7th May 2000
I was awaken by the sound my gun by accidentally squeezing the trigger. I really have to try controlling my gun better. Wait that sounds wrong. Well the room I’m in seems to have walls that will crush you to death(inserts Star War reference) . I’m starting to think I’m in SAW but wouldn’t Jigsaw tell me what to do first and also there would be a key in me somewhere.I soon hear a loud “CLANK” noise I soon ran in fear of the walls eating me. I came a cross a room with crates hanging above the ceiling. A crate destroying room why do we need that. The room was new as it was clean . WAIT THIS IS WHERE MY PAYCUT WENT TO…DAMN YOU BLACK MESA WITH YOUR SPLURGERY!!!.


Totally relevant lolcatz picture

So,the exit of the room was on the other side and the only way across was to jump on the crates to get to the next room.Well finally my hopscotch and pretending to be a ninja days will payback. I maneuver myself carefully across the room like a ninja and entered into another room. I soon got to the other side of the river and around the corner there was an elevator and as the lazy American I am I entered the elevator. Well this part was relaxing.


EXTREME HOPSCOTCH MOTHERF****

Got out of the elevator and I was in a dark corridor. I turned around and I saw a panel went down exposing the wiring . The electricity emitted by the exposed wire was killing the headcrabs. The smell was horrible can you imagine tires being burnt the smell was so bad I could taste it. I tried to run towards the door and it was locked I frantically looked around then I saw an air vent I quickly bolted inside the air vent and crawled to the next room the one that was previously locked.

There was a spitwat. I shoot at it it vomited body remains. I went to the vending machine and got another grape cola. I wanted to but some chips but there were bugs. Wait cockroaches was not a problem here but how did they get in here. WAIT COCKROACH = TELEPORT = ALIEN. That means......nothing at all I'm just rambling randomly cause I have no one to talk too....... Then I saw a fellow scientist he apologized as he did not let me in previously. He told me that the rescue team was arriving and to stay still. Ignoring him I saw a room that control the electricity in the level. I turn it off went back to the previous room and then walk forward until a door blocked me.


You will be worst enemy soon enough and then I will burn you MUAHAHAHA...

Black Mesa I learnt all of your nasty tricks. I use my trusty crowbar to break in. I entered the level that my good friend was working in I didn’t understand what his job was for Chaos Theory what the hell kind of research is that ? Then again we are working in a nuclear plant. His room was flooded so I try to look for other exits but all of them were either blocked or locked. So I entered the room that was flooded found out that the room was filled with electrocuted water. Luckily my suite reduces the effect by ¾ so I wont die immediately. I ran towards the next air vent well I could have done parkour and that would be far more cooler but then I'm not that fit sadly.....


Oh okay....

As soon as I entered it I saw a bunch of headcrabs I whispered silently ‘mother....shut your mouth.’Sorry I couldn't resist doing that and if you guys didn't get the joke it is a Shaft reference and then proceeded on shooting the headcrabs. The echolocation of the shot was so freaking loud I momentarily went deaf. Then I saw a huge fan which chopped up a few headcrabs. I soon fell down as the ceiling collapsed.Climbed here and there like a monkey killed a headcrab like a ninja, I soon heard a beeping sound I saw a dead body.


EXTREMMMEEEE BUBBLE POPPING NINJA MONKKKKKEYYY!!!!

I know something bad was on the other side. As soon as I dropped down a barrage of bullets came shooting at me, I quickly ran into the next room.Then all of a sudden I got really slee.......

Current Checklist-
Kill all Microwave Oven,
Kill all aliens and headcrabs and spitwats and other things that may injure you,
Hit everything with crowbar
Shoot everything you see
Get the hell out of here,
Beer that Barney owe me,
Food,
Learn Parkour