Welcome to a blog of infinite wisdom and magical fun...Just kidding. I'm a gamer with a huge taste for adventure. If you'd heard of a genre of gaming, chances are I've played it. Nothing is foreign to me.
Some of my favorite games include anything Zelda or Mario related, Street Fighter III: Third Strike, Metal Gear Solid 3 and the Yakuza series. I'm an old school gamer at heart, but I do enjoy my PS3 and 360. Nintendo fanboy all the way, though.
I have some pretty strong opinions about the things in my life. Be it my friends, family or any kind of media, I often let my personal feelings get in the way of fair judgement. If I ever offend you, please let me know so that we may both grow together.
I have many different forms of contact, but I'll link you to the two best.
One of my biggest faults as a person is my ability to bond with others. I have exceptionally low self-confidence and that inhibits me from properly talking to others. When faced with another person in a room, I often seclude into my mind and ridicule myself.
As such, even online communities are rather hard for me to break into. Iíve been a member of Destructoid for nearly 2 years now and I havenít made a large dent in the community. Iíve been front paged numerous times and I definitely have people who support me, but I feel like Iím failing to make any connections.
Iím a gigantic fan of fellow DToider VenusInFurs. While I thought his writing, at first, was very impersonal and egotistical, he has transformed into an introspective and probing writer who thinks deeper about games as a whole. His thoughts on how narratives have impacted him and why two hour games are the future are refreshing and insightful.
The problem, though, is that I cannot break through. Our history started with him commenting on a blog of mine and being concerned. We then proceeded to trade blows until we somehow got on good terms. He then expressed how he was never really able to bond with males, to which I offered my hand.
We met back in December and I thought everything was off to a great start. Even though my entire workforce told me that meeting him was a bad idea, I went and tried to be a friend. I wanted to learn more about his past, his aspirations and his family. I wanted to show him that not all men are pure evil. I utterly failed.
I canít fault him as life sometimes just gets in the way. I understand he is busy and may not be able to make time for someone out of state. But even though both of us are video game hobbyists, I remember eating lunch with him and blanking on topics. I had no idea what to say to the man and we have a lot in common. It felt cold and defeating.
To make matters worse, Iíve sent him messages while piss drunk. Iíve yelled at him to hang out again and am fairly certain that my Twitter bombardment has put him off of the very idea of even seeing me again. I just wish I could do more to connect with him.
With one failed attempt under my belt, I can turn your attention over to Friday Night Fights. For about three weeks in a row, I failed to get anyone playing with me. I hosted things on 360, PS3 and PC and never even got a single response. I picked a reasonable times and even semi-popular games.
Maybe my very name just inspires some kind of conceit within people? I do not know what else the cause could be. Who doesnít want to sit down with someone who has similar interests and shoot a few rounds of ďNBA Jam?Ē
GarethXXGod is the next person Iíve reached out to within DToid. We played some ďRatchet & Clank: All 4 OneĒ a few weeks ago and it was pretty fun. He seems like a nice guy and Iím glad I was able to spend some time with him.
Now, though, Iím not sure how to resume that fun time. Iíve long finished Ratchet and there isnít another game that Iíd even feel heíd want to play with me. Not to mention that I rambled about myself for almost three hours, but my comments were almost completely sardonic and Iím certain the guy doesnít want to deal with my bullshit.
About the only positive experience I can repeat is between Elsa and me. Iím not trying to be her friend, just a supporter of her contributions to DToid. She doesnít hate me, so I suppose thatís a good start.
Still, I just feel like Iím lacking a sense of community. Iím greatly saddened when I canít break into a website even when Iím a massive fan of their content. My entire life is video games and not being able to bond with other gamers is very upsetting. What am I doing wrong?
Maybe this is all a self-created delusion? Maybe my own failings in life are just getting to me too much and causing dread? Whatever the case may be, I feel like Destructoid isnít the place for me. While Iíll continue to write and express my ideas, I feel like I need to take a step back and let you guys mingle amongst yourselves.
While I love what you guys do, I am not good enough to stand at the peak of the mountain with you. Not wishing to be a bother, I think I need to just let go and explore myself. Until I find out what is wrong, Iíll be a quiet man.