Kwamouflage's Profile - Destructoid

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I'm a college graduate who focused almost all of his time on his studies and now wants to take a break from that life and see what he can do in the real world by making something of himself.

What does that mean? Well it means that more schooling is in my future but for now I want to get out all the game related thoughts I suppressed for 4 and a half years during my studies. That's what this blog is all about.

Do I have higher aspirations for being on Dtoid? ABSOLUTELY! I hope to be a paid writer someday (anywhere really but to be paid on Dtoid would be a dream come true). That's a nice little fantasy. But it's not about the work, it's about forcing myself to keep on writing.
I currently write the following features:

OLDTOID ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::>NEW
Suntoid III: Weird Dads
We Gamers Are Killers
An Escapist's Love of Zenonia 4
Why I Suck Lemons
Top 5 Reasons I Didn't Blog
My Procrastination & Blogging
Player Profile
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It’s a late Sunday. I know, but these stories one might consider pretty scary, and so in honor of Hallow’s Eve I hope you find the following newsbites to be quite to your liking.

Starting off with our mildest story here’s a tale about a man whose daughter is offered prepositions every three hours of the day: for her hand.
But why is that? Why is she SOOO desired?

Simply put it’s because of this:

That’s right, daddy dearest Sze-tsung Chao, offered a heaping whollop of $500 MILLION Hong Kong DOLLARS (THAT’S 64,479,500 AMERICAN DOLLARS!)
Now you might be telling yourself “I wouldn’t do it. No way,” but you’d be wrong. Need I remind you that 64 million dollars is A LOT of money. That kind of money is guaranteed security for those of us who aren’t foolish spenders but still have a desire for A FEW of the finer things of life. In other words, as long as you aren’t as irresponsible as MC Hammer…

…it’s safe to assume you would be financially secure indefinitely. And for some of us, that is a dream come true.

Now I know what you’re thinking.

Arranged marriage is when “a marriage planned and agreed by the families or guardians of the couple concerned.”* A monetary offer to marry a woman for the purposes of marriage with a man can be considered “selling” his daughter, IF the daughter complies or is forced to comply by physical violence or blackmail.

None of that happened.

According to my source:, Sun Yet Sen-ERM I’m sorry I meant Sze-tsung Chao’s daughter Gigi Chao (I swear it’s actually Gigi) “saw her father’s announcement as an act of love. ‘I wasn’t angry at all. I was really quite touched, very touched and very moved, by daddy’s announcement. I mean, it’s really his way of saying ‘Baby girl, I love you. You deserve more,’ basically,’ she said.”

What this really is, is a conniving move to undermine his daughter (“who is alleged to plan on marrying another woman abroad”). It’s a strategy I cannot really criticize since the man is trying to keep his public image clean in the eyes of his investors.
At the end of the day what this really boils down to is business. Regardless of what Shang Tsun-I MEAN Sze-tsung’s feelings about gay marriage are the man is trying to protect a business, which last time I checked was considered PR.

I’ll say this though: it’s still pretty funny. It feels like the premise to a really bad romantic comedy that you will only watch with a companion you know who can keep a secret.

This next story will make you never look at a refrigerator the same way again.

What this story boils down to is: man loses son, man misses son, so much so that he kept him preserved, IN THE FAMILY FRIDGE.

Meet Xueming Tian, from Huangling Chongqing, a small town in Southern China. He’s your 54 year old mild mannered ex-carpenter (spoilers: he’s retired because something happened) (double spoilers: his daughter died one hot summer day) who spends time with his wife.

But at night, when no outsider is looking, Tian tends to his son-in-the-fridge, Qinyuan.

Not ONLY is 18 year old corpse-Qinyuan kept perfectly preserved but generators are running 24/7 JUST to make sure he stays that way in case of a black out.

Now THAT’S dedication!

In all seriousness, Tian is a worn man. Both he and his wife suffered the death of their daughter who died at a younger age. It broke him. Tian decided to spend more time with his family. Unfortunately it wasn’t long before Qinyuan suffered symptoms of an incurable leukemia.

Needless to say Qinyuan’s death was the final straw. Tian wasn’t ready. He needed to do something and this was his plan!

It’s a pretty morbid story of woe and coping with death, but one that has a humorous twinge to it (much like the previous story) and I hope to have at least amused you if only for about a minute.

This has been your weekly dose of twisted stories from the East!

Oldtoid is a segment where I traverse my vault of incomplete or weird posts that never saw the Dtoid page. The topics discussed in each installment are almost guaranteed to be old news so please don’t point that out. Retreading old ground is what Oldtoid is all about. I hope you enjoy.
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Oh hai! Got your attention did I? How lovely. I'm hope you're in a good mood, after all, it is Friday, the HAPPIEST day of the week. Anyways, don't just stand in the doorway! Have a seat! Have a seat! We're going to do something therapeutic that we all need: talk about what brings us joy!

Ok. Something that brings ME joy. But before I get into that let me just preface this by saying that there comes a time in every man's life when he realizes that the game he's playing is the best damn thing he could have asked for, at least up until that moment. In the past it had been Zenonia 4 and before that it was Ratchet Deadlocked, and before even that, it was Legend of Dragoon. Now I'm not saying that other games during those periods of gaming sucked, I'm just saying that those particular games filled an empty (heh) hole in each specific (ew) period.

This time around it was the teenage male power fantasy (yes it's totally immature, that's why I acted a fool of myself) that was Saints Row the Third. Now it would be difficult for me to say something original about the game but I'm a weird person. I play to lose. I play for story. I play for escapism. I play for cutting loose and relaxation.

Gaming is my therapy and allows me to let go of frustrations of life and stay positive. In previous months my perspective on life had been exponentially growing negative to levels of pessimistic misanthropy. While blogging has kept me from spiraling further into depression it was gaming that helped me crawl out of that bottomless pit.

THIS GAME in particular.

But don't get me wrong. I also play for fun. And Saint's Row the Third epitomizes "fun" in one solid gaming experience. Yes you can kill with a gun, quite a few in fact, but that's "Square's Ville."

I often have runs of the game where guns just aren't an option.

Now obviously that means one can't play the story mode, where the main missions revolve around shooting down enemies from a helicopter, vehicle, or rooftop.

So what is one to do? Well... just look at that friggin map!

The number of hours I spent in Stillwater and Steelport are just astronomically rediculous. I have currently clocked in over 213 hours in Saints Row the third. And that was my first run. I am currently on my (heh) third run of the game with my newest character. Whom I've completely dedicated to being an "eccentric" Helicopter Jumping-Suplexing ex-wrestler bi-racial immigrant from the Filipines in Steelport to destroy what her no-show father worked hard to build.

Yeah that's a mouthful but that comes naturally to me after playing so many roles of killing machines. I look for new ways to interact with the cities of Stillwater and Steelport.

One month I'm a rogue cop looking to don a new look a-la Bruce Wayne/Matches Malone, utilizing an alter-ego in order to use the Saints to save Steelport/StillWater. Because he was a cop I made sure to only play the world missions where killing wasn't necessary, a lot of what I did actually involved being stealthy and evading the police. I got so into this role actually that it took the zeal out of playing Sleeping Dogs. If it wasn't for the Kung Fu and Environmental Take Downs I would have never bothered renting it.

The next month I'm a former mogul who lost it all in a distant city now here to get what's mine one way or another. This one hit close to home because the desperation for making ends meet was there even though the character I played at that particular time had way worse experiences than myself and had a more bleak outlook on life allowing himself to easily justify his rather objectionable actions.

These are just examples of what this game can do if one just put the effort needed and I haven't even done anything to the programming. There were no modifications, just me changing the rules of engagement.

