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2:43 PM on 09.12.2007

Dipshits already in line for Halo 3 UPDATE: No they're not.

This is an image that was taken outside the Metreon in San Francisco, of the most loyal of fanboys camping out in anticipation of Halo 3...

...Halo 3 doesn't get released for another thirteen days. That's roughly 312 hours. You could play through BioShock roughly fifteen and a half times on the comfort of your couch, but instead you're sleeping on the sidewalks of San Francisco in hopes of... of what? What do you think you're accomplishing with this? That you're going to be the first to play Halo 3 because you waited for two weeks? I have a newsflash for you, pal -- you're on the WEST COAST. You're THREE HOURS BEHIND those on the East Coast. I could walk into a GameStop line at 11:50pm on the 24th, and STILL play Halo 3 for two and a half hours (taking into account traffic and those in front of me) before you even get in the store.

...why am I addressing this to the first person, as though these people are actually going to read this? At most, their laptop has six hours of battery life. Then it becomes a brick. A flat surface to lay their head, or rest their food, or roll their joints because I imagine you'd have to be high as hell to think this was a sound decision.

"Official Story" <-- Shameless Plug #120,423

UPDATE: False alarm! That's an image from the IMAX showing they did yesterday.   read

12:35 AM on 08.31.2007

Duke Nukem: Forever @ Best Buy

We all know this is just a mistake. Hell, Duke Nukem Forever being given a release date of December 1st, 2007 is just silly, right? ...right?

Seriously, though -- how long before Best Buy takes this down?

Best Buy


6:52 PM on 08.30.2007

Yeah, I'm finally announcing my GoW banner.

I've been putting it off, but... fuck it. There it is. Revel in the bitter beer face.

NOTE: I can't for the life of me figure out why those side bars are still there.   read

7:20 PM on 08.25.2007

G4's Matt Keil claims D'toid "making shit up" regarding Mass Effect preview!

[IMAGE COMING SOON -- Max is Lazy]

[@ NeoGaf Forums]

[i]"Do not believe this preview. I had the first hour of the game played in front of me, and none of Destructoid's criticisms are valid. This is either truly awful taste or a pathetic attempt to get more hits. Possibly both.

Mass Effect has the most incredible facial animation of any game ever (at the time I saw it, anyway...Heavenly Sword tops it in cutscenes, IMO), and the voice acting is perfectly fine. The beginning of the game is all space navy "Sir, we have visual" shit, anyway. It's obviously not going to be Gone With The Wind.

There are plenty of things to worry about with Mass Effect without making up shit about the presentation. This preview is simply not describing the game I saw."[/i]

That was from Matt Keil, Writer/Producer on G4's underwhelming review/preview show "X-Play". I'll be honest: Outside of the Star Wars special, I haven't actively sat down to watch X-Play since it was called Gamespot TV. But that is neither here or there.

I have to ask... how do you debunk a preview? *ponders this*

[Orcist's Mass Effect Preview]   read

4:35 PM on 08.22.2007

Halo: Arms Race pt. 2 leaked?


Oooh, so purdy...

Digg this, for digging equals hits, and hits equals paycheck   read

1:14 AM on 08.22.2007

How NOT To Cool your Xbox 360.. dumbass kid...

Some fourteen year-old kid North Carolina nearly kiled himself trying to cool off his Xbox 360.

According to the dipshit's mom, the Xbox 360 would keep shutting off after being on for about five minutes. Finally, the child went online and found a possible solution for remedying this by cooling off the power supply. Here's the account of events from his ma:

“I saw him put the cord on top of a box in the living room”, said the boy’s mother. “When I left to go next door he was playing a game but when I got back he was laying on his back on the floor and unconscious”.

So how exactly did the child go from playing Madden 08 to being KOed on the floor?

Apparently the kid, taking a tip from 4chan, wrapped it in plastic and tape before submerging the power supply (still plugged in, by the way) in a pan of water.

Of course the little shit-for-brains wasn't seriously harmed. I'm not a prick to the point where I would make fun of a dead child, after all. By the time the paramedics arrived at the scene, the kid was awake and talking. He was taken to the local clinic in Transylvania County (No joke) to be treated for minor burns.

[Fun Tech Talk]
The Story with all the purdy pictures

Edited to make it less professional   read

4:19 PM on 08.20.2007

Worst. BioShock review. Ever.

BioShock has sex with your entire face. This is a fact that you can not deny. Every major review source on the internet (including here at D'toid) has given the game perfect to near-perfect scores (GameRankings averages it at 98%). The fact that it was created by the same team that gave the world System Shock 2 doesn't hurt, either.

But, like every great thing, you're bound to have a few critics. Send in the PS3 FANBOYS! Allow me to quote from the review at "Sony Defense Force":

"To conclude, let this game cook in the oven just a little bit longer and wait for the superior PS3 version. Cleaned up textures, animations, AI, extra weapons, Home space, standard HDD and Blu-ray will make this flawed game into a perfect gem."

...yeah. That's fuckin' retarded. This is but another reason as to why fanboys fail at all aspects of life, love, and the guitar.

NOTE: Hey, look at that -- Nyteshade beat me to it.   read

4:24 PM on 08.19.2007

Has This Ever Happened to YOU?!

