I'm Lazerpig. One of my first video game memories was playing Super Mario Brothers on an NES at the house of some other kids who had the same babysitter as me. I remember being pretty good, although I'm not sure if I actually was; I also remember thinking I was the red ghost in Pac-Man around the same age. I think I was around 3. Anyway, I got my first video game system, a Game Boy Color, when I was 10 (I'm 21 now) and I have a lot of great memories. Super Mario Brothers Deluxe broke it. The A and -> buttons are heavily worn down, and they barely register anymore; I consider this a badge of honor.
My AIM is charfatemylunch; hit me up sometime.
Games I love:
The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
Zack and Wiki and the search for Barbaros' Treasure
Super Mario Galaxy
Both Golden Suns
Final Fantasy VI, Woolsey edition
The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Ages (and Seasons, but Ages was better)
Disgaea: Afternoon of Darkness
Fire Emblem 7
Crash Team Racing. The first one. Best kart racer ever.
Is this a thing? I havenít seen any monthly-musings this month, but there was a prompt. Itís right here. http://www.destructoid.com/monthly-musing-happy-holidays-188757.phtml
As gamers, we slowly grow more jaded as we grow more experienced. Games just arenít as enjoyable anymore, and many people (mistakenly) blame this on lack of creativity in the industry. This is not the case; we just notice problems that we have overlooked before. As one grows more familiar with video games as a medium, one becomes less prone to surprise and wonder. Very rarely does a game ever inspire that rarest of feelings, joy, and when it does, itís a magical experience.
Kittens also work.
One game that always has me smiling is Patapon 2. Specifically 2, because I donít have 1, and have only played the demo, although I really should buy it sometime.
I first discovered Patapon 2 in an airport, waiting for my taxi. I was downloading demos onto my PSP, and I saw the demo for Patapon 2. I decided to download it, because I vaguely recalled hearing good things about Patapon 1, something about a ďrhythm-based-RTS with no pausingĒ. After it finally downloaded, I started it up, not knowing what to expect. I was already grinning by the gameís title screen. A bunch of Patapons are all together, jumping and dancing and waving at the player, cheerful music in the background. An opening cutscene played, setting the scene, and then control finally shifted to me, the player. Something very peculiar happened then; instead of telling me to move my Patapons with the D-pad, the game showed me that my face buttons were drums, and that I needed to play various beats in order to control my army. From there led one of my most memorable experiences in gaming.
Patapon 2 is one of the sunniest, happiest games Iíve ever played. As I mentioned earlier, even the title screen had me grinning. Your Patapons are all jumping around, just waiting for you to hurry up and start playing, with catchy, upbeat music playing. When you start playing, you see that bright colors carry over to the main game as well. Backgrounds are mostly layers of color with vague details. Itís a minimalist approach, but it works.
Come on, just look at them!
The presentation is good, but part of what makes it such a happy game is by how it plays. You control your Patapons by drumming! Each button is a different drum; starting from triangle and going clockwise, theyíre chaka, pon, don, and pata. Different beats give different commands, such as advance, attack, defend, and so on. Itís fun because you end up making music as you play the game. If youíre on the beat enough times in a row, your Patapons go into fever mode, dealing more damage and getting new attacks. However, describing the gameplay doesnít really do it justice. Your Patapons chant your beat after you play it; in hero mode, they sing a song in the background. You actually feel like youíre making music, and not just hitting buttons in time, as opposed to some other rhythm games. Just... look at a video, for example.
Like this one
Patapon 2 can be grind heavy at times, but even that is whimsical. Throughout levels, you may unlock certain Patapons that go back to your base. Back at the base, these new Patapons let you play rhythm-based minigames in order to win resources. These include touching a lonely mountainís toes, helping a shy bell dance, or (my personal favorite), helping a dancing tree scratch his head.
Patapon 2 is one of my favorite games, because itís just so cheerful. Although it gets fairly dark near the end, your Patapons never stop singing and dancing, and there always seems to be hope. Patapon 2 doesnít try to make you think about morality, or the nature of good and evil; it simply wants to make you smile. And it certainly succeeds.
