It took me a long time to finally get around to playing Demon’s Souls. I suppose the reason why it took so long is an incredibly shallow reason: it’s how it looks. There is something about the type of fantasy set in middle ages Europe that I find incredibly uninspiring. It’s also the reason I’ve never seen Game of Thrones, the reason why I couldn’t find any drive to play Dragon Age and the very reason I dismissed Skyrim the very moment I saw it. All of it reminds me of the plague, and they always look as appealing as contracting the plague.



But with Demon’s Souls being something of a phenomenon within the gaming community how could I continue to ignore it? A lot of games are like over bearing parents these days living in a safe, green suburb, making sure you have everything you need and going over the directions with you incessantly to the point of tedium, and even when you’ve set off on your bike you’ll catch a glimpse of them running along behind you clasping the underside of the seat to keep you steady.
How refreshing it is to have a game that parents you like a pair of selfish, alcoholics would, by making you fend for yourself and have you excavate in the putrid pantry for sustenance to survive. We’re gamers. We don’t need the nanny-ing, Mother, will you stop tucking my shirt in! What! I’m not fidgeting! I’m an adult. I’m a gamer.

It’s also not as if I can’t look past a game’s aesthetics and enjoy it purely for the gameplay. I don’t like modern warfare type games but I love the Battlefield series because of their emphasis on teamwork and the variety of play styles; not because I get a giddy feeling over the sight of an Apache gunship. So the same could happen for Demon’s Souls, right?

So Demon’s Souls drops through my letter box and I slot it in my PS3 to finally see what this new sensation is all about. To finally experience the game that left so many people dishevelled and screaming the Lord’s name in the dead of the night.
After initially being unimpressed with the character creation system because no matter what I did my guy looked like a grimy mannequin found in a skip round the back of a fancy dress shop, I actually started to warm to the game. It encouraged a considered pace which I actually found relaxing but just difficult enough to find engaging. Both relaxing and engaging, like a conversation with Stephen Fry (I imagine). That’s a hard combination to get right but Demon’s Souls does it effortlessly.



Managing crowds, putting extreme importance on position and timing makes the combat in Demon’s Souls a unique experience. Traps are inventive, and the level design is consistently of a high standard. I started to think that this game is definitely something special. What an idiot I was for putting it off so long. But then the cracks started to show, and I started feeling like I should have stayed with my gut instinct.

You died.

If there is one thing I hate in games its repetition, and you do that a lot in Demon’s Souls because when you die it’s back to the beginning of the level with the souls you’ve accumulated stripped from you. I get why it’s like that. Making death a genuine punishment gives the game its foreboding atmosphere and makes you play at that pace I was so fond of but to me the enjoyment crumbles away like old masonry when it comes to the bosses.

You died.

Now, I know what some of you are thinking; you’re thinking I just suck weeping gangrene at this game and maybe that’s true but that’s not what’s putting me off. I enjoy a challenging game but when I walked into the fort where the colossal Tower Knight stood and all it took was two mighty and guard breaking swings of his lance and I was left a plastic-y corpse propped up against the wall. It took me five or six attempts to finally slay the iron clad giant; each death also included another tiresome battle to the fort once again, fighting the same grunts, just so I could try out a new tactic.
I’m just not for this kind of game design. It’s dull.

You died.

When I struck Tower Knight down for the final time with my axe I was expecting a genuine sense of victory. Finally he’s down and I can continue my adventure, but it never came. The sensation I did get was the same one I’d get from my time working in customer service. You’d get certain customers who were demanding and unreasonable. They would treat you like the enemy when you were just trying to help, while also balancing loyalty to company policy. After you successfully dealt with one of those customers your brain isn’t swimming in endorphins as you punch the air, you would just do a big sigh and wearily put the phone down, hoping to never have to go through it again.
That’s how it also feels defeating a boss in Demon’s Souls.



To me, God Hand is the king of infamously difficult games and since I just finished that this year it’s always in the back of my mind as I play Demon’s Souls. God Hand is unrelenting fun and also incredibly challenging, but it doesn’t feel the need to threaten you with repetition if you die. Each area is an individual challenge and has quite frequent checkpoints so you’re free to play; free to experiment with your customisable combos while also maintaining the same sense of dread that comes with the fact a common grunt can end you, much like Demon’s Souls.
And the bosses don’t kill you instantly, you have time to figure them out, but the challenge comes in executing that plan, not by catching you with your breeches down.

I guess there is something about this type of game design that was quite common in older games that I’m actually happy to see the back of and to see it return and be heralded as the best games this generation confounds me slightly.
The only way I understand it is that it is a poke in the eye to hand holding that is depressingly common in today’s games, but I just can’t shake the feeling Demon’s Souls is not the true answer.
Playing Demon’s Souls can be like trying to scoff down a vindaloo which is so hot the restaurant calls the local press round whenever someone tackles it and King Crimson are playing some freestyle jazz to accompany the eating. It’s certainly a challenge, but it’s not fine dining. God Hand is fine dining.

Still, these thoughts are from someone who’s just put ten hours in the game so far, but I put the phone down mid argument on the leech boss after stomping on the Armoured Spider. Maybe my opinion can be changed.

You can’t help but think of the perceived value of games while playing a platformer. While Donkey Kong Country Returns didn’t suffer so much when it came to sales the genre is often relegated down to something that isn’t worth anyone’s time unless it’s half the price as most other retail games, if internet chatter is anything to go by.
Playing DKCR has made me have a look at the gameplay that a platformer has that has given it this reputation as nothing but a budget genre.



First off I’ll give some impressions of DKCR. One of the most important elements that make up a great platform game is level design and Retro Studios really did something special in that area. Levels take Donkey Kong’s abilities and expect you to use them to extreme measures to complete a level, especially in the latter sections of the game where you think it can’t get any harder yet it thinks up more devious obstacles for you to try and conquer. The hidden bonus levels also require perfect traversal that will mostly have you shouting at the TV. But even on easier levels hidden collectables are craftily hidden. Scouring the environments can be tricky in itself.

The other element that makes a great platform game is character control. I don’t find it immensely satisfying it DKCR if I’m honest. I understand you play as a large Ape but that weighty, clunky-ness made it more frustrating than it needed to be sometimes. Maybe after playing the likes of Ms. ‘Splosion Man, New Super Mario Bros. Wii and Super Meat Boy I became accustomed to tighter character control, so DKCR’s heavier and less accurate movements were an occasional annoyance.
I also felt the higher bounce off the heads of enemies required an odd timing which I’m nolt sure I ever comfortably got the hang of and caused some deaths where that mechanic was needed to get past certain sections of the game.

I only have one final thing to say before I move on to the game’s, and genre as a whole’s value and it’s that Donkey Kong Country Returns doesn’t have that Nintendo magic which I believe that new Super Mario Bros. Wii does have. That probably means nothing to anyone who isn’t a fan of Nintendo’s work, it may even mean nothing to someone who is, but it’s a hard thing to articulate. It just lacks that joy that seems to resonate through the screen that most first party Nintendo games; perhaps it lacks something in the animation, art design or whatever, some little quirk.
It’s not a big deal, as it’s still a great game and one I think I’m being overly down on. Perhaps because the last Donkey Kong game I played was Jungle Beat and that game is such a great example of fun, quirky and excellent design. It also looked nicer in my opinion.



So we get to the point of discussion that is value, the worth of the platformer. This is purely coincidence but while I write this I’m listening to David Jaffe talk to Jim Sterling about how Rayman: Origins is one of his favourite games of 2011 yet he doesn’t think it’s worth $60 (among many other things). This attitude is confounding me quite a bit. Now I’ve not played Rayman yet, I’m a little behind, but I hope to. But from my understanding from others this game contains a decent amount of content; it terms of play time and secrets to unlock so why is Rayman as de-valued as Jaffe’s own God of War?

I feel I should point out I’m not having a go at Jaffe, I happen to like him a lot but what he was saying recently ties to what I want to talk about here.



While playing DKCR and knowing I was going to write this blog I did try and think of why the platform genre’s gameplay is worth less than most other genres. I don’t want to compare them to say the FPS or any other shooter as they do tend to have a multiplayer portion to them that give them hundreds of hour’s worth of gameplay, but I do want to compare them to a single player campaign in one of these games. I also want to look at the character action game.

