The Intertubes seemingly exploded with the news of Super Smash Bros Brawl receiving "online play". In other news, the sky is/was blue, grass is typically green, and water is most certainly wet. Why this was ever a surprise to anyone is beyond me, but if this is the news that gets the fanboys through their days, so be it.
The thing I don't understand is why you people are tolerating this crap. People on SSBB boards are celebrating this news like Angelina Jolie (or, Scarlett Johansson, as far as my taste are concerned) just offered free sex to anyone on the planet. Why? Because Nintendo will allow you to play with your friends? Can you really call that online play?
Remember the amazing online play on the Gamecube? Wait, you don't? That's because there fucking WASN'T ANY. The very best they could possibly do, in the year 2003, was offer a separate modem attachment for one measly game, that being PSO Episode I&II. To be fair, PSO Episode III also had online play, but did anyone even buy that piece of garbage?
Someone found a way to hack Mario Kart so it could be played online...big whup. It's like when Halo was hacked to be played over XBConnect. Tight, now I can play with zero voicechat, on some guy's server, with the hopes that the lag won't be so completely overwhelming that I may actually win a lap or get a single kill.
Smash Bros, though, will allow you to play with friends...as long as you have their Friend Code. You can't communicate with them in game, though, so you have to hope you have a good way to contact them, in case you're disconnected, or need to change game or team settings. Not to mention, you can play with anyone...which is essentially like playing against the CPU, seeing as how the people you play maintain complete anonymity. Wow. That's what Nintendo is calling online play? Microsoft had voice chat support five years ago. And it was GOOOOOOD voice chat support, too.
I had hopes for Nintendo, but I should have known better. I should have seen this coming. Friend Codes should have been the punch in the nose I needed to realize they don't know what they're doing. Actually, let me rescind that comment, in a sense. They know exactly what they're doing, on one hand. They're doing a tremendous job at pulling in Mom and Grandma, and getting them to play games with little Johnny and Susie and the family pet, too. On the other hand, they have absolutely no idea how to appeal to the hardcore gamer.
That's why they'll never have true online play. They could, but why bother? People keep eating this shit up as fast as Nintendo can serve it. They promise tons of fantastic games on launch, and deliver exactly zero of them (Metroid, a guaranteed launch title, JUST came out). They offer an online component that would've been consider inferior in 1999, yet people are on their knees at beckon call.
Nintendo fans, you could have it so much better. Stop supporting this crap, and voice your opinions. Tell them you're tired of being treated like kids, and that you want actual games, and actual online play. None of this Friend Code bullshit anymore. No, you want an online infrastructure that can hold a candle to Live or PSN. Something that will offer a way to communicate with friends, other than calling or e-mail or texting or MySpacing or whatever the fuck you have to do when you get disconnected in Smash Bros.
Just stop taking this crap from them. You guys (and gals) deserve so much better.
Oh, I'm also looking at you, EA Sports. You and your fucking 60 dollar roster updates. You should be ashamed, too.
According to God, I suck, because I haven't written a blog, even though there are two currently below this one. But, who am I to doubt?
I finished BioShock earlier this morning...well, early Saturday morning. Like, 2:30am, this morning. I got the good ending, because I'm a nice guy. I can, with absolute confidence, say that BioShock is the best single player FPS I've played in my life. The game contains so many moments of sheer awesome, you'll question if 2K didn't have their own Little Sisters, sucking AWESOME out of good games and funneling all into BioShock.
I'll try not to spoil much, but I fucked something up for myself, and would like to make sure no one else gets fucked out of the all weapons upgraded achievement, like I did. So, when you get to Fort Frolic, whatever you do, DO NOT KILL COHEN. LEAVE WHEN HE GIVES YOU YOUR REWARD. If you'd like, head up to his office and grab the Plasmid up there, but FOR FUCK SAKE, DO NOT KILL HIM.
There you go. I just saved you tons of frustration from not being able to fully upgrade one of your weapons, and miss out on an achievement. I'll accept rewards in the form of cash or sexual favors (ladies onry, plox).
So, with BioShock out of the way, I was free to trade it in. YES, already. But, hey, Gamestop has a trade-in special right now, and I had other stuff to get rid of. By the end of my trip, I had 112 bucks down on Rock Band. Fucking A. Shit will be tiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
Because I'm a pimp, I got into the Call Of Duty 4 Beta on Friday night. The game is amazing so far. I suck at it, but I'm so used to Vegas and being good at that, that this all feels new to me, even though I've played every COD before. Also, Last Stand and the knife kills are the fucking shit. There's nothing cooler than stabbing someone in the head, dropped to the ground by a hail of gunfire, then blasting some dumb bastard to Hell with your dying breath. Truly epic stuff.