Hey everyone, it's your friendly neighborhood Lazerpig here. As you may or may not know (probably may not), I won a plush Sir Omnomom at the Monster Hunter Tri party. Well, was awarded. They said the winner, and then I said they mispronounced Lazerpig in the chat, and Rey liked my comment so he gave me an Omnomnom.
Right, enough backstory. Let's do this thing.
Also, I couldn't find a camera, so this are taken with my computer's camera.
Here's the package itself. Well, not the actual package, because no one cares about that, but here's the return address.
Here's the stuff I got.
Let's look at the stickers first.
There were three of them.
Let's get a closer look, shall we?
Now, onto the box.
Ooh, what could it be?
And here's the top.
Who is that good looking guy?
Alright, let's open it up now. Here's what's inside.
Still in its stasis field
And here it is without the plastic around it.
Now, only the meat of the package: the pen holder. Here it is in its stasis field.
And here it is, in all its pen holding glory.
Aww... how could anyone kill these?
Wait, why is it called a pen holder?
Oh, that's why.
Well, that's it for now, folks. This has been Lazerpig, unboxing some stuff.
So, I had a lot of fun at the sleepover, and I wasnít even there. I think I can say that my existence was validated, but Iím also fond of hyperbole.
First awesome thing that happened was when they were setting up the cameras so we could see the room. Rey set up the first camera, and asked the chat room what the shot should be called. I said it should be called the Lazerpig shot. He liked that idea. The first camera shot was called Lazerpig, and that made my night. And it had only just begun.
Later, they asked if there were any questions. I donít remember the subject, probably Monster Hunter Tri, but they didnít specify anything, so I took the opportunity; I asked who would win in a fight, Batman or Captain America. Rey read my question out loud, laughed, and they proceeded to discuss it for a bit, as did the chat room. It was generally agreed that Batman would win.
It doesn't matter what it is. Batman always wins
Also, how cool is Reyís hair? I wish I had hair like that.
Pictured: Rey's hair
On a side note, I first asked that question in my sophomore year of high school, and it was actually less on topic then it was last night. My chemistry teacher asked if there were any questions. Obviously, she meant about the upcoming test, but she didnít specify, so I decided to take the opportunity. She said she didnít know, and asked what I thought. I then explained how they were on about equal footing, but Batman would still win. The class was amused. Ah, good times, good times.
Later on, they said they were getting pizza, and asked what kind they should get. Many comments later, I said they should older pizza with smaller, mini pizzas as toppings. Captainpuppy remarked that that was amazing. Also, google confirms that these exist. I thought I was just being clever.
Now, if only those mini pizzas were topped with even smaller pizzas.
Then I recognized Alpha Deus. I doubt he knows who I am, but it was still cool seeing an account I recognized.
Then they were fighting some killer duck thing, and they asked for advice. I said to aim for the horn, and my comment was read. I was referring to that one meme, ďaim for the horn!Ē which came from an episode when Ashís pikachu beats a rhydon (which is immune to electrical attacks) by aiming at its horn.
For their third contest, I lost again (stupid laws of probability). When they announced the winner, I remarked that they mispronounced Lazerpig again. Rey found that funny, and said that I won an omnomnom pen-holder for my comment. Sure enough, I checked my email, and I had an email from Hamza saying that I won a Sir Om Nom Nom, and asking for my address. I got an e-mail from one the Destructoid staff!
I went to bed at around 4:00 am, Florida time. I wanted to stay up for all of it, but I realized that that was probably a bad idea, and my roommate was probably questioning my sanity already.
So, I had a great time. No real point Iím trying to make with this, just sharing with everyone, and, as we all know, sharing is caring. How about you guys? Were you there, in person or chatroom? Did you have a great time too?
Edit: Aw, looks like no one is going to comment. Oh well. I got two faps, which is more than any of my other posts, and one of them was by Hamza, which is awesome.
Oh, hello there D-Toid. It's me again, your good buddy Lazerpig, here to write my introductory blog post thing. This is actually my third post, after two explaining why I don't like Metroid games. I'm thinking about making that into a series; explaining why I don't like popular games in a well written, non-inflammatory fashion.
As it says in my bio, my first video game memory was playing Super Mario Brothers with some other kids who had my same baby sitter. It was fun. I ate Mexican food for the first time. I remember being pretty good, but I'm not sure how accurate this memory is, because I was 3, and I also remember thinking I was the red ghost in Pac-Man around the same age.
Right now I'm going to college in Boca Raton, Florida. Lot of botox, fake tans, and wankstas down here. I'm transferring to Champlain College in Vermont in the fall. A lot of people there go on to work in the video game industry, which is something I'd like to do. I'm looking forward to it.
Last time I measured, I was six feet, ten inches tall. I'll have to measure again one of these days, I'd really like to be an even seven feet.
I've been lurking on Destructoid a long time, ever since it was featured on Attack of the Show. Destructoid convinced me to buy Zack and Wiki: Quest for Barbaros' Treasure, which is quite possibly the best game ever made. Thanks D-Toid!
I named one of my cats Tango. After the cat in Megaman 5. That's probably one of the nerdiest things I've done.
As of right now, I've beaten somewhere around 151 games. Oddly enough, I regret nothing.
Some of my favorite games are
Fallout 1 and 2
Zack and Wiki
Super Mario Galaxy
Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Ages
Final Fantasy VI, Woolsey edition
Ratchet and Clank 2: Going Commando
Earthbound (I like it better than Mother 3, but that's probably just due to nostalgia)
The Boktai series
Both Golden Suns
The best day of my life was easily my tenth birthday, when I got my first game boy color. I had been begging my parents for a game boy for years, and I had actually given up; I didn't even bother asking this year. Imagine my surprise when I opened the box, and I got a lime green gameboy color, and Pokemon yellow edition. I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy just typing this... As it also says in my bio, the --> and A buttons have been heavily worn down from Super Mario Brothers Deluxe, and they barely register anymore, but I consider this a badge of honor.
You owe me a new game boy!
I think the GBA was the best system so far. Then maybe the DS, because it can play GBA games.
Not gaming (aka not important) stuff! I like to draw, but I'm not very good. I don't let that stop me, though. I enjoy anime, dubbed of course. Afro Samurai is awesome, and so is Jojo's Bizarre Adventure. I liked Battle Tendency best. I actually have one of the Jojo DVDs, which I'm fairly proud of.
Destructoid, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Also, here's a drawing I did in public speaking. It's an octopus eating a muffin-chip muffin.
Do all posts need to have tags? I don't know what tag to put this under.
Iíll start with Fusion, because this one was sort of hit-or-miss for most Metroid fans. It wasnít the linearity that bothered me; I never did any of that sequence-breaking that makes the Metroid games so popular. Hell, I kind of liked it. The premise was good, Metroid meets Starcraft (although the idea of an alien species turning things into monsters is older, I always associate it with the Zerg). The story was interesting, and the levels were pretty fun; it's like they got a list of all the things I didn't like about other Metroids, and fixed... some of them.
No, my two main problems were this bitch
Stupid unbalanced Copy Samus
and this dick.
Yakuza. GOD I FUCKING HATE THIS GUY!
The parts with SA-X Samus were really just unfair; itís like the developers just boosted SA-X Samusís damage ratio to ludicrous amounts and called it a day, instead of actually trying to make things a legitimate challenge. The part where sheís chasing after you, and you have to escape (I think itís before Yakuza, but itís been a while since Iíve played), for example. I get that itís supposed to convey how strong Copy Samus is, but it just gets tiring after she keeps killing you over and over again. The boss fight was also bad; she still does a lot of damage, and youíre reduced to scurrying around, trying not to lose an entire tank of your health from one of her shots. Samus is supposed to be the deadliest force in the galaxy, a one woman army. The boss fight should have been epic; Samus coming face to face with her mutated, evil counterpart. Law versus chaos; technology versus the organic. The ultimate showdown between Samus and the abomination of the SA-X parasite, with the fate of the galaxy hanging in the balance. And yet, there I was, scuttling around like a cockroach.
