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12:36 PM on 03.18.2010

The Disgruntled Vegetable: Congress Passes Bill to Provide Health Bars for Troop

WASHINGTON—In a surprisingly bipartisan decision, both the United States Senate and House of Representatives unanimously approved of funding to provide the nation's Armed Forces with Health Bars in order to protect the t...   read


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11:38 AM on 12.21.2009

The Disgruntled Vegetable: Intergalactic Bounty Hunter Purchases Insurance

G.F.S. OLYMPUS—After spending tireless years backtracking for lost or stolen abilities, renowned bounty hunter Samus Aran announced earlier today that she had finally become fed up with this needless waste of time. In orde...   read





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