360 Fanboy Reviews Uncharted 3 - Destructoid

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My first name is Lou, but my second name isn't Chou. That's a bit I stole from an amazing movie called "All About Lily Chou Chou" to round off my gaming handle.

Like seemingly 90% of the internet, I aspire to write about video games professionally. The culture, community, and to some extent the industry surrounding gaming are something I'd like to live from day to day.

I've been playing video games since I was about 3. My older brother traded 2 packs of cigarettes for his friend's Commodore 64. His friend was ludicrously rich, so it was a pretty amazing deal. I used to play a lot of Paperboy and Batman on that thing. The latter would give me a fucking headache though, they only used, like, 2 colors when they developed that thing.

The best game I've ever played is Final Fantasy VII. I'm sorry I can't pick something obscure and cool, but it had a profound effect on me. I mean, to the point where I was having FFVII-based dreams every other night. I fucking loved that game, and I wouldn't dare play it again now. It needs to stay in that period of time for me.

I have a personal gaming blog, which may well live here:

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Right, the story. Man, the story is like some treasure hunter bullshit, man. I mean, like, this fucking dude called Drake or some shit is the main guy. I thought it was kinda racist how white they made the dude, though. I seen that bro on the VMAs and he was like mixed race or some shit, so I donít know what Sony is being racist for. I ainít down with that, dude. I listen to hip-hop. Plus I got this bro I buy weed from whoís from, like, Portugal. Which is probably in Africa. it sounds African, like Senegal, and I know that shitís African. Anyway, the dude is too tanned to just be tanned, thatís a natural thing.

So Drake is treasure-hunting some shit again, and heís making these gay-ass jokes about everything, making me feel like Iím watching Buffy or some shit. Basically the story is pretty weaksauce, man. I mean, Iíve seen fucking Indiana Jones and that shit was great. Ainít no rolling boulders, coal trains or infant Chinese sex slaves in this shit. Dude doesnít even have a hat! Shit is a joke. Plus, heís got this girlfriend, and ainít no options to throw a kegger and get that bitch drunk or nothing. Even Mass Effect lets me nail aliens, and thatís some faggy space shit. This guyís meant to be a bad ass and he doesnít even get laid.

The gameplay is all like jumping onto shit and then shimmying 10 feet and then jumping again and doing that shit pretty much over and over for 8 hours. Ainít no terrorists or bros like that to shoot, plus when I click the right stick to knife a motherfucker the camera just spazzes into the middle. Sony need to fucking change that, everyone knows that clicking those sticks is sprint and knife, who they thinking they are just changing that shit?

Playing online is the worst shit. Everyone knows that when youíre shooting bros online you wanna be looking through your characterís eyes, but Sony still make me move my dude around like Iím playing Bubsy 3D or something. SERIOUSLY Sony, get with the current shit! I ainít playing no Nintendo DS like a fucking child molester. Screw that Mario shit.

0.5/10 (Iím giving this shit half a point because I like that song Drake did on NBA 2K11)

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Living the dream since March 16, 2006

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