(Ok, I lied. There's no Inglorious Basterds review. All of the press screenings were at times I couldn't make so you'll have to wait until Monday by which time you'll probably have already seen it. Until then though, enjoy me beating on Post Grad like a red headed step child.)



There are bad movies and then there are bad movies. Bad movies have are just bad, but bad movies are insulting to the medium of film, the intelligence of the audience and humanity in general. When the highlight of your film is Michael Keaton acting goofy you have made a bad movie. This means that when I say the highlight of Post Grad is Michael Keaton acting goofy you know how truly terrible a movie it must be.

It's been a bad summer for action movies, but on the flip side of the that we've actually been blessed with a decent slew of solid indie comedy films like (500) Days of Summer. However, instead of the quirky comedy genre closing summer with a bang we get Post Grad, a film so insanely insipid that it is almost guaranteed that screenwriter Kelly Freemon is actually a 13-year-old girl whose only knowledge of the actual world is what she has gleaned from bad coming of age movies. That is after all what Post Grad is trying to be. The sad tale of grade-A student Ryden Malby (Alexis Bliedel), who after graduating college can't find a job right off the bat because she doesn't get the dream job she thought she would. Oh no! Time to fall apart and question who you really are and what life means, Ryden!

After not being able to find a job for a week Ryden starts getting grumpy and turning against her family and friends, which makes about the least likable person in the world considering the current employment situation of the country. This is all despite the fact that her family is amazingly understanding and helpful, her friend is a ridiculously good looking guy who is in love with her and she actually has a roof over her head and plenty of options to make some money somewhere, which is something that is a struggle for many in the real world at the moment. The film doesn't even mention the fact the we're in a recession, begging the question of if it was released simply to insult a large portion of the population.

Oh, and yes that was a mention of a best friend of the opposite sex whose really into her, but she doesn't realize it and so breaks his heart. Sure that plot point is incredibly contrived, but this is a coming of age story so it can work, right? Well, it doesn't actually work when the "guy hiding right in front me" is a caring, handsome, musician/lawyer/athlete who has already professed his love for our intrepid heroin before we are ten minutes into the film. It's easy to miss the great guy right in front of you when he's human, but when he's Superman then you're an idiot. That situation is systematic of the entire film's need to incorporate every single aspect of a coming of age story and failing completely at all of them. There's even a pesky little brother who doesn't get enough attention from dad.

The film has absolutely no cohesive parts or characters to care about, and even if you did some how find yourself wanting to care the idea that someone would make a movie about a recent college grad unable to get a job into something as trite and idiotic as this is really offensive. One wonders why the filmmakers thought anyone would care about a whiny, annoying brat with almost no redeeming value.

Then there is the ending. It's the ending you know is coming from the beginning of the film and you want to stop it. You want to shout out, "No! We've moved beyond this kind of thing in society. Don't... please... stop." But Post Grad doesn't stop, it heaps more bad on top of the bad that it has already delivered until all it can do is wallow in its own cliche, wondering why even the teenage girls in the front row of the theater -- the very girls that should be lapping its message up -- are whispering about how pathetic a film it is.

(I would be forever thankful you clicked on the link in my profile so that I a may continue my one man excavation of child-killing landmines around the world.)

'District 9' brings humanity to aliens

There is one key thing the best science fiction films have in common, and that is that if you took out the aliens or lasers or spaceships or androids they'd still be compelling stories. Despite all the gadgets and gizmos in science fiction, it's still the story that matters. Two films this summer illustrate this point perfectly: Terminator and District 9. The former lacking any interesting story at all and the latter being a triumph in science fiction storytelling that is rarely seen. It's a little ironic that the film about the survival of humanity has less humanity in it than the film about the survival of the human race, but here we are.

Describing the actual plot of District 9 would partially ruin the film, especially since the marketing guys have done such an amazing job of not letting much of it slip out. Instead the trailers, advertisements and discussions focused on the world that District 9 takes place in, which is all I will describe here. Some 20 years ago an alien ship appears over Johannesburg. The aliens inside are eventually settled into a slum in the South African city and the predictable problems of crime, "race" issues, and violence ensue. There are obviously stark parrellels between the film's premise and current situations in South Africa.

