MaximusPaynicus's Profile - Destructoid

Game database:   #ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ         ALL     Xbox One     PS4     360     PS3     WiiU     Wii     PC     3DS     DS     PS Vita     PSP     iOS     Android

click to hide banner header

My name is James. By day I am a freelance copywriter and editor. While the perks of this job are getting to sleep 'til 2pm and working in my underwear, I've learned far more about hemorrhoid cream and proper swimming pool chlorination than I ever care to.

I guess you could say I'm a "former" video game "journalist" (though I wouldn't call myself the J word). I am the former Editor-in-Chief of Binge Gamer and I spent time writing at other blogs. I gave it up because while I love gaming and the gaming industry, I just didn't have the constitution to run my own business.

Not at the age of 23, anyways.

Let's see... apart from that I'm prior service US Army (Military Police), a stand-up comedian, a connoisseur of soft drinks and I once wrestled a cheetah.

I was victorious.
Following (11)  

This is an image that was taken outside the Metreon in San Francisco, of the most loyal of fanboys camping out in anticipation of Halo 3...

...Halo 3 doesn't get released for another thirteen days. That's roughly 312 hours. You could play through BioShock roughly fifteen and a half times on the comfort of your couch, but instead you're sleeping on the sidewalks of San Francisco in hopes of... of what? What do you think you're accomplishing with this? That you're going to be the first to play Halo 3 because you waited for two weeks? I have a newsflash for you, pal -- you're on the WEST COAST. You're THREE HOURS BEHIND those on the East Coast. I could walk into a GameStop line at 11:50pm on the 24th, and STILL play Halo 3 for two and a half hours (taking into account traffic and those in front of me) before you even get in the store.

...why am I addressing this to the first person, as though these people are actually going to read this? At most, their laptop has six hours of battery life. Then it becomes a brick. A flat surface to lay their head, or rest their food, or roll their joints because I imagine you'd have to be high as hell to think this was a sound decision.

"Official Story" <-- Shameless Plug #120,423

UPDATE: False alarm! That's an image from the IMAX showing they did yesterday.

We all know this is just a mistake. Hell, Duke Nukem Forever being given a release date of December 1st, 2007 is just silly, right? ...right?

Seriously, though -- how long before Best Buy takes this down?

Best Buy

Photo Photo

I've been putting it off, but... fuck it. There it is. Revel in the bitter beer face.

NOTE: I can't for the life of me figure out why those side bars are still there.

[IMAGE COMING SOON -- Max is Lazy]

[@ NeoGaf Forums]

"Do not believe this preview. I had the first hour of the game played in front of me, and none of Destructoid's criticisms are valid. This is either truly awful taste or a pathetic attempt to get more hits. Possibly both.

Mass Effect has the most incredible facial animation of any game ever (at the time I saw it, anyway...Heavenly Sword tops it in cutscenes, IMO), and the voice acting is perfectly fine. The beginning of the game is all space navy "Sir, we have visual" shit, anyway. It's obviously not going to be Gone With The Wind.

There are plenty of things to worry about with Mass Effect without making up shit about the presentation. This preview is simply not describing the game I saw."

That was from Matt Keil, Writer/Producer on G4's underwhelming review/preview show "X-Play". I'll be honest: Outside of the Star Wars special, I haven't actively sat down to watch X-Play since it was called Gamespot TV. But that is neither here or there.

I have to ask... how do you debunk a preview? *ponders this*

[Orcist's Mass Effect Preview]

Some fourteen year-old kid North Carolina nearly kiled himself trying to cool off his Xbox 360.

According to the dipshit's mom, the Xbox 360 would keep shutting off after being on for about five minutes. Finally, the child went online and found a possible solution for remedying this by cooling off the power supply. Here's the account of events from his ma:

“I saw him put the cord on top of a box in the living room”, said the boy’s mother. “When I left to go next door he was playing a game but when I got back he was laying on his back on the floor and unconscious”.

So how exactly did the child go from playing Madden 08 to being KOed on the floor?

Apparently the kid, taking a tip from 4chan, wrapped it in plastic and tape before submerging the power supply (still plugged in, by the way) in a pan of water.

Of course the little shit-for-brains wasn't seriously harmed. I'm not a prick to the point where I would make fun of a dead child, after all. By the time the paramedics arrived at the scene, the kid was awake and talking. He was taken to the local clinic in Transylvania County (No joke) to be treated for minor burns.

[Fun Tech Talk]
The Story with all the purdy pictures

Edited to make it less professional
Photo Photo