Well, here's my first ever blog post like ever (be gentle!) and well earlier, I was thinking about what would make a rather bad mechanic in co-op/multiplayer games, and then I thought of sex mini-games; so just imagine this:

You're playing Borderlands with a friend/colleague/family member, and you've just blasted your way through an entire village of bandits, and suddenly the mission log pops up with "Fuck [Player_Name]'s brains out!", at which the camera then switches to a 3rd-person view, with your character behind your co-op buddy who's already bent over the table; then you're prompted to press buttons in sync/rhythm with the other player to engage in sexual acts with the other player.[

Now, say you're playing the game split-screen with your best friend, you've done a few playthroughs with him/her already, then out of nowhere the co-op sex minigame (of which I made up) randomly prompts up, where you're playing a Beserker and your friend plays a Siren, sex hasn't really ever came to conversation much further than "I'd hit that" and all of a sudden you're put into this scenario; by which you have to work together to succeed the mini-game, thus having to tell one-another to shake your sixaxis faster; or to push the shoulder triggers/face buttons harder, or even to tell the partner on the receiving end to rotate the analog sticks faster/slower/in a certain direction to keep the rhythm going, by which should you both successfully reach orgasm you're rewarded with double-xp or a higher rare-weapon droprate etc.



Personally I don't know about any of you readers out there but I'd find that pretty fucking awkward, like getting caught with a boner in maths because you've been staring at the girl-on-the-table-across-from-you's tits all lesson, simply because you can make out the Hello-Kitty patterned bra and the slight cleavage inside that white schoolshirt she's wearing and the prick who you sit next to bursts out "LOL YOU HAVE A BONER!!" for the whole class to hear...

...Yeeeeah, awkard. Which kinda reminds me of science class a few years ago where this girl got caught stuffing a banana up her minge, only for it to burst and spill out of her skirt along with other unmentionable fluids.

....But swiftly getting back to the main topic, sure mainstream games and sexuality aren't exactly taboo anymore, but nonetheless I think adding co-op sex to a game would be like opening the lid on Pandora's Box, no doubt Fox News and other conservative asshat media groups/religious people/prudes/horny teenagers will be all over it like as if it killed Michael Jackson; but personally I think it'd be quite interesting to see how people would react should they unknowingly find themselves in that situation, where they're forced into a sex-minigame with the person they've just been killing hordes of NPCs with for the past 2 hours.

But take this as food for thought, what would you do should you be encountered with such a scenario?


P.S. Just thinking earlier about what the conversations would be like over voice chat, and thought I'd share it with you.

Player 1: Oh god, why can't more girls play this game damnit?....Let's just get through this quick yeah man?
Player 2: Yeah, uh sure dude! Whatever! *coughs to try cover the unzipping noise*
*minigame starts*
Player 1: Push the buttons harder! Stay slow but harder!
Player 2: rotate the other direction......faster, *breathes* quick quick!
Player 1: I am! now wiggle the stick left and right we're almost past this crap!
Player 2: *heavy breathing*
Player 1: .......
Player 1: Are you masturbating?
Player 2: Mayb--OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH FUCK! OH-OH-OH-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH fucking hell that was good! Fuck!
**Player 1 has left the game**