Welcome to my inaugural blog post, featuring a mildly obscure reference in the title! Lucky youuuuuuu!
Let me tell you a special bedtime story. Alas, it is nothing to fap over, so I'm afraid 95% of my viewers just clicked the back button.
For those remaining, Uncy Lethal used to be obsessed with a Massive Multiplayer Online Role-playing Game. Can you say Massive Multiplayer Online Role-playing Game? Good job! You get a gold star!
Now, this Massive Multiplayer Online Role-playing Game, or MMO as the cool kids call it, was known as "Final Fantasy XI". No, no, it's not "ecks eye". It's roman numeral for the number 11. Still with me? Good.
Now, Final Fantasy XI (XI, for short) is a very addicting game, because of the time involved in doing anything in the game. There's no queue (see: line) like in World Of Warcraft (see: WoW), but you'll spend more time waiting for things to happen in XI than you will waiting in queue in WoW.
Despite this horrific flaw, the game attracted Uncy Lethal in a way that only online pornography and Chipotle burritos could. No, not sexually...I've definitely never made it with a porn star. Although, this one time...well, that story can wait.
I'm getting off topic again. XI hooked me like no game before. Despite feeling the time literally sucked from my body, as if it were adamantium being ripped through every pore (shit was bad ACE), I stuck with it for the ultimate goal of hitting level 75 and finally being able to start playing the game! However, school and work, those conspiring motherfuckers, had other plans. Alas, I was essentially forced to quit playing my obsession, so these other "allegedly" more important aspects of my life wouldn't be placed on the proverbial back burner. :(
11 months later...wooooooooooooooooooosssssssshhhhhh...
I was sitting at Wild Wings, chatting with a couple fellows about the importance of capital gains in a low risk stock portfolio, when my friend brought up this...Penultimate Fantasy IX...?
What's that? Final Fantasy? Number 11? Oh. You're sure? It's known as the Final Fantasy, yet there's been eleven of them? Huh? Jesus, there's 13 of them? That's just silly. Ahh, you're joking. Oh...you're not. What's that? This pretending to have an ignorant conversation bit became unfunny two minutes ago? My b.
So, my chum brought up XI, and all these great times he was having with his new Linkshell (see: guild of other people with nothing to do), and I started to feel that itch. You know, like that kind you get "down there", minus the hours of scratching and passing blame off on each other. Oh yes, I felt that pull to log on again and rejoin the fray.
So, I grabbed some starter disc from Gamestop. My first instinct should have been the reg jockey there, asking me if I was sure, as if to talk me out of suicide. I reassured him the game wasn't "that bad", but something tells me I didn't win him over. He must be the type to beat off to Night Elves instead of Mithra (see: Manthra). What a loser.
After a quick install and update (only three hours!), I checked out the reactivate content ID section. To my utter surprise, my character was still there, despite having passed SE's limit on canceled accounts by eight months. Amazing! So, without hesitation, I reactivated, and in no time I was back into "the shit".
And now, I can't shake the feeling that I just made a huge mistake. Classes start in the last week of August, and while I only have four classes this semester, I still have work, too. And, despite every single fiber of my being screaming "DO NOT WANT!" at me, my boner wants Bioshock so fucking bad that I'll stupidly listen to him next week and buy that fucking gem.
So, this is it. This is how my life will end. Grinding Bard up to 75, then waiting around for days for an NM that may or may not pop, to have the chance to claim said NM or miss it, just to have the chance to fight and possibly wipe to the NM, only to mayyyyyybe get the drop we're looking for, just to have some other douchebag win the lot, resulting in my fate being sealed by a self Coup de grace via keyboard Seppuku. What a manly way to go.
Looking back, I probably could've cut over half this blog, but why bother? The incessant rambling is what makes it fun. That's what I tell myself anyway.
Sleep tight, kids. read