Director Neil Blomkamp, whose future in Hollywood should now be a lock, along with screenwriter Terri Tatchell (not to mention Peter Jackson, the film's producer) have created a world with massive scope. One gets the feeling that we are simply seeing one story in a world that houses thousands, which is probably true since the film is based on Blomkamp's short film Alive in Joburg. The film's interspersing of documentary style and straight action cinema creates a feeling of a world that has layers far beyond what we're seeing. A fictional world, yes, but one that feels absolutely real.

It helps that the film's protagonist , played by newcomer Sharlto Copley, starts off as nothing more than a character that would normally be an opening gag in almost any other film of this size and scope. With a name like Wikus Van De Merwe and a seemingly ridiculous accent he comes across as nothing more than a punch line, but evolves into a real character that few science fiction films ever have. Even more amazing is the supporting cast of "prawns," the aliens who crash landed. There is nothing cheesy about these aliens, nothing fake (and that isn't just in reference to the high quality CGI). Blomkamp has somehow created real aliens. It's impressive and a little creepy at the same time.

It should be noted that part of the reason this world seems so real is that this is not an action movie. Action does show up near the end, and their are very cool alien guns that explode people, but the film's focus is not on them. When the action does pick up its done immensely well, with a sort of gritty style that belies the flying bullets and mech suit... I've said too much.

If you haven't seen the film yet I advise you to not read anything more on it. Head out and let its world open up to you with no expectations. There hasn't been a world or idea in film this intriguing for a long while, but if that isn't what gets your summer movie juices I believe that aforementioned guns that obliterate people should be enough to get you intrigued.



Magic on the screen

Magic. That must be what Studio Ghibli and Hayao Miyazaki animate every film they make with. No other animation studio around breathes so much life and beauty into their films. Every hand drawn scene in every film teams with more life than most live action films have in them. This is once again the case in Miyazaki's latest film Ponyo, which practically overflows the screen with creativity and wonder.

Disney, who has been bringing Miyazaki's films out in the US for years now, once again has brought this one over and dubbed it over with big name actors including Matt Damon, Tina Fey, Liam Neeson, Lily Tomlin and Cate Blanchett. I'm a strong promoter of watching a film in its original language with subtitles, but if dubbing it over mean that more children get to see Miyazaki's work than it is well worth it. Plus, Disney has done a wonderful job of bringing a subtitled version to their DVD releases, which are the kind of high quality release that very few Japanese animation films sees in the US.

But what about Ponyo itself? It seems that this time Miyazaki's story doesn't quite live up to his work. In fact its almost as if the entire concept was based around what he wanted to draw, which in this case turns out to be not such a bad thing since you could enjoy the film with the sound off it is so stunning. Ponyo (voiced by Noah Lindsey Cyrus) is a little fish with magic powers. She accidentally washes ashore and is saved by Sasuke (Frankie Jonas) and they fall in love. Here father, a man who lives under the sea trying to save it from humans pollution, bring sher back. So she runs away using her ever growing magic to get back to Sasuke, but happens to flood all of the island town he lives on. The entire film seems like a big excuse for the artists to draw fantastic and wondrous sea creatures, not to mention one of the most adorable animated creatures even in the form of Ponyo.

The film tries to tackle issues such as pollution, love and motherhood, but most of it gets lost in some of the more absurd plot points, like the calmness with which everyone seems to act after the world has been flooded. Again, non of this is a complaint. It would have been easy enough to watch this movie without sound or a plot at all and still left the theater entirely happy. It does help that most of the voice acting is top notch, and if you don't stay to listen to the ridiculous closing theme song you'll miss out on some of the best unintentional hilarity in years.

I can't say that Ponyo is my favorite Miyazaki film, but much like Pixar, even my least favorite film of his is a masterpiece. The worlds Miyazaki creates are nothing short of epic, and if you're simply waiting for this to come out on DVD don't. Seeing Ponyo on a big screen is breathtaking, especially the opening ten minutes or so, which could only be described as a work of true art.

(Please give the link in my profile a click so that I may continue my work on saving the albino toucan.)

Go Joe?

As a film critic I was pretty sure that G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra was going to be the worst film of the summer, but one must do what one must do. I thus headed into the theater and firmly shoved the film critic inside me out of the way, prepared to accept whatever was thrown my way. What was thrown my way was probably the best summer action film of the year (if we consider Star Trek too early for summer and District 9 too late). I know you're a bit surprised, but don't run away yet. Let me explain myself.

