Dude, my first console was the mother****ing Master System. How AWESOME is that?
Anyway, I'm here because gamefaqs kicked me out (How hardcore do you have to be for gamefaqs to kick you out? [Not too much])
Oh, and just so you know (You're dying to know), my favorite game series are: Castlevania, Metal Gear, _____ of Mana and any Megaten game.
Also, my username has nothing to do with George Lukas. He's an A-hole.
Batman approves of this message:
Objectification! Misogyny! Sexism! The horror! Video Games are terrible to women!
There. If you came in expecting an uninformed cliched-spewing blog, that line is for you.
Now onto what matters:
Sex is good. Believe it or not ladies and gentlemen, sex feels really good. Even when it's bad sex, it's still good. You know what else is good? Videogames. Now, I know what you're thinking: "Lukas you handsome stud, if sex is great and videogames are great too, joining them must be a brilliant idea!"
Yeah not so much. See my dear virgin reader, for some reason there's this collective idea running rampant nowadays, one that says: if a videogame character is good looking enough to earn herself a good ol' knuckle shake, she's bad, the game is bad, sexism is everywhere.
I guess this whole "We want unfappable female characters" movement begun after those absurd videos that Anita Shekaskian posted on youtube a few months ago. A bunch of dickheads got pissed at her for the wrong reasons, and everyone sided with the martyr. (Even though she was spewing bullshit after bullshit)
Let's look at some "objectified" female characters from the past few years:
Bayonetta: Hot, bad ass, confident, strong, doesn't need a knight in shining armor to defend her, has a glorious ass.
Juliet: Hot, objectifies her boyfriend, strong, kills zombies, romantic, has a decent ass
Those girls from DoA: Hot, Asses, Butts, Boobs and titties.
My point is: I like boobs, and I like asses. I also like strong female characters. Strong female characters plus awesome asses equals great masturbation oportunities. Is that bad? No! Why? Because I didn't forbid my younger sister from playing Uncharted after I caught her touching herself while looking at a picture of Drake. (And he wasn't even shirtless)
Let's talk sex a little more.
Sex feels good, sexualized characters are better, strong sexualized characters are the pinacle of videogaming. Those are facts I just proved.
So what happens when sex is the main focus of the game? Sexy Beach 3 happens!
Sexy Beach 3 is one of my favorite games of all time. It's about a guy stuck on an Island with a bunch of super hot customizable girls, that he can bang. It's glorious.
"But, but, it objectifies women!"
Dude, so what? They aren't the target market of the game. Lonely virgins such as yourself are the target demographic of the game.
"Wait, are you saying that it's okay for developers to up the sexualization when women aren't the main target market of the game?"
"And by that logic, they should tone down sex when women are part of the target market"
"But what if women feel offended by Sexy Beach 3?"
Well this was my blog post of the evening, thank you all.
"Wait, what about romance"
What about it?
"Aren't you going to discuss to way romance is presented in videogames?"
This blog is about sex you idiot! Why the hell are you even talking about romance? What are you? A woman?
Money money money. Money talks. It's the only thing companies listen to. No, they don't listen to complaints in video game forums, they don't lurk the gamefaqs boards, they don't read the comments on Destructoid articles. They don't care about you. They don't. They care about your wallet. You are just another consumer. That's the truth. You know what companies I'm talking about: EA, Capcom, Activision.
There's also the issue with DLC. I'm not talking just about the "Disk locked" bullshit that Capcom and Bioware have pulled in the past. I'm talking about DLC as concept. Why are we, as a collective of gamers, OK with week 1 DLCs? Why are we OK with costume DLCs, extra character DLCs? What the fuck is wrong with everyone? I can't be the only one seeing how absurd it all is.
What happened to the days when unlockables were a given in every game? When extra costumes, characters and weapons[!] weren't hidden behind a criminal and absurd paywall? Why is it ok take such a huge step behind in consumer service?
Hell, what have you been doing about it? Gamers please, get angry. You should be pissed off. You really should. AAA companies have been screwing you for the past ten years, and you sit there doing nothing. Do something!
They love using piracy as a cop out excuse for shitty DRM and online passes, so why can't gamers use piracy as a means of protest?
Do something, do anything. How longer will you allow yourself to be pushed around?
Love. Ah Love. You know what love is, right? That feeling you get on your tummy every time you look at that Zooey Deschanel look alike in library. How marvelous and wonderful would it be to actually go and talk to her. And then she'd look at your sorry candy nerd ass, laugh and walk away, with her phone in hand, tweeting about the pathetic situation ("OMG u guys. smelly nerd hit on me. FML")
(This was just an hypothetical example)
The fact of the matter is: How is love represented on video games today? It can't be realistically, because all the players would commit mass seppuku, while masturbating to hentai and eating sweet delicious strawberry pie.
