Oh tutorial enemies, how I admire you. You appear in almost every game dating back to as far as I can remember. You’re never well respected and most people look down upon you but you deserve much more than this. There are many of you and you all deserve recognition, but these are the three that truly stick out amongst the rest.

The first tutorial enemy that is brought to mind is the initial Goomba in the original Super Mario Brothers game on level 1-1. You are all by yourself, sent ahead to take on Mario; the first of many to succumb to his jumping head-squish of death. You stand little chance of success. Surprisingly though, you are still able to vanquish noobs, outmaneuver drunks and stoners, and irritate the person attempting a speed run. Even I fall for your seemingly childlike skill after coming back to the game after a long break. For your trickery and constant pattern of timed perfection, I salute you!


I would next like to recognize an enemy that appears in most games nowadays and especially in training levels for stealth games: the oblivious standing guard with his back turned to me. Simply standing there you pose no threat and even if you do detect me the level will often restart, denying you of taking my life. Basic kill after basic kill, you rarely die in exciting ways. Clearly your commanders lack any strategy for troop placement or just really hate you. For your eternal understanding and patience for simply standing there and letting me snap your neck in two, I salute you!


Finally I would like to give my respects to all the low level imps, slimes, forest animals, and other lowly creatures in RPG’s. The long road ahead is paved with your lives in order to increase my wealth and power just to end up defeating you masters. Though simple and easy to pick off, you can surprisingly gain the advantage if the wrong party combination is brought forth (four white mages). For constantly being slaughtered in large numbers and still having the cohones to send out more fellow soldiers for me to butcher; I salute you!


Oh tutorial enemies, your numbers grow and grow every year but the war you fight is an unwinnable one. In reality, your mere presence helps us to defeat your comrades and overlords. But the fact that you always return, still wanting the blood of our characters and occasionally are able to catch us off guard, I salute you!