Why are people still getting excited about this game? I am a die hard Football fan. DIE HARD FOOTBALL FAN. Yet, I have less than zero excitement about Madden. The game has played the same for nearly a decade now, with minimal improvements to the gameplay. Graphical upgrades are the most noteworthy feature, and I'm not paying for graphics. I'm paying for a good game. That's why Suikoden II is my favorite game of all time.
I don't get it. How can people be so gullible? Madden is hyped every single year, yet in the end the only thing we're getting is a new roster, some new HOT EA TRAX WITH AN X, the same minigames, the same franchise, the same broken plays, the same awkward running game, the same canned animations, and the same EA ass rape.
Football fans need to rebel against this bullshit, and they need to rebel soon.
Welcome to my inaugural blog post, featuring a mildly obscure reference in the title! Lucky youuuuuuu!
Let me tell you a special bedtime story. Alas, it is nothing to fap over, so I'm afraid 95% of my viewers just clicked the back button.
For those remaining, Uncy Lethal used to be obsessed with a Massive Multiplayer Online Role-playing Game. Can you say Massive Multiplayer Online Role-playing Game? Good job! You get a gold star!
Now, this Massive Multiplayer Online Role-playing Game, or MMO as the cool kids call it, was known as "Final Fantasy XI". No, no, it's not "ecks eye". It's roman numeral for the number 11. Still with me? Good.
Now, Final Fantasy XI (XI, for short) is a very addicting game, because of the time involved in doing anything in the game. There's no queue (see: line) like in World Of Warcraft (see: WoW), but you'll spend more time waiting for things to happen in XI than you will waiting in queue in WoW.
Despite this horrific flaw, the game attracted Uncy Lethal in a way that only online pornography and Chipotle burritos could. No, not sexually...I've definitely never made it with a porn star. Although, this one time...well, that story can wait.
I'm getting off topic again. XI hooked me like no game before. Despite feeling the time literally sucked from my body, as if it were adamantium being ripped through every pore (shit was bad ACE), I stuck with it for the ultimate goal of hitting level 75 and finally being able to start playing the game! However, school and work, those conspiring motherfuckers, had other plans. Alas, I was essentially forced to quit playing my obsession, so these other "allegedly" more important aspects of my life wouldn't be placed on the proverbial back burner. :(
I was sitting at Wild Wings, chatting with a couple fellows about the importance of capital gains in a low risk stock portfolio, when my friend brought up this...Penultimate Fantasy IX...?
What's that? Final Fantasy? Number 11? Oh. You're sure? It's known as the Final Fantasy, yet there's been eleven of them? Huh? Jesus, there's 13 of them? That's just silly. Ahh, you're joking. Oh...you're not. What's that? This pretending to have an ignorant conversation bit became unfunny two minutes ago? My b.
So, my chum brought up XI, and all these great times he was having with his new Linkshell (see: guild of other people with nothing to do), and I started to feel that itch. You know, like that kind you get "down there", minus the hours of scratching and passing blame off on each other. Oh yes, I felt that pull to log on again and rejoin the fray.
So, I grabbed some starter disc from Gamestop. My first instinct should have been the reg jockey there, asking me if I was sure, as if to talk me out of suicide. I reassured him the game wasn't "that bad", but something tells me I didn't win him over. He must be the type to beat off to Night Elves instead of Mithra (see: Manthra). What a loser.
After a quick install and update (only three hours!), I checked out the reactivate content ID section. To my utter surprise, my character was still there, despite having passed SE's limit on canceled accounts by eight months. Amazing! So, without hesitation, I reactivated, and in no time I was back into "the shit".
And now, I can't shake the feeling that I just made a huge mistake. Classes start in the last week of August, and while I only have four classes this semester, I still have work, too. And, despite every single fiber of my being screaming "DO NOT WANT!" at me, my boner wants Bioshock so fucking bad that I'll stupidly listen to him next week and buy that fucking gem.
So, this is it. This is how my life will end. Grinding Bard up to 75, then waiting around for days for an NM that may or may not pop, to have the chance to claim said NM or miss it, just to have the chance to fight and possibly wipe to the NM, only to mayyyyyybe get the drop we're looking for, just to have some other douchebag win the lot, resulting in my fate being sealed by a self Coup de grace via keyboard Seppuku. What a manly way to go.
Looking back, I probably could've cut over half this blog, but why bother? The incessant rambling is what makes it fun. That's what I tell myself anyway.