Today I will be introducing another musings of my blog that I wanted to do for a very long time. I love making lists about irrelevant things and what better way to express my opinion than to create a top 10 of my favorite games of 2009. This is my list of course and any attemps at overthrowing this unquestionable truth might disrupt the space time continuum.

So without further do let's begin ;



As weird as it may sound , Noby Noby Boy makes the list not only for it's unusual purpose but for what it represents as an artwork. The game may seems shallow and incoherent but be warned that a deep layer of social satire and sexual metaphor are eclipsed by the horrid controls. So what is NNB, it is interactive art or a videogame? Well both. It is the concretisation of nothingness and everything , you have to interpret the game as you play it. The player has the power to decide what his experience will be , aside from the nourishment of GIRL of course. Still , what is the purpose of this act? To go where no one has gone before? Even Keita Takahashi doesn't know. Combine the game with amazing playgrounds to experiment into , the capacity to eat your own bossums and to take the Prince for a ride , Noby Noby Boy nests itself at a well deserved number 10.


We are entering no man's land with this one, Men of War is probably the most anonymous RTS of the year. Developped by russians , the game follows a legacy of masterful games bent on the absolute mastering of World War II real-time startegy. It is shameful that this game doesn't get more coverage than it should have. As eclectic as the trilogy might be ( Soldiers Heroes of WW2 , Faces of War , Men of War) 1C Company has achieved for the third time a masterful game blend of the overhead third person shooter , the classical RTS and RPG. Ukranians brought us S.T.A.L.K.E.R. and mother Russia brought us Men of War. If you are interest the first expansion of Men of War is out right now under the name Men of War : Red Tides. Make mother Russia proud comrades and buy this game at all cost! If you are looking for a good old time in the unit management scope you will thank me for putting this game at number 9.

We all love a little bit of shmups action on our DSs right? I haven't had more fun with a shooter on my DS since Ketsui Death Label came out. Abandonning the classical controls that we are used to in the genre , Big Bang Mini uses the stylus to move your ship and also in the throwing of projectiles. The game is colorfull , full of challenge and above all amazing to play. The controls are simple and the many upgrades that each worlds provide you add to the fun. The game is pretty much like watching fireworks explode in the sky, it is a sight to behold. A refreshing shmup title notheless and despite it's size is an epic win in my book and lands itself on number 8.


Keep on looking for the next entries , I shall put them very shorly before the year comes to an end.
I will leave you now with the wonderful Stone Roses.

"Gold and Silver Lawnmowers, winds on through the hills for 15 days."

One day it happened; the clash of the titans, two mediums of entertainment melding and my mind was blown away. I have seen the light my friends, seen what the complexity of intellectual analysis is capable of. It stood below my eyes, controller in my hands I was enlighten.

Super Mario Bros. is Citizen Kane.

Let�s look at the synopsis of our beloved franchise from a different perspective; A princess living in her ivory tower isolated from her kingdom, incapable of controlling and preserving the beings around her. She was taken away from her world by a despot corrupted by power and greed, a woman desperate for attention, thoughtless and incapable of giving love. A story told by the player, controlling Mario as he conquers his way to the Princess, earning coins and stars for her. Has he achieves his goal, he his welcomed by an ungrateful, cold blooded woman driven by avarice only to be offered a chance to expand the possessions of her kingdom even more by the Secret Star World.

In order to support my thesis I have accumulated proof that Miyamoto�s masterpiece is indeed related to Welles�s opus.




Princess Peach�s castle is Xanadu :

The asylum of a powerful man, removed from society an ivory tower to behold. Much like Charles Foster Kane, Princess Peach never leaves her castle unless she is kidnapped by Bowser. How much money and oppression must have taken to build such a palace, no man can say. It is not only the crown jewel of the Mushroom kingdom but also Peach�s sinister retreat managed by her servants and obsessed on accumulating wealth for her personal satisfaction. Her avarice is beyond logic, one day she wants the stars the other day the wealth of a decrepit empire, the never ending quest to be the richest Princess in the whole universe. She must surround herself with objects to feel the void of her tormented soul.

Princess Peach is Charles Foster Kane:

An abandoned girl, secluded from her parents at a very young age, Princess Peach is a lonely little girl, growing up to be an isolated and needy woman. She is thoughtless, incapable of protecting her people and the kingdom. A woman constantly saved by two brave heroes , so desperate for attention that we would believe that she is setting herself up by her own will. Princess Peach has a whole kingdom at her service, why Bowser does succeeds so easily? Kidnapped by him without any resistance, saved by Mario and she remains oblivious to his emotions and incapable of giving him the love he deserves.



