10 things? There's only one thing you need to know;

I WILL rape you and tentacles WILL be involved.


I'm late to the game on this because I spent the majority of the weekend in a haze fueled by whiskey, rockband and ice cream cake.

Here goes;

10) Yes that IS me in the picture, and again YES tentacle sodomy is but one of the many powers I have at my disposal. It's actually from a camping trip with family and friends. We thought it'd be fun to take silly picture using flashlights and an iphone. I was only moderately tipsy so I can't really blame this on alcohol. I'm just that fucking weird.

9) I love creative writing but am too lazy to do anything with it.
Lazyness and being selfish with the small amount of free time I have are the ONLY things keeping me from blogging more often. I'll set goals only to see them shrugged off by not wanting to sit in front of the computer another hour or so when I home. That and I feel like what I'd contribute would fall under tl;dr or just plain boring.
I think it's mainly because I'm a strong believer that unless you have something nice/interesting to say than don't say anything at all. ...unless it happens to be as funny as it is cruel.

8) I consider myself a musician..
Even though I haven't preformed anything in years. I started playing music at an early age, around grade 3, and began performing a few years after. My first "real" band was a punk group that went on to play around the city, state, and all through the mid-west. It got to the point where after a long talk with my parents I was able to take leave of public school my freshman and sophomore years to focus on music. Aside from the fights I seemed to get dragged into it was some of the best years of my life.

7) I love gaming in all it's forms.
I think it has something to do with the atmosphere created when we as adults are able to tap into that feeling of unfiltered, unbridled fun we associate with being little.
The feeling of camaraderie I get when playing with my wife and friends is so tangible to me that I think it would be a viable dorm of sustenance.

6) Ever since I was a little kid I knew I wanted to be a family man.
I believe that regardless of what you achieve, great or small, some of THE most important things a man can do are what he does in the role of husband and father.
Funny thing, when I stepped into those shoes, I was as scared as happy. All you can think about is wanting to do your best without screwing up and so far I think I've done a decent job, hah. okay, on to number 5 before I get all mushy and lose my street cred with IRC :P

5) I am a complete whore for the Travel Channel and Three Sheets.
If I ever went back to school it would probably be for Anthropology. I think we live on an amazing planet and would love to see more of it. I am enamored with learning more about other cultures and I often spend more time than I care to admit pipedreaming about how I'd have my own show loosely related to gaming. I'd travel the world learning the pastimes of different cultures and how they relate to modern games/sport.

4) I FREAKING LOVE CHOCOLATE MALTS.
Whoppers, ice cream, doesn't matter. It's the best damned flavor known to man. That and Mamba. Mamba is the shit, raspberry especially. (I miss you, Arson)

3) I love anything that glows in the dark.
I mean ANYTHING. It's some sort of fetish I've had ever since I was given a pack of those glow in the dark stars you can put on your ceiling. Doesn't matter what it is, if you give me something glow in the dark you're my friend.

2) I love good tattoos
and the only reason I don't have more is I refuse to settle as far as quality goes. I've had a thing for them ever since first being exposed to them as a kid. The only reason I can give is that I vaguely remember associating the idea of a tattoo being something akin to a comic book on your arm and that struck me as the most amazing thing ever.

1) I have never beaten the original Super Mario Brothers.
I was too busy playing duckhunt to finish the game.
/me puts on the fire retardant clothing to prepare for the onslaught of flames.

A haiku inspired by true events.

"Help! I can't log in!!
Oh my gawd, i've been haxzord!!"
No...just press caps lock.



Sadly, this scenario plays out almost weekly for myself and my staff.
To any of you "non-technical" ppl out there, don't worry, the IT department is there to fix everything, that's our job BUT a calm and polite attitude is something we appreciate.
It's much better than saaaayyyy... throwing yourself into a panic, yelling at us over the phone and then acting like a complete douche when you're embarrassed because your fat, sausage like fingers plopped down over the caps-lock key when typing in your oh-so secret password "mister-tinkles."
Yes I know it's the name of your cat, and no I don't think it's cute at all. in fact... just stop talking. ..now. Please.
..I bet I could bludgeon you to death with one of the many craptastic precious moments figurines you have littered about your desk.



I happen to like my job and really don't mind helping you but by the beard of Zeus! try to have some patience and understanding when describing your problem.
I don't want to be "that guy"

But if civility is something you can't grasp then perhaps I can convince you to be mindful of the fact that at any given moment it strikes my fancy I can read your email, browse your hard drive, disconnect your phone, check your voice mail and suspend your cell.
I will open the 8th gate of |-| 3 1 1 and set loose the ancient *NIX beasts whos names we dare not speak aloud and with seething hatred of your forwarded emails they will shatter the very foundation of your inbox.
May the curse of forced updates and system restarts haunt your days and plague you with dreams so perilous.

The path of the righteous Admin is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the impatient and the tyranny of Weatherbug. Blessed is he, who in the name of security and good call resolution, shepherds the weak through the valley of Vista, for he is truly his user's keeper and the finder of lost email.
And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my pr0n archive. And you will know my name is the All-mighty Sysadmin when I lay my vengeance upon thee!

I'm dizzy now.. and I think I smell toast.
I'm gonna go lay down.


p.s. And as always, My Kid's Cute;

Not too sure how many people read VG Cats but if you don't, shame on you! SHAAAAAME!!
Anyways, this made me laugh so hard that I coughed up something that looked like a chicken embryo (go-go ssinus infections!) and I figured I should share.

Merryhappy Kwanzmasunakah, dtoid!!

When I miss putting the trash out for pickup in the mornings i'll stash it on the back "porch" and take it to the dumpster in the evening when I get back.
Well for a few nights the wife has claimed that "there's something out there!" hiding under the grill cover perhaps.
I told her it's probably a cat.

No... no, it's NOT.





The little bastard is ballsy too, just making noise and turning the lights on wont scare his ass off. He just looked up at us like "Whatchyoo gon' doo, crackah?!"
Under the advisement of Cataract I WAS going to spray it with water in order to avoid rabid face raping since hitting it will evidently prove futile. Though, before I could act the wife had sprayed it with Windex.
If he comes back I think I'll try to tame him..

Also, my kid is cute.

Well some of you might know about my affinity for MarioKart: DoubleDash some might not, either way I had to share;

yeah, it's "old" but still good so stfu and enjoy the song.
HappyFriday, Dtoid!
[/shortblog]

This would've been another WTF Wednesday's Lunchtime Lulz but I actually have something semi-constructive to share!

I've been going through Little Big Planet's tutorials on and off since we picked it up Saturday and am still not done with them. I blame it on some sort of ADD when it comes to making outfits for sackboy.
Well since I can't announce that my "Ride the Weenkie Lollercoaster" level is complete I'll instead show you my latest distractions.
Gentlemen, BEHOLD!!



I'll admit Mr.Destructoid needs a bit of work but I put him together rather fast.

But I think I made up for it by making the Joker's jacket and vest super sweet! :P







Hope you enjoyed staring at my sackboys and as always have a happy HumpDay fellow robots.