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Mecha Six VII's blog

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Mecha Six VII avatar 6:55 PM on 07.18.2009  (server time)
Duke Nukem Forever must never come out.

Now hear me out on this.

Duke Nukem Forever is to Gamers as the Rapture is to Christians

It is an event whose occurrence has been predicted by many people to be a time in the future, multiple times that have been past over the years, but many have not lost faith, they are willing to believe that it'll happen, it'll happen and it'll be glorious, it'll change everything!

But again, the release date passes by once more, and people have not lost faith, for you see, like the Rapture, Duke Nukem Forever will never happen.

The rapture, when the blessed ascend into heaven leaving us heathens behind, is what happens before armageddon, the end of days.

Duke Nukem Forever is going to cause another video game industry crash.

Now I know this sounds insane, but look at the signs, here's what happened that caused the video game crash of '83.

There were an intense amount of home consoles coming out, caused customers unwilling to really buy any. There was the Atari 2600, the Atari 5200, the Bally Astrocade, the ColecoVision, the Coleco Gemini, the Emerson Arcadia 2001, the Fairchild Channel F System II, the Magnavox Odyssey2, the Mattel Intellivision, the Sears Tele-Games systems, the TandyvisioN, and the Vectrex.

Nowadays we have...

the Xbox 360, the Xbox 360 Slim, the Playstation 3, the Playstation 3 slim, the Nintendo Wii, the PSP 3000, the PSPgo, Nintendo DS Lite, Nintendo DSi, the Nintendo DSi XL, the Nintendo 3DS, iPhone, iPod Touch, iPad, Android Phone as well as all the various peripherals there are for these consoles, and the fact that Nintendo is announcing a new handheld EVERY YEAR, the 3DS was announced before the XL could even start to be sold in north america.

There's so much choice, that consumers are paralyzed by the options.

As well there was a loss of publishing controls, allowing slews of shovelware to hit the market.

This is true nowadays, as the Nintendo Wii is drenched in shovelware to the point where it's hard to find even single good games, as well as the various online gamestores drenched with content and low on quality. Just try checking the App store on iTunes, finding a good game there is like finding a needle in a planetary sized haystack.

And Finally.

There was a high profile disaster of a game that made consumers who were already paralyzed by choice and repulsed by shovelware, that they couldn't stand even the prospect of buying more video games.

That game was ET the Extra Terrestrial, the worst game of all time, as well as Atari's most widely advertised game.

Duke Nukem Forever has been in development for 13 years, people have high expectations for this game, the faithful among gamers look at it as being objective perfection. Even if it's a great game, the difference between objective perfection and subjective goodness is still so vast it'll be horrible in comparison.

So either Duke Nukem Forever is PERFECT (which it can't be), and no one will play any other game ever again, or it'll be considered a dismal failure of a game.

A game that EVERY SINGLE GAMER knows about already.

If the Rapture (Duke Nukem Forever) occurs, then Jesus (Duke) will resurrect, and armageddon (video game industry crash) will occur!

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