I bid you welcome once again to my somewhat discontinuous writings. Once again my fellow D-Toiders, It has come to my attention that a particular calamity has severely endangered the nier foundations of our beloved JOURNALISM. With the logic of a Vulcan ambassadaur, I will give you some insight upon which you will be able to deal with this aggravating journalistic behavior and let it be known that YOU! ; The player will never have to suffer the horrible experience of being mislead in the masquerade of a merry sight for that of an unpleasant experience. It will not only save you many precious dollars but also reinforce your ability to buy games that are close to your gaming preferences.

It is difficult for me to express the sorrow I feel at this very moment, alone in my darken abyss, waiting for another sassy bounty hunter to trespass the outer limits of my domain in this subject and believe me it will be even more difficult without writing any of that fancy chalking bounded to the gentleman dinosaur code. It may seem like a bold statement to make but since I am a well versed and logical being I will prevent myself from announcing to the masses that Unfarted Drake’s Fortune Among Leaves 2 is a hypocritical display of bad design in our modern era of gaming.



What makes a good game? Is it the graphics or the game play? This universal question has cursed the blogosphere since the beginning of its kind. What if, a game was so beautiful and its attention to details was refined to a stellar degree that a review score would be affected by it. Then would it be irrational to think that these reviews we’re falsely constructed and their authors eclipsed off the balance between

ZOMFG LOOK AT THE SHINY THINGS THEY HAS COLORZ* VS I’m having a wonderful tiem !

But Kraid isn’t what the essential of gaming is about, having fun? Well yes indeed and the taste of each and everyone is distinct but without acknowledging the fact that a gorgeous looking game could be also a very poorly executed game is down right criminal.

Let’s take an example from Unparked Agaisnt II Sleeves; the game clearly guides the player between two defined approaches on the task at hand. One similar to its prequel; the classic duck and aim and the other a more subtle approach praised in many instances. The main problem is, you cannot expect a player to simply follow the mediocre arena design of each encounters and deal with the incapability of its developer to create a believable and FESABLE course of action and hope that he or she will enjoy him/herself. It is to my very great displeasure to announce you that I’m not a robot capable of maneuvering scripted paths nor do I have the patience or the will to heavy-handedly take out each and every foe only because I want to play it like it was 1964. Mainly because your avatar who controls like garbage, has the power to climb walls and women like a motherclusting monkey but has the inability TO CROUCH and makes impossible to do stealth.



To make it short my friends here’s a lazy listing of all the things wrong about this game.


-No crouch button.
-Some enemies suffer from the ICANTAEK50BULLETSONMAHCHEST syndrome.
-Some enemies also suffer from BUTICANDIEWITHONEMANLYPUNCHTOMYCHINLOLOLOLZ syndrome.
-An Irritating cover system.
-A somewhat stellar beginning destroyed by the downhill “K GAIZ! I think it’s time we finish this game already K?” disease.

Some games have the unfortunate fate of becoming stale and unfair after the first mission (I’m looking at you Lucas Arts. O_o) but in this case 3/4 of a playthrough. It is really necessary to completely simplify the attack patterns and behaviors of your enemies by simply sticking 60 inch of body armor on their manly bossoms and let them stand there in the open and expect the player to find this riveting. It’s a lazy and dumb standard that this industry needs to get rid of. What was the problem of letting the player enjoy himself by killing some goons and let him climb on some shits.
Oh but the visuals are amazing, Oh fuck it cold! There are too many games that get away with this and this has to stop. Why in the hell (this is where I would get mad) can a highly protected soldier take 3 grenade shells in the nose and not die and do so with a single punch swung from cover. Why does a man can suffer from two grenades throw back in a row while they explode at the same time? WHY IS A MAAAAN!!!! Killed by a single arrow MADE OUT OF WOOD and can stop living but still have the will to live after twenty 7.62mm rounds lunged into his chest This is illogical and god forbid these hostile acts against our collective sanity.

FUCK IT COLD!



Jonathan Frakes: Among Weasels 2 is a shameful proof on how a game can totally get away with its GORGEOUS graphics and be sacred masterpiece by the papal representatives of the Videogame gods. You cannot gamble with beauty and displeasure and ask for redemption.
Above all I think that it would be wise to tell you that this videogame is the shameful and unfinished attempt of a very very naughty dog and should be dealt with extreme caution.

-------------------- Summary

Eventhought the game has a lot of flaws and things that can be improved as a journalist of the video games, my personnal journalistic score for this game is an 11/10.


....
I will leave you with the magnifient actor that is William Shatner.

Auxiliary control , my Vulcan friend. This ship is off course!
Brilliant !