Here in the west of London we have an infestation. These creatures are scientifically know as Trado Matris Maximus, though you may know them in the common tongue as Surrey Mothers.
They can easily be recognised in the wild by their extravagant and over-the-top cars, usually containing somewhere between 7-20 seats for their single (spoilt) child.
But JimJam whats so wrong with having a spacious car and loving your child, you ask?
Well, screw you, I don't have to explain my self to you!
But since that would make for a rather short and random blog I may as well tell you.
Its their attitude.
As soon as they hear something they don't like the sound of, or get a response that is anything other than what they want, they turn into salivating soul eating dragons.
For instance, last christmas, when one lady was told that the Nintendo Wii would be out of stock until after Christmas started to curse me, wished me a terrible Christmas and yelled at me that her orphan (yes her orphan, I'm still confused) would be devastated and also that her elderly mother had saved her pension all year to buy it for her Grandchild (wait, I thought he was an orphan?).
As Christmas approaches once again I can already spot the twin headlights of the 4x4s revving up in the distance, ready to run me over with a torrent of abuse and lies as soon as I try to explain that people cannot just turn up in store on any random day and expect to just walk in and pick up the most highly demanded product on the high street.
But what bugs me the most is that little Timmy is always treated as the most important thing in the known universe.
Their all encompassing ignorance does make me wonder, do other places suffer from similar infestations?
How do you recognise them there?
What are their worst traits?
How can I rid myself of this pest?