Dude, my first console was the mother****ing Master System. How AWESOME is that?
Anyway, I'm here because gamefaqs kicked me out (How hardcore do you have to be for gamefaqs to kick you out? [Not too much])
Oh, and just so you know (You're dying to know), my favorite game series are: Castlevania, Metal Gear, _____ of Mana and any Megaten game.
Also, my username has nothing to do with George Lukas. He's an A-hole.
Batman approves of this message:
YOU ARE A GODDAMNED CYBORG NINJA WITH A HIGH FREQUENCY KATANA THAT CAN CUT ANYTHING FIGHTING AGAINST A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CITY
YOU THROW THE GIGANTIC ROBOT INTO THE AIR, FOLLOW AFTER IT AND SLICES IT APART AS THE CRAZY RUSSIAN COLONEL GOES ALL: "DA COMRADE, SLICE IT WIDE OPEN!"
ALL THE WHILE THIS PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND:
HOLY SHIT THAT'S WHAT VIDEOGAMES ARE ALL ABOUT. NONE OF THAT SISSY ASS EMOTINAL FEELINGS THROUGH POLYGONS OR WHATEVER THE SHIT DAVID CAGE FAPS TO.
I MEAN FUCK, LOOK AT THIS
THAT MOTHERFUCKER IS SURFING ON MISSILES
THIS IS ONLY THE PROLOGUE OF THE GAME
HOLY FUCK KOJIMA, THIS IS A PROLOGUE I'D PAY TO PLAY, INSTEAD OF THAT FOXOF GROUNDZEROES PEACE WALKER LITE SHIT YOU COOKED UP
HERE'S WHY YOU SHOULD PLAY METAL GEAR RISING:
THAT IS A BOSS AND SHE IS MASTURBATING WITHOUT USING HER HANDS
TRY TO TOP THAT WITH EMOXUONAL ELLEN PAGES DAIVID CAGE
ALSO THE REASON THAT IMAGE LOOKS WEIRD IS BACAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE THIS THING PROPERLY.
ANYWAY GO PLAY METAL GEAR RISING.
It's been three years already. Where does the time go?
Looking for games at the bargain bin of my local game store, I saw a strange cover: A screaming woman being totured. A shadowy figure, dressed in red and holding an axe stood on the background, it's eyes glowing.
The name of the game was Deadly Premonition
The back cover talked about mysterious murders on a small town.
"It's just twenty bucks" I thought. "I've got nothing else to play right now. Might aswell get this Silent Hill wannabe"
I walked home, game in hand. I did not know what I was getting into. I remember putting the game into my Xbox, and upon witnessing the opening cinematic, I felt terrible. It looked like a Dreamcast game. Suddenly, those 20 bucks felt like a lot. I could have bought a burrito.
Some of my worries were eased somewhat, thanks to the awesome main menu music. A beautiful acoustic guitar song with solemn vocals. The woods and the Goddess:
The picture of a town amongst the woods was the background. Suddenly, the bad graphics didn't matter as much. "New Game it is".
The loading screen was bizzare to say the least. A red background, and two eyeless figures sporting glasgow smiles .
After getting through a strange red room with two boys/angels in it, I heard a voice. It called me: "Zach". Then came the first cutscene:
Francis York Morgan. An FBI agent, driving a sports car, smoking, typing on his notebook and discussing the psychology of Tom & Jerry cartoons over the phone with someone. All at the same time.
The first proper gameplay segment came after that. Terrible controls. The aiming was stiff as hell, the animations were awful and for some reason, I had infinite pistol ammo.
"Wow, what a horror game huh"
It wasn't long before I found out why infinite ammo was a must: The enemies took ages to die. They were ghost/zombie/Joker/limbo dancer things that stuck body parts into your mouth while screaming "I DONWANNA DIEEEEEE"
It was in this first hour that I crossed paths with the main antagonist for the first time. The Axe wielding red coated maniac. The Raincoat killer. I remember that the only good things I had to say about the game up to that point were: The music is good and the villain looks awesome.
After getting through the initial level, I turned the Xbox off. "Well, this game blows. I feel ripped off. What are the reviews for it?"
"What, some site gave it a perfect score? Destructoid huh? This guy must be insane"
That guy was Jim Sterling.
