Alright mongrels. It's that time of the week again; put down your margaritas and cancel that eyebrow waxing appointment (don't worry FiXXXer667...I know you never had one). Time to dry your tears and stiffen that upper lip. DAMN IT! If you don't quit blubbering, I'll give you something to REALLY cry about. Man-class is in session.

In honor of Capcom's big announcement this week I only thought it proper to talk about the toughest and manliest Street Fighter character:



Ugly fucker isn't he? For those unfortunates that are unaware. That mean looking bastard is Sagat* from the Street Fighter series. He's such an imposing and exemplary specimen. Crazy scars, hardened visage, lack of neck, and fingers that are bigger than most dicks. He doesn't care about deception, you know this guy could kick your ass twice over just by looking at him (and he probably did your first many playthroughs of SF2).

Let's delve deeper into his past to see why this guy deserves your emulation.

You might notice that Sagat wears an eye patch. See, when Sagat was a teenager he became an Emperor/God of Muay Thai (yeah...so...what did you do when you were a teenager besides jack-off onto the shower tiles?). His first title defense was a match so epic that it cost Sagat's opponent, Go Hibiki, his life and cost Sagat his right eye. So to review a bit: Sagat becomes a champion of what is arguably the most badass striking sport while a teenager, and he kills an opponent for having the audacity to take his eye. I shouldn't hear ANYONE question his manliness...and we aren't even through yet.

Some might think that the loss of depth perception might affect the effectiveness of your skill in a sport that relies on depth perception; yeah...maybe if you aren't Sagat. This guy instead of wallowing in self-pity over the loss of one of his eyes decided instead to host the first World Warrior tournament so that he can fight the most conditioned fighter and prove how much of a bad dude he is. For the record...he didn't win and he still proved the previous claim. Let me explain: during his battle with Ryu in the finals of this tournament, Ryu unleashed a move that is powered by murderous intent. The keyword in that last sentence was "murderous". Ryu used a move meant to kill the hardest fighters, a move that is forbidden because of its insane power. Sagat survived it, and now has the most chick-wetting scar anyone has ever seen.



But you should know this about him in closing as it might be his manliest trait yet: Sagat, altough possessing a shady past, has been able to prove himself noble. He really only seeks to challenge himself for his own betterment. He knows how to show self-restraint and wants fair fights. Even when given the opportunity to destroy the man who tried to kill him and left him disfigured, he chose to help his rival so that they could later fight under clean conditions**. Sagat knows it wouldn't count if he beat Ryu while he wasn't 100%. Any person here who has ever "kicked someone when they were down" gets a long and intense "for shame"-face from me. A real man wouldn't do such a thing even to his worst enemy. When my nemesis, John Basedow, was rumored to have perished in a tsunami my first thought was how I could help find him...as I have yet to have my five minutes of cage match with him.

Look...I shouldn't really have to explain this one. Sagat is a man. A man whom, as this picture might suggest, is of convenient stature. No need for a beard if you catch my drift...

So men, boys, and (if applicable) those penilely impaired, class is over for today. Remember to keep fighting the good fight against the plague of pussyness that has overrun so much of our population. Til next week...








*If you ever try to google pictures for Sagat...for the love of God...turn "safesearch" [u]ON[/u]!!!

**Wikipedia summarizes this little storyline nicely for those not familiar with the various histories of the Street Fighter universe.