I know what you're thinking: "This guy does not know what I am thinking." And you're right, which means I'm right, which means OOHHHH SSHHHIIII--
--parity error--
--parity error--
--parity recovered.

So, tell me about your problems. What went wrong? Should you have given your 360 more ventilation? More sunlight? Less water? Fear not, there are some very good reasons why Microsoft included a unique feature such as the Red Ring of Dextrafunctionality into each console.

RROD: GOOD IDEA

1. RROD gives you your soul back. Did you look at your owner's manual? Me neither. But if you had, you might have noticed a slick legal trick Microsoft pulled when you bought your pride and joy. But if your 360 doesn't work, neither does this little gem.


Nice try, Satan!

2. RROD will grow you a mighty beard. Do you look like a douchebag? Well, you wouldn't if you had a sweet beard! The rays from the RROD stimulate facial hair growth.

Go from this:



To this:



In a matter of minutes!

3. RROD stops your console from eating your consumer electronics. Look, I'm not making it up. It's in the manual for crying out loud. Will someone stop my 360 before it eats my iPod? RROD will.



4. RROD is a beacon for the Microsoft Defense Force (MDF). With all the joking on the internet, it would be easy to think that the MDF doesn't exist. But it does, and it will come to your house to get your console should it RROD. However, if you choose to ship your console through conventional means, you can command the MDF to do your bidding. One good use is fucking with Quakers, making them think they saw a UFO. You crazy Quakers!



RROD: BAD IDEA

1. RROD breaks your console.

This post is dedicated to BahamutZero, who represents the plight of the common gamer everywhere. If he were still alive, I know he would agree.