But just think about the potentials reached if we, the players, COULD modify the programming of Saints Row 3? Just imagine the new modes of play. Just adding seemingly inconsiquential things like planting trees would allow us to play as eco-terrorists in Steelport, fighting humanity to save the environment. Pretty inconsignificant before but now pretty interesting right? And that's just ONE more example of what experimental thinking can achieve. Just imagine if the game had more of a stealth mechanic! THAT feature ALONE would have enrichened my gaming experience exponentially by giving me an infestimal amount of choices for who I want to take down, who I don't, and how hard I want to hit my targets ala Adam Jenson in DE: Human Revolution, which was one of the KEY reasons why I enjoyed Deus Ex so much.

Unfortunately, there is a limit to my "pretend" mode of play as trying to "force" stealth into the game as is just isn't the same.

In a lot of ways I am my own DLC. Yes I've played what THQ had to offer and was entertained for the time that I played those segments but at the end of the day, thinking like a dungeon master and treating SR3 like a pen and paper rpg has enabled me modes of play that I never knew was possible.

Yes, creating your own mental story can be tasking when remembering what occurred in-story and what didn't, ESPECIALLY over time when continuity becomes cumbersome. That's where old fashion note-taking shines brightest. Yes, that thing you used to do when going through a dungeon in Zelda or Final Fantasy or that thing that helped you go through Super Metroid if you're an early 90s baby. It's primitive but it works.

In fact you could say it plays like a recap of Walking Dead or Batman if you're into the Adam West show.

There are pages and pages of things I could say about this fantastic game but I do suppose I have outstayed my welcome. I'll leave your house (that I snuck into) now.

You enjoy your weekend and remember if someone tells you that video games cause violence just keep in mind that those were the same like-minded people who blamed Dungeons and Dragons for forming cults and worshiping the devil, or committing suicide.

Until Next time Dtoiders,
C-you Later.

PS: Zentoid 1 is also pretty interesting. READ IT HERE

PPS: I originally wrote this on Friday but thought better to post Saturday so I wouldn't remind you of Rebecca Black's Friday. Oh-shit. Sorry.

PPPS: I wrote this while the friggin news blasting out loud so I'll return later to actually read this as a non-crazy person.

Zentoid isn't a slowly methodical examination of happiness, but rather a spurt of excitement whipped with pure happiness experienced from a single game. Zentoid is a feature written immediately after engaging the material and is limited to 20 minutes in order to avoid perfectionism (and by default: blogcrastination).

Please keep this in mind when responding and politely point out grammatical/spelling errors should there be any.
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So for those of you who were wondering what I've been up to lately here's an explanation (slash) sad excuse. As promised here's an installment of (hopefully) many new features I'll be writing from here on out until 2014.

For those of you who follow me on twitter you'll know I'm a big fan of IOS games not because it's an IOS game but because buying any game up to $10 or less that I an spend hours on is extremely convenient. Heck, even Square Enix's rpg's listed at 15 or more dollars has become a temptation that I've found hard to resist (I'm still resisting though so don't worry).

Ok, that said, I'm going to come clean: I love Zenonia 4.

I do. And do you know what? That's probably some form of Stockholm Syndrome talking because I haven't been playing many games lately that isn't on the iPhone. Yes I have Skyrim and yes I have Saint's Row the Third which I love very much. But those games require you to be at a computer for more than just a half an hour, which is my allotted time at the shared computer everyone is using at home. On top of that, I live in an abusive household where I am locked in the lower level of the house at night and you will find yourself loving anything on a handheld that you can pass off as a "non gaming device."

Oh what's this you ask oh Overlord of the household? Oh it's just my phone, now lock me down so I can be far far away from here-ERM I MEAN so I can brush my teeth and sleep immediately.

Zenonia 4 is the kind of game that does the job.

It sends me on a quest as the previous entry's Main character's father: "Regret", who must go on his own quest to stop a pre-existing crisis from occurring without revealing his identity to those around him in order to prevent unnecessary changes in the timeline from occurring. Regret must pinpoint where things went wrong by going through the events his Future Self went through, all without dying of course (spoilers: that death happens in the prologue of the game so don't worry).

