I'm fashionably late to the party. As always. Let's cut right to the chase, shall we?
1. I occasionally forget to put 0s and 9s after my 1s.
It's an honest mistake. It happens to the best of us! Right? RIGHT?!
2. I'm apparently pretty damn young. At least, compared to most people around here.
I'm 1 years old. If there's anyone younger than me around here, I certainly don't know about it. We've got people here on Destructoid who are parents. Grizzled veterans of life. Old codgers. Wrinkly old men. And here I am. Still wearing diapers, as it were. Most people in college still wear diapers. Right? Sure. Of course they do. Anyways, as I'm the youngest here, I think I'm clearly the one with the most wisdom. So if you have any pressing questions, I suggest you bring them to me posthaste. The sooner you bring me your questions, the sooner I can direct you to a "let me Google that for you" link.
Oh, and there's some dickbag in the forums named Firion who likes to go on about how I'm in preschool. If you see him, make fun of his weabooness (there's a good word to add to Chrome's dictionary) for me.
3. I have many unpopular preferences/opinions (when it comes to video games).
I'm Mr. Unpopular apparently. I've noticed over the years that I have a plethora of unpopular preferences/opinions. Whether it be liking games that are generally disliked or hailing some games as the best of a series that most don't like as much. So much so that I started making a list of this stuff! Here are a few unpopular preferences/opinions of mine!
I know none of you reading this blog care about what games I like or how I feel about certain games but too bad! Not that you can't just scroll past this part, but-hey, WAIT!
- I liked Virtue's Last Reward more than 9 Hours 9 Persons 9 Doors.
- Metal Gear Solid 1 is my least favorite numbered Metal Gear Solid.
- Zelda: Twilight Princess is my favorite Zelda.
- Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs was awesome.
- My favorite Final Fantasy is FF5.
- Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney is criminally underrated. Seriously.
- Kingdom Hearts Re: Chain of Memories is my favorite Kingdom Hearts.
- Bastion sucked (I've seen recently that I'm not alone in this, which is nice to know).
- Final Fantasy IX is overrated (I call this the Earthbound Effect, where a game that was once underrated has become overrated as word of mouth has made it popular).
- Trauma Center 2 is so underrated. This one isn't so much an unpopular opinion as one that no one else has because I'm the only person who knows about this game's existence. ;_;
That's just a small sampling of my many unpopular preferences/opinions. I'm so special. Look at me go.
4. I've beaten the Ace Attorney games more times than I can count.
If you know me, you know I'm a massive Ace Attorney fan. I love these games to death. I pretty well play through them yearly. Keep in mind that these are visual novel-like games that easily run up to 20-30 hours in length. Yeah, to set aside that much time every year or two for these games, they pretty well have to have an incredibly large place in my heart.
So, I lost count of how many times I beat them a while back. But it's gotten to the point where the cartridges have just about stopped working. The first Phoenix Wright game I have is a bitch to get started up. I've been shocked the past 2-3 times I've gone through it that it's held out this long. The second Phoenix Wright game is now so overused that it not only has problems starting up, but occasionally randomly freezes. That's fun to deal with!
Here's a fun fact: Back in middle school, the Ace Attorney games inspired me to proudly declare that I wanted to become an attorney. That went on for about a year. Heh. If only the judicial system was as simple and fun as it is in Ace Attorney.
Another fun fact (and an embarrassing one at that): Also back in middle school, we had a mock trial once. This was back a little while after I had my first exposure to Ace Attorney. My side had a perfect opportunity to make an objection, but no one on my side was willing to take it (perhaps they were a bit shy). I took the reigns, promptly rose from my seat and slammed my desk in Phoenix Wright style. Yeah. I actually did that. Thank god I didn't point my finger. I know I considered it. Suffice to say, that was a bit embarrassing. At least the others on my side didn't seem to care on the side. They were just excited that we had made a valid objection.
5. This is thing number five, which I've set aside for intermission!
6. I'm a drawer. No, not the furniture. A person who draws.
I'm a person who has loved to draw all his life. I drew the beautiful pieces you can see in this blog.
