicans; $11,040 to Democrats
Ensemble Studios:
1. Mike Wagner, Computer Stuff
$221, Ron Paul (R)
TOTAL: $220 to Republicans
Flagship Studios:
1. Christopher Lambert, Game Programmer
$500, Barack Obama (D)
2. Jeff Lind, Software Developer
$340, Barack Obama (D)
1. Michael Edwards, Computer Programmer
$355, Ron Paul (R)
TOTAL: $355 to Republicans
PopCap Games:
1. John Vechey (Quarter 2, 2007), Game Developer
$2,800, Barack Obama (D)
2. David Haas, COO
$270, Barack Obama (D)
3. John Vechey (Quarter 1, 2007), Manager
$250, Hillary Clinton (D)
TOTAL: $3,320 to Democrats
Valve Software:
1. Gabe Newell, Managing Director
$2,300, Christopher Dodd (D)
2. Bill Van Buren, Producer
$250, John Edwards (D)
3. Christopher Green, No title listed
$500, Barack Obama (D)
TOTAL: $3,050 to Democrats
I've done some math of my own and broken the net totals down by party and candidate:
Republicans: $27,459
Ron Paul: $8,360
Mitt Romney: $6,900
John McCain: $4,600
Fred Thompson: $3,600
Rudy Giuliani: $3,500
Mike Huckabee: $500
21 individual contributions
Democrats: $18,832
Barack Obama: $10,432
Hillary Clinton: $5,850
Christopher Dodd: $2,300
John Edwards: $250
14 individual contributions
Obviously there are more Republicans in the game industry willing to give their money for the cause. Ron Paul led the pack in number of individual donations and stole second with $8,360, behind Barack Obama with $10,432 and 8 individual donations.
WARNING: PERSONAL COMMENTARY AHEAD
Ron Paul's a nice guy I suppose, and he's all about no censorship and this and that. His contributors hearts were in the right place, but their contributions would have been in vain. Ron Paul's plan for America was to bring the entire system crashing down around its ears and let us all regulate ourselves. Unfortunately, we aren't Amish. No dice, Ron Paul.
Those who tossed a few bones to Mrs. Clinton are also putting their eggs in the wrong basket. No self-respecting person involved in the video game industry should give money to someone who makes unconstitutional proposals regarding the censorship of games. Mitt Romney is of the same ilk, having said this in response to a question regarding video game legislation:
"I want to restore values so children are protected from a societal cesspool of filth, pornography, violence, sex, and perversion. I've proposed that we enforce our obscenity laws again and that we get serious against those retailers that sell adult video games that are filled with violence and that we go after those retailers."
We're in a cesspool folks. Hope you brought your swim trunks.
END PERSONAL COMMENTARY
So remember folks, when you're going to the polls this year, there's only one man who will bring video gaming to the forefront of American culture, win the war on terror, and impregnate every woman within a ten mile radius by sneezing. That man is...
Though Goombas and Koopa Troopas form the backbone of Bowser's army, in today's world it's obvious that the world's mightiest militaries rely on the strength of their air force.
Enter Lakitu.
Lakitu may not be the first Mario baddie to pop into your head, but he's appeared in far more games than you probably remember, and not always as a villian either. That's why this week's I AM ERROR is celebrating our cloud-riding, Spiny-throwing friend, Lakitu.
Since the time he was a young reptile, Lakitu always seemed to have his head in the clouds. Literally. His strange ability to control the weather landed him a heavy conscription bonus when he was forced into service in the Koopa Troop. He quickly rose through the ranks, and was given command of a regiment of Spinies. Not really, having any military experience, Lakitu decided to use his command of the clouds to launch an aerial assault on the invading plumber, dropping his troops into battle. This proved ineffective though, and Bowser was defeated. Lakitu continued in his role as bombardier until his tour of duty ended and he retired from active duty to take up fishing.
Of course, even in retirement, Lakitu had to keep busy, and fishing wasn't nearly enough to fill his days. One day while cleaning out his basement, he found an old video camera. He called up his brother, and asked him if he would be interested in making a film. In discussing what the subject of their film should be, they finally settled on a documentary about their former nemesis, Mario. They found him just in time to film his entire quest for the Power Stars. The Lakitu Brothers' film, Mario 64: Plumbers Go Wild, won the Golden Tanooki Award for Best Documentary Film at the Mushroom Academy Film Festival that year. The brothers made two more independent films, Warp Pipe Dreams and The Goomba Whisperer, though niether was nearly as successful.
Though his brother stayed in the movie business, Lakitu grew restless, and used his share of the profits to build a go-kart track. The business was wildly successful, and through the help of an anonymous mustachioed business partner, more tracks were built across the Mushroom Kingdom. The Mario Kart empire had been born. In his time running Mario Kart Raceways, Lakitu held numerous competitions, which drew the best kart racers from all over the kingdom. And despite being so profitable, Lakitu insisted on doing all the work at the track himself, from maintaining the tracks to holding the stoplight to start the race and fishing racers out of the water when they crashed.
After a few years, Lakitu felt it was time to move on again. He used his contacts in the sports entertainment industry to get him a job as a referee. Though he began officiating only tennis games, he soon moved to baseball, golf, and even the Olympics.