Zenonia 4 is capable of beaming happiness into my brain because it tells me "hey you're fucking important, people treat you like shit but you're bigger than that. You don't need to fight down on their level, you are a man who must take a higher road because you have a higher calling. Zenonia 4's message is simple: pursue your destiny and things fall in their place, do not be mired down by distractions and do not allow your role as an outsider interfere with your info snooping.

Regret's attempts at deducing what era of time he is in by asking passerbyers strange questions is both hysterical and very relatable. The awkward situation of going outside of Regret's comfort zone in order to pry out important information from others is all too common of a feeling and gives Regret a new dimension of character that the previous protagonist: Chael (his son) hadn't portrayed. In fact Chael's protrayal in both the previous game (Zenonia 3 and Zenonia 4) have both been unsatisfactory but that, I suppose, is a discussion for another day (too bad I can't say the same about Regret in Z1).

Regret is one of the more sillier, friendlier, charming, sympathetic, funnier, more oblivious, and subtextually sadder characters I have ever played in an Asian rpg. In many ways he carries the game more than any NPC, battle system, monster, quest, or feature I could point out to.

Gamevil, known for having their titles freely available at certain times of the year had outdone themselves this time around. One can only hope that future installments of Zenonia will have endearing characters like Regret.

So..... if you're ever confined in a single space, do yourself a favor and have Zenonia 4 in your iphone. If you're into rpgs that is.

I hope this wasn't too much of an extrapolation of such an otherwise generic-ish rpg and was at least mildly enjoyable to read.

Until Next time Dtoiders,
C-you Later.


Zentoid isn't a slowly methodical examination of happiness, but rather a spurt of excitement whipped with pure happiness experienced from a single game. Zentoid is a feature written immediately after engaging the material and is limited to 20 minutes in order to avoid perfectionism (and by default: blogcrastination).

Please keep this in mind when responding and politely point out grammatical/spelling errors should there be any.
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Hey, so from an outsider's perspective I must seem like the Petraeus of game blogging.

I get it. I screwed up, again.

I keep finding excuses on why my activity is so polarizing that it's gotten to the point of absurdity. What it all comes down to it is simple: life.

Life keeps us away from blogging. It just happens that way. Your life is going great. (How great?) So great that you don't have time to even check your email let alone blog.

*Sigh* Heeeeeeeere we go....

So as it so happens I had gotten a full time temporary job that had the potential to turn into a full time one.***

It was awesome. I loved it. It was everything I wanted in a job and so much more. The pay was good the location was good the people (for the most part, win some lose some right?) were good and even my skills from college were a necessary asset to actually get things done. Most of all though: the job had creative aspects to it, as a result my creative drive would be drained during the day and left on empty for the evening.

So now we arrive at the heart of the situation:

Oh you… hahaha. Do I need to have a reason to just spontaneously arrive out of the bl-

Ok. No BS. I was laid off. Turns out the project at my company fell through and my company was left with their pants down (so to speak) as a result: all youngsters (this place is full of people 45 and up) had to box their things, clean their desks and skedaddle on out of the offices faster than you can say “I think your car is being towed, Tony.”

And humorously we all somehow met up at the same place, at the same time. Oh joy would you imagine my delight when I saw all my co-workers competing alongside me (not that I was expecting anything else).

Anywho, that’s it in a nutshell. Yes, it was a windy road of interesting occurrences what with my previous Flicker Effects secretly chronicling my misadventures like some sort of self-important Easter egg for random strangers to stumble upon for eons to come (no one cares I’m sure). From out-of-state motel resident, to hotel, to an actual apartment I managed to wrangle with my minimum wage job (during my stay at the death motel) the fates have decided to make my life in this new state their personal rollercoaster, and I’m starting to get sick.

In other words: times are tough for me right now BUT HEY: that doesn’t mean I should stop blogging! It is true that I used blogging as a means to combat depression (as mentioned in previous episodes of Flicker Effect) but that’s no excuse to stop when I am happy.

I may be playing “Job Hunt” yet again but I have only had brief brushes of depression in recent memory. And I’m glad! Even though I was more productive when sad it doesn’t mean it should be a prerequisite for posting more frequently.

But… enough about me. You want my brand of entertainment now that I’m back so here’s something for you:

So…. What do I have cooking up? Well I want to surprise you on the details, but here’s the breakdown: three new blog series! That’s right. These ones are weekly (Of course. What? Do you think I’m crazy?) and they are series on topics I have stressed to stay away from in the past because all the random topics I wanted to cover weren’t categorized into something I can fit on any given day.

What about Suntoid?
Also, this upcoming Suntoid I am attempting to just post up what I had intended to give you last month (yeah yeah yeah I know, recycled blog post oh noez! Relax. It’s a refined version of what you were getting but also a closing chapter on what Suntoid used to be so I only think it’s fitting that I make this upcoming Suntoid pretty interesting.

Where’s Artoid?
I’m still going to do a monthly Artoid. I value this series just as much as the others so I don’t want to just dump some irrelevant game art without any context or theme. Yes, Artoid is a collection of pictures but they have to be there to promote an artist’s homepage be it deviantart, private blog or tumblr. So there will be Artoids but they will be rather selective.

Anything Else Kwamouflage?
Hmm… well… I want to be more frequent but not for frequent’s sake but because I find myself wanting to contribute more to the zanyness that is the podtoid elite: Jim, Jon, Conrad, Hamza, Max & Tara. At the end of every episode Jim, Jon, (and now Conrad) go over what they’re up to the rest of the week. And when that occurs, my eyebrows furrow down into irritation: at myself. I am my own nagging wife this way: Why haven’t YOU something to plug? Oh ya have a blog do ya? WELL WHY AREN’TCHA POSTIN IN IT? WHAT KINDA MAN ARE YA?

There. Does that suffice?

Ugh… next time: less information about your psychological discussions.

Oh. I’m sorry I think you will all soon find that I am, heheh, fascinated with lunacy.

Well that’s it for now.

- Until Next Time D-toiders, C you later.

*For more up to date information on my misadventures please give my twitter account a follow: ((The aptly named)) @Kwamouflage.
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You know how sometimes you hear a story about a nasty customer consuming saliva ridden food because the waiter or cook wanted to get back at them?

Well consider yourselves lucky you don’t live in Japan, because apparently disgruntled workers take “revenge” far too seriously according to

Quick translation: the Nagano prefecture chain izakaya had to call 119 as a result of a very foolish mixup. As it turns out a staff member allegedly poured a bleach substance used to clean the floor into one of the bar’s tokkuri ceramic bottles. BLECH!

Funnily enough, this isn’t the first time it’s happened as well. Apparently it’s all the rage in bars now, pardon my ignorance.

As a result of this extremely dangerous situation it 9 patrons consumed the substance. 5 of them fell ill and 2 of them had to undergo treatment.

Moral of the story? Don’t piss of your waiter. In fact: be super nice. Nicer than you have ever been. But not too nice! Don’t want to creep them out.

Oh almost forgot! There were no fatalities.

Anyways I hope you found this late Suntoid to be very enlightening and crucial to starting your week!

Until next time, C you later.

Suntoid is a (hopefully) weekly blog series meant to derive quirky news from Asia worth discussion.

So it's been about a month but this news is still relevant because it's pretty rare when a video game based film is produced nowadays. That said do enough Americans want to watch a film based on Monster Hunter? Since it's Paul WS Anderson has his eyes on the successful Japanese action game it could very well be a possibility, after all, the Resident Evil film franchise (regardless how you feel about it) is a successful blockbuster smash hit every year. It almost seems like every year that particular film grows larger and larger a crowd in my local theaters.

Then again, to say that producing a horror based action film is like producing a fantasy action film is ignorant at it's best and downright stolid at its worst. The audience will be different, that can be sure, but will it be a complete turn over with new audiences who are unaware of the source material?

OR... perhaps even MORE importantly, will this film become Anderson's next Resident Evil?

What do you think D-toid?


Suntoid is a (hopefully) weekly blog series meant to derive quirky news from Asia worth discussion.