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12:30 PM on 02.02.2008

The Dark Knight Trailer for December: The Joker is in this One

For those still wondering how Heath Ledger is going to do as The Joker, I searched the Clogs and could not find someone who had posted this video yet. ODD.

He must've put alot of work into that voice, because that's nothing like anything I've heard out of him before.


As far as I'm concerned this is a must-see, and I think probably will be the pinnacle of Heath's career before death. Definitely a great movie to end on, though I'm sure that wasn't his plan, nor was it preferable for any of his fans.

Also, I shamelessly plugged my lolcat. lolol   read

12:40 AM on 01.21.2008

Cloverfield Review: My Monster Brings All The Boys To The Yard...

... and they're like "It's bigger than yours?"
Damn right, it's bigger than yours.
He could eat you, if you extra-large.

I just got home from seeing Cloverfield. A movie that has received a broad range of reviews from "meh" to "don't miss it", and currently retains a 6.1 average score on Metacritic. As far as I'm concerned: don't listen to the mainstream media reviews. Reason being that at least half of them want everything to be completely professional, and see the "shakycam" as an obstacle more than anything.

The Review
I'm sure you've all heard this word in association with the movie more than once, but it's really the best word one could use to describe the experience: Intense. There was not a moment in this film where the characters or situations seemed at all unbelievable. The shakycam style helped to push into your mind that these were real people. They weren't professional cameramen. They were everyday people like you and me. What made the whole thing even more enjoyable was that the camera was being handled the entire time by Hud; the lovable bumbling best friend of Rob: a 20-something year old with a mixed-up love life who just scored a big deal with a Japanese company. It's debatable who the main character really is, as the movie is really about Rob's personal life and the major losses he overcomes, which in turn seem to drive him even harder to save the someone he truly loves. However, you'll spend the majority of your time living through Hud's eyes, wherein you'll see just what kind of mess he is.

The plot: says it best.

"Rob Hawkins (Michael Stahl-David) has just gotten a new job, except he's going to have to move from NYC to Tokyo to take it. On the eve of his departure, Rob's brother Jason (Mike Vogel) throws a surprise going-away party that's interrupted when a giant monster attacks the city. Receiving a panicked phone call from his ex-girlfriend Beth (Odette Yustman), Rob races through the destruction with several of his friends to save her."

What's the big deal?:
The major comparison being drawn is Godzilla meets Blair Witch. Honestly I never cared for any of the Blair Witch movies. I didn't feel like I could connect with the characters, nor did I really care when something happened to them. Cloverfield does a massive overhaul to the shakycam perspective by throwing in lovable characters and giving them each their own individual character. Marlena is heavily sarcastic. Hud is excitable and funny. Lily is the innocent, trusting one. Rob is courageous and charismatic, and Beth is loving and also charismatic (also: hot).

Another piece of what ties you to the characters is that this is all being filmed over an old tape. So every so often you'll get tidbits of a video from Rob's past that explain a lot of missing pieces at the beginning of the movie, and help you see Rob's motivation. The miniature clips are silly and touching.

The visual effects in this movie really surpass most of what I've seen in any hollywood production. It's hard enough to map an effect to a steadycam. It's really impressive to me that they were able to do so much with the camera in constant motion. Everything looks completely awesome and damn-near real.

Presentation-wise I couldn't imagine the movie any other way. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll gawk and go googly-eyed. The presentation is never broken. You'll always have that feeling that you're reliving the horrible day that a small group of friends went through, even if you keep telling yourself "It's not real". They were even thorough enough to treat the credits like they were part of the film in some respect (no loud rock? CRAZY!!!). It's somewhat surreal to walk out of the movie theater after Cloverfield and back into the real world. Kind of a "cool... nothing's exploded..." feeling. :P

Take my babblings as you will. I'm no journalist and really just type what I think as the points cross my mind. But with all I've said, accept that I give Cloverfield a way solid 9.5 out of 10 (equivalent to 4.75 Dolphins out of 5. AMAZING)

This is not a movie you will soon forget.   read

12:40 AM on 12.24.2007

Velocity Micro Giveaway Contest, Entry #4: ALSO, SOCKS

I was... uhh... busy... but I figured I could take a second of time away from my activities to take one final contest shot.   read

12:21 PM on 12.23.2007

9 Year Old Beats Through the Fire and Flames on Expert: Doesn't Break Sweat


He's better than me. So my plan is to find out where he lives and challenge him to a rock-off on "Radio Song" for his soul. Since I perfect that song nearly every time I play it, I expect his soul shall be mine within a couple weeks.

