I can't think of anything witty to day here so I'll cut to the chase. When me and the wife went to pick up Fairytale Fights we gots an extra free tshirt, see?;

Since I love you all so very, very much I figured I would spread the love by taking a nice long hot shower and then using said shirt to dry my nuts off with and then offer it up to you lucky dtoid members as an oh so glorious prize.
There will also be a secret MYSTERY PRIZE!! included as well.

The contest, if you can call it that, is simple and instructions are as follows:
By the close of Friday post an image in the comments below of anything and I mean ANYTHING that would make me laugh, cry, vomit, etc.
The ONLY, and I mean ONLY requirement is this; it must be something The Gods of Metal look upon with approval

While they are more than pleased with the heart and soul behind Brutal Legend they are, alas, unsatisfied with it's gameplay and as such demand sacrifice!
So sayeth Krahshthulhu, speaker for the Gods!

So yeah, recap funny+metalish theme=free tshirt AND A MYSTERY PRRRRIIIIIZE! (seriously, totally worth your half assed efforts since it's something you can put in yer xbawcks or pstripplez)

It's Friiiiidaaaay!
In most germanic languages Friday is named after the goddess Freyja who is not only accredited as being the goddess of love and nookie but is also associated with war, battle and death. So what better way to celebrate Friday than partaking in hedonistic acts like drinking, fighting and fucdkgemaking?!

For those less adventurous you can always crack a open a bottle, play some games and watch a movie that at least glorifying such wonderful pastimes. That's where this blog comes in, I'm hoping to help point you in the right direction when it comes to living vicariously through those badasses on the screen.
To me, in the world of Kun-Fu cinema there's nothing worse than being blue balled by a movie's horrible plot or dragging pace.


For my inaugural KKFF post I figured we'd stick with tradition by heal kicking up a review of a classic that everybody SHOULD have seen already.. :P


If you don't instantly recognize this cover art then you, my friend, are doing yourself an injustice. You are robbing yourself of a myriad of enjoyent!
First released on October 5 1978 Drunken Master, as it was titled in the states, is a great film demonstrating why Jackie Chan really is the clown prince of kung fu. Directed by Woo-ping Yuen and featuring other veterans of the Peking Opera house like Siu Tien Yuen The film follows the misadventures of a young Wong Fei Hung (more to come on this folk hero) and the trouble his mischiefs land him in.

Ultimately Jackie ends up being sent to train with his "uncle" as punishment for his misbehavior and like any other good kung fu movie trouble seems to follow our protagonists wherever they go ensuring that there is rarely more than 5 minutes between fight sequences.


I could go on and on about how great this film is but it's better that you just check it out yourself because that trailer doesn't even begin to do it justice. For less than 10 bucks it's well worth the purchase.

Suggested dinner and/or snacks to accompany the film would include;
pepper steak stir fry from your closest round-eye friendly americanized chinese take out shack, some fried bread and/or spring rolls dipped in kikoman's sweet and sour sauce.
Suggested beverages would be Dr.Pepper or cola of your choice and enough malt liqueur to drown a horse.
Suggested after movie game;

Believe it or not this is actually a pretty fun game when played with friends, especially when you make the loser drink..

Until next time, Cheers! and Gom bui!!

Well after my first few rounds in the CoD4 FNF tournament being a bit rough. (Trying to find an empty server for a 1v1 match is hard enough let alone picking a server that gives a fair ping to either player)
Sooo long story short i went ahead and called in a favor or two and shelled out a few bucks (less than what you'd shell out at McD's) to set up a 16slot dedicated server.

It's a public server so no password needed but it's not advertised or linked and it won't be the duration of the contest to keep the traffic down.

:*:*:*:*:*:*!!!DISCLAIMER!!!*:*:*:*:*:*:*:
I am NOT a member of the editorial staff of Destructoid nor am I employed or sponsored by Destructoid or any branch of ModernMethod. I am simply thankful member of the kickass community that is Destructoid and an avid gamer. I set this up in hopes that it will be used as a tool to speed up and simplify the match making process for the CoD4 tournament.

To reinterate this is a PRIVATELY OWNED SERVER that is NOT directly associated to Destructoid or ModernMethod any questions can be directed to; krahsh.gwdr(at)gmail(dot)com

Now that the semi legal bs is out of the way, here's the IP;

65.99.193.163:28960
Get fraggin'!

I know there's some complaints about how the rules are set up and how the contest is ran but whether or not you're playing for the fun of it or actively trying to win I suggest you at least post a blog saying thanks to Big Poppa Niero for setting up some kickass prizes.