But more importantly, I want to point out my greatest works. King Zelos, a fellow on the forums who apparently fancies himself as royalty, recently got a bunch of us to dig up old things around our house and post about them. Well, I dug up some stuff and found some of the best damn comic books you could ever lay eyes on. Just look at some of this stuff.
Planet Man? Look at that originality! Look at that art direction! This is moving me to tears, guys! If it doesn't move you to tears, you have no soul.
B-Boy, the boy who uses a basketball to fight monsters?! This is an instant classic! Better than Superman! Bigger than Superman!
The Adventures of Megaman and Link?! Man, look at those characters I came up with and clearly did not steal from anyone else! Look at the second image, with a decapitated Samus in the center-left panel! That's true art! This should be in the National Gallery of Art front and center! It would make grown men weep! I should copyright this before someone else steals my ideas/characters!
Such are the glorious fruits of my young mind. I should draw more comics. Can't let this sheer genius go to waste.
7. I make stuff with RPG Maker. Lots of stuff.
I'm not even going to bother pulling out the "RPG MAKER, BLEGH!" and "Shut the hell up" card this time. Oh wait...I JUST DID!
Anyways, I've been using RPG Maker since I was in seventh grade. That'd be...about six years. I'm going to say it's seven years, though, because seven sounds more impressive than six. I've made RPGs out the wazoo since I started using the program. Many have gone unfinished. MANY. Very few have seen completion in any form. I suppose that's my curse.
So if you weren't living under a rock a few weeks ago, you'll notice that I made this little thing called Destructoid Story. A visual novel. That's made with the latest version of RPG Maker. That's something I did in fact complete. Yay, me. *confetti*
And then I almost immediately came up with a concept for another RPG that will no doubt be in development hell for some time. Yay, me. *hellish confetti*
If you want to see some information about the game I'm working on, I made a thread wayyy over here about it. It's a dungeon crawler inspired by Amnesia: The Dark Descent, Persona 3, Catherine, and Dark Souls (a bit). Yeah. It's pretty crazy. (No it's not. It's not crazy at all, is it?)
8. I used to write horrible fanfiction.
Firion likes to joke on the forums that I'm the best fanfiction writer around. Well, he's half right. I used to be a fanfiction writer. And not just any fanfiction writer. The worst fanfiction writer around. I once said that I would never, ever share my awful fanfiction with you good people. I would never willingly unleash the untold horrors within upon your pure, innocent souls.
Well, I decided just now to corrupt your minds with my garbage.
So here's a link to my old fanfiction.net account. Full of all the Kingdom Hearts fanfiction you can handle. Not that it's all Kingdom Hearts fanfiction, but the majority of it is. And boy is it awful fanfiction. Avoid clicking on that link at all costs.
Here's another link to a Kingdom Hearts piece I wrote (and didn't finish) late last year. It's on another forum I frequented for quite a while (yes, my name is different over there, as I went through various name changes for fun. No creating multiple accounts for me, unlike some people over here.) It's considerably better than that crap on fanfiction.net, although it suffers from commasplosions and lack of proofreading.
Of course, I don't know why I'm bothering to include links at all. You'd have to be insane to want to read that shit. (I'm looking at you, Lion.)
9. I used to make horrible Gmod/sprite comics.
Yes, as if half of the stuff I've shared/shown in this blog wasn't embarrassing enough, I'm going to share even more of my creative genius with you all. Many years ago, I made sprite comics! Pretty bad ones. I also made many comics with Garry's Mod, wherein I posed models from Half-Life 2, took screenshots, and added text bubbles.
Hey, at least this stuff isn't as bad as my old fanfiction.
So here's a link to that if you want to read some of that for whatever reason. My comics include such classics as Half-Life 3, The Adventures of Gamer, and MarioSonicZelda Adventures (whadda name!)
10. I'm about to end your whole career.
Boom. Bam. Bop. Bada-bop boom pow.
(I'm not a rapper.)
Bonus. Look at this fucking gif.
Firion showed this to me the other day. Now try to pull your eyes away. You can't, can you? Heck, I don't know why I'm bothering to type all this. It's not like you can even read it. Now, the reason I wrote up this blog in the first place has come to fruition. I now have total control over your mind and body. My plot to take over Destructoid begins now. With you. Once I have control of the masses, nothing can stop me.