And the Omega Metroid. That was yet another tease. Even after the sub-par boss fight against Copy Samus, you still think there's hope for a great final boss. I mean, just look at his sprite! It's so cool! Yet... look at this video.
The first thing you may notice is the setup. Samus is sprinting back to her ship, heavily wounded after her battle with her copy, when she is suddenly ambushed by an omega metroid, the second most powerful type of metroid there is. Defeat looks inevitable, yet Samus rushes in bravely to try to destroy this monstrosity, only to be knocked back with ease by one swing of the creature's claws. Suddenly, help appears, in the unexpected form of Copy Samus. In an homage to Super Metroid, it heavily wounds the omega metroid, yet is quickly dispatched. It gives the rest of its life energy to Samus, knowing that only she would be able to destroy the most powerful form of its hated enemy, the metroid.
The second thing you notice that he only has one attack. That's right, this towering biological monstrosity has one attack, and is quite possibly the easiest boss in the game. Metroid Fusion ends, not with a bang, but a whimper.
And then there's Yakuza; making bosses this annoying should be a capital offense. Heís got that one attack where he grabs you and smashes you repeatedly against the ground, and then the goes up about one Samus-height (note to self: make Samus-height an official measurement), and then comes down again and picks you up before you have a chance to recover and smashes you again. Thatís not that bad in and of itself; even if itís an unfair boss, itís still tolerable if you can immediately try again after he inevitably wipes the floor with you. But no, you had to go through a long, tedious bit of getting to him again, which took about five minutes. This doesnít sound so bad, but you have to make that trek every time you die. And I died a lot.
Now, onto Metroid Prime. Prime started out good, damn good. The ambience was great; it was really creepy, the music was good, and finding out the story by scanning everything was pretty cool. The bosses were also awesome. Like that giant flower thing that was mutated by phazon; you know the one. It was awesome.
Yeah, this guy.
Or the rock golem guy.
He was fun too. But there were several problems, the first of which was the space pirates. They were actually really cool enemies, all insectoid and reptilian and whatnotÖ awesome. Really fit the whole creepy mood the game gave off. But, whenever the space pirates popped up, the game became downright painful to play. The lights shut off, and playing in total darkness was just annoying; whatís the point of making such a huge, expansive environment if no one is going to see it? You were supposed to use the infrared or x-ray visor, but that was just really awkward and ugly. Also, the music, which normally was rather enjoyable, suddenly became painful; itís like the game composer was playing a cruel joke on all us.
Another big problem was the controls. Hereís how I fought most bosses: Hit left on the d-pad to bring up the scanner visor, hold down R, move the crosshair towards the enemy, oh crap itís attacking, hold down L, release R, dodge, hold down R, release L, move the crosshair again, hold down L, now itís locked on, release R, dodge while itís scanning, read the entry, repeat, only for attacking this time. Itís been a while, maybe I got some of the buttons wrong, but thatís pretty much how it went. Not to mention the doors that only opened whenever you killed all the enemies. Enemies, I might add, which respawned. For example, the room with the big tree and all the poison around it, had three chozo ghosts in it. So, every time I got lost, which was a lot in an exploration based game, I had to go through that room. And I had to fight those ghosts again. And again. And again. And those ghosts were annoying as hell. I actually got the lava beam, but then it said that I had to go find the nine artifacts to open a door, and I just couldnít face that prospect. I'm aware that this means I miss out on some of the best bosses, Meta-Ridley and Metroid Prime, but... I dunno.
Oddly enough, writing this entry makes me want to play those games again. Maybe one day I'll finally finish Metroid Prime. Maybe, one day, I'll be able to enjoy these games.
Author's not: Sorry about posting this again, but I worked hard on this, and I wanted it to show up on the recent blogs.
