I like my girls cynical and psychopathic...wait, that's not it.

This week was pretty strange in terms of video game releases. On one hand of the spectrum you had the dumb, first-degree humor of Duke Nukem Forever, while you had the induced psychosis of Alice: Madness Returns on the other. Put differently, we are witnessing one of the rarest events in gaming in this clash between testosterone and estrogen. It’s simply a matter of chance that both titles got released at the same time. But, that’s beside the point. I personally sided with the more gloomy one this week. And after having played a little of the game, I felt like celebrating. I’ve been considering doing this for quite some time now, but I never felt like it was the right time. Alice gave me that opportunity. See, I like women a lot. In fact, I adore them, especially in video games. They are inspiring, original, and so much more interesting than your typical male grunts. I’ll take any chances I get to play as a female character.

My main goal is to share with you some of my favorites video games gals. Young or old, human or from a different species, it doesn’t matter. I just feel like talking about the girls who stuck out for me, the ones I had incredible fun playing as, and the ones in which I shared some of my most memorable gaming moments.



She brings an all new meaning to:"Running with Scissors".

I’m not the sort of guy who appreciates the loli branch of the Japanese culture. But, in the case of Casper, I can dig it. Despite being 11 years old, Casper's a pretty badass little witch. I’ve constantly picked her in DeathSmiles, she had the most useful and compact beam of all the other girls in the game. That gave me the “edge” I needed to beat the game more easily. But, what really fascinated me about this little girl was one of her endings.

Now, I know that shoot’em ups are not usually acclaimed for their storyline, but bear with me, now. The end sequences in DeathSmiles are pretty straight forward; by the end of the game, you had to choose whenever the girls would stay in their current dimension or go back to the real world. Most of the endings were pretty straight forward and corny, except for one. That one was Casper’s “bad” ending. Upon re-entering the real world, you find out she had been kidnapped by the mafia and more or less, used as a child slave.

If my memory serves me well, she was the only girl to keep her special powers after making the dimensional jump. This means she was surrounded by mobsters, with a giant pair of scissors. I’ll let you imagine what could possibly happen next. Needless to say, not only was I shocked by the outcome of that ending, but I was also completely terrified by this little girl. She’s still a badass in my eyes, but damn was that ending disturbing.



Pink berets were highly fashionable in the 90s.

I grew up with this chick. You could almost say she played a huge part in my childhood. There’s something about this girl. Maybe it’s her blonde ponytail, or her awesome guitar riffs, or maybe even the fact that she always has a pack of bubble gum at paw’s reach. Dixie Kong is my favorite character in any platformers ever.

Now, don’t get me wrong, Diddy is a pretty cool dude. But, I sure pressed that select button to switch back to her whenever I had the chance. I played Donkey Kong Country 2 to death when I was young, and I still do to this day. And despite the fact that her partner in crime is considered the protagonist of the game, she has always been the star of my speedruns. You can imagine my excitement when the third game was announced.

Even in Double Trouble, she was the best character. Just the fact the she could throw barrels with her ponytail higher and further made her superior. I’ve always loved her nonchalant attitude, too. Chewing bubble gum and drinking a banana cocktail whenever I left the controller still. That moment when I had realized she ate the honey from the sticky walls in the bee hive levels. Damn, I love this chick.



....That's racist, right?

Valkyria Chronicles has a great cast of female characters. And it was very hard for me to pick one that truly reflected how I like to see women portrayed in gaming. I chose Rosie because she’s an excellent Stormtrooper, (powerful at that). She’s stubborn, gritty and an all-around badass. The girl can sing, too! Her role in the game is somewhat secondary, but she gets her time in the sun.

She was my go-to assault unit for pretty much every encounter in the game. Give this gal a bunch of grenades, a fully upgraded submachine gun, and she’ll clean up an entire infantry division in no time. She’s a militia soldier before a woman, but she won’t hold back her emotions. Stark speaks her mind, and is completely fearless on the battlefield. She’s a strong woman for the job, and a wonderful asset for Squad 7. If you haven’t played Valkyria Chronicles yet, Brigitte "Rosie" Stark is just one other reason to love the game.



Oh, Jack. My Femshep could've been so happy with you...but, noooooooOoo. Intergalactic lesbian love in space was not your cup of tea.

