Quantcast
Destructoid - MaxVest's Community Blog




About Me

It's only a model...




Uncommon, some wear on the edges.


First game: TI Invaders (Space Invaders knock-off) for the TI-99 "home computer". Either that or the Pac-Man built into the glass-top tables at Mr. Gatti's Pizza.
First console: NES
First world-altering game secret: JUSTIN BAILEY
First Arcade: Aladdin's Palace
First "mature" game: Leisure Suit Larry
First PC: 386SX 16 mHz w/40 MB HDD, Win 3.0, & 640x480 VGA baby!
First FPS: Wolfenstein 3D
First game mastered: Street Fighter II Turbo - Hyper Fighting (SNES)
First LAN deathmatch: Duke Nukem 3D
Great Game Reawakening: Living in an apartment with all sixth generation consoles and 3 gaming rigs.

New Systems: Wii, DS.
Somehow now owns: PS3
Randomly owns: SEGA Nomad, Game Gear, Genesis II, Sega CD
Cannot afford but is thinking about intercepting return RROD coffin: Xbox 360.
Currently playing: Rock Band, Zack & Wiki, Unreal Tournament III
Gamer Profile
3DS friend code:
Steam:
Battle:
PSN:
Mii:
Gamertag:
Following (69)
-D-
007
Aaron Mxy Yost
Aerox
ArrestedDeveloper
BahamutZero
balth
BFeld13
bhive01
BigPopaGamer
blehman
BlindsideDork
BluDesign
bluemeep
Bob Muir
Brad Rice
Brian Szabelski
broonor
bunny
Butmac
CaffeinePowered
ceark
Chad Concelmo
Colette Bennett
Coonskin05
Cowzilla3
CronosBlade
Darren Nakamura
DJDuffy
DtoidChicago
Duby
Electro Lemon
Excremento
GayBear22
GuitarAtomik
Hamza CTZ Aziz
HarassmentPanda
Hollie Bennett
Hoygeit
itemforty
Jim Sterling
Joseph Gabaeff
king3vbo
LethalHairdo
Liz Alexander
Maurice Tan
MechaMonkey
MrSadistic
Nick Chester
Niero
power-glove
riomccarthy
Riser Glen
Rockvillian
Sadie G
Samit Sarkar
Savant
Sharpless
ShawnKelfonne
shipero
Snaileb
superflossy
tazarthayoot
Tiff
Tristero
Virtualgirl
VWGTI
wardrox
Y0j1mb0
If You Love It, Change It - Imagine: Babyz
MaxVest | 10:13 AM on 06.02.2008 19 comments


[Title is in no way a diaper joke]

Imagine: Babyz for the Nintendo DS is a great game*, full of baby-type activities**, but even GOTY*** material can be improved on. For example, many of the DS hardware features could have been put to better use.


I said NO SLEEPING!!! Insolent whelp!!!

First, stylus controls. It's a little-known fact that the DS touch screen is pressure sensitive. So, just like in real life, you can discipline your infant with the appropriate amount of physical force. I'm not advocating child abuse, please don't get me wrong. But are you going to let that one-year-old talk back to you? Whatever you do, however, never shake a baby. The game doesn't have tilt functionality, so you just risk damaging your DS. Maybe in the sequel.


I hope you like bubbles, because it's the cheapest toy I could find

Second, microphone utilization. Right now, you use the microphone to blow virtual bubbles. Lame. You should be doing what everyone else with a baby and a voice is doing: yelling at your kid in the grocery store. You could also name your baby a la Nintendogs. And just real life, the more you say your child's name, the less responsive the child would be to it. "Morgan. Morgan. No. Morgan! Over here. Morgan. Morgan, honey. Listen to Mommy. Morgan! MORGAN! NO. PUT IT DOWN MORGAN."


"That baby is a little too chubby. I don't like fat people."

Third, wireless functionality. The great thing about having a baby is that everybody knows how to raise it better than you -- so why not give them the chance? You can invite up to 15 friends either locally or online, and they can use emoticons to express disapproval, superiority, disgust, reprobation, contempt, scorn, unease, and disdain in real time. They can also use voice chat to gossip to each other about the bad job you're doing, but don't worry -- you'll be able to hear it too!

