I'm a college graduate who focused almost all of his time on his studies and now wants to take a break from that life and see what he can do in the real world by making something of himself.
What does that mean? Well it means that more schooling is in my future but for now I want to get out all the game related thoughts I suppressed for 4 and a half years during my studies. That's what this blog is all about.
Do I have higher aspirations for being on Dtoid? ABSOLUTELY! I hope to be a paid writer someday (anywhere really but to be paid on Dtoid would be a dream come true). That's a nice little fantasy. But it's not about the work, it's about forcing myself to keep on writing.
I currently write the following features:
Keep in mind, this blog used to be titled: Redemption.
For those of you who already read my cblog series: FLICKER EFFECT, you will find irony in the lack of activity in the month of September. For those of you who haven't read FE 1 or 2 let me put it bluntly:
I didn't fulfill a promise which this particular series was meant to do: keep me blogging. You see, if I kept making excuses in text, then I'm technically blogging and doing something constructive, whereas if I was just making excuses in my mind or wrote in some journal like Doug then I would just be excusing myself from making posts thereby cutting you readers, out. Feedback is what a cblog is all about. It's what my writing needs. After all, nothing get's better without criticism. Some of it can be harsh, sure, but with even one criticism, one can only improve.
I wanted to give you an overview of my self-observation of what "obstacles" kept me blogcrastinating*.
1. Depression It happens. Generally I'm a happy person, but everyone has those periods in their life where they live a cycle of disappointment and frustration. It could be about school, a job, women, medical, family issues, or something else altogether. For me it has been a prospective Job hunt that has lead me down dead ends left and right. The depression only momentarily ended after finding an affordable place thus finally leaving the motel I had been in for the months of July and August. The depression soon sank in when ends weren't meeting due to work hours being cut thus sucking away any motivation I usually would have for blogging.
2. Social Networking When I actually managed to build up the energy for using the computer I went to facebook to see how old college buddies were up to and catch up. Many of my relatives use facebook which is also a reason why I find myself in there time after time again. I do have a twitter account (@Kwamouflage) which I use for promotional purposes but twitter is such an exposed atmosphere that I rarely use it.
3. Job Hunt Every morning I wake up around 7 am and hunt for jobs on the web. This usually lasts until 10 when I inevitably go out to harass some employer whose website I visited just the day before to ask about the prospective job opening and to give a resume to a hiring manager or human resources department. The month of September had been full of interviews for me. So full that the amount of "no's" received in a row were so damaging to my zeal for hunting that I ceased to do anything else but dwell on my failings. These were very dark days where I did not much of anything, including eating (I lost a couple of pounds as a result).
4. Sharing situation. Currently I share one web computer in a lobby with many people, as a result my computer time is extremely limited even though I write a lengthy post once in a while. This is because I have a personal computer that isn't connected to the internet. Most of what I do is save whatever I'm writing about via usb and then transfer it on my own personal unhooked computer, write the blog and then come back with all the information for uploading. Much more convoluted than what you thought right? To this date I have never actually used the given processor. I sometimes post half-done articles for hiding that might be good for future "one-shot" articles when I have nothing new to say. Anyways, not to digress to much further I'd like to add that the "Sharing Situation", "Social Networking", and "Entertainment" are pretty much a tug-of-war for my web-time.
5. Entertainment To combat depression I decided to indulge in television programs on Hulu, mainly comedy and anime but also YouTube videos along the lines of documentaries. Ironically, a television series on YouTube that has saved me time and time again from falling further into the jaws of depression has been none other than G4TechTv's Icons (later known as G4's Game Makers) which cover major genres of gaming or notable creators. Thoughts of nostalgia washes away thoughts of today therefore becoming very therapeutic. Somehow I managed to save myself this time around through this distraction thus becoming another salvation.
Can I repeat this cycle? Most certainly. Will I allow it? No. I will continue to fight because to let it happen to you is to allow yourself to lose in life. Happy thoughts come from trying to fill yourself with them. A thought that I keep in mind when on the edge: If perseverance is lead, then happy thoughts are uranium. I will push forward in life and of course write while consuming nerd content because that is the life I sought out for myself.
Just have to take it one day at a time.
Well there you have it, a very apologetic but also pathetically honest Flicker Effect. I hope you enjoyed it and hope you stay loyal readers in the future!
Until next time Dtoiders, C you later. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Blogcrastination is a term I developed back in Flicker Effect 1 and 2. In short it means "procrastinating your blog updates."
In my first Blog series: FLICKER EFFECT I teased that I was working on a few blog projects. One of which happened to really be an itch that I needed scratching: art hunts. You know that one artist that you love, who draws every dream character you could think of? The one and only artist who gives you the hardest nerdrection you could muster?
Well we won’t be talking about him. Instead… what I do have is an arrangement of goodness I snooped across the web. Here’s what I managed to rummage up:
=> Castlevania As an old fan of the franchise I have been guilty of buying or at least renting every installment released by Konami including the infamous 3D adventures such as: Castlevania 64, Legacy of Darkness, Curse of Darkness, and of course Lament of Innocence. In the past I have actually been much more reluctant to admit it openly but the (somewhat recent) cblog: "I love what you hate" by Renegade Panda inspired me to not give a shit and admit my guilty pleasures to the world. Now admittedly I would be wrong to say that the later installments of the Castlevania franchise has been well received or interesting in the past and it'd be stupid to say that it couldn't be improved or at least reinvented with new looks or a spin off with a different theme to it. This very mythical Feudal Japan look evokes a Tim Burton-esque emotion while still managing to look like an Inuyasha remake directed by Go Nagai. Longing for a game like this since Muramasa the Demon Blade I find myself wondering what Konami is doing to reinvent the franchise. But then I rewatch the Jimquisition and realize that Konami needs new blood, not ONE MIRRION TROOPS.
=> Mario Kart Pretty interesting. The concept of being pulled by a toad or koopa turtle on a Pulled Rickshaw grabs my attention a lot. It again evokes a more Oriental feel and the thought of riders fighting each other by throwing random objects that are volatile in disguise tickles me to no end. Nintendo needs to do this, ESPECIALLY after the snore that was Mario Kart 7.
=> Megaman Megaman fans such as once famed GameNOW Associate Editor (now Nintendo Power writer & Co-host of the Player One Podcast) Phil Theobald and Screwattack.com LLC founder Craig Skistimas may find NOTHING at all wrong with the look of the original Megaman series, but because Megaman is famed for having multiple spin off franchises a change such as this wouldn't be unwelcomed at all. Megaman (now probably named Rockman or perhaps Earth Man) could be much like Wonder Woman: created from clay, the perfect warrior to battle the evil god/devil/sorcerer Wily (perhaps now Wai Ryu) and his army of equally formidable clay warriors. The premise is juuuuuuust far enough that I can find myself enthralled in the series once more while the gameplay not changing too much from the original.
=> Metroid Black haired Samus needs to go. So does the green mask, she looks like she's wearing a badly drawn Hal Jordan mask. The rest is amazing. The Metroids look more menacing than ever. They could be a brand new spawn of demons spawned from Hell to colonize Feudal Japan once and for all. Japan's mightiest warriors have fallen and only one woman can save them now does she so dare to dawn the armor of Zeroku, sacrificing her right arm in the process. See? That sounds like an entirely different game. By the way, I much prefer the second image looks much better than her first.
=> Kirby I... I'm sold. I don't know what it is about this picture that sells me more though. Is it the fact that King DeDeDe doesn't look like a fat piece of crap or the obviously TERRIFYING KIRBY about to devour his fallen prey? Maybe it's just the katana. I'm a sucker for those.
=> Pokemon Ugh... if the graphics of the pokemon game looked like this I would never complain about new installments of the series. Ever. Just look at those men. It's so obvious, clear as day in fact, that Pokemon is a GAMBLER'S GAME! WHY bother "training" your pokemon day in and day out and HOW IN THE HECK DO YOU EXPLAIN GETTING MONEY FROM YOUR VICTORIES? I do believe I have been retroactively been mimento'd by this simple suggestion, much like the famed "would you kindly," moment in Bioshock (SPOILERS!).
This is all done by artist Jed Henry by the way: I'm going to let you look up the rest on His Art Blog.
Hello. In case you are new I talked a great deal about Blogger's Procrastination (now dubbed "Blogcrastination*") and how it has infected my life in it's various forms Here. In the blog I discussed how this form of procrastination has even prevented me from registering on destructoid, thus being content as a lurker since 2009.
Continuing from that I'd like to discuss the ever existent struggle against Obligations. You know. It's that thing that exists for you to do even though it's a pain in the ass. It's the kind of chore that you know will take a mighty chunk out of your day, often with little to no reward other than knowing that you won't end up homeless, hungry, alone, or in debt. It's the task that many civilians in society pride themselves in doing, believing themselves to be something special merely for the sake of doing that said task.
This is a fallacy. Humans are fragile creatures. Our ego requires us to feel pride for the chore we are doing otherwise we lose self esteem quicker than a birthday balloon loses helium. We are feeble minded creatures and require a chunk of time to be dedicated to maintaining our cushy lifestyles.
If I were to leave the comforts of city life for the wilderness with only the essentials, a laptop, and free endless wifi would I be a happier creature? Would I blog with my heart's content, bringing you high quality content with enough frequent speed that would have you wondering where I have been all your life?
Perhaps. Perhaps that's just my ego talking (most likely), but one thing is for sure: I would also be unhappy because although I would have only obligations for the essential functions: urinate, defacate, hunt, forage, cook, eat, sleep, & hygene, I would still long for the days of comfortable city life: where simply doing small tasks that while seperate seem meaningless, add up to a greater reward than we can see from up close.
As a result, I have learned to lose the "Pie-In-The-Sky" perspective in exchange for a more realistic and healthier outlook on the important role Obligations have taken in my life.
How about you fellow Dtoiders? Do you believe in being a blog hermit? Post your response here.
New Word of the Week:Blogcrastination (n): a state of putting off a serial blogpost. It can be under the guise of life being in the way or simply "not feeling like" writing anything.
A famous feminist (it could have been Luce Irigaray but I could be wrong) once told women to write. Just write. Even if what comes out is cheesy, just do it. What you write is better than what you haven't written. Unfortunately, this man took her advice. (Is that so bad? Probably. I don't know. I'm not big on politics.)
As you probably have guessed from the title of this blog, I have an issue with procrastination. That is to say: I do it. A lot. The sad thing is, it's become a way of life for me. I'll have an amazing idea that must be pursued and about halfway through another idea will either pop up or I'll lose interest and then move on to the next thing. (Perhaps I have a form of ADD, I wouldn't know. I haven't been to the doctor in 15 years).
Even now I'm trying ever so much to avoid procrastinating this blog. It's hard. Extremely difficult in fact. It's taken all my strength to just write my initial thoughts without pursuing backseated notions of going to social media sites, or working on more job applications or watching more videos (say I haven't been to Angry Video Game Nerd's site for about three months, I'm sure I can-NO! MUST. FIGHT IT.)
Look, what I'm trying to get at here is, my procrastination is reaching chronic levels. I have been visiting Destructoid's website since 2007 and have never bothered registering. Why? Because what's the use? I'm a procrastinator. I have to admit my problem before I can fix. Unfortunately I procrastinated going through the process of stopping my procrastination. If procrastination were a religion I'd be the Pope and I'd do nothing all day. Nothing.
But that's what this is all about: me fighting the flicker effect*. It IS possible. It just requires a series people like that will get me back on here on a scheduled basis. Will I be daily? Haha-ERM I mean *ahem* doubtful. Will I be weekly? Most likely. Perhaps Fridays will be Dtoid Day.
Sound good enough.
Anyways this was my delayed "hello," and opening question to you all:
Do you procrastinate? (The answer better be ye-)ERM I MEAN ANSWER HONESTLY, PLEASE.
What is something you REALLY want to do but keep procrastinating?
*Flicker Effect (n): Much like pod-fading but with blogging. A blogger appears and disappears after a variety of hiatuses. Flicker Effect applies to game development (delayed games), comics creating (large gaps between issues) and tv shows.
**Yes I made it up. I'll be making more words up as we go along. Is that okay your highness? Can I take this breath now while I'm at it? Alright. Thanks Kingy.