I remember last year there was a lot of debate on which female character was the best in Mass Effect 2. We had countless discussions about on how badass Femshep was, and on how Miranda was a stupid ass bitch! ;)…. No, seriously though. There are lot of great female characters in ME2, but my favorite has to be Jack.

That girl stayed in my squad from the moment she was available. She provided me with Warp Ammo, which is probably the greatest thing in the history of things in Mass Effect, and she kicked so much ass during combat. Jack, myself and Legion formed like Voltron to defend the Universe. Despite all that badassery, she also had a great backstory.

If you were like me, you’d chosen the paragon side to exploit the best out of her. Call it a very clichéd tsundere archetype, but I thought it was cool to find out that despite her aggressiveness and looks, she was a sweet and fragile woman. That’s endearing to me, whether you decided to hate her or not, (I’m looking at you Xzyliac :P) She gave me the best moments a science fiction nerd could ever hope. She had to be won by understanding and care, and that makes her awesome. Jack is to Mass Effect 2 what Tasha Yar was to Star Trek: TNG.



Insert annoying bird noises here. You know you love it.

Serious question: What would Banjo do without Kazooie? Answer: absolutely nothing. She’s the backbone of their enterprise. She eats puzzle pieces, she spits eggs to defend her fellow bear, can become invincible with golden feathers, can fly, run, climb walls, turn into a gun…do I really need to justify this one? Kazooie is freaking awesome, I love this bird so much!

Her snarky sense of humor makes her even more adorable. She’s always picking on Bottles, (that poor mole). That red crested breegull has an attitude, and is the most badass complement to any platforming hero. You thought Clank was awesome? Well think again, because he’s no match for her.



DAT ASS.

Before she turned into the Queen of Blades, Kerrigan was a pretty amazing Ghost in the original Starcraft. The sequel is currently trying to add more to her backstory, (And I cannot wait for Heart of the Swarm) but back in 1998 she was special. Seriously, apart from the stereotypical Tanya in Command & Conquer, name me one female RTS character that wasn’t all about tits. Well, until recently, Sarah Kerrigan wasn't.

When I was a young lad I played a lot of Starcraft. And the Kerrigan missions were my favorites; right from Sarah’s beginnings in the Terran campaign to her ultimate fate in Brood War. The mission Agent of the Swarm had a strange gritty atmosphere. In fact, pretty much all of her cover ops were great. That one mission when the Terrans make first contact with the Protoss? Yeah, That Was Badass!

Plus, as soon as she morphed into a Human/Zerg hybrid, she becomes such a methodical and sadistic villain. I’ve always wondered, though. After all this transformation, she still has such an amazing ass. I don’t know how she does it. Being the Queen of Blades and all, don’t you dare get caught staring at her lovely butt. She might rip you head off. Joking aside, Sarah Kerrigan is pretty freaking awesome. I love the new redhead redesign, too.


140.15 is the loneliest number. ....Did I just make a Beatles (possibly a Harry Nilsson) reference? I'm gonna have to take a minute here.

I used to have such a huge crush on her. Meryl is the best thing to ever come out of Kojima’s little twisted mind, if you ask me. She’s your typical tomboy character, struggling with her femininity, and at the same time trying to fit in with the boys. She was a nice character in Guns of the Patriots, but I’ve always founded her more interesting in Metal Gear Solid. In the 4th one, she seemed depressed for no reason, while in the original she had….well, issues.

That poor Meryl was all out of love, and I’d be willing to argue that her so-called military training had nothing to do with her attitude. She conditioned herself on purpose to block out some of her emotions. Or so I would like to think. She’s the most endearing character I’ve ever seen in a video game. Looking back I don’t have such of a crush on her anymore, but I do appreciate her nevertheless.

That scene where she lays helpless at the mercy of Sniper Wolf will stay with me for a long time. It’s not an incredibly powerful moment, but the symbolism behind it, and Snake having no choice but to retreat back is great storytelling. I still haven’t played Policenauts, but just the fact that Meryl makes a cameo in, is enough motivation for me to play it. Also, the snowmobile scene at the end of Metal Gear Solid. *Man-tears*


Honorable mentions:

Chie Satonaka from Persona 4
Tron Bonne from the Megaman series

Honorable mentions from the future:

Catwoman from Batman: Arkham City



So, there you have it. That’s a rad bunch of gaming gals don’t you think? Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m needed back in Wonderland.


*I apologize for my grammar, my English is a little rusty after all these months.