Mario is Mr. Bernstein and Jerry Thompson:

In the motion picture, Bernstein is the only character who genuinely loves Kane even after the years. Mario on his side, despite the rejection and the heroic endeavors he took to save the broad still believes that a relationship is constructive and that her frozen soul could still be human.

As an interactive experience Mario also plays the role of the reporter Jerry Thompson who tries troughtout the movie to uncover the mystery around Kane�s dying words. The player is driven along the story controlling his actions capable of experiencing his own playtrough. Much like the wives and the old colleagues of Kane the characters of the Mushroom Kingdom tell their own reminisces about Princess Peach on how she needs your help and she is so kind. Mario has this natural urge to save the princess, find out what happened to her. He is forced to collect coins and stars in order to survive, get more lives in order to find Peach. Much like the second wife of Kane , Mario is a puppet to Peach�s will , jumping like a monkey and stomping on goombas for her pleasure.

Bowser is Walter Thatcher:

Thatcher represents greed and corruption; the corporate world of America. Bowser takes away the Princess corrupting her goals and way of life. He introduces her to better palaces, infinite wealth the power to control the whole universe with the Koopa army. He takes her away from her world much like Thatcher took away Kane from his parents with his promise of wealth and financial security. The corruption of power envelopes Peach and she becomes less and less aware of the world surrounding her. She is unfazed by the invasions of the Koopas and the many kidnappings. Her only drive in life is the accumulation of those shiny Stars.



Citizen Kane is based on a real person much like Super Mario is:

William Randolph Hearst is mostly considered to be the primary inspiration of Welles�s Citizen Kane character. He was a business tycoon of the first half the 20th century. It is also believe that Mario Segali, the Nintendo of America warehouse landlord was the inspiration for the character of the rad Italian plumber. Although he wasn�t a plumber he had a mustache, which was the undeniable evidence of their similarities.

Citizen Kane�s filming is similar to Super Mario Bros. Power-ups:

During the shooting of the movie, Orson Welles used a lot of the same sets in many different scenes while using different costumes. It is only logical to see the connection between the two with Super Mario Bros. power-ups; such as the Tanooki suit , the Penguin suit and the everlasting Bee suit.



As I wipe my nose clean from the nosebleed I had just now, I have proven without the shadow of a doubt that Super Mario Bros. is indeed Citizen Kane and that Miyamoto was inspired directly by Orson Welles 1941 movie. I believe that the undeniable truth of the universe lies in this analysis and that all videogame JOURNALISTS , should consider analyzing this theory with thorough interrogations.

I bid you all a very nice evening.

I bid you welcome once again to my somewhat discontinuous writings. Once again my fellow D-Toiders, It has come to my attention that a particular calamity has severely endangered the nier foundations of our beloved JOURNALISM. With the logic of a Vulcan ambassadaur, I will give you some insight upon which you will be able to deal with this aggravating journalistic behavior and let it be known that YOU! ; The player will never have to suffer the horrible experience of being mislead in the masquerade of a merry sight for that of an unpleasant experience. It will not only save you many precious dollars but also reinforce your ability to buy games that are close to your gaming preferences.

It is difficult for me to express the sorrow I feel at this very moment, alone in my darken abyss, waiting for another sassy bounty hunter to trespass the outer limits of my domain in this subject and believe me it will be even more difficult without writing any of that fancy chalking bounded to the gentleman dinosaur code. It may seem like a bold statement to make but since I am a well versed and logical being I will prevent myself from announcing to the masses that Unfarted Drake�s Fortune Among Leaves 2 is a hypocritical display of bad design in our modern era of gaming.



What makes a good game? Is it the graphics or the game play? This universal question has cursed the blogosphere since the beginning of its kind. What if, a game was so beautiful and its attention to details was refined to a stellar degree that a review score would be affected by it. Then would it be irrational to think that these reviews we�re falsely constructed and their authors eclipsed off the balance between

ZOMFG LOOK AT THE SHINY THINGS THEY HAS COLORZ* VS I�m having a wonderful tiem !

But Kraid isn�t what the essential of gaming is about, having fun? Well yes indeed and the taste of each and everyone is distinct but without acknowledging the fact that a gorgeous looking game could be also a very poorly executed game is down right criminal.

Let�s take an example from Unparked Agaisnt II Sleeves; the game clearly guides the player between two defined approaches on the task at hand. One similar to its prequel; the classic duck and aim and the other a more subtle approach praised in many instances. The main problem is, you cannot expect a player to simply follow the mediocre arena design of each encounters and deal with the incapability of its developer to create a believable and FESABLE course of action and hope that he or she will enjoy him/herself. It is to my very great displeasure to announce you that I�m not a robot capable of maneuvering scripted paths nor do I have the patience or the will to heavy-handedly take out each and every foe only because I want to play it like it was 1964. Mainly because your avatar who controls like garbage, has the power to climb walls and women like a motherclusting monkey but has the inability TO CROUCH and makes impossible to do stealth.



To make it short my friends here�s a lazy listing of all the things wrong about this game.


-No crouch button.
-Some enemies suffer from the ICANTAEK50BULLETSONMAHCHEST syndrome.
-Some enemies also suffer from BUTICANDIEWITHONEMANLYPUNCHTOMYCHINLOLOLOLZ syndrome.
-An Irritating cover system.
-A somewhat stellar beginning destroyed by the downhill �K GAIZ! I think it�s time we finish this game already K?� disease.

Some games have the unfortunate fate of becoming stale and unfair after the first mission (I�m looking at you Lucas Arts. O_o) but in this case 3/4 of a playthrough. It is really necessary to completely simplify the attack patterns and behaviors of your enemies by simply sticking 60 inch of body armor on their manly bossoms and let them stand there in the open and expect the player to find this riveting. It�s a lazy and dumb standard that this industry needs to get rid of. What was the problem of letting the player enjoy himself by killing some goons and let him climb on some shits.
Oh but the visuals are amazing, Oh fuck it cold! There are too many games that get away with this and this has to stop. Why in the hell (this is where I would get mad) can a highly protected soldier take 3 grenade shells in the nose and not die and do so with a single punch swung from cover. Why does a man can suffer from two grenades throw back in a row while they explode at the same time? WHY IS A MAAAAN!!!! Killed by a single arrow MADE OUT OF WOOD and can stop living but still have the will to live after twenty 7.62mm rounds lunged into his chest This is illogical and god forbid these hostile acts against our collective sanity.

FUCK IT COLD!



Jonathan Frakes: Among Weasels 2 is a shameful proof on how a game can totally get away with its GORGEOUS graphics and be sacred masterpiece by the papal representatives of the Videogame gods. You cannot gamble with beauty and displeasure and ask for redemption.
Above all I think that it would be wise to tell you that this videogame is the shameful and unfinished attempt of a very very naughty dog and should be dealt with extreme caution.

-------------------- Summary

Eventhought the game has a lot of flaws and things that can be improved as a journalist of the video games, my personnal journalistic score for this game is an 11/10.


....
I will leave you with the magnifient actor that is William Shatner.

Auxiliary control , my Vulcan friend. This ship is off course!
Brilliant !

I feel obligated to write this blog you know , I don't want to be labeled as an irated French Canadian complaining about everything but I have to give you guys my 2 cents about this matter. And I know that it is not intentional to think that the law on which I'm going to talk about is stupid but you have to understand the other side of the coin here.


For most of you , English is a universal truth on which all living being on the internet should master as a primary tool of communication and I completely agree with this statement. The "Star Trek" tongue , it is spoken mostly everywhere in the business and entertainment of the western world and revered as one of the most universal dialects of human kind. English is to the modern world what Latin was to the Antiquity , the most common language used by the Occident in a time of which a great power was or is in place during that period. Once Roman gouvernors than Lords of the British Crown.

You are probably wondering where I'm going with this? Well going all historical on your heads is the last thing I want to do but turns out there is about 9 millions hard-headed resisting Gaulois still left in North America mostly in the Province of Quebec.

So what does it have in common with Videogames? Well we play them... that's a pretty shallow statement but it also turns out that we have laws to legislate all of our entertainment, politic and education systems in order to prevent our beloved tongue to be lost in time like tears in rain...

****Spoiler alert ... go watch Blade Runner first if you want to see this clip......****

This is probably why I love Blade Runner so much , Freedom , emancipation of a kind, creed or people , Do we really have to suffer extinction to be remembered by mankind? I think not.

There is a lot of edgy subjects concerning our native tongue and as of late , videogames have been a major one in our societal discourse. I'm going to give you some example to show you guys where I'm coming from;

Last year Rock Band 2 was embargoed by the Quebec gouvernement because a bilingual version of the game was available elsewhere in the world namely France, the state did not permit any sells for that title. Of course it was still sold illegaly by many retailers at the time because like books , movies or anything else the only thing required was a billingual packaging (Who's going to look if the game has both languages just by looking at the box , if there are french writting on it, it must be french right?). But not that time , the law was clear and simple ; Any form of retail or rental digital entertainment was to be translated in both French and English in order to be sold in the province of Quebec or had to have a seperated version translated by the publishers in order to be legaly sold. (EA , Ubisoft , Microsoft Studios SCEA, These are the companies that applied to this law)

For a while we didn't have any problems , Fable II had a french version , Mass Effect , Bioshock pretty much all of the titles we're offered in both French and English and it was great. I had the privilege to consume my favorite hobby in the language that I wanted (English , because yes I strongly believe that if you want to play videogames you should know at least a tad bit of english and not rely on a native language to hold your hand) while other people who didn't had the opportunity or exposition to learn english we're capable of playing them in French.

(Montr�al and Sherbrooke on a wider spectrum are the only places in Quebec where you are going to have a very large English speaking community)

So what's the problem Kraid? What are you complaining about then? Well there it is.

As I stated before , I saw this with my own eyes , I was working in retail at the time and as a manager at a Quebec owned Videogame store brand. I saw the tidal wave coming , because right after the new year passed the law became more and more effective and went official as of March '09.

So this is when it hit our shores; As of today, 38% of videogames sold in the Province of Quebec are bilingual or at least possess a billingual case and manual. There is 62% of games that are concidered illegal in my province only because 85% of the total population as been speaking french for the past 450 years.

Not only did the videogame industry was absolutely incapable of maintaning such an updated prefix for a very small portion of the market but we have to suffer for it due to our gouvernement incompetence. THERE IS NO LEGISLATIONS OR ORGANISATIONS dealing with this problem. There is no way for us to get these games translated because many companies like Atlus , NIS , EA (outside of Canada) , Konami , Capcom are refusing or down right closing their doors because of the law on videogames. They do not want to translate an entire game for a very small market and it's totally understandable.

The only thing that really bothers me about this whole thing is that we are paying the price; Oh Quebec is such a pain in the ass , or Quebec this , Quebec that. I'm going to be straight with you guys , probably 95% of the consumers I've talked to (French speaking of course) during my time in retail we're completely against the law and found it to be as useless as anybody else (Mind you we we're in Montreal, probably one of the most billingual cities in the world where English and French are used daily) It's a very complicated and harsh topic to get into so I'm going to stick with the basics , (If you want to hear more about the subject I would more than gladly talk about it in private or in a gathering)



Outside of Montreal , there are concentrated pockets of English speaking folks but the vast majority is occupy by us silly Quebecers.

To get back on the topic at hand ; The thing is even thought Quebec consumers are hostile towards the law myself included , we still respect it. And here's the weird dilemma on which I think I'm going to end this rant because this is becoming way too long for my taste.

We want to be served in French , play the game in English and talk about it in French.

It's not that we don't like the English language , hell I would never play a game in my native tongue because like I said a game should be played or experienced in it's native language like movies or music.

Do we translate American or English Canadian music? Of course not , same should be said for videogames but ; Our population is not enough exposed to Shakespeare's tongue because we have bounded our culture and our tongue with what we define ourselves as a people for the last four centuries.


Nous parlons le Fran�ais en Am�rique .

Maybe it's the fact that it's now 3:00AM up in here and that my hands hurt from too much Borderlanization and the fact that I'm kinda mellow right about now , mainly because I'm listenning to Method Man's Tical album as I write this C-Blog. ANYWAY! I better get started before I fall asleep on my keyboard.

For those of you who are still one the fence about getting Borderlands or want to have a good old time of videogame playing before the final game rush of '09 well let me tell you very clearly.

WHAT TEH HELL R U WAITINGS FOARZ!

The game's amazing and it's probably the best coop you'll ever get until Left 4 Dead 2 drops and I'm still pushing it. Borderlands is straight up fun alone or with friends and you would be a goddamn fool passing over this great title. (2K I'm waiting for that generous check KTHX)

Borderlands is freaking great and a lot of DToiders have done it justice by many great C-Blogs impressions but as far as I'm concerned I'm here to talk you guys into something very important that I have come to realized in the past days. You need to , NO ! You are obligated to finish the game and start a Playthrough 2 save game in order to fully appreciate this gem.

Much like any quest based RPGs Borderlands kinda falls flat in the first hours by giving you very simple and repetitive missions � la Assassin's Creed or World of Warcraft but don't be fooled by the bland nature of these missions and by all means KEEP PLAYING. To be honest I personnaly rushed the entire first playthrough by running and shooting like I was running from the cat. Seriously I think I finished the last quest in an hour by skypping enemies and shooting the shit out of foes with my trusthy SMG.

The game truely shines however when the difficulty is upted a whole lot with the New Game + and for that you need to finish the game. Gearbox are freaking genious of RPG making they nailed it right on the spot not only are the loots and experience all ranked up with your level but the enemies also which is kinda natural you would think but HOLY FUCKING SHIT , you ain't seen nothing yet.

Let's put it at that ; Have you ever finished a battle shooting your way thru every centimeter against 5 BAD MUTHAS MOBS? (Which are the upgraded version of Badasses or Elites) and about 15 other opponents raging between bloodthristy creatures to beefed up thugs, well I did.



And it's probably one of the most addictive and satisfying experience I have played in a very long time. That is particulary why I dictate you to keep playing even if you have finished the story line once. Your initial playthrought will not provide the same intensity that Playtrought 2 offers.
The amount of mobs is extremely increased and the encounters pack a real punch.

You will be most likely to be equiped with 85% of purples and with a nearly completed skill tree, you'll feel like a total badass even if you are playing your life each time you're pulling the trigger.

We all love a challenge and the fact that we have to play about 20 hours of Borderlands before we encounter that little bugger is kinda dissapointing but once you've left the whom of I-Will-Hold-Your-Hand-Kindergarden you'll never want to go back in that comfortable pussy of a nest.

So my fellow D-Toiders , if don't already have , go buy this game and anticipate that sweet smell of Hardcorism in your trousers.

I'm out son!



See I'm a bad mutha!

I need a very cold shower....

I'm not going to lie to you guys , I am a very faithfull Bubble Bobble fan , I love the franchise and the original NES port is probably one of my favorite party games of all time. I remember two years ago my friends and I played the game till four o'clock in the morning non-stop after a delicious pizza and some Contra action.

So needless to say I was pretty excited to hear that Bobble Bubble Neo was coming up on XBLA this very day. Here's a very good opportunity to boot up my 360 again a play an awesome game capable of holding four player coop like Castle Crashers. Much less expensive than anything else right now and a couple of playtrought of B&B would probably kill some time until Katamari Forever comes out next week.

Well I was wrong , I was so fucking wrong I am now an angry motherfucker. Fuck this fucking shit Taito shat on everybody on this one. The game is fun , hell it's still the classic I love and still praise to this day. No the big problem that really made me popped was the fucking controls. This game is so broken it's unbelievable , the jumps are way off , the 180 degrees turns are obsolete (See level 72) and the hit detection is worst than R-Type.

I don't fucking believe it , I'm still in a state of shock on how I cannot be good or play this game at all. Mind you , I'm not the best player of Bobble Bubble but I was still able to finish the game with very few loses not too long ago. But right now I am completely shattered by it's difficulty. Bubbled monsters can actually kill you know for some reasons , the bubbles are moving around like your character weights 5 tons and the worst part is the hit boxes of those little dinosaurs.

When did it came to mind for a developper or in that case TAITO, to completely fuck up such an amazing experience , there so much bad design implemented in this game it's infuriating. There is someting about adding 3D models for the in-game characters that completely misses the point. Why in the holy mother of hell do you need a bigger hit-box on a reflex based puzzle game , it is absolute non-sense. You cannot break a mechanic in order to make a game more beautiful. It's imperative that it doesn't affect the core gameplay and in this way provide a better experience all together while retaining it's classical flavor.

Bionic Commando was the perfect example and Street Fighter II HD Remix aswell. I hate it when a games do this to me , when the overall experience is overshadowed by frustrating and awfull controls. The same thing happened when I tried to play Megaman II on my IpodTouch, one of the best game ever created ruined and done better on a fucking Sony Ericsson cellphone.

Same could be said about Scribblenauts right now , I have never in my life cursed so much on games than this week. I think the Podtoid crew resumed it pretty well when talking about the game. It's a genious piece of software but good god are the controls.......

I DUNN LAIK BOARKIN CONTROLS! K?!