Lakitu's family is widely influential in the Mushroom Kingdom, owning a variety of key businesses. For example, his brother later followed Lakitu out of the movie business and established Lakitu Travel. His cousin Lakilester (aka, Spike) even fought alongside Mario for a time.
But today we celebrate this single cloud-riding phenomenon; he has brought us all so much, and we appreciate him so little. Let's hear it... for Lakitu! Submit you suggestions for other minor characters that need recognition in the comments.
And now, a video of Lakitu beating Evil Ryu, Evil Ken, and some other dude.
We all remember the name of the hero in the game. The player we control, the one who beats the bad guys, overcomes the obstacles, and scores all the points. But what about the characters we don't remember. The ones who truly make a game what it is. Let's face it, you could make a game about running around in a world devoid of interaction with other characters, but it wouldn't be much fun, now would it? Unless of course that world was filled with neat toys for you to play with, like gravity guns and jeeps and rocket launchers.
No, the characters playing those bit parts flesh out the world of the game, and create for us a deeper, more meaningful experience. It is well past time we recognized their worth. When commenting, feel free to leave me with the names and games of those you feel aren't recognized, solely because of their status as minor characters. In this first installment though, we will delve into the past of a man who found a niche for himself through the sheer power of his own name: Error.
Error, christened Errol Rorgenson, was born in the town of Rauru to Roger and Alberta Rorgenson. Errol was a lonely child. He was an only child, and a glandular condition led to a weight problem, for which he was tortured mercilessly by the other children in town. As is always the case, once the cruel creatures we call schoolchildren find one flaw to harp on, they will always pick at the carcass to find further insulting nuggets of flesh. Due to an unfortunate mistake by a teacher in reading his name during attendance, Errol would forever be known as Error to his classmates. In fact, he was called by that name so often, he began to introduce himself as "Error" instead of "Errol".
By the time Error reached age 16, he was going nowhere. His parents' business was failing, and no other jobs were available in the small town. Error felt it would be best for both him and his family if there was one less mouth to feed, and set out on his own. With a rucksack containing a bottle of milk and his most prized posessions, he began to travel the world, performing odd jobs for food and lodging, and when those weren't available, he lived off what he could find in the wild. The constant walking and rough living were enough to counteract his glandular condition, and though he would never be called thin, a thick layer of muscle formed under his respectable bulk. Lacking a razor, he grew a thick, black beard, giving him a somewhat gruff appearance, but Error was happy to have it when the weather grew cold.
After years of traveling, Error settled down in the town of Ruto. He had earned a small amount of gold in his travels, and used it to rent out a house in town from an old man. Unfortunately, his troubled childhood and lack of significant human interaction during his traveling years had left Error with little to no social skill, and among the people of Ruto was considered somewhat of an eccentric. He lived alone, his only furnishing a long wooden table, and none of the town's residents could recall having a conversation with him that had gotten past a basic introduction. The only one whom Error spoke to regularly was the old man he rented the house from, and even he was soon gone. One day, when going to pay the rent, Error discovered a letter addressed to him stating that the old man had been forced to move suddenly, and had left the house to Error. Error, bewildered and alone, grew more and more withdrawn with each passing month.
It was this Error who one day awoke to find an armed man dressed in green who had broken into his home. Terrified, he could think of nothing to say, except what he said to everyone else.
"I am Error."
The man in green looked at him quizzically, and tightened his grip on his sword hilt.
"I am Error," Error repeated.
Though looking disappointed, whether with the conversation or the lack of items in Error's house to take, the man in green left without another word. Error breathed a sigh of relief. Days passed, and Error forgot the incident, until one day the man in green appeared again. He had been sent by the old man, who knew of Error's travels and had thought his expertise might help this young man in his quest. Happy to finally be of use to someone, Error gave what hints he could to the young hero. The young fellow left, and Error sat back on his table, satisfied. Perhaps he wasn't such a failure. He had given aid to a hero. Bolstered by this new feeling of confidence, Error started his own business, working as a guide to those who wished to travel Hyrule. Though he wasn't a hero in the same sense as the young man in green, he saved many lives with his knowledge of the realm and its terrain and inhabitants.
Error was an error no longer.
Attached photos:
Age: 22
Profession: Student
Marital Status: Dating
Sex: At least buy me dinner first
I JUST GRADUATED FROM the University at Albamy, from which I received my B.A. in American History with a minor in Theater that I will not use. Ever. I was recently accepted to Benjamin N. Cardozo School of Law with hopes of becoming an attorney specializing in arts and entertainment (video games perhaps?) and am keeping a running tally of the new gray hairs that are appearing every few days. I am also the president of an all-male a cappella group, and no, we don't sing the Mario theme, although we did re-enact our own version of Street Fighter during one of our shows.
I am a (very) moderate Xbox fanboy, though I am open-minded about other consoles. My brother owns a Wii which I enjoy playing very much, and between my siblings and myself we ended up with every console of the last generation as well. I'm a fanatical follower of Shutting the Fooseball Up and Just Playing Games.
My XboxLive gamertag is Vagabond King. When sending Friend Requests, please include a message saying you're from Destructoid and who the hell you are.
DrKAdonis made this at my whimsical request. It deserves to be shared:
