Dude, you're overthinking this. So you notice beautiful women. Congratulations: you're a hetero man. It really means nothing more than that. There's a huge difference between objectifying and being entranced by beauty.
If you truly objectified women, you wouldn't care about how much you knew of them. You wouldn't even think of it or write this blog. Worse yet, you'd probably be proud of your myopic viewpoint.
As for listening to women - it's no different from listening to anyone else. Make eye contact, repeat what they're saying in your head, pick a point of interest and ask an open-ended question about it. (That's a question that can't be answered with a yes or no.)
Have you ever thought that maybe you don't recall details of your conversations with women because you've yet to meet one that really interests you? There's no crime in that. Even after you fall in love and enter a relationship, you'll still see beautiful women every day, women whose faces and silohuettes will imprint themselves on your mind. But you won't get to know them, you won't remember their tastes or hopes and dreams. You'll conserve that mental energy for the girl you go home to.
One last thing: please, please don't make the distinction between your libido and your mind. That is such a huge fallacy of Western culture, and a huge pet peeve of mine. Sex is essential to life. Sex is essential to health: mental, emotional and physical. Sex is not some primal urge you have to combat in order to behave 'properly.' Sex is proper. As people, we connect, accept, reject and relate to each other on a sexual level every day, all the time. Therefore, sex is also essential to interaction.
You want to attract a woman? You want to relate to them? You wonder how love will ever be mutual? Loosen up. Stop guilt-tripping yourself about sexual attraction. It's not wrong. It doesn't devalue anyone. It's the catalyst for so much of life. Accept it as part of your mind, and you'll grow much more comfortable with yourself. And that, my internet friend, is a trait most women find very desirable.
Oh, and is Stephanie still single? If she is, maybe give her a call. Unless you just couldn't find her attractive at all, of course. Otherwise, in my opinion, it's a terrible shame to waste love that's offered you.
If you truly objectified women, you wouldn't care about how much you knew of them. You wouldn't even think of it or write this blog. Worse yet, you'd probably be proud of your myopic viewpoint.
As for listening to women - it's no different from listening to anyone else. Make eye contact, repeat what they're saying in your head, pick a point of interest and ask an open-ended question about it. (That's a question that can't be answered with a yes or no.)
Have you ever thought that maybe you don't recall details of your conversations with women because you've yet to meet one that really interests you? There's no crime in that. Even after you fall in love and enter a relationship, you'll still see beautiful women every day, women whose faces and silohuettes will imprint themselves on your mind. But you won't get to know them, you won't remember their tastes or hopes and dreams. You'll conserve that mental energy for the girl you go home to.
One last thing: please, please don't make the distinction between your libido and your mind. That is such a huge fallacy of Western culture, and a huge pet peeve of mine. Sex is essential to life. Sex is essential to health: mental, emotional and physical. Sex is not some primal urge you have to combat in order to behave 'properly.' Sex is proper. As people, we connect, accept, reject and relate to each other on a sexual level every day, all the time. Therefore, sex is also essential to interaction.
You want to attract a woman? You want to relate to them? You wonder how love will ever be mutual? Loosen up. Stop guilt-tripping yourself about sexual attraction. It's not wrong. It doesn't devalue anyone. It's the catalyst for so much of life. Accept it as part of your mind, and you'll grow much more comfortable with yourself. And that, my internet friend, is a trait most women find very desirable.
Oh, and is Stephanie still single? If she is, maybe give her a call. Unless you just couldn't find her attractive at all, of course. Otherwise, in my opinion, it's a terrible shame to waste love that's offered you.
I'd like to take this moment to give Dynamo Joe an interweb high five for summing up in the best possible way.
*WOOPSHHHHH*
*WOOPSHHHHH*
@DynamoJoe
I haven't spoken to Stephanie since 2007. I have no idea where she is or what she's doing. Even if I wanted to find her, I couldn't.
I'm also not sure I agree with sex being essential to physical health, but that's just my own opinion.
I also find it strange that I can remember nearly everything about random guys that walk into my life, but not women. That bother's me a lot.
I haven't spoken to Stephanie since 2007. I have no idea where she is or what she's doing. Even if I wanted to find her, I couldn't.
I'm also not sure I agree with sex being essential to physical health, but that's just my own opinion.
I also find it strange that I can remember nearly everything about random guys that walk into my life, but not women. That bother's me a lot.
I wouldn't worry too much about it, you're no pig. Prejudice is something we all have, but we chose to either flaunt it or try and address it, and you're doing the latter. You obviously want to recognize women as individuals, you just aren't giving yourself the opportunity. Just strike up a conversation, it's not too hard, and there's really nothing you can talk about with guys that you can't talk about with girls. If you think there is, then that is sexism, but what you're describing isn't. Your heart is in the right place, but like DynamoJoe said, you're over thinking it.
It's a double edged sword but it's not a fine line to walk, man. If you want nothing but to connect to them on a personal level, find out if they have similar interests and personality quirks, for starters. If they don't then it's probably best you don't bother trying much harder, otherwise you'll be disappointed or worse.
But most importantly, it takes time. It's different for everyone, but don't try to rush anything if either of you aren't comfortable enough. Confidence is knowing who you are and what you want. Figure that out first, and the rest will get much easier to deal with.
Hope that helps.
But most importantly, it takes time. It's different for everyone, but don't try to rush anything if either of you aren't comfortable enough. Confidence is knowing who you are and what you want. Figure that out first, and the rest will get much easier to deal with.
Hope that helps.
... what dynamoJoe and Irishladdie said.
(and noticing attractive people is not specifically a male thing, women do it too. Look at all the young girls drooling over Justin Bieber. For women, having a crush on an attractive unattainable male is often part of growing up, for me it was David Cassidy! I remember when I worked in an all-female office and we all used to objectify the replacement purolator delivery guy we had one summer... he was very attractive and we had no intention of getting to know him, but we all used to argue over who's turn it was to "receive the daily package". Women can be pigs too.)
(and noticing attractive people is not specifically a male thing, women do it too. Look at all the young girls drooling over Justin Bieber. For women, having a crush on an attractive unattainable male is often part of growing up, for me it was David Cassidy! I remember when I worked in an all-female office and we all used to objectify the replacement purolator delivery guy we had one summer... he was very attractive and we had no intention of getting to know him, but we all used to argue over who's turn it was to "receive the daily package". Women can be pigs too.)
If you don't like how you relate to women, there are steps you can take to address and change that.
Honestly though, it sounds like that will address itself over time. Have you fallen in love yet? Most of the time, when you're really in love, you feel as thought the person you love is an extension of yourself, which is the opposite of objectification.
I hope you find love, dawg!
Honestly though, it sounds like that will address itself over time. Have you fallen in love yet? Most of the time, when you're really in love, you feel as thought the person you love is an extension of yourself, which is the opposite of objectification.
I hope you find love, dawg!
@irishladdie727
I have no idea how to strike up conversation. I've yet to meet a woman who actually enjoys video games, save for the few I've screwed things up with.
@Nihil
I just want someone to be with. I don't even care what else about them, but that doesn't seem to work.
@Elsa
Hahaha. I'm not sure if I take solace in knowing that, but I guess it will give me some piece of mind.
@J Holmes
I've fallen in love numerous times, but it's never been reciprocated. I'm still undecided on whether I fell in love with the person, or their looks. I'm leaning towards the latter.
I have no idea how to strike up conversation. I've yet to meet a woman who actually enjoys video games, save for the few I've screwed things up with.
@Nihil
I just want someone to be with. I don't even care what else about them, but that doesn't seem to work.
@Elsa
Hahaha. I'm not sure if I take solace in knowing that, but I guess it will give me some piece of mind.
@J Holmes
I've fallen in love numerous times, but it's never been reciprocated. I'm still undecided on whether I fell in love with the person, or their looks. I'm leaning towards the latter.
"I just want someone to be with. I don't even care what else about them, but that doesn't seem to work."
You may want to try online ads for independent escort services then.
I mean online dating. Yeah, that's what I meant...
You may want to try online ads for independent escort services then.
I mean online dating. Yeah, that's what I meant...
The idea of a non-sexy succubus is actually pretty interesting , I would enjoy that, kind of like how I sympathize with fat old Megaman from streetfigther x tekken I would sympathize with her
@KingSigy If there's a girl you're interested in, find out what she likes, and ask her about it. If you take an interest in her life, she'll take an interest in yours, and that includes video games. Good luck, this sounds like more of a shyness problem than a sexism problem. You've just got to put yourself out there!

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