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If You Love It, Change It - Imagine: Babyz
MaxVest | 10:13 AM on 06.02.2008 17 comments


[Title is in no way a diaper joke]

Imagine: Babyz for the Nintendo DS is a great game*, full of baby-type activities**, but even GOTY*** material can be improved on. For example, many of the DS hardware features could have been put to better use.


I said NO SLEEPING!!! Insolent whelp!!!

First, stylus controls. It's a little-known fact that the DS touch screen is pressure sensitive. So, just like in real life, you can discipline your infant with the appropriate amount of physical force. I'm not advocating child abuse, please don't get me wrong. But are you going to let that one-year-old talk back to you? Whatever you do, however, never shake a baby. The game doesn't have tilt functionality, so you just risk damaging your DS. Maybe in the sequel.


I hope you like bubbles, because it's the cheapest toy I could find

Second, microphone utilization. Right now, you use the microphone to blow virtual bubbles. Lame. You should be doing what everyone else with a baby and a voice is doing: yelling at your kid in the grocery store. You could also name your baby a la Nintendogs. And just real life, the more you say your child's name, the less responsive the child would be to it. "Morgan. Morgan. No. Morgan! Over here. Morgan. Morgan, honey. Listen to Mommy. Morgan! MORGAN! NO. PUT IT DOWN MORGAN."


"That baby is a little too chubby. I don't like fat people."

Third, wireless functionality. The great thing about having a baby is that everybody knows how to raise it better than you -- so why not give them the chance? You can invite up to 15 friends either locally or online, and they can use emoticons to express disapproval, superiority, disgust, reprobation, contempt, scorn, unease, and disdain in real time. They can also use voice chat to gossip to each other about the bad job you're doing, but don't worry -- you'll be able to hear it too!

These are but a handful of the ways that I think I can help make this franchise better. Ubisoft, I hope you're listening. As someone who has fathered many, many, children, yet has never stayed around long enough for them to be able to learn my name, I've probably got more experience with all sorts of babies (and their mamas) than anyone since Eazy-E.

* said Ubisoft PR Rep Laura Davis
** I'm just assuming.
*** Game Other Than Yaris



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17 comments | showing # 1 to 17

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Hoygeit's Destructoid Blog
I didn't think it was possible to improve on it but these ideas make a lot of sense.

Brilliant work!
MrSadistic's Destructoid Blog
I just hope that for the sequel they have an option where I can force my unaccomplished life-goals/dreams onto my kids and make them to grow up clinically depressed and morbidly obese.
MaxVest's Destructoid Blog
@MrSadistic:

Are you referring to Imagine: Daddy's Little Professional Athlete and Imagine: Mommy Had A Happy Marriage?
MrSadistic's Destructoid Blog
Those are cool games, as well as Imagine: Mommy Puts Out Lit Cigarettes On My Arm Because I Can't Sing and Imagine: Daddy Drinks To Forget.

Some classic titles right there.
shipero's Destructoid Blog
I was just dissapointed that I I wouldn't beat my baby while screaming "No wire hangers!"
DrNutt's Destructoid Blog
Jesus Christ this blog is instant win.
F Whipple's Destructoid Blog
So...you admit that you love this game?
MaxVest's Destructoid Blog
@F Whipple:

I love this game at least as much as, if not more than, any other game I've never played. So, yes indeed.
Alexradl's Destructoid Blog
I think an extra z in the title would definitely help add to the games epicness. I mean, what were they thinking, one z is obviously not enough.
Brilliam's Destructoid Blog
This is such an awesome writeup. Have you seen that SNL sketch where two a-holes attempt to adopt a baby? There's a line where Kristen Wiig asks Jeremy Piven if he "Spells babies with a Z." I can only think of that when I see this game's title.
king3vbo's Destructoid Blog
GOTY for sure
Dexter345's Destructoid Blog
This should have been promoted.
Samit Sarkar's Destructoid Blog
You’re fucking hilarious, and I’m so glad we met.
Hamza CTZ Aziz's Destructoid Blog
This was great. Your note about the title was hilarious too. I would have totally promoted this, but you were too late!
4knuckleshuffle's Destructoid Blog
I are wet myself through laftar.
Respectable Gentleman's Destructoid Blog
My god... if they just left this game in development for three more years...
mistic's Destructoid Blog
Man I sure hope the devs listen to your ideas for the sequel! ( I mean this game BEGS for a sequel! )


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 about me


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Uncommon, some wear on the edges.


First game: TI Invaders (Space Invaders knock-off) for the TI-99 "home computer". Either that or the Pac-Man built into the glass-top tables at Mr. Gatti's Pizza.
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