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ME55ENGER avatar 10:25 PM on 10.23.2011  (server time)
Procrastination Review - Batman: Arkham....Asylum.

With Arkham City out, I felt it was finally time to go through Arkham Asylum. I've owned the game for quite a while, just never went through the whole thing, which is very wrong considering a) I've been an avid gamer all my life, and b) I have the Batman symbol tatooed on my arm.
Now, I don't have time to go through all the "completionist" crap in games anymore, so here's the deal. I've restarted my Gamefly account. I'm going to rent one older game that I've never played or beaten that I should have, and one new game. I'm also going to have "filler" games, which is basically my backlog of games I own that I never played through, including my Steam library. I went through and completed Arkahm Asylum, currently playing Alpha Protocol on Steam, and I have Valkyria Chronicles on the way and Uncharted 3 queued up for release day shipment.
This philosophy on gaming is extremely useful for reviews, because basically, I won't be playing much multiplayer (if at all), I won't be going thorugh and collecting fucking flags or replaying through the game on "make my dick bleed" difficulty for some stupid ass achievement or trophy that will not help me in life at all and no one else could give a fuck about, and I'm not going to let anyone else's opinion sway me. This is my review, this is how I felt about the game. I could give two, possibly three, shits about techinical merits, unless it just totally breaks the fucking game. So, in a nutshell, my review system will either be YES or NO, by which I mean play it or not. Then I'll just add filler bullshit about my playthrough to be "entertaining".

Ok, verdict on Batman: AA.............................
I finished this game in just about eight hours, which is about perfect for someone with other priorities in life, like family, career, or masturbation. What's weird about B:AA is how the game starts out with a pseudo-realistic setting, then starts to feel like the cartoon. You know, the good one, where the two-part Clayface episode was badass. The whole walk-in scene at the beginning kinda' pisses me off, though, because all I could keep thinking was how they were making Batman look like a complete dumbass. Joker was easy to catch, he even fucking points out that his crew are conveniently locked up at the asylum because of a fire at the prison, and Batman still says "something doesn't feel right". No shit? Ah well, small complaint, because this game is badass.

I love the fact that you start out as Batman. Not level 1 Batman, but fucking Batman. Sure, there's upgrades for your batarang and shit, but even though these make the game a lot easier, you could beat it without any of it, because you're fucking Batman. Get in a fight with 12 guys, guess what, you're fucking Batman. The whole cutscene where Harley comes out to fight you when she gets frustrated, yea, had not a problem one with that, because Harley fighting Batman 1-on-1 is like a retard finding someone's G-spot - ain't gonna happen.
I also liked the fact that if you don't give a shit about Riddler's crap, this game is very linear, and very, very fun. I was actually quite disappointed that the 25 bad guys that welcome you to Joker's lair near the end of the game don't fight you. That's how fun the fighting is. This game is Batman, period.
Ok, done with my little book report on that. Looking forward to Arkham City someday. Will be finishing up Alpha Protocol soon and give a report on that. Highly underrated. Later.

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