Gather 'round men-in-training. It's time again for you to learn something that will hopefully help bring you out of your probable state of being a well-rounded wuss. I'm just going to jump right into this weeks lesson.



You might be asking: "Who the fuck is that? He doesn't even have a beard! Is that even a male? That looks like a hairband."

Listen up and pay attention, dipshit, because I'm about to mindfuck you.

Being burly, hairy, and completely stacked is not what being a real man is about.

Not saying that those things don't sometimes help, but more often than not your actions better define your manliness than any physical aspect about you. Since that IS the case then the fellow I introduced you to a moment ago is one of the manliest people you might ever meet.

His name is Wander from the game Shadow of the Colossus. You could learn a thing or two from him...and if I still have any nüb doubters who NEED some physical sign of manliness in order to respect this chap, look no further than the cape. Capes are basically one of the baddest-ass things you can wear.

So first thing's first. Wander apparently has no fear whatsoever. If you heard that there was a twenty-story-tall giant that WOULD want to kill you if it knew you were near, what would you do? Well...maybe you would think you'd like to see such a giant but you sure as hell would keep your distance. Don't even say you wouldn't you fucking liar. Do you know what Wander thinks?



And you know what? He does. And you know what else? He does it with a fucking sword. He's not a ballistics expert and he doesn't rely on any kind of firepower. He runs straight at the colossi with nothing more than a few pointed objects and decides he can take them down. He not only scales these mountains...he slays them.

Would you believe that this isn't even what makes Wander a superb example of what a man is? You better...sonofabitch I know the way.*

Moral and existential dilemmas aside, Wander does not raze these behemoths because they are a threat or because he's a dick...rather he's doing so for a completely selfless reason. He feels that slaying the colossi is the only way to revive a dead girl, Mono.

However you slice it, it's a noble action. It's never revealed if he's doing it for love of the girl or to right what he believes a wrong...but whatever way you look at it his benevolence towards her is obvious. Even when faced with the prospect of "paying the heaviest price" for her revival or noticing his body's deterioration with every colossus that dies, he remains unwavering in his quest.

His good nature though is not only evident with his relationship to Mono, but with his horse. If anyone ever wants to know the definition of comradarie or what it means to be an unwavering friend look no further than their loyalty to one another.

The player is never given a backstory of the two but it is obvious that they have been through much together and work with an unprecedented partnership. You don't acquire a friendship like theirs by having Machiavellian ideals. There is a love there that is hard for most people to understand. (If you take that last sentence out of context just know that if I could be near you when you do I would pound you into submission with my fists)



I hope this week's lesson didn't take too somber or serious of a turn. I just wanted to make clear that just having "manly" traits does not make you a man. The often dichotomic juxtaposition of "being manly" and "being a man" might lead weaker minds to choose one over the other or viewing one as being superior to the other. A balance has to be achieved between machismo and compassion. Many men(?) have lost sight of the importance of chivalry, love, and friendship as integral elements to the masculine makeup.

Oh yeah.

One last note about Wander: he sired an entire line of horned boys. Um...manly? Absofuckinglutely.




And for the quick tip...something along the lines of Hallow's Eve and to help with inevitable zombie-apocalypse...








*Gratuitous Sublime reference.