Via   read

1:51 PM on 12.21.2007

Velocity Micro Giveaway Contest, Entry #3: FAT MAN NIPPLE CONSPIRACY


Full scan of my crotch attached to post. Also cocks indeed.   read

9:23 PM on 12.20.2007

Velocity Micro Giveaway Contest, #2: FORTHELULZ

My internets. Let me show you them.

lolol Grim gives to charity and drinks Vanilla Coke lolol   read

3:38 AM on 12.06.2007

First Image of Street Fighter IV: 2D/3D/Cel-shaded Indeed!

Hey, whaddya know! Street Fighter IV has finally released a screenshot. And after seeing the above image, I really can't think of a better way to describe it than 2D/3D/Cel-Shaded...
It's definitely a different style. Sort of like a colored pencil sketch come to life.

It's not traditional 3D, it's not 2D, and it's not really cel-shaded either.
What would you call it? And more importantly, do we like it?

[via 1up]   read

10:36 PM on 12.04.2007

It Has Returned!: MIDWEEK BLAST FROM THE PAST: Crappy Reviews from the Back of My Mom's Attic. PART FOUR

Soooo... It's been a while.

For the uninitiated [read: all of you], every so often I pull a review out of my ass that I wrote damn near 4 years ago for everyone to giggle at like little school girls with tentacles tickling their girlish loins.
I'm not willing to commit to a deadline anymore, as I NEVER MAKE IT... EVER. So for the first time in a long time, here's another slanted opinion on video games.
For your own sake, please remember that nothing has been edited.


This won't be easy, but it'll damn well be fun...most of the time.

December 20, 2003 - Opening Comments:
Sam Fisher is the man, he doesn't take "no" for an answer, only "maybe"s and full sentences.

You're Sam Fisher. Your mission? To stop a government conspiracy. How? By any means necessary. This will be no easy task, but it will be mostly enjoyable.

The controls in this game can sometimes confuse (in the XBox version you shoot with the little black button), but always come through when you need them, because all the other buttons are busy doing other things. The game starts you an a tutorial, where you can learn the tricks of the trade, like how to move your head left and right, and up and down, and you know you need that! Ok, Seriously, the gameplay is brilliant, and Sam moves and acts like a pro... because he is one, but that won't stop you from dying a few times.

There's no shortage of beauty in Splinter cell...except for the peoples hands, what's up with that? Their fore-finger and middle-finger are super-glued together as well as the other two, it's kinda creepy. But that doesn't hold back the rest of this game from having beautiful lighting and sound. And the level design is superb. I'd say this is one of those games only Halo 2 will beat...or Ninja Gaiden.

Don't get me wrong, I like what little music is in this game, and the sound effects are great, I just want to know why you'd put any music in if the rest of the game was going to be "SSSSHHHHHH, don't let them hear your radio!" All right, they don't play when you're trying to listen for baddies walking your way, or any other "I NEED QUIET" moment, so I won't argue with Ubi Soft on this one.

Closing Comments:
Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell is #8 on my "Must-buy or you're a loser" list.

-- Terry B. | Eques_Ardor

Presentation: 5/5
Beautiful graphics, beautiful lighting, and beautiful sound, earn this one a platinum in my books. There isn't even any slow-down during the entire game, and That's what I like.

Graphics: 5/5
Oooooooooooooooooooooo *seizure*. 'nuff said. Please note that this game does not cause seizures.

Sound: 4/5
Ubi Soft does a nice job (most of the time) to give you that "I'm sneaky, and they don't know I'm here" ambience. There ARE however, some issues with not putting in enough music to make you feel like "OMG I gotta get out of here" in escape missions, but I don't think I can warrant this anything less.

Gameplay: 3.5/5
Grrrrrrrr, you stupid black button...why couldn't you be a trigger instead? Yes, that black button (especially on the original XBox controller) is quite bothersome, who would think of putting the fire button there anyways? Bad Ubi soft, I hope you change the control scheme for the next one, because this makes me cry...ok, well not cry, but dislike fire-fights in this game...Oh wow, I shot him in the head, yahoo. After you finally get someone down, this is where things get interesting, the controls work For you! It's easy to figure out what button you can press to pick up the body, and toss it into the dark, or drag them over to shadow, and hope he isn't found. Ok, the fire button is a minor thing, and I'm not known for my general playing skills, so I'll raise the grade to a 3.5.

