Right, the story. Man, the story is like some treasure hunter bullshit, man. I mean, like, this fucking dude called Drake or some shit is the main guy. I thought it was kinda racist how white they made the dude, though. I seen that bro on the VMAs and he was like mixed race or some shit, so I don’t know what Sony is being racist for. I ain’t down with that, dude. I listen to hip-hop. Plus I got this bro I buy weed from who’s from, like, Portugal. Which is probably in Africa. it sounds African, like Senegal, and I know that shit’s African. Anyway, the dude is too tanned to just be tanned, that’s a natural thing.

So Drake is treasure-hunting some shit again, and he’s making these gay-ass jokes about everything, making me feel like I’m watching Buffy or some shit. Basically the story is pretty weaksauce, man. I mean, I’ve seen fucking Indiana Jones and that shit was great. Ain’t no rolling boulders, coal trains or infant Chinese sex slaves in this shit. Dude doesn’t even have a hat! Shit is a joke. Plus, he’s got this girlfriend, and ain’t no options to throw a kegger and get that bitch drunk or nothing. Even Mass Effect lets me nail aliens, and that’s some faggy space shit. This guy’s meant to be a bad ass and he doesn’t even get laid.

The gameplay is all like jumping onto shit and then shimmying 10 feet and then jumping again and doing that shit pretty much over and over for 8 hours. Ain’t no terrorists or bros like that to shoot, plus when I click the right stick to knife a motherfucker the camera just spazzes into the middle. Sony need to fucking change that, everyone knows that clicking those sticks is sprint and knife, who they thinking they are just changing that shit?

Playing online is the worst shit. Everyone knows that when you’re shooting bros online you wanna be looking through your character’s eyes, but Sony still make me move my dude around like I’m playing Bubsy 3D or something. SERIOUSLY Sony, get with the current shit! I ain’t playing no Nintendo DS like a fucking child molester. Screw that Mario shit.

0.5/10 (I’m giving this shit half a point because I like that song Drake did on NBA 2K11)