By the end of the game, and reminiscing about other platformers I can’t think of a reason to why this genre has little value. They are more challenging than the average game and often make you sit at the edge of you’re seat while you try and traverse one of many, many levels and also require complete mastery of controlling your character. Learning the arc of your jumps, dealing with inertia and how each enemy responds.
There is so much to think about, just as much as God of War or Bayonetta, just as much depth in design; just as much intensity as a shoot out in Call of Duty.



Maybe indie games have ruined it lately, what with making excellent downloadable platformers for £10/$15 or less: Super Meat Boy, VVVVVV, Ms. ‘Splosion Man again and many others. And as great as all these games are, I adore each one; they are all based around just a few mechanics, but executed brilliantly. A full retail game, however, like NSMBW, has so much more content. And not just more levels, but more mechanics. Just think of the suits and power ups in all the Mario games that make each level a totally new experience. Super Mario Galaxy even manages to mix up the very same level to something new by altering some mechanics.
This just hasn’t really been seen in the downloadable yet looking at them it seems like you can get the same experience from a full retail game. In a sense you can, but relegating the platformer to just small scale games doesn’t do the genre the justice it deserves, or let it reach its potential.

So, to me, the platformer has just as much worth as other genres. But maybe the question we should be asking is ‘are the full retail games as a whole worth £40/$60?’
I just hate to see a certain genre singled out when other genres aren’t as complex and worthy as people assume, as it seems to me at least.

Anyway, Donkey Kong Country Returns. While not the best platformer on the market it’s still better, cleverer and more fun than anyone who hasn’t played it thinks it is.

We’re drawing close to the release of what may be the finest game of 2012. Much like how Mass Effect 2 was released early in the year yet still managed to be many people’s game of the year despite the impressive competition that would follow, we have another year with a Mass Effect game released in the first quarter. Will the same happen again? Maybe, who knows! To me, that very well could be the case as much as I don’t really want it to be.

Oh, and the following may have potential plot spoilers.

Let me be honest with all you early on. I’m usually into pretty weird games and enjoy the sensation of dropping an obscure game in a conversation amongst friends to keep them quiet while I explain why it’s so often. I have a brief sense of coolness before they call me a loser and/or a wanker, and rightly so, and then push the conversation to more normal games. But Mass Effect is my connection to the masses. There are a lot of popular games I like, but very few of them I love; but Mass Effect is a series I love.



In preparation to Mass Effect 3 I decided to go through both games again and set up an alternative story to the one I have already set in motion. In the case of Mass Effect 2 I also had all the DLC bought during sales that I’d yet to go through. On top of that I’m reading the three novels, too. I’m halfway through the third one. They’re okay; real trashy and noticeably written to a strict deadline but they have some nice touches and I love the universe so I’m nicely entertained by them.
So I’m pretty in touch with the series to really enjoy ME3.

The original Mass Effect I finally saw the end of last year after playing it on and off for over six months. That’s not a game I’d recommend anyone go back to, it’s quite a mess. It made me kind of sad that a game that means a lot to me is quite unplayable now. It always had its numerous faults: the loose and unsatisfying combat, the repetitive side-quests and environments, the graphical bugs, those uncomfortably long elevator rides, the list goes on. But it didn’t matter at the time because it is such a rich universe to take in. I’d walk around the Citadel talking to anyone who’d listen, like an attention starved old man, just to hear their stories and if I could help in some way. I liked to take these stories and apply my own ideals and morals to them that would change the trajectory of the story slightly; I liked leaving my mark on this space opera. I also liked seeing if I could do 360 degree spins in the Mako while airborne.
Since I’ve gone through Mass Effect so many times the experienced is faded, familiar and the gameplay alone just doesn’t stand up now.



But enough about the original; I want this to be about Mass Effect 2. It’s safe to say the action parts of the game hold up better than ME. It’s not the most satisfying third person shooting and will never hold a candle to games dedicated to that genre but it’s quite a fun attempt at it. Both my ME2 play throughs were with using a Shepard that used biotics: one a full blown adept and the second a vanguard. I had more fun as an adept with the range of biotic powers you can use; lifting, flinging and warping the poor souls that would oppose me, though that’s not to say the charge plus shotgun combo wasn’t fun to use as a vanguard. It’s these little touches that make it fun, I couldn’t imagine playing ME2 as a straight soldier.