These are but a handful of the ways that I think I can help make this franchise better. Ubisoft, I hope you're listening. As someone who has fathered many, many, children, yet has never stayed around long enough for them to be able to learn my name, I've probably got more experience with all sorts of babies (and their mamas) than anyone since Eazy-E.

* said Ubisoft PR Rep Laura Davis
** I'm just assuming.
*** Game Other Than Yaris



Is this post awesome? Vote it up!

0



Post a comment! You can also post a photo below:

Comment with Facebook





Click connect and comment instantly!

Comment with Dtoid





New? SIGN UP - it takes 5 seconds

17 comments | showing # 1 to 17
prev next

Hoygeit's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/02/2008 10:23
Hoygeit
I didn't think it was possible to improve on it but these ideas make a lot of sense.

Brilliant work!
MrSadistic's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/02/2008 10:25
MrSadistic
I just hope that for the sequel they have an option where I can force my unaccomplished life-goals/dreams onto my kids and make them to grow up clinically depressed and morbidly obese.
MaxVest's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/02/2008 10:27
MaxVest
@MrSadistic:

Are you referring to Imagine: Daddy's Little Professional Athlete and Imagine: Mommy Had A Happy Marriage?
MrSadistic's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/02/2008 10:48
MrSadistic
Those are cool games, as well as Imagine: Mommy Puts Out Lit Cigarettes On My Arm Because I Can't Sing and Imagine: Daddy Drinks To Forget.

Some classic titles right there.
shipero's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/02/2008 10:49
shipero
I was just dissapointed that I I wouldn't beat my baby while screaming "No wire hangers!"
DrNutt's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/02/2008 11:10
DrNutt
Jesus Christ this blog is instant win.
F Whipple's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/02/2008 11:14
F Whipple
So...you admit that you love this game?
MaxVest's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/02/2008 11:18
MaxVest
@F Whipple:

I love this game at least as much as, if not more than, any other game I've never played. So, yes indeed.
Alexradl's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/02/2008 11:24
Alexradl
I think an extra z in the title would definitely help add to the games epicness. I mean, what were they thinking, one z is obviously not enough.
Brilliam's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/02/2008 11:25
Brilliam
This is such an awesome writeup. Have you seen that SNL sketch where two a-holes attempt to adopt a baby? There's a line where Kristen Wiig asks Jeremy Piven if he "Spells babies with a Z." I can only think of that when I see this game's title.
king3vbo's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/02/2008 11:37
king3vbo
GOTY for sure
Darren Nakamura's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/02/2008 16:35
Darren Nakamura
This should have been promoted.
Samit Sarkar's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/02/2008 20:12
Samit Sarkar
You’re fucking hilarious, and I’m so glad we met.
Hamza CTZ Aziz's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/02/2008 20:38
Hamza CTZ Aziz
This was great. Your note about the title was hilarious too. I would have totally promoted this, but you were too late!
4knuckleshuffle's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/02/2008 22:57
4knuckleshuffle
I are wet myself through laftar.
Respectable Gentleman's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/03/2008 18:19
Respectable Gentleman
My god... if they just left this game in development for three more years...
mistic's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/04/2008 00:41
mistic
Man I sure hope the devs listen to your ideas for the sequel! ( I mean this game BEGS for a sequel! )
prev next

Comment with Facebook





Click connect and comment instantly!

Comment with Dtoid





New? SIGN UP - it takes 5 seconds

Comments policy

Destructoid is an open discussion community. You don't need to "audition" to post a comment - just speak your mind. We respect differing opinions on the site, so have at it. Be smart, funny, insightful, clueless, or cute -- but back it up with substance. Keep your cool, keep it fun. We only ask that you act respectfully and above all: don't be a troll and ruin it for everyone else. Don't bring down gamers or we'll, you know, gently shoot you in the face and stuff you into a flaming mailbox. Each comment is your opportuntity to make this community awesomer. Is that even a word?

Avoiding the banhammer only requires common sense: spamming, trolling, racism, NSFW stuff, and other forms of sucking will not be tolerated. If anyone is griefing please report abuse. Be good. Don't suck!