See, a game like Mass Effect is a wish fulfilment fantasy game. Players can be a heroic badass, saving the universe, going on dangerous adventures and banging all the hot crewmates. Romance and sex are just sidequests. All you have to do is say the right things, go on a mission, and at the end your reward is sex. It doesn't matter how inept and ugly you Sheppard is, at the end, you can bang all the crewmates. Men and women.
If real life was like that, I'd never have dropped out of community college, since all the women look like guys and some cute guys looked like women. I'd get the best of both worlds.
Unfortunatelly, real life is not so convenient, and the only good looking girl usually dates the hot guys and hangs out alone in library, the only place where I could talk to her.
Another genre that has delt with sex, romance and bitter love is the visual novel genre. Who hasn't relieved himself while looking at some cute half-girl half-komodo dragon monster? But the sad fact is, you can't just be nice to a girl, tell her you like her very very much and invite her to your bedroom for some rice balls. In real life, she just gets freaked out and leaves the library in a hurry. "Oh no I don't like rice balls" said the lying vixen.
I'm getting sidetracked. Let's look at Castlevania: Lords of Shadow. It tells the tale of a desperate trying man to bring his lover back to life. He'd do anything for her. What happens when you say that to a real girl? She calls you a creep and threatens to get a restraining order against you. And then you get banned from the goddamn library. Fucking hell.
Okay next game: Persona 4, what it teaches you: Be nice and supportive for a girl during a short period of time and she will love you forever and take her pants off.
Real life: That fucking manipulative bitch asked her friends to beat me up and dump me on a ditch near the female dormitory where every single woman could see me on my Sailor Moon boxers..
Anyway, love is sucks, I'm glad videogames are not realistic about it, and the only things I need now are: A hug pillow, a fleshlight and Sexy Beach 3.
April 6th 1998, my sixth birthday. It was also the day I got my first video game console: A Sega Master System. A nice birthday gift, even if it was a badly thought out one. See, here in Brazil, video games have been historically overpriced. A Master System game cartridge cost almost as much as the console itself. So from 1998 to 2000, the only game I played at home was Sonic the Hedgehog.
For those of you wondering, this is a master system (3):
Reading this, you people may think I grew up in a poor family. I didn't. I'm actually part of a brazilian middle-class family. I didn't grow up in the favela, and I've never seen any monkeys roaming the streets. What I did saw though, was the advent of piracy in Brazil.
See, in a time when official games cost four times more here than in America, buying one was a privilege for few. I learned this around the time I got my first Playstation: 2002. Piracy was rampant to the point where Consoles being sold by official tech stores were being modded by the stores themselves.
The games were easy to find. They were sold out in the open. By the dozen. I could buy Legend of Mana, Final Fantasy 7 and Metal Gear Solid for 10 R$ (Something like 2.5 dollars at the time). And I did. I bought one new game per week. My PSX game collection was huge by 2005, when I bought a PS2. It was modded and came with over 60 games. Fatal Frames, Metal Gear, Gran Turismo, God Of War, Medal of Honor, Call of Duty, Resident Evil, you name it, I played it. Looking back on it, it was a twisted privilege. Any new game that came out, no matter how popular or obscure, I'd play it.
And for every God of War I played, a Nanobreaker came. I played some bad bad games.
"Why are you writing this?" "Are you promoting this terrible behavior?"
No. This is about how I stopped pirating games. And I owe it, in part to one game that came out back in 2007: Persona 3. I played the hell out of that game. Far too much. I spent more time in it then in all my other "unnoficial" games. I decided to buy it. Legit buy it. I was working part-time at the time, and it was my first time buying an official game. And boy oh boy did I hear some nasty things from my friends: 'Why would you do that?" "You can just download it!" "Don't you know how to burn games?"
I didn't care. I bought Metal Gear Solid 3 a few months later. And then I bought P4. And then I was done. Three great games was all I needed.
I didn't need a collection of 80 pirated games. Not anymore. Why would anyone want that? I don't even remember most of the games I played back then.
I'll be 20 this year, my PS2 is long retired. I own a Playstation 3, with Metal Gear Solid 4, Uncharted, Catherine, P4 Arena, Skyrim and others.
The better economy helped a lot obviously, but many, many people still pirate games today. Official tech stores mod consoles left and right. Not for me. I wouldn't like videogames as much as I do without piracy, but that's in the past. Now, my money goes to the developers I choose to support.
But please, never put all pirates in a single basket. I did what I did because it was the only way I could play video games back then. And If I'm supporting companies today, it's because I was a pirate once.