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LawofThermalDynamics avatar 1:08 PM on 08.08.2011  (server time)
Jokes On You! I Don't Even Play Video Games...Wait.

I was sitting around my desk today figuring out different ways to kill time when I realized that I’ve actually played a lot of videogames since the last time I spoke to you people. Now I don’t mean you people as in that you guys are different from me, I just mean it in that you guys scare me half to death with all your…productive energy.

Off we go to the fantabulous world of fake words and fungineering!

Shadows of the Damned

I traded in LA Noire for this. Best decision I made this year. This game had everything I wanted in a game, tight pacing, great action, humor, voice acting, and music. Dick jokes? Done in a clever way, or as clever a way you can get away with saying a dick joke. Honestly, I’m going to have to say the same thing as I do with all Suda 51 games and it’s that if you enjoy a good grindhouse movie, Tarantino, From Dusk Till Dawn, you’ll surely enjoy this game; and while the entire game has that grungy aesthetic, the last boss is as operatically beautiful as they come.

LA Noire

Oh LA Noire why? I wanted to love you so much yet you weren’t original, you weren’t even LA Confidential….you broke my heart.

I’ve already written, talked, and ranted about my problems with LA Noire so all I can give you is an abridged version. Nothing you do matters, the game treats you like you’re stupid and punishes you for having your own thoughts, and Cole Phelps is an asshole and yet you’re forced to feel bad for his jerk ass.



I was so happy when I saw the cover of Catherine for the 360. Between you and me I’m more of a butt guy anyways. Personal preferences aside I really did enjoy Catherine. The game is any puzzlers wet dream of great story and great puzzles. I thought to myself jeez, I wish there were an endless mode or something and there was. I still play it if I want a little Tetris fix.

The story is actually done really well and not sexually driven as the misleading advertisement suggests. In fact, I’m pretty sure the M rating came from the swearing and alcohol rather than anything sexual in nature. The choices are delivered in some interesting ways and the morality meter doesn’t even judge morality as it does something much more interesting. The Best Katherine ending is also probably one of the greatest things of all time and all the supporting characters are outstanding. Orlando and Erica especially…I’m getting giddy just thinking about it. Oh yeah, no shame in switching over to easy mode (or very easy mode in my case…shut up).

Batman: Arkham Asylum

You want to be Batman? Either play this game or wait for the sequel. This is by far the second best superhero game I’ve ever played. The first? Spiderman 2. Aw yeah nostalgia goggles have blinded me.


Best. Bullet time. Action. Ever.

You play as super soldier Sam Gideon with the ability to race across cyber fields leaving behind him a field of destruction. The only thing in his veins are awesome and nicotine and when he’s not leaving women swooning in the dust he’s defeating evil Russian robots.

Or at least that’s what I’m imagining in my head.

In reality it does all those things minus the story elements so the game plays amazingly but the story and characters are boring as hell.

I still love it though.

Insanely Twisted Shadow Planet

You know, the entire game was interesting…Yeah, I had fun and was blown away at times…All that I can’t remember though because I’m stuck on the last boss…And he just won’t die….

:’ (

Halo 3: ODST

My favorite Halo Campaign. The Halo game for people who don't like modern FPS's.

The philosophy of the Halo games is that you’re a super soldier that does nothing but win wars and kick ass. It’s about Rock n’ Roll and alien destruction and some sort of story which I enjoy but can never remember in detail.

Okay now forget about everything I just said for this.

ODST is slower, more atmospheric…Jazzy.

It’s about vulnerability, fear, isolation. It’s a noir detective story and a Halo game. It’s all about the feel and the feeling is that something is off center. It's you against the world and sadly the world is much, much stronger than you.

I love it.

Well, there’s that.

I always wondered what it meant when someone says “I liked it, but it just wasn’t deep enough.”

I mean yeah, there’s such a thing as trying to grasp too much meaning from something, but wouldn’t it depend on the person if they had any weird philosophical revelation from something?
Another argument in subjectivity I guess.

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