The dream of most writers posting blogs on gaming websites is to one day review games for money. We all make claims like, ďIt doesnít matter if the game is bad. I CAN DO IT!Ē A lot of us even consider ourselves experts in the field of game knowledge.
Well, I finally got my chance to write for a little known website. Going by the guise of NewGamerNation, I was tasked with reviewing a few things and writing some news until I was handed The Curse Of Nordic Cove. Now I feel like my life is for nothing.
I donít think Iíve ever truly played a game as horrible as this. I understand itís an indie title and that no more than 3 people made it, but I just canít do it. Iíve finally met a game that I canít finish. Even Duke Nukem Forever wasnít this repugnant.
I donít know where to begin, seeing as how Iím panicking on how to actually review the game. I donít want to rate something a 1 out of 10, but I feel that this game is just truly beyond redemption. It sickens me to think that people are charging money for what amounts to an amalgamation of the entire games industry.
Itís one thing when a game has no conviction in its own identity and tries to cater to multiple crowds by including different mechanics. Itís another thing, entirely, when a game switches genres in-between levels. If you ever wanted to play an FPS Golf Game, Nordic Cove has got you covered.
The dialog is also some of the worst garbage Iíve ever listened to. One direct quote from the game is, ďFuck, fuck, fuck, fucking fuck.Ē Thatís it. I canít even fathom what that means, let alone how someone uttered this and thought it might work in a story.
What really conflicts me, though, is my own lack of ability. Maybe if I tried making a game, itíd be worse than this? Actually, I should change that maybe to a definitely. I possess no knowledge of programming languages or coding or any kind of idea how to link mechanics together, so why am I being so harsh on this game?
I am just jealous because I canít create something? Do I feel that berating this game will somehow make my life better? Am I just compensating for the lack of emotion that I have? Will I ever truly enjoy gaming again?
I donít know what to do with myself. Iíve wanted, for a long time, to just write about games and let people know how I feel. When the time has come, Iíve become struck with stage fright and afraid to voice myself. I donít want to hurt anyone, but Iíve mastered that skill with little training.
So, I think Iím just not going to write about a specific game ever again. Clearly reviewing things is not in the cards for me. Iíd hate to think of how sad the developers would be if I just belittled their title without a second thought. Theyíve spent countless hours slaving over PCs to get this game running.
What do I have to show for myself? Absolutely nothing; I am nobody and will likely remain that way for the rest of my life. So, I guess I should be thanking The Curse of Nordic Cove. This game showed me that being a professional is not my path in life.
I do believe that path lies at the bottom of a bottle, though.