To quote his review: When we judge a game like this, how do we do it? Do we judge simply on gameplay? If so, the repetitive combat and long drives around town may very well mark it as a mediocre title. Do we judge it on story quality? If so, then we have a game that makes no sense and frequently makes light of murder and sexual deviancy. I say a game needs to be judged by how often it made you happy, how much you laughed or became excited, and how long you spend thinking about it after it was finished. If we judge it by those standards, then Deadly Premonition, my friends, is simply stunning.
And upon reading his review I realized that bad graphics and terrible controls aside, I did like agent York. Maybe this was a game worth playing just for the story and the laughs. I turned my computer off and went back to Deadly Premonition. And I didn't put it down until I was done with it.
Deadly Premonition might just be my favorite game of all time, and if it wasn't for Jim and this site, I wouldn't have experienced the magic of Greenvale, the wonderful cast of characters, the hilarious dialogues, the FK in my coffee.
Deadly Premonition is like true love: You accept the good and the bad, to the point when even the imperfections become attractive. And Dtoid is the nice friend that hooked us up.
And who doesn't? Sure, you might like them with big, small, flat or gigantic boobs, but when it comes to videogames, there is only one master race: The big knocker race.
See, playing games is good, but playing a game full of hot juicy melons is even better. Here's an overview of the best pairs of juicers in the business:
Everyone knows how awesome MGR is, but the one thing that was standing out to me before the release was the soundtrack. See, people ripped a bunch of awesome songs from the Demo, and I couldn't wait to hear them in the actual game. But the songs in the actual game are.... well...
Weird? Different? Here's some comparisons: (AND SPOILERS)
This is Mistral's battle theme, the one that plays in the full game. It's awesome, yes.
This is the original version of the song. Has more lyrics and less wub
What the hell. This is subjective obviously, but to me the original sounds much better. Also, they cut off half of the lyrics.
Obviously, I'm not saying that every song changed for the worse. Take Wolf's theme:
How it was:
Yeah, it was awesome too
Bottom line is: The ost is amazing, buy it, but Mistral's theme was better before.
First off, I'd like to apologize, because I know DToid isn't the place for "Pouring my heart out" articles like this one.
Anyway, here it goes:
I asked myself a question today: Why do I even play videogames? "Because they make me feel good, duh"
Well that's the obvious answer. But why do they make me feel good? Is it escapism? Is it my way of dealing with the day-to-day stress of being a fucking nobody? Is it to get away from my puny problems and romantic delusions? I guess not.
I realized that I don't play games simply to escape from my problems. I play them to live an idealized life, a life I wish I had.
It's not something harmless like forgetting about your boss to level up a little bit in Devil Survivor. I do it to outright ignore reality itself. It may sound like the same thing, but trust me as I say: There is a world of diference.
It started four years ago. My last High School year. I've been a gamer for the better part of my life, but that never really got in the way of anything. I wasn't a victim of bullying, no one stole money from me or anything like that. I even had some great friends. One thing I did not have (and bare with my juvenile needy self for a moment here), was a girlfriend. I always felt the pressure, be it from my family or among my peers, to go and find myself a special someone.
And I did
Near the end of that year, I met Sarah. This is going to sound like something out of some bad made -for-tv movie, but I assure you, it's 100% real.
Sarah was a transfer student. Her old school was closing due to financial debts, and she had to finish the year at mine. We...connected. We liked the same movies, the same games, even our music taste was alike. I never had those oh so precious experiences of walking on the beach holding hands, or going to the movies or anything else, but she was there, and she was real.
For the next 8 months, I was that sad and "evil" nice guy you all heard stories about. Not the manipulative kind. The spineless kind. I did like her, but I just couldn't say it. But this ain't no sob story.
We eventually hooked up. It didn't last long. See, Sarah was crazy. As in: Actually insane. She decided I was too ugly to be dated. In her own words: "I can't walk around with you in public, sorry"
It came out of nowhere.
That's the root of my bitterness I guess
Ever since then, I haven't playing games to have fun anymore.
I played Persona 3 and 4 because I longed for meaninful relationships and better friends. I play Devil May Cry because being able to do one frame jump cancel combos makes me feel better than those who can't, as twisted and ugly as that sounds.
It's not about playing for fun anymore. It's about justifying myself through unreal achievements. A need for approval turned into a need for more level ups.
I don't want that anymore
If I want to continue as gamer, I have to man up and face life head on.