You're sitting in front of your computer, raining hellfire down on those unfortunate sons of bitches who dare to oppose you. Your left hand firmly working the Gamer Compass (WASD) while your right guides your crosshairs so that you may bring forth much death and pain. Finally, it's down to just you and one other son of a bitch Counter-Terrorist. You sneak around a corner to see him turning another corner. You can feel the kill coming. You persue him, rounding that corner to find your crosshairs landing perfectly on the unsuspecting hooker's back. You switch to your DE, steady your aim, and just as you click the mouse to fire...

...your screen minimizes to your desktop, and you find a flashing IM box from some emo-bitch named "my_slit_writst_bleed_black" asking you if you're awake at 5am.

You sit there, a mixture of befuddlement over her inability to read your away message clearly stating that you were playing CS:S, and your sheer desire to drive over to her house and smash a keyboard across her whore mouth. Taking a calming breath, you close her IM box and restore your CS:S game using the ever handy Alt+Tab feature. The window restores...

...and you're dead, your teammates screaming at you for being such a "n00b".

I know I'm not alone in this. I know there must be others who have been in the middle of a fierce battle online, only to have their game vanish because someone had to bug them with a stupid question/comment/etc.

Also, God of War banner. Because I rule.   read

6:17 PM on 08.16.2007

Greatest Games You've Never Played vol. I: Tinhead

In an era where Sonic and Mario ruled the 2D lands, a lone hero stood up and fought the tyrannical oppressors that ruled the two major consoles... and lost. But that’s not to say that Tinhead still wasn’t a ton of fun, right?

Tinhead was a 2D Side-Scroller/Shooter developed by Spectrum HoloByte. Yeah, most of y’all don’t even know who they are, do you? Well, you should – they were the ones who brought Tetris out of the USSR. Either way, released in 1993 for the SEGA Genesis, Tinhead had you running around four worlds as the Defender of the Universe, on a quest to recover the stars that have been sucked from the sky by the intergalactic goblin, Grim Squidge.

Yep, thats him. Now, there were four different worlds to Tinhead, with three stages per. Each of those three stages were broken up into two sections, however, so in reality you’re playing through... um... ok, carry the 1... divide by Todd Helton’s 2004 batting average... 24! You’re playing through twenty-four separate levels across four worlds, collecting stars (that are trapped inside black balls) as well as other items such as ying yang symbols, teddy bear faces, wrenches, and smiley faces, all of which earned you points. You collected batteries to replenish your health, and even picked up ammunition.

Yes, ammunition. See, in Tinhead you didn’t hop on your enemies like a bitch, oh no. You were gangster. You shot bullets out of your damn forehead!


Taking a hint from Super Mario World, you also get a steed fairly early on in the game in the form of a giant bouncing ball that helps you reach those high-up places. While he wasn’t quite as useful in a combat situation as Yoshi, he was great for getting across some of the larger jumps that you’d otherwise be screwed on.

There is, however, one thing about Tinhead that may throw a lot of gamers off: It’s hard. We’re talking Contra/Ghosts ‘n’ Ghouls kind of hard here. So you can expect to see this:

A lot. However, it’s just so damn fun that you keep wanting to come back.

If you find this just laying around at a garage sale, or at a discount gaming store, do yourself a favor and pick it up. Trust me, you won’t regret it.   read

1:19 PM on 08.14.2007

GamePro steals other sites articles

Ok, so get this shit -- last Saturday XBLRadio posted a story on their blog about how Best Buy was screwing us by charging an extra $3 for some of their more profitable Xbox 360 accessories. XBLRadio coiled this the "Halo 3 Tax". Ha ha, very clever, moving on.

Now, last night GamePro posted an article about a supposed "Halo 3 Tax" at, of all places, Best Buy. Now, take a good, close look at that picture. Does it look familiar? It should. It's the same image posted by XBLRadio on the last Saturday.

Now I have no problem with people reporting news from other sites. Hell, that's how news spreads across the internet. Like herpes. Even I do it. But what struck me was that GamePro made absolutely NO mention of the original XBLRadio article that this was taken from.

To me, that's bullshit, and only goes to show how far GamePro has fallen since it's glory days of mediocrity.

Finally, if you Digg this up, I'll pay for your next prostitute. Honest.   read

4:14 PM on 08.12.2007

Super Villainy! Nine Year-Old Throws DOWN on some GH2


I can't believe 80% of the D'toid community just got owned by a God damn pre-teen.   read

11:16 PM on 08.06.2007


FINALLY! After months of "speculation" regarding the worst-kept secret in the gaming industry, said ssecret has finally become official as Major Nelson himself announced on his blog that the Xbox 360's price will, indeed, drop for all three SKUs. The price drop will take effect on August 8th, and will take effect in the US ONLY.

Xbox 360 Elite - $499.99
Xbox 360 Premium - $349.99
Xbox 360 Core - $279.99

For the record, the Halo 3 Special Edition of the Xbox 360 Premium has been announced at $399.99.

In regards to the overseas market and a possible price cut, Nelson quoted Microsofts marketing team: "Today we are announcing a price reduction in the U.S. We will announce other regional price decreases at the appropriate time."

Microsoft Press Release   read

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