I did it again...
My belated wednesday post is here once more to ruin your brain, and make you spew "blabble-abble-bab" unconsciously due to mass retard intake.
So... put your tin hat on now, before I penetrate your mind with another crappy review from when I sucked at life.
CUE THE INTRO!
Every Wednesday (or shortly thereafter) for a limited time I will be posting a review from back when I was god of everything. Granted, that was a while back, and thusly every script that I had scrawled in that period were tossed into the endless abyss that is: ... My Mother's Attic.
I embarked on an arduous journey. I traversed mountains of scrapbooks, rivers filled with horrible pictures, and lands forged of nothing but mildew and grandma clothes, but finally I reached my goal. It is at this time that I am able to bring you this: A review of Prince of Persia: The Sands in your Mom's Vag(Wii) through the eyes of a 15-year-old megalomaniac. Please try to enjoy.
Oh My God!......*Faints*
December 9, 2003 - Opening Comments:
Sorry about that fainting thing, it's just overwhelming to find a classic brought back to life in a game I can actually ENJOY!!!! You will to...really.
Ok, so you start out as lil' ol' Prince outside the palace walls, (which palace you ask? Only the insanely humongous Castle you'll be inside throughout all of the game) which you'll be tricking and leaping over pretty damn soon, but not alone...well, yeah, you're alone, but they give you nice little tutorials telling you how to do the moves necessary to progress through the game. You get inside to the palace treasure room and steal a the ancient Dagger of Time, the Vazier (it's always the Vizier) tricks you into stabbing the dagger into a slot in the Hourglass of Time, which releases sands (hence the name) that change everyone into zombie soldiers out to kill you, you must retrieve the sands and place them back into the hourglass.
Ooooooo, he flips!!! AND STABS THEM UPSIDE-DOWN IN MID-AIR!!!! AND FLIPS AGAIN AND JABS IT UP INTO THEIR STOMACH!!!!!! Yes, you will be amazed by almost everything you do in this game (except the running, you'll be doing that often), but even when you get bored with the moves you have, they go and give you a nice shiny new move to try out. This keeps the game flowing nicely, giving it a nice progressive feel Anyone will love...and I'm friends with Anyone, so I know! You'll probably be using these moves on air just to watch them in action!
I played the PS2 version, so I know good graphics when I see 'em....because that's basically anything above the normal PS2 graphic capabilities, and this is way beyond "good" in the graphics department, this is more along the lines of "OMG this 1s teh B35T l0oK1ng G4ME Evar!!11!1!!!1" or just flat-out amazing. The soft lighting effects and the Graphics beneath them are smooth and run just as smooth With Extremely little to no lag, if any.
Oooo, that music is creepy. The music in this game sets the mood perfectly, often times I would be trapped in the midst of more baddies than I could handle and that "OOoooOOOO" in the background somehow made me think of a way to get out of the sticky situation. One problem.... with the voices, the voices in this game are too quiet, and sometimes do not move when the mouth does, minor sufferage for an overall great game, with an equally great cinematic presence.
Prince of Persia: The Sands Of Time is #2 on my "Must-buy or you're a loser" list.
-- Terry B. | Eques_Ardor
This is THE most stylish and beautiful game on the PS2 to date, sure VF4 might give it a run for it's money, but that is relatively small in comparison, and therefore cannot compare....at all! The controls are perfect, the visuals are perfect, the music is great, but the voices are off, and the camera is uncomfortable at times for this kind of game, but those are minor problems.
If you take just a glance at Prince of Persia...you'll do a double-take, this is definitely not like other games you've played, it almost surpasses Viewtiful Joe for style, but that cannot be done. The soft-lighting is both unique and a nice touch for setting the ambience of egyptian time...in Persia.
I'm trying not to make this sound too much like my last review, but this part still holds true, the sound is awesome, every song on this game is just beautifully put together. At times you may feel the music and feel a little nervous about moving on because of it, but then you remember you've got the sands. The only problem with sound is that the voices are very quiet and you'll need to either wear headphones to drown out the background noise, or turn the volume up on your tv...little complaints for a game of such great calibur.
This game is......amazing. The gameplay is awesome and easy to pick up, seeing as they give you in-game tutorials, but even when you turn them off, (the tutorials, not the gameplay) you can still get the feel for the controls relatively easier than some other games. It's nice to have a game I love to play simply because it handles well.
Lasting Appeal: 4.5/5
It's not that I wouldn't want to play through this game many many times, just because it's SO MUCH FUN, I did...it's that I've done it is the problem, it's not that it's too easy, it's that the game is a little short. At most.....you'll get a hundred hours out of it (if you're a retarded child who can't figure out how to jump), but the game can last for as little as 6.5 hours (more or less), I beat it in 7 as my record. Who cares though, that was the whole point of the old Prince of Persia, to get through as fast as you can, so I'm not going to make a big deal of this because of it's supreme fun-factor.
OVERALL: 5/5(not an average)
I seem to put less effort into each review as I go along. Using many ellipses, and improper punctuation, and no win sauce whatsoever.
Random, depressing, and weird... HERE YOU GO!!!: