Given the blogs I've seen from some people discussing a myriad of issues, I feel comfortable saying this here, I just need to put it into words, I've kept it in for to long.

A few weeks ago a user asked me if I was depressed, if something was wrong due to my usual abrasiveness, I admit, I can be a bit harsh at times but that's just how I am, my folks raised me to be as brutally honest as possible, its gotten in my trouble and more than my fair share of smacks but I still do it, I'd be lying to myself if I didn't live my life like that.

But I can answer you now stranger, yes there is something wrong with me.



This is Tiger, I saw him being born, I had him since he was a baby kitten.



A few months ago, I noticed something odd with him, he was just acting strange, upon the vet visit we discovered he crystals in his bladder, they cleaned him out as it where and I thought that was that, he looked fine, about a month later everything sort off snowballed, apparently during the time I took him to the vet he was in so much pain that he bit the crap out of genital region, that led to other complications, suffice to say he was peeing in dribbles and developed an infection, he needed surgical intervention which he got but the damage was done.

He became quite lethargic and skinny, for a big heavy 12 pound cat like he was, that was quite the eye opener for me, after a lot of tries with different procedures he reached a point here where he couldn't pee again.

He was skinny as a rail, his fur was matted and coarse, if he popped it was black indicating severe dehydration, the solution to his woes was an extremely painful and invasive operation, in his condition, he had a low chance of surviving, I couldn't put him through that, he was in pain already, I just couldn't drop more pain on the little guy.

So I made the choice, I put him to sleep and I know I did the right choice but I've been violently depressing because of it, I sit here typing these words out, utterly sobbing for this animal that died in May and I just don't know what to do.

I've lost animals before but they where old or very sick, I could prepare myself mentally, this? It came out of nowhere, one day he was there, the next he was gone, I can still see him everywhere, in his favorite sleeping spots all over the house, his favorite food, everything, I half expect him to pop up on my window like he did every single night.

But he's gone and I accept that, but I'm finding it so hard to move on, I've been violently depressed about this for months, I haven't done anything, I don't leave the house much, I haven't been to a theater, I haven't traveled with my folks, I don't even play games that much which is one of my biggest passions, I just sit here, I'm fine most days but deep down I know I'm not right, this bothers me.

I just didn't want to lose him, not this soon anyway, he was just 6, that's barely middle age for a cat and so sudden, I would give so much to just to see him again, just one more day, even if I had to cut my life in half I would.

Maybe some people might find it silly but he meant the world to me and his loss is just ripping me to pieces.

I know its no excuse for some of my behavior here but its just some insight into my mind, into what's been happening with me.

This blog isn't just to mention that yes I have been a bit crazy these last few months, its also to just put this out there, I've spoken of his loss with friends and family but I've kept so much inside, this blog is to get some of that Babbage out there, in a public setting to people I know.

I feel like shit and I'm just looking to move on, hopefully I can actually start the healing now.

Thank you for reading and god bless, if you have a pet give it a big hug.

http://kotaku.com/5975193/watch-video-games-get-beaten-in-record-time-for-a-good-cause

Namely cover something gaming related which I feel is important.



On January 6th the yearly awesome games done quick marathon began, this is a yearly marathon done in benefit of the prevent cancer foundation, http://preventcancer.org/, go here if you'd like to learn more. Its for a good place, a good cause, cancer has colored my life in many ways and I've lost many family members to it, including a 7 year old nephew.

The thon was been amazing, games from old to new just dismanlted in moments, watching a man go through 2 circuits in Punch-Out while blind-folded was just amazing, the same player then proceeded to finish Ninja Gaiden 1, pacifist style, what does that mean? He beat the entire game without killing a single enemy, think about that for a sec, one of the hardest games on the NES and he beat it in a way that was never intended.

People could donate for many incentives such as filenames, get certain bonus games into the stream as Octodad(go look it up, its real) among other more commonly known titles, they even had an entire block dedicated to awful games, ranging from Sonic 2006 which is a must see to see how broken it is to Blaster Master 2 which inspired great rage.

Now, I sent the story to Chris, I assume he asked you folks about in the fortress of solitude, so what gives D-toid? The marathon has raised 274,000 dollars, Cosmo and Siglemic have yet to do their runs so 400k is in sight, the marathon is being viewed by almost 20k to 30k people at any given time, its quite large.

For all the fake bravado you guys raise sometimes, especially during the feminsm crap, you folks don't seem to cover something truly important, something that really shows the kind of thing gamers can do when they unite for a good cause, not just this, these same people have done numerous marathons for disaster relief like during the Japan quake or Hurricane Sandy.

I can look at several new bits from the 6th till now that could have easily been ignored or pushed back, I'm not asking for a huge thing, just a tiny blurb is enough, make people aware this exists, even if you don't want to donate, you can at least be quite entertained by these amazing people.

In closing this next image will express my feelings toward destructoid at this moment



Thank you and goodnight.

Every year the speedrunners at SDA do a marathon for the cancer research foundation and that time is upon us once again.

Please donate if you can, there will be tons of great runs there.

Here's the schedule.

http://marathon.speeddemosarchive.com/schedule

And here is the stream link:

http://www.twitch.tv/speeddemosarchivesda

Now go watch and enjoy.

As I sit here with far to much time on my hands, as well as observing an argument between MGS fans and MGR fans, I realize these 2 forms of media have so much in common, crazy is crazy no matter how you paint it, and MGS is crazy, the thing is that it wants you to take it seriously, which is what the naked gun movies do, I'll cite some examples.



In the first movie Frank is investigating what happened to Nordberg, he arrives at a dock and promptly knocks a fisherman into the water, nobody bats an eye at this, this is completely normal within this world, later on in the scene he talks to a dock worker and bribes him, then the dock worker attempts to bribe Frank, with his own money I might add, this goes back and forth for awhile before Frank winds up with his own money back.

We the audience laugh at this, but within the context of the world, this is normal.



We shift to Metal Gear, Metal Gear 2, the actual Metal Gear 2, not Snake's revenge, Snake is traipsing about a sewer and he gets a call, warning him of hamsters, POISON HAMSTERS, apparently crossbred rats and hamsters, the different here is that there's no laughter, nope, this is normal, its not even delivered tongue in cheek, its delivered entirely with a straight face, much like the naked gun movies do, someone is having a conversation with Snake about poisonous hamsters.



We shift to the naked gun once more, in probably one of the funniest scenes in the 2nd movie, Frank is arguing with Jane, it becomes heated and she attempts to slap him, but Frank grabs her hand, she tries her other hand but Frank grabs that as well, suddenly a 3rd hand pops out of nowhere and slaps him anyway, the audience laughs, Frank is clearly puzzled as to where the 3rd hand came from, but Jane is completely normal, its delivered pure straight man comedy.



Over to MGS once again, Big Boss has just finished an encounter with Ocelot and a trip down a crevasse and a cave, he now stands face to face with an elite cobra unit member, but this is not ordinary person, this man is a living beehive, he can fly on his bees, he can lift an adult man with them, he can craft armor made of bees around himself, he can turn them into a gun or a grenade, we the player find this absurd.

One of our first actions is to use our codec, and all the information given to us is told in a purely matter of fact way, at no point does Zero, Paramedic or anyone comment on how a man is using bees against, I mean yea they explain his origin, but anyone stung enough times by bees will die, but that's not the point, the point is how insane this all is but, but its normal within this world.



Over to Naked Gun again, in the 3rd movie, near the end 2 plot points are established, one that a bomb is in the envelopes for the winners and two, that a really bad movie is nominated for an oscar, through insanity, Frank finds the bomb and announces it as so, the people who made the horrible made immediately stand up and cheer for their movie has won.

Frank never mentioned any movie title, he merely said its the bomb, and producers and actors take it as their victory, again the audience laughs at the absurdity of it but normal within this world.



You maybe thinking, what is the point of this blog? Its simple, if you're arguing about MGR not being a true MGS game you aren't idiot, if you are comparing it to Devil May Cry you are even bigger idiot.

Like I said before, crazy is crazy no matter how put it, its the good writers that can deliver it in such a way where it makes sense, within the Devil May Cry world nothing is crazy, its a world full of gods and demons, a guy taking a sword through the chest and being fine is nothing, a woman defeating monsters without exposing herself while wearing an outfit that wouldn't even cover a cat, all normal and we accept it as so because of everything surrounding it.

Metal Gear has done crazy since DMC even existed, it was just quiet about it, a spin-off is not going to ruin the franchise in anyway, shape or form, this ain't directed at anyone in particular by the way, just saying.

So come along, let us enjoy our game, let us simply disconnect and love the absurdity of it all while at the same time playing what is sure to be one of the best action games of the year.

Obviously NVGR. But we do have a wrestling podcast and I've seen Mr. D-toid at raw a few times.



Last night during a match the king suffered a heart attack on the air, a few times you can see him slumped over the desk, medics where on him pretty much instantly but he was apparently clinically dead for a time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-usCDR3tiE

At around the 6:50, 7 minute mark you can hear him making the sounds, the camera makes a good job of not focusing on it but you do get a glimpse of him slumped over his desk, major props to Michael Cole who kept commentating to keep the attention way from what was happening, though you could tell something was wrong in his voice.

From some reports it sounds like Jerry had a balloon angioplasty. This is the "non invasive" method of treating a heart attack victim where they go in through the femoral artery (in your groin/leg) and travel up the heart to the blockage using dye and fluoroscopy (live X-ray) to the blockage. They then move into the constriction and inflate a balloon to open it up and push the blockage against the walls. After opening it in this manner, they usually will put a stent in at this site to maintain the opening. Generally this goes well and prognosis is optimistic.

Course it depends on how much time he was out, if his brain was deprived of oxygen, either way his time in the ring is probably over and who knows if we'll ever see him alongside Cole again.

A lot of people don't know this but Jerry is actually a damn good artist, here's a piece one of his fans commissioned.



I'm not really looking for any arguments or anything, I liked Jerry, he's been a staple of Raw for as long as I've been watching not to mention his contribution to the sport in general plus the whole trend of wrestlers and movie stars with the Andy Kaufman thing, I truly hope he pulls through.

A few hours ago, there was an interview in the front page with Anita of feminist frequency, the comment section sort off exploded.

I'm not here to talk about that, I'm just gonna talk about games and broach on a few subjects.



What is a gamer exactly? A person that plays games, be in on your phone, those old tiger electronics, a gameboy, it doesn't matter, you play games and you're a gamer, so why need to draw lines in the sand between us?

I've always been fascinated at how gamers will distance themselves from each other, how quickly the collective hivemind of gamers will separate themselves based on what we like.

"Oh he likes military shooters, BUT ITS NOT THE I LIKE, I MUST HATE HIM"
"Oh he enjoys old consoles, BUT HE DOESN'T LIKE THE GENESIS, MUST HATE"
"Oh he likes rpg's, BUT HE LIKES JAPANESE ONES, HATE, HATE, HATE"

Why? Why is this necessary? Why can't we simply come to an understanding in the hobby we all love and enjoy.

It doesn't end there, look at these situations with this Anita and woman or the Felicia Day fiasco. In both situations anyone who disagrees is shouted down, has anyone even sat down and watched all of Anita's videos? Her arguments are based on strawmen and opinions regarding this in her comment sections are outright deleted or voted down, the thing with Day was also another explosion, if you agreed with Ryan you where apparently a sexist pig and other such nonsense, in the end it was Ryan's opinion but really, was has Felicia done for the gaming community?

Nothing, if anything she's hurt it by perpetuating the geek stereotype in her show, she's gotten voice acting jobs over much more talented people, she even landed a role on Eureka where you can see just how bad an actress she really is.

I'm not attacking Felicia the person, I am merely questioning her contributions to gaming as a whole, and I question them because all the apologies after the Ryan thing read like something you would say to to a huge game developer or someone that contributed something to gaming that left a huge mark like say Wolfestein and the FPS foundation it created.



These 2 issues show us just narrow these points of view are, why are just focusing on this when we could take a chance and look at so much more.

Men in videogames are always something so unreal, one of the biggest complaints in this modern era is all the meatheads that are the protagonists, or the pretty boys found in some RPG's, look at Nathan Drake, the man goes on insane grand adventures and looks he just got out of doing his hair before a photoshoot, the man is gorgeous, hell look at Gordon Freeman, a nuclear physicist.



See this bearded old dude? That's Stanton Friedman, that is what a nuclear physicist looks like, not a gorgeous man like Freeman, of course no gamer is going to play as a bearded old dude, that's just how we are, we project onto these characters, videogames are purely about escapism after all.

But why stop at all these simplistic tropes, what about ethnic representation in games?

We have so few african american characters that don't act like huge stereotypes, we have so few black main characters, period, the biggest one I can think off right is Carl fom San Andreas and even he fell under the stereotype bus cause it was all about the hood and other black culture cliches.

A black man is a person just you and me, only the color of our skin separates us, so why do games have such a trouble showing this, why must the black person be the loudest in the group? Or even the thief sometimes.

What about latinos? I'm a latina and I laugh my ass off at the representation of my culture in videogames, according to Capcom we're all axe wielding maniacs, according to Rockstar we're all thugs who speak in broken Portuguese or english, other games have us talking half spanish, half english, or cursing in spanish.

My point is this, the issue of misandry in games or feminist tropes is to small, we need to look at the bigger picture, we need talk about ALL the issues we see games in everyday, not just one small subset of it, I play games, I am gamer and quite frankly none of these issues bother me, but if they bother you then say something, speak up, if you want things to change we need to sit down and talk about all of this, not just the small sub-issues. Not only that, we need to stop sorting ourselves into camps simply because of what we choose to enjoy.

Maybe I can't hope to understand why CoD is so popular, but you know what? I can respect it, and I can respect YOU, the person who enjoys it.

I don't expect to change anyone's mind but I hope you at least respect that guy on your friends list who plays Atelier Meru, right alongside that guy that plays MW3 all day.