This is a Bioware game so the main attraction is the story and the characters, though in this game there isn’t much story. Some bad stuff is going down at the Omega relay, so go deal with it. That’s pretty much it. This is why I like ME2, it has a conventional video game type plot but where it shines is in the characters. Love them or hate them, they will get some kind of emotion out of you… apart from… Gary? Andy?.. Michael? You know, the one who looks like Kanye West? I could look his name up but this makes my point; he’s very forgettable.
I really like the focus not on a crusade to save the universe but primarily to convince a varied bunch of characters to come on a mission they very may not come back from. In trying to gain their loyalty you end up getting involved with them on a personal level. Saving the universe is obviously a noble act but it’s just something I can’t properly conceive in reality, the universe is a massive thing, but the small problems the crew have that need to be dealt with to gain their trust are more relatable; something I can conceive more.

I’d like to see more games that are more low key and personal. Persona 4 is another favourite of mine and I like it for similar reasons; it’s about exploring the anxieties of people. And Chibi-Robo, a quirky adventure about helping a family through rough domestic patch. They’re all weirdly, cosy little worlds to be part of.



But back to ME2, though. Reading the novels along with playing really gave me a different stance on Cerberus. They were nasty people in the first game but were depicted to be morally grey in the sequel and when I played it first I was won over by them. I figured what they did was a little wrong but ‘for the greater good’ like the Illusive Man often says; I thought he had a point regarding all the questionably ethical things you do. But all of ME2 is from their perspective so give real credit for the game’s writers to pull that off, to draw you into the world and blinker you to situations that are plain to see. After reading the novels you really see them for what they are and not at all worthy of sympathy. The whole universe is impressively constructed.

Oh, and one final thing. I still didn’t manage to do the final mission with no-one dieing. Miranda and Legion ate it the first time and Samara croaked on my second go. I really don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Maybe a third attempt is due.

So I’m looking forward to where me story ends with Mass Effect 3. Roll on March!

So the Resident Evil 6 trailer showed up last night on a number of sites and as I turned off the computer and tucked myself in bed I found myself thinking about the series a lot. I thought about the original and how that scene from the Hunter’s perspective terrified me to the core, I thought about how Resident Evil 2 is likely the game I completed the most times and so on. Now, I wouldn’t call myself the biggest Resident Evil fan. I’ve certainly had fun with the series, a lot of fun, but after seeing the trailer it has gone from a game I had little interest in to one of my most anticipated of 2012, and I’m not sure how it happened.



What makes my sudden excitement in RE6 weird to me is I didn’t like the little of what I played of RE5. Granted, I just played the demo and I know I should never judge a game solely on that like I did with Batman: Arkham Asylum. I didn’t like that game’s demo too and totally wrote it off but someone bought it for me as a present and it only took an hour or so with the full game and I felt like an absolute boob. Batman: AA is awesome. So RE5 could still be great but I think it was more the idea of having to play it co-operatively. I know you don’t have to but still having an AI partner using up all the ammo and generally being something that clings to the back of your mind isn’t how I want to play Resident Evil.
I do enjoy playing games in co-op, I’m not inherently against doing it: Halo, Gears of War and currently Resistance 3 are games I enjoy playing co-op, maybe even more so than alone but I just never wanted to do that in Resident Evil. I wish I could explain why, but I can’t; it just feels wrong. I don’t want to do it.

It has been mentioned that RE6 will also feature co-op, which is great as I know a few people who loved playing RE5 that way but when it comes to RE6 I just hope it’s separate for those who want it, and I think that will be the case as Leon’s parts in the trailer looks like it will be single player. Speaking of Leon, isn’t his jacket sweet? That’s probably my favourite thing in the trailer. I want to find one for myself and I’ll be the coolest guy down the farmer’s market, I know it.
And you’ve got that new guy going full on MMA on the zombies which is one of the most brilliantly stupid things I’ve ever seen. I think overall that’s what Resident Evil 6 is; brilliantly dumb.



