Consistently a disappointment, anyway.

The Intertubes seemingly exploded with the news of Super Smash Bros Brawl receiving "online play". In other news, the sky is/was blue, grass is typically green, and water is most certainly wet. Why this was ever a surprise to anyone is beyond me, but if this is the news that gets the fanboys through their days, so be it.

The thing I don't understand is why you people are tolerating this crap. People on SSBB boards are celebrating this news like Angelina Jolie (or, Scarlett Johansson, as far as my taste are concerned) just offered free sex to anyone on the planet. Why? Because Nintendo will allow you to play with your friends? Can you really call that online play?

Remember the amazing online play on the Gamecube? Wait, you don't? That's because there fucking WASN'T ANY. The very best they could possibly do, in the year 2003, was offer a separate modem attachment for one measly game, that being PSO Episode I&II. To be fair, PSO Episode III also had online play, but did anyone even buy that piece of garbage?

Someone found a way to hack Mario Kart so it could be played online...big whup. It's like when Halo was hacked to be played over XBConnect. Tight, now I can play with zero voicechat, on some guy's server, with the hopes that the lag won't be so completely overwhelming that I may actually win a lap or get a single kill.

Smash Bros, though, will allow you to play with friends...as long as you have their Friend Code. You can't communicate with them in game, though, so you have to hope you have a good way to contact them, in case you're disconnected, or need to change game or team settings. Not to mention, you can play with anyone...which is essentially like playing against the CPU, seeing as how the people you play maintain complete anonymity. Wow. That's what Nintendo is calling online play? Microsoft had voice chat support five years ago. And it was GOOOOOOD voice chat support, too.

I had hopes for Nintendo, but I should have known better. I should have seen this coming. Friend Codes should have been the punch in the nose I needed to realize they don't know what they're doing. Actually, let me rescind that comment, in a sense. They know exactly what they're doing, on one hand. They're doing a tremendous job at pulling in Mom and Grandma, and getting them to play games with little Johnny and Susie and the family pet, too. On the other hand, they have absolutely no idea how to appeal to the hardcore gamer.

That's why they'll never have true online play. They could, but why bother? People keep eating this shit up as fast as Nintendo can serve it. They promise tons of fantastic games on launch, and deliver exactly zero of them (Metroid, a guaranteed launch title, JUST came out). They offer an online component that would've been consider inferior in 1999, yet people are on their knees at beckon call.

Nintendo fans, you could have it so much better. Stop supporting this crap, and voice your opinions. Tell them you're tired of being treated like kids, and that you want actual games, and actual online play. None of this Friend Code bullshit anymore. No, you want an online infrastructure that can hold a candle to Live or PSN. Something that will offer a way to communicate with friends, other than calling or e-mail or texting or MySpacing or whatever the fuck you have to do when you get disconnected in Smash Bros.

Just stop taking this crap from them. You guys (and gals) deserve so much better.

Oh, I'm also looking at you, EA Sports. You and your fucking 60 dollar roster updates. You should be ashamed, too.

Done and done.