First off being the best summer action film this year is kind of like being the best pile of garbage; sure you won, but you're still a pile of garbage. Secondly, unlike much of the rest of the summer blockbuster fare for the year , G.I. Joe doesn't pretend to be anything but a pile of action garbage, and works with that fact very well. Good movie? No, but when you've been assailed with so much blockbuster crap all summer, mediocrity starts to shine.

The story of G.I. Joe sticks pretty close to the Hasbro action figure-based cartoon. An elite force of soldiers takes on a world dominating organization and they shoot at each other and spew some life lessons. There's a bit of romance thrown in, a bunch of wise cracking and some ninja action. Here's the beauty of Joe though, it never overreaches. It's content to be about good guys shooting at bad guys for two hours, and for that it works.

The film charges headfirst through non-stop action sequences. When dialog does rear its ugly head its kept to about five minutes -- just long enough to let you breathe, appreciate the cleavage and Channing Tatum's abs, and then throw you back into some over-the-top escapades of the Joes. Unlike Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, G.I. Joe is paced how a stupid summer action movie should be paced, and that's with little to no stops between fights and explosions. If someone is having a conversation during G.I. Joe you can sure as hell be bet that they are either about to blow something up or blowing something up while they're talking.

And those explosions are solid. There's not much that you haven't seen before -- though a foot chase in Paris using some cybernetic suit things is pretty cool -- but it's so non-stop that you don't really have time to care about it. The action is handled with the kind of stupid simplicity that makes action work. Director Stephen Sommers aptly avoids doing anything special, and amazingly does something incredibly special since most action directors these days can't seem to keep from butchering their own overblown sequences. I'm not sure if I should be complimenting a director who seems to have taken "Action Cinema 101" and run with it, but then again, if this summer's action movies are any sign maybe Hollywood needs a little refresher.

In short G.I. Joe is far from great, but it's the best way to spend some money on a summer matinee we've had all summer. Joe pretends to be absolutely nothing more than it is, and that makes it immensely enjoyable even if offers up nothing but mindless action. Anyway, if you don't like this one there's always a chance you'll like the next one. I don't think I've seen an untested film franchise be set up for a sequel so hard in my entire life.

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'(500) Days' brings freshness and life to rom-coms

The set-up for (500) Days of Summer is hardly anything new, as the film readily admits. The story of boy meets girl is as old as stories go, and has been told on film so many times that even the most die hard lover of love must be getting a bit bored of it by now, right?

The most popular modern way to tell the story of boy meets girl is the romantic comedy. Here boy and girl meet, but it is through or during a situation that is ripe with comedic laughter. That laughter might not always come depending on the quality of the film, but that's the general intention of the film. The formula has been set for the rom-com for years now, and films hardly ever deviate from it, though some do better at it than others. Then along comes (500) Days of Summer and you realize that a romantic comedy doesn't have to be trite, cliche and standard, but can be vibrant, clever and creatively done.

As I said, (500) Days is a classic story about boy meets girl, but, as the film once again readily admits, it is not a love story, but more a story about love. The boy in question for the this story is Tom (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) and the girl in question is Summer (Zooey Deschanel). Tom and Zoey meet at work. Tom, who is somewhat of a hopeless romantic, falls instantly in love. Zoey, who is somewhat of a cynic, takes a little while to come around. They do eventually start dating, have troubles and figure out if they're in love or not.

It sounds pretty canned, I know, but the inner workings of the story give the entire film a fresh appeal and there's far more to the film than just their "love story," if it can be called that. For instance, the entire thing is told out of order. The first scene takes place on day 500 with Tom and Summer sitting on a bench holding hands and her wearing a big engagement ring. The film then jumps to them meeting on day 1 (get the title now?). Then it hops to do day 235 where Tom is breaking plates because Summer broke up with him. Back to day 3, up to day 48 and so on. It constructs the story of their affair in such a way that you're never sure if it will last or not and you're always wondering where the film will go, unlike other rom-coms where you can practically predict the next scene to come on the screen.