Lasting Appeal: 4.5/5
Can you say, "Hey, I've done this already"? Good, now throw it into the trash compactor, because this isn't as repetitive as one might think a stealth action game might be. It's usually just hit and run over and over in other stealth games, but here, you have objectives, so you have a REASON for hitting and running. This game does go a little stale after 10 hours, but 3/4 of that 10 hours will be pure fun. There's no reason not to buy this game, unless you don't like stealth. buy it!

OVERALL: 4.5/5(not an average)


I often wonder just what kind of wonderful acid trip I was on back when I wrote these...

I love how I raised the gameplay score just because I was apparently retarded, wherein I should have complained that the game wasn't easily accessible to the mentally challenged.   read

5:12 PM on 12.04.2007

Dtoid PS3 Theme: do as Jay does edition

So, as some of you may have noticed, the results of the PS3 Dtoid theme contest are up, and I can't tell if I came in 3rd or if they decided to give both runners-up equal credit, but I'll assume I came in 3rd. Because assuming I came in 1st would be both wrong, and cause an outbreak of herpes the likes of which only Richard Simmons himself has seen.

How a false assumption can lead to a herpes outbreak, I'll leave to your imaginations.
[Hint: Your mom is in on it]

But seeing as Dtoid has yet to provide these for download, I've put mine up for grabs at the following location:

You can also grab Jay's here:

A big congrats to Jay for making an awesome theme. And a slightly smaller, but still meaningful congrats to JJP3D for being slightly less awesome than Jay, but still more awesome than me.
I'll provide a link here to JJP3D's whenever he puts his up somewhere.

Hope you guys enjoy!

EDIT: They work quick! A link to download all of the winning themes has been provided in the post on the main page at:

EDIT 2: The theme I submitted has 2 backgrounds it switches between randomly at the startup of your system. If you would like the version that has only my super awesome Dtoid head background, then I suggest you use the first link I provided in this post.
Otherwise, you'll notice my theme has an identity crisis.

EDIT 3: JJP3D's theme can now be downloaded here:   read

8:52 PM on 11.27.2007

Velocity Micro Giveaway Contest, etc.



8:20 AM on 09.13.2007

Super Smash Bros. Brawl to Make Hitler it's Bitch

Ok, so I lied. What I'm really here to talk about is who you think should be in SSBB. Do you think we should be able to blow fireballs out of our noses with Karnov? Do you think Tom Nook would be the best thing since sliced bread? What are your thoughts?

I, personally, think that Birdo should finally be added as a playable character. That Tingle should be playable, so you can kooloo lim-PAH all over the other players in a sticky white mes-- uh...
But really, I think that Geno has gotten the shaft ever since Super Mario RPG. I don't give a shit what Mallow's doing nowadays; maybe he could be a "helper character". However, Geno was a badass, and I demand his presence in the battlefield. I must have my Finger Shot!!!

What do you all think?   read

1:57 PM on 09.06.2007

MIDWEEK BLAST FROM THE PAST: Crappy Reviews from the Back of My Mom's Attic! (Part Trios)

I did it again...

My belated wednesday post is here once more to ruin your brain, and make you spew "blabble-abble-bab" unconsciously due to mass retard intake.
So... put your tin hat on now, before I penetrate your mind with another crappy review from when I sucked at life.


Every Wednesday (or shortly thereafter) for a limited time I will be posting a review from back when I was god of everything. Granted, that was a while back, and thusly every script that I had scrawled in that period were tossed into the endless abyss that is: ... My Mother's Attic.
I embarked on an arduous journey. I traversed mountains of scrapbooks, rivers filled with horrible pictures, and lands forged of nothing but mildew and grandma clothes, but finally I reached my goal. It is at this time that I am able to bring you this: A review of Prince of Persia: The Sands in your Mom's Vag(Wii) through the eyes of a 15-year-old megalomaniac. Please try to enjoy.

