A haiku inspired by true events.

"Help! I can't log in!!
Oh my gawd, i've been haxzord!!"
No...just press caps lock.



Sadly, this scenario plays out almost weekly for myself and my staff.
To any of you "non-technical" ppl out there, don't worry, the IT department is there to fix everything, that's our job BUT a calm and polite attitude is something we appreciate.
It's much better than saaaayyyy... throwing yourself into a panic, yelling at us over the phone and then acting like a complete douche when you're embarrassed because your fat, sausage like fingers plopped down over the caps-lock key when typing in your oh-so secret password "mister-tinkles."
Yes I know it's the name of your cat, and no I don't think it's cute at all. in fact... just stop talking. ..now. Please.
..I bet I could bludgeon you to death with one of the many craptastic precious moments figurines you have littered about your desk.



I happen to like my job and really don't mind helping you but by the beard of Zeus! try to have some patience and understanding when describing your problem.
I don't want to be "that guy"

But if civility is something you can't grasp then perhaps I can convince you to be mindful of the fact that at any given moment it strikes my fancy I can read your email, browse your hard drive, disconnect your phone, check your voice mail and suspend your cell.
I will open the 8th gate of |-| 3 1 1 and set loose the ancient *NIX beasts whos names we dare not speak aloud and with seething hatred of your forwarded emails they will shatter the very foundation of your inbox.
May the curse of forced updates and system restarts haunt your days and plague you with dreams so perilous.

The path of the righteous Admin is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the impatient and the tyranny of Weatherbug. Blessed is he, who in the name of security and good call resolution, shepherds the weak through the valley of Vista, for he is truly his user's keeper and the finder of lost email.
And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my pr0n archive. And you will know my name is the All-mighty Sysadmin when I lay my vengeance upon thee!

I'm dizzy now.. and I think I smell toast.
I'm gonna go lay down.


p.s. And as always, My Kid's Cute;