It's not just the clever structure of the film though. There's actual heart to this one. Nothing ever rings false in the film, not even a musical number after Zoey and Tom hook-up for the first time in which an animated blue bird lands on Tom's finger. Everything works, and it's because the screenplay and the direction ring so true. The movie isn't putting love in a comical situation for laughs, it's taking a wonderful story and having fun with it. Any guy whose gotten the girl of his dreams performs at least a tiny musical in their head, (500 Days) just takes it the next step.

It goes beyond the humor though. The film delivers on what many rom-coms miss out on, which is the romance. This is simply because it isn't a love story, but a film about love. Other romantic comedies spend most of their time forcing comedy over a romance that rings about as flat as the screen their projected on. (500) Days delivers a story and romance and then mixes the comedy in so that you're not sitting through a film desperate for your laughs, but instead sitting through a film entranced by its story, which, by the way, has a bit of a twist at the end.

You may see the twist coming before the end of the movie pretty easily, and most likely because it wasn't supposed to be that hidden, but it doesn't really matter. It's the story and its execution that will grab you, and thanks to the wonderful casting and directing you're never really sure where that story is going to go. (500) Days of Summer is that rare movie about boy meets girl that defeats the oldest nemesis of the rom-com genre: predictability. As such it is by far one of my favorite films of the summer and possibly the year so far.

So I can't put this link in it seems without having the post blocked, and I can't publish it myself without the format getting messed up so if you would be so kind to copy and paste and then delete the space in examiner I would really appreciate a click through: http://www.exa miner.com/examiner/x-939-New-Movie-Examiner~y2009m7d17-500-Days-brings-freshness-and-life-to-romcoms.

<p> Brüno brings the funny back After Borat came out, and was the funniest movie in years, the question was how long could the film's star, Sacha Baron Cohen, keep up his trademark comedy of tricking people into thinking he was someone completely different now that he was an international superstar of epic proportions. Even if he did find some people who didn't realize the joke would it still be funny? The answer to the former question, as his new movie Brüno shows, is that he can keep it up for at least one more film, and the answer to the latter question is yes, it's still hilarious. </p><p>Brüno is a character Cohen created for his sketch comedy much like Borat, but Brüno is a gay Austrian fashion reporter with, if it is possible, even less social graces than Borat. In the movie he loses his job as an Austrian reporter and must go to America to find his fame and fortune as a famous actor. Much like Borat the film's story is really just another excuse to run people through the ringer of outrageous interviews and pranks, but unlike Borat, which had a surprising amount of emotional depth to it, Brüno is played far more for surface laughs. Of course emotional depth is hard to get when you're dressed in shirts two sizes to small and booty shorts for a large part of the film. </p><p>Every movie should be judged on its own merits, but not comparing Brüno to Borat is impossible as there are so few films out there that do what they do this well or at all. That being said Brüno is not as good as Borat. It just isn't as fresh and unexpected as the first film, and the film's star is nowhere near as relatable as Borat. That being said the movie is still fall on the floor funny. A step down from almost dying of laughing is still not being able to breathe laughing. Brüno does some pretty hilarious stuff and if the pranks aren't quite as good as Borat's than some of Brüno's lines are better than anything Borat ever said. The final scene involving Brüno and another man stripping each other and making out in the ring at an MMA event is truly hilarious. That is until you think about the crowds reaction, and start getting depressed. </p><p>What Borat showed for race issues in America, Brüno does for sexuality, though not as well. Borat seemed to uncover some pretty nasty truths about American culture far more subtle, whereas Brüno seems just shove his sexual preference in people's faces it makes the film seem like Cohen is tryring too hard at parts to get a rise out of people.Of course he does; the aforementioned scene gets the crowd so angry that they start throwing things at them, including a metal chair. It's pretty depressing to think that people are that vehemently angry about two men kissing that they can't clearly see that it is obviously a joke. Do people actually think that gay men are so sexually active that they'd just start having sex in the middle of an MMA ring, or were they just angry at the actions in general? </p><p>Waxing philosophically about the film's underlying social commentary, the rest of the movie is just as hilarious with some scenes that are sure to be talked about for years to come including a mother who says her baby can lose ten pounds in one week for a photo shoot. Some of the scenes do beg the question of if they were staged or not, but after the first ten minutes or so you're laughing too hard to really care. </p><p>Clicks for beer money</p>