This was an essay we had to in English class, "What work of art influenced you and how?" and I chose Shadow of the Colossus. It's just a rough draft, but in the end the ideas will be the same, just different formatting (probably). I figured what the hell, I'll throw it up here. Also, spoilers.



The stone creature ambles around the open plains, passive to every thing around it. It is larger than any creature before it, save maybe a blue whale. Grass covers its sides and back, and rocks jut out as well. Footholds and places to grip. It is magnificent, majestic even, except for the stone mask covering its face. All that is visible are two beady ocean blue eyes. It makes the creature less alive, a smart decision. If you could see the anguish in its face as you stabbed your sword deep into the back of its head, would you be willing to kill it?

This is the first colossus you encounter in the video game, Shadow of the Colossus, a game many deem the first video game that really made the argument “video games are a medium of art” valid. The sprawling plains, ruins you climb through, and forests you traverse are all beautiful, but the main thing that makes the game one of the most influential games of all time, and a piece of creative art that influenced me more than any other work are the colossi, and the reasoning behind killing them.

The only story in the game is at the beginning and the end. The beginning starts out with your character, Wander, crossing the land on the back of your companion horse, and a girl slumped over sitting behind you. The girl's relation to Wander is never explained; she may be his sister, the love of his life, or perhaps just a girl he met while on his travels. He is going to a temple and seeking the help of a demon named Dormin, with the hope to bring the girl back to life. Dormin agrees to bring her back to life, but only if Wander will kill sixteen different colossi wandering the land.

And so I went, without any questioning, off to kill my first colossus. And that leads me to the opening paragraph. There I was, seeing this beautiful colossus, not even attacking me. However, I had no suspicion, I assumed it just didn't see me. Killing it wasn't that difficult, and once that was complete, I was teleported back to the temple, and was sent off to kill the second colossus.

There are no small enemies in the game. It really consists of sixteen boss fights, and the journey to each one. That's it. And all you have to fight them with are your sword, your bow, and your horse.

After the first few colossi, I started to question what I was doing. One colossus attacked me on sight, the rest remained passive. Why were I killing these colossi? They weren't harming me. I wasn't the prey, them the predator. Instead, the roles were reversed. I was killing these beasts for my own selfish gain, and they had done nothing to deserve it.

This moral ambiguity, the questioning I felt as I killed each colossus is what really intrigued me about the game. What was the right thing to do, and what was the wrong thing? I didn't know. Of course I couldn't progress without killing the colossi, but I felt remorse after each kill. I didn't know which was the morally right thing to do. For all I knew, these colossi had it coming to them, but for some reason I couldn't believe that. This is the first time the game pushed me toward a specific ideal of Nihilism: moral Nihilism.

Maybe killing each colossus wasn't good, or evil. It was just a means to an end. Maybe what I was doing was just, or unjust. It just was. I mean, I was doing it for a noble cause, bringing someone back to life, right?

And so I kept going, killing each colossus, going back to the temple, rinse, repeat. The game wasn't getting dull by any means, each fight was different and entertaining, but I still had that nagging thought in the back of my head.

Once the end of the game came, and the sixteenth colossus was dead, I went back to the temple for a final time. Dormin kept his promise, and brought the girl back to life. I, Wander, however, became possessed by Dormin. The purpose of the colossi was to protect the land from Dormin, keep him from coming back to the world. I was his pawn, used by him because of my selfish intentions. I didn't know who was to blame, me or him. But that is beside the point. Along with the girl coming back to life, a baby with horns was born. That baby was Wander's legacy, his mark on the world.

I wasn't there to enjoy it though. Wander was dead. Well, not dead, but possessed and unable to control himself. What was the point then. I wanted to see what happened next to the girl and the horned baby.

This leads to another ideal of Nihilism: that there is no point in living. I went on an epic quest, wanting to bring back this girl, but in the end, I succeeded in the mission, but I was dead. I couldn't enjoy the fruits of my labor. Which made me wonder. Why do we toil all day, work our asses off in order to build a fortune, and in the end regret our decisions? Why don't we enjoy life, live it to the fullest each day, because in the end, it doesn't matter. Once you're dead you can't appreciate all you did in life.

Although the ideals of Nihilism I bent and twisted a little to fit my own needs, the end result that I have changed me. I now think in a more objective way, and instead of working towards building an empire, I do what makes me happy.

It's the little things in life that matter most in the end.