Oh My God!......*Faints*

December 9, 2003 - Opening Comments:
Sorry about that fainting thing, it's just overwhelming to find a classic brought back to life in a game I can actually ENJOY!!!! You will to...really.

Ok, so you start out as lil' ol' Prince outside the palace walls, (which palace you ask? Only the insanely humongous Castle you'll be inside throughout all of the game) which you'll be tricking and leaping over pretty damn soon, but not alone...well, yeah, you're alone, but they give you nice little tutorials telling you how to do the moves necessary to progress through the game. You get inside to the palace treasure room and steal a the ancient Dagger of Time, the Vazier (it's always the Vizier) tricks you into stabbing the dagger into a slot in the Hourglass of Time, which releases sands (hence the name) that change everyone into zombie soldiers out to kill you, you must retrieve the sands and place them back into the hourglass.

Ooooooo, he flips!!! AND STABS THEM UPSIDE-DOWN IN MID-AIR!!!! AND FLIPS AGAIN AND JABS IT UP INTO THEIR STOMACH!!!!!! Yes, you will be amazed by almost everything you do in this game (except the running, you'll be doing that often), but even when you get bored with the moves you have, they go and give you a nice shiny new move to try out. This keeps the game flowing nicely, giving it a nice progressive feel Anyone will love...and I'm friends with Anyone, so I know! You'll probably be using these moves on air just to watch them in action!

I played the PS2 version, so I know good graphics when I see 'em....because that's basically anything above the normal PS2 graphic capabilities, and this is way beyond "good" in the graphics department, this is more along the lines of "OMG this 1s teh B35T l0oK1ng G4ME Evar!!11!1!!!1" or just flat-out amazing. The soft lighting effects and the Graphics beneath them are smooth and run just as smooth With Extremely little to no lag, if any.

Oooo, that music is creepy. The music in this game sets the mood perfectly, often times I would be trapped in the midst of more baddies than I could handle and that "OOoooOOOO" in the background somehow made me think of a way to get out of the sticky situation. One problem.... with the voices, the voices in this game are too quiet, and sometimes do not move when the mouth does, minor sufferage for an overall great game, with an equally great cinematic presence.

Closing Comments:
Prince of Persia: The Sands Of Time is #2 on my "Must-buy or you're a loser" list.

-- Terry B. | Eques_Ardor

Presentation: 4.5/5
This is THE most stylish and beautiful game on the PS2 to date, sure VF4 might give it a run for it's money, but that is relatively small in comparison, and therefore cannot all! The controls are perfect, the visuals are perfect, the music is great, but the voices are off, and the camera is uncomfortable at times for this kind of game, but those are minor problems.

Graphics: 5/5
If you take just a glance at Prince of'll do a double-take, this is definitely not like other games you've played, it almost surpasses Viewtiful Joe for style, but that cannot be done. The soft-lighting is both unique and a nice touch for setting the ambience of egyptian Persia.

Sound: 4.5/5
I'm trying not to make this sound too much like my last review, but this part still holds true, the sound is awesome, every song on this game is just beautifully put together. At times you may feel the music and feel a little nervous about moving on because of it, but then you remember you've got the sands. The only problem with sound is that the voices are very quiet and you'll need to either wear headphones to drown out the background noise, or turn the volume up on your tv...little complaints for a game of such great calibur.

Gameplay: 5/5
This game is......amazing. The gameplay is awesome and easy to pick up, seeing as they give you in-game tutorials, but even when you turn them off, (the tutorials, not the gameplay) you can still get the feel for the controls relatively easier than some other games. It's nice to have a game I love to play simply because it handles well.

Lasting Appeal: 4.5/5
It's not that I wouldn't want to play through this game many many times, just because it's SO MUCH FUN, I's that I've done it is the problem, it's not that it's too easy, it's that the game is a little short. At'll get a hundred hours out of it (if you're a retarded child who can't figure out how to jump), but the game can last for as little as 6.5 hours (more or less), I beat it in 7 as my record. Who cares though, that was the whole point of the old Prince of Persia, to get through as fast as you can, so I'm not going to make a big deal of this because of it's supreme fun-factor.

OVERALL: 5/5(not an average)

I seem to put less effort into each review as I go along. Using many ellipses, and improper punctuation, and no win sauce whatsoever.

Random, depressing, and weird... HERE YOU GO!!!:
[embed]42790:1976[/embed]   read

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