Has Gaming Negatively Impacted Me?

This blog isn’t meant to be a plea for attention, but just something I want to address. While we certainly all love gaming, there is a point where enough to enough. I believe I’ve finally reached that limit and now my life is suffering for it.

I have a freind who's going through the same problems. He can't relate to women, school is killing him, and he's pretty much depressed. Unfortunately he has come to the conclusion to stop gaming forever to fix his life. The funny thing is the man doesn't game that much. I guess he's telling himself a lie to feel better. Anyway, I always invite him to hang out, but the he always prefers to stay home.

I'm the same age as you and I really don't go to bars/clubs; maybe the bar/club scene is not your thing. Try to find another avenue to meet people. I know it's easier said then done, but if you truly feel gaming is having a negative impact on your life, then take a small break - you don't have to let it all go, just take a small break.

Anyway, I hope things get better! Also, I have a PS3 now, I have Portal 2, and I'm looking for someone to play the co-op game with. PM me!

You're just at an awkward age... as you said, you don't have school, and apparently work has limited social opportunities for you. That being said, it IS important to socialize.

If you play offline single player games... start playing multiplayer games. At least you are then talking to people and getting some form of socialization. Better yet, put down the controller and do some form of activity that you enjoy - preferably with other people or at least where you have the chance to meet other people.

There's nothing wrong with turning to TV or gaming as a bit of an escape - but it should be an escape from a hard day's work, a fight with the girlfriend, or from other things in your day - it shouldn't be an escape from life. Get out there... do something, anything. If you just can't... then at least get social with groups like Dtoid - either through blogging, commenting, forums - just anything that's social ... and hell, maybe you'll end up at a NARP!

The key is social interaction... where every you might find it... though you won't often find it in a single player game. :(

But overall, don't worry about it too much. Life has a way of working out! :)

Listen to Elsa! She is very wise. :)

Hmm... It's a difficult problem. I myself don't have too many friends either. Just a handful of people that I met in college whom I hope to stay close with. I've also never asked anyone out (but that might be an unrelated problem on my part).

I'm thinking maybe you could turn it around and use gaming as a way to make friends. Like Elsa said, maybe you could try playing more multiplayer games and try to meet people through those. Or try to make it out to some gaming events or NARPs and meet other people who share similar interests with you. If there are any local events, that would be even better since they would live nearer to you, and you could possibly hang out on a more regular basis.

Interesting blog, KingSigy.

Since this industry is constantly bombarded with accusations of inspiring violence and other unsavoury things, I think gamers have become naturally defensive when it comes to their hobby. Especially since most of the accusations have no basis in fact. So we can sometimes overlook the fact that it's not all positive.

However, it doesn't seem like gaming is really the issue in your case. There's nothing inherently anti-social about gaming. You aren't socially awkward because of gaming, you're socially awkward because you don't socialise enough (or don't create enough oppurtunities for yourself), and gaming makes it easier. I think we can all agree that gaming doesn't make you fat and it doesn't make kids go gun crazy on their classmates, so how can it make