But there is an elephant in the room which needs to be addressed; it’s hardily the traditional Resident Evil game that a lot of people are yeaning for. The survival horror genre is something that isn’t quite what it used to be. Apart from indie games like Amnesia: The Dark Descent it’s something we don’t see anymore which is a shame, it’s always sad when an interesting genre ceases to exist anymore, and seeing survival horror’s poster boy, Resident Evil, turn into a monster slaying action game doesn’t appear to be a positive thing as we do have plenty of those already.
I don’t know why the slow and intense horror game fell out of favour. I don’t believe it was because of the direction Resident Evil 4 went in. I’m not going to be mad at that game, it’s impossible to be. Yes, it was the first game to turn the series to what it is now but it was just so, so good at it. If Resident Evil 4 wasn’t one of the greatest action games ever crafted and it became popular then I’d be mad, but unfortunately, it is one of the greatest action games ever, so I’m not.
There is a gap in the market for a survival horror game and I’d love to see someone fill it, but I’ve long stopped to expect another Resident Evil game to be the one fill it.
Resident Evil 0 was the last game that had the traditional formula and that was nearly ten years ago now; Resident Evil isn’t that thing anymore, and hasn’t been for some time.



But that gap maybe filled! Resident Evil: Revelations, from what I’ve heard seems to be doing that, so purists are covered, right? I think we’re really spoiled sometimes. But it does raise the question with regards to Resident Evil: Operation Racoon City. The question is: what’s the point?
This is a game I really couldn’t care less about and its existence is only apparent to me because I have a friend who brings it up from time to time. I dunno, I’m probably going to sound like a complete weeaboo but there is a slight weirdness to Japanese games even when they’re trying so hard to be western. Even in the RE6 trailer you have a zombie president and a man going full on CQC on the other zombies, and punching them in the face. It’s a western looking game but slightly skewed and off kilter. I don’t get that from Operation Racoon City. I just get a Resident Evil game through the eyes that brought us the borefest that is SOCOM.

So, Resident Evil 6! I’m excited by it. I miss the old style horror as much as anyone who was playing them around that time but I can’t be upset by something that, potentially, could be so much fun in its own right.
And I think I should give RE5 a chance before this hits in November. Day one!

For the record, I wanted to have the trailer in the blog but I couldn't figure it out... Here's a link if you haven't seen it for whatever reason - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sS_bGpe9qE8

Now I know many of you are seeing that this is about Red Steel 2; a game that most don’t give two pointless thoughts about, but hear me out. This game made me realise some deep thoughts. Thoughts that undermine modern game conventions and I know you love that! So let me tell you a tale about Red Steel 2.



Cast your mind back to E3 2009. You know, the time when the rather lovely and professionally enthusiastic Cammie Dunaway died onstage before a bunch of practically useless bros who were fortunate enough to become game journalists sneered at her. Yeah, that time.
This was the game that would prove, to the ‘hardcore’ gamer that motion controls were a thing, a thing to be excited about; a thing that justifies motion controls as something beyond… I dunno… dancing, sort of. I think Ubisoft kind of pulled it off with Red Steel 2, and I stress, kind of.

I have this horrible habit when I’m playing a game. I sometimes try to get into the developers mind set, which I hate! I just want to enjoy these things for what they are but when an FPS with a mission to bring a ‘hardcore’ game experience to the Wii I can’t help but examine more than I usually would. But in forcing myself to examine this rather throw away title it has made me look at games a little differently.

I’ve rambled too much so I’ll hit you with a point. Red Steel 2 does a wonderful thing. All of that cool stuff, all of the stuff that makes you feel good, all of that action is done by you!
You maybe reading this thinking ‘say wha!? I always be doin’ what I be doin’ in game’ but I just want to serve up some food for thought. We are in an era now when spectacle, spectacle that has little to do with the person with the controller in their hand. It’s a type of spectacle that is fantastic to view but doesn’t push interactivity as far as it could, which is the true potential of gaming. I’ve lost count of the amount of games I’ve sat through a cut scene wishing the game gave me the opportunity to play that section out myself. As much as I love Vanquish, it’s a game that is awfully guilty of it and at the start; Red Steel 2 is guilty of it, too.