Edit: there's no real point to this blog now thanks to that fucker BattyAndroit . Stealin' muh ideaz! I keed, I keed. He's put up a real quality entry for this kickass contest.
To be perfectly blunt I'm glad it's going to somebody that had an account BEFORE Collette had posted the contest.
Here's the rest of the post :P


So I woke up a few weeks ago and after brushing the taste of whiskey out of my mouth and changing into whatever clothes I stumbled upon I did what I usually do in the mornings; microwave myself a quick snack, check my email/rss feeds, and then meander my way through what's been goin' on in the land of the rising robot.
I stumbled across the contest that Colette had posted and thought to myself;

Holy crap! lookit that schweet computer, I bet if I put on some crazy shit and glue some brass tacks to my little sister's swimming goggles I could win that! I need to make an account and post up some shit of me FAST!

Actually that's not what I thought, that's just me being an unfunny dick right there. What I DID think was, what would Mr.Destructoid look like with a steampunkish makeover. A few sketches and some pondering later I decided that regardless of who won the only thing keeping me from making something was laziness so with the wife and kiddo away visiting her family I decided to break out the hookers and blow ... I mean the toolbox.

Anyways, this is what I came up with. The pictures are shit because the only camera I had at my disposal was my friend's iPhone. (you should all check out his music btw, it's super awesome)



The overall style I was going for was going for would be if the Rocketeer lived in the 1900s and had a vagina that was ravaged by the unholy mechanizations that is Mr.Destructoid. What would their cursed offspring look like? Would he fight crime and wonder why his dad spent all that alimony cash on sweet fedoras and liqueur instead of putting food on the table?




The detail of the paint doesn't come out at all (the wife took the camera with her up visitng family -_-)
The green you see is actually a combination of gold, two different coppers, and a green color dry brushed on to make it look like tarnished brass.



The jacket is actually a coat put together for my casual Halloween costume.


The idea was a sort of steampunk mad scientist. I blame Dr.Horrible for the inspiration.


The coat is actually quite nice. It has a high, mandarin styled collar and buckles at the cuffs and in the back for cinching. The lining is a maroon colored satin



Well that's that. I tip my hat to BattyAndroit, his entry is top notch but I'd be lying if I wasn't a bit envious, havin' a rugrat limits the amount of time you can use sharp objects and spray paint, haha.

Speaking of which; My Kid is Cute(tm)
He's off to his first job interview.

I find myself entertaining daydreams akin to plots found in some of our favorite games, movies or books.
Some part of me, buried beneath the layers of adulthood, wishes that some cataclysmic event would yank me from the comforts of my daily routine.
Don't construe this longing for adventure as a sign of dissatisfaction, in fact the opposite is quite true. At this point in my life even amidst the challenges of being a new father I've never been happier and yet I find my thoughts drifting..

I feel as if the years spent within the macrocosm of comics, gaming and music have left me with this aspiration to become something more in ways that are limited within this world.

I spend too much time indulging these reveries and suddenly I can feel this uneasy tingling in my chest.
On cloudy days it feels like I can fly.
I want to sunder the gods and topple mountains. I want to explode and watch the world burn.
I want to get lost in a story, I want to fight bloodied against hordes of formless evils, I want to save the day.
I want to believe in magic.




Also, my kid is amazingly awesome and more cool than any of us could ever hope to be, I mean look at this badass rockin' them shades!!!

In what I’m sure will be only one of many, many horrible Valentine’s Day related posts I offer to you a quick list of video game characters that have made my fire flower moist with the dew of gender confusion.
These are listed in no particular arrangement other than the order in which these deviants drifted into my thoughts as I stared listlessly out the window towards some unforeseen horizon where Zangief frolics and spins just for me.. *Le Sigh*



Raiden
This Bishonen-bitch made his unforgettable debut in MGS2:Sons of Liberty gripping his gonads and cart wheeling his way into my dreams. There’s just something about the way he uses his sword..


Alucard
This half-vamp vixen has it all; style, sex appeal, a brooding, dark attitude to match his equally dramatic past and hair that would make Fabio weep with joy if his sight wasn’t blinded with blood and duck feathers. Seriously what are the chances of hitting a fucking bird while riding a rollercoaster?
Women want to be him and men want to rip off that exquisitely tailored jacked and supple leather pants.


Nights
Overly expressive eyes with that come hither grin all tucked under that tasty, purple jester’s cap. Seriously, who hasn’t thought of jumping behind Nights and grabbing a hold of those things like they were reins and riding this androgynous stallion off into sunset?
More like NiGHTS into WET-Dreams, ‘mirite?


Flea
Okay this one is a bit obvious but aside from the oddities like Buck Angel, how many other people were able to make the post op look so confusingly good?


Poison
Junk tucked in the Trunk, need I say more? Poison is curvy queen that’s got nice lady lumps in almost all the right places..


Quina Quen
Who else spent those long hours leveling up wondering if you’d ever see if there was a muffin to go with that hat? Seriously with a tongue that makes Gene Simmons feel inadequate it’s hard to imagine this…thing dateless on a Saturday night.


Bridget
Yup, I had to include everybody’s favorite underage jailbait. I like to think that in a nightclub somewhere on the streets of rage, amidst flashing lights and the repetitive pounding of bass the tranny-torch was passed on to this saucy little nun.