Hello there, nüblets. Back for another week of embracing your inner-manliness, eh? The testosterone coursing through your arteries feels good doesn't it? Hopefully you aren't hurting too much; initially the heartier (see what I did here?) blood might be too much for your puny ventricles to take...but they'll adapt. Or you'll die...but we'll leave that to the ol' natural selection.

This week's icon of video game manliness:



Motherfuckin' Sam¹ from the NES game Super Dodge Ball.

Let's run through the basics:
- Stout physique.
- Noticable scowl of determination
- Large balls
- Plays in dodgeball games TO THE DEATH

Yeah, you read that right: "TO THE DEATH". Just like gladiators (who I doubt would ever need to defend their manliness) except instead of shield and sword he uses hands and volleyball. This game isn't that pussy Madden '[XX] bullshit. This is a REAL man's sports game.

Now Sam not only plays in these games, he also is the leader and coach of team USA. What one can infer from this is that he trains other people to kill on a level capable of competing on an international-deadly-dodgeball-league tier. I can only believe he uses awesome Mick-ian phrases to build or break his men during training.

A man like Sam is not content to just sit on the sidelines and yell at his team however; he also strives to be the best player on the team. His special moves are probably the most lethal in the game. It is not unheard of that an opponent can die from just one of Sam's attacks. For those less aware, let me describe them for you. His ground attack is thrown with so much force that it distorts into a football/rugby-shaped ball and potentially PIERCES THROUGH an entire team. It's more than capable of turning your opponents into inexplicably-dark-skinned angels. Now if that was his only attack it would be more than enough...but he also has an air attack! After leaping to a height that is easily five times his own he throws the ball downward with such speed and spin that it turns into a flying discus of death. Now to put this one into perspective, I'm sure everyone here has dropped a plate, thin hardcover book, or some similar object on their foot. It FUCKING KILLS! Imagine getting blindsided in the face by one of those objects travelling at an unthinkable velocity. Damn. Just...damn. That would suck.

As with most times when people see a superior example of human, I'm sure there are going to be the haters and naysayers. Super human strength can't be natural right? Well, for those who think Sam achieves these skills by being a pussass, worthless cheater (a.k.a. taking steroids)...think again:

BAM!

Hard work and dedication at its finest. Watch that .gif...he'll never show signs of slowing down or struggling. The man does curls all day long. And he's obviously comfortable with his body, going out in public while wearing short shorts like that.

In conclusion boys (and girls?), how can looking up to Sam make you a better man? Besides the aforementioned, he'll put his life on the line for something he's worked hard for and he'll help others achieve the same. He strives to better himself without selfishness, gladly taking a hit from a Yemi, a Fuji, or a Boris to keep his fellow men alive; truly understanding the value of teamwork, mental strength, and numbers.

And did I mention he can kill a man with a volleyball?








¹: His name is really just 'Sam' but the 'Motherfuckin' was used for dramatic effect and to appeal to those damned Samuel L. Jackson fanatics.