The intro has you being tied to the back of a speeding motorcycle, getting dragged and slammed into a manner of nasty and mostly hard things. A few minutes later you find out that you are the last of an incredibly deadly clan. Why they didn’t just kill you effectively I don’t know but let’s just roll with it. Let’s just roll with the Asian folks living in a kind of future Wild West, with their American southern accents. Why not, why not!?
But the rest of the time Red Steel 2’s gameplay and nothing else is the piece that impresses. There have been times during games like Call of Duty, Uncharted or Gears of War where gameplay, while satisfying, sometimes have a part where a building falls down and you have to avoid it or a vehicle section that has trucks flipping and cars exploding but the whole scenario feels quite uncanny; like you don’t have a lot to do with it or not or feeling your actions don’t quite effect the game. Red Steel 2 on the other hand feels really involving, if anything, because every slice of the sword, every combo or every finisher isn’t something predetermined. It all feels off the cuff and unpredictable, but on screen it looks as impressive as a set piece would. But because I’m in control it feels more satisfying.

It’s weird that few action games feel like that. It’s like they have this solid core gameplay and then go impress you with scenarios outside of that. It’s almost as if the core gameplay is something to keep you occupied while it conjures up some dazzling set piece for later.
I’d even go out to say that in a game that is pretty high octane the motion controls add to it. Especially after fighting four tough bastards and the last one is knocked to the floor; you hit A twice to leap in the air and thrust the Wii remote down to finish him. If you’re not too fit, than that fight will have you a little tired and that final thrust feels good. You take a deep breath and go to the next area.



I really like the core gameplay of Red Steel 2. It’s always fun. What isn’t great, though, is the way the game progresses: Go here, kill dudes, find 3 communication towers, and blow up 10 trucks. Go to the next area: Go here, blow up 5 barrels, find 4 communications towers, and kill this guy.
That goes on throughout the game and I’m not even sure why I’m doing these lame missions. It’s like Bioshock never happened. I kept listening to the dialogue for a ‘would you kindly’ type phrase to explain these missions. But no, it’s just poor design. It’s only the swordplay that keeps you going as the story and the context for the game is so loose, like it’s just a reason for fights to happen. It reminds me of the type of horrible brute you can bump into in a bar who will come up with the most convoluted way to be threatening and get a fight out of you… well, people like that and also thugs out of the Yakuza games. They’re dicks, too.

With all that said, this is hardily the only game to do this and I’m sure there are far, far better examples but I just want to give credit where it is due to Red Steel 2. It’s a fun action game that doesn’t rely on too many tricks and earnestly shows why I play videogames when I sometimes find myself wondering why. It won’t be going anywhere near my favourite games ever list but I doth my cap to you, Red Steel 2. I doth my cap.

I expect some of you are looking at this title and saying ‘Lolwut!? Portal 2 came out in 2011! What an idiot!’ or perhaps just gently wondering what the deal is, or even not caring at all and just skimming past these very words while your head fills with deep self referential questions, like ‘who am I, really, and am I being the best person I can?’
The point of this blog and hopefully many more is that I’m aiming to write something on every game I finish in 2012. I don’t know what it will be exactly: a sort of review, overview, and odd little look ‘n think about thing. The first game I finished this year was Portal 2 from last year and future blogs may even be about older games, even from last generation; what they will all have in common is they will be the games I played in 2012. Title explained. Feel free to ask questions in the comments if needed.

Now I really liked Portal 2, its pretty high up in my favourites of the year. It’s quite a clever little game, with its mind bending puzzles based solely on putting one hole in a wall and another hole on a different wall and passing through them instantaneously. Valve has done a remarkable job building a varied and compelling game around this baffling mechanic. Not only that they built a story and a world around it that is more reminiscent to the type of story telling usually found in linier action games, especially the latter stages of the game where it isn’t short of some set pieces that a Call of Duty game may have, if they ever set it in a research laboratory run by a murderous AI. But this isn’t an action shooter, it’s a puzzle game; see, we don’t just have to stick to those safe genres for the thrills, games industry. Wake Up!



But if you’ve played the original Portal you already know that. And if you’ve played the original Portal you probably think that that game is better, and to be honest, I’d agree with you.
Portal was an expertly designed series of tests; a truly mind boggling, topsy-turvy trip through the minds of who must be the finest game designers on the planet. A game that had absolutely no hype and when you turned it on to see what the hell it was after finishing all the episodes of Half-Life 2 it would confidently stand up and slap you across the face with it’s massive genius. It’s safe to say it was quite a shock; a shock that felt really good. Not like those bad shocks, like static electricity or a dead pet.
It’s also safe to say that most playing Portal 2 won’t relive that feeling again and I’d imagine anyone coming into it fresh won’t quite get that same feeling, too. There is no doubt Portal 2 has its frequent moments of ingeniousness. It’s a treat that is tasty and generous but is lighter than the thick slab of fudge which was Portal. There are a few too many moments in the middle of the game in Portal 2 where you’re just looking around, spinning in circles, and shooting your portal gun at anything; trying to find a little bit of white wall to pop a portal on so you can move on. Hardily the brain buggery that goes on in the other test chambers, now, is it?

So, together, we’ve established that Portal is a better game, no? but there is something Portal 2 does do a little better, and that’s the story. Like most other Valve games the story is actually quite simple, but told brilliantly, and presents a small number of vibrant characters that paint a path for you of different colours and create a rich world in the process. GLaDOS’s strange flavour of sarcastic honesty is still the main attraction and Cave Johnson’s stock, archived responses flesh out a history and ideals of the game’s setting, Aperture Laboratories; which are dark and down right hilarious.

Before playing the game I was aware of a divisive character; one Wheatley, voiced by Stephen Merchant. Now I’m not entirely sure what everyone’s problem are, those that have them at least, but I thought he did a refreshingly enthusiastic performance. It certainly wasn’t phoned in, which I’m sometimes worried about when someone who doesn’t have a great deal of experience in working in a booth. Now, I know he is no Nolan North. He doesn’t have the vocal range of someone like him; Stephen Merchant will always act and sound like Stephen Merchant and I guess that’s where the problem lies. Even as someone who enjoys his performance I’d be lying if that bank advert he does for us in the UK didn’t come to mind at times, and you don’t really want that happening when you’re trying to enjoy your videogames… economy and stuff.. ICAs? APR? 3.9%?

No thanks, not now.



Personally, I think I was happy with his performance in this because just before I started playing it I’d been watching his third TV series written by him and Ricky Gervais, called Life’s Too Short. I don’t want to go into too much of a tangent but after that awful show Portal 2 did restore some faith in him again. Life’s Too Short is a kind of mocumentory (like The Office) but is far too well shot to be one. It follows a twisted version of a sort of famous dwarf by the name of Warwick Davis (played by Warwick Davis) and the trials and tribulations he goes through.

Sounds kind of interesting with Gervais and Merchant at the helm, right? No. What we have is Davis playing David Brent in nothing but cunt mode and all the supporting cast are made up of tossers, shits and face aches. Essentially, it’s as if someone watched The Office, then tried to make something like it but didn’t quite get it; that’s what Life’s Too Short is. It amazes me that Gervais and Merchant made this trash. Back to the drawing board guys; you forgot why your work is highly regarded; you know? the complex humility, the dicks, the decent, the dicks being decent, the decent being dicks; all presented in a manner that satires what it is dealing with everyday life. None of that in Life's Too Short.

So after that Portal 2 made me go ‘aaaahh… that’s more like it. This be funny’

Wheatley’s confused ramblings really added to it for me. Portal’s world is really strange and having a blind leading the blind dynamic really compliments the other characters in the game. They all change, too. Growth happens right up to the end, even after the credits roll, and it’s all believable. Well done, Valve; this may be the best story you’ve ever told.



I’m happy the first game I finished in 2012 was one as good as this. No, it isn’t perfect, and not as good as the original but it’s a nice start, and one that gives me a sense of positivity for the rest of the gaming year.
Oh, but I haven’t even touched the co-op; maybe that will put the game on the same level as the original?

Fan art in first pic belongs to: http://sanj-t.deviantart.com/art/Reunion-207026248