So, Iím starting my blog with a shocker; I donít like Metroid games. This probably isnít surprising to many of you, but only because you read the title. So that doesnít really count. But, you know, thatís sort of understandable; no genre is liked by everyone. What is odd is that I actually like Metroidvanias, justÖ not the Metroid ones. Iíve played Metroid Prime and Metroid II, and Iíve beaten Fusion, Zero Mission, and Super Metroid, so I think Iíve played enough to get the general feel of the series. Iím still not entirely sure why I like Metroidvanias (Iím specifically referring to the post Symphony of the Night Castlevanias, but the genreís pretty good too), but not Metroids, but I have some ideas.
The bosses in both series are great, though. That won't be coming up.
For starters, there arenít many enemies. I know this is part of the Metroid formula; part of it is about how alone youíre supposed to feel, so there arenít many enemies. Another part is about how itís supposed to feel like youíre exploring an alien environment, so the enemies arenít actively attacking you; theyíre more like animals, fitting into their natural environment until you disturb them. The problem is, I donít enjoy that. If I wanted to feel alone, in an alien environment with only alien fauna who couldnít care less about my presence for company, I would go down to the basement and be in the general proximity of my cats.
Heh. Because cats are jerks.
Except for this one. He's awesome.
Anyway, killing enemies is fun. Perhaps Iím comparing apple to oranges, because Castlevania has a different formula; youíre supposed to be storming the enemy castle, killing everything in sight, sending Draculaís minions back to the deepest depths of hell, and Metroidís formula is different, as Iíve already stated. ButÖ well, I like Castlevaniaís formula.
So, onto the next problem. The exploration, the bread-and-butter of Metroid games, isnít very fun. In Castlevanias, the background changes, as do the enemies. You know when youíre in the catacombs, in the clock tower, in some other, third area; each place has a certain feel to it. ThatísÖ kind of there in Metroid, but itís not very strong. In my opinion, anyway. Castlevania has widely varying areas; youíre exploring an entire castle, whether youíre going through the deepest depths of its dungeon, or climbing to the tops of spires, or going through that goddamn clock tower. Well, no game is perfect. Each area also has its own enemies, too. With the exception of the omni-present bats, no enemy particularly fits its area, but thatís okay; theyíre all incredibly different, and sometimes the enemy choices are just as integral to an area as the level design itself. When you see medusa heads, you know youíre in the clock tower; when you see killer fish and sea monsters, you know youíre in theÖ waterÖarea. Okay, that comparison didnít work out so well, but I stand by my previous statement.
Actually, now that I think about it, the downed spaceship in Super Metroid was kind of cool. But not much else was. With the exception of the fallen spaceship, and a few isolated incidences (that one desert-ish area right before Mother Brain) nothing really stood out. Youíve got a blue background, a red background, that weird bubbly background, and some others I canít remember. Enemy variety can help this, but thatís not what Metroid is about.
This environment is greenish-blue, and I'm trying to do that thing where people have commentary on their pictures
Thereís another problem, though, that Iím not really sure how to explain. Exploring in Castlevania just seems moreÖ natural, somehow. Itís usually at least somewhat clear where youíre supposed to go, even if it can be murky at times. Metroid is less so. Thereís quite a lot of wandering around wondering what the hell youíre supposed to do, and less kicking ass and taking names. The teleporters in Castlevania also make things more enjoyable; the castle is huge, so it helps to have a faster way to traverse it. Even if youíre backtracking all over the place, itís faster than it could be. The backtracking in Metroid, which is quite frequent, takes a really long time. And, as Iíve mentioned, I get lost a lot in these games, so I end up backtracking over the entire map, which is quite an ordeal.
So, thatís why I donít like Metroid in general. These rules mostly just apply to Zero Mission and Super Metroid, but Super Metroid is considered the best Metroid, and one of the best games ever, so I figure itís a good comparison. I have a list of reasons why I donít like the others, but as Iím writing this in Microsoft Word, it bumped up the length to five and a half pages, and itís still not quite done, so I decided to cover that in later posts.
Questions, comments, advice? Also, whoo! First post!
And would you guys classify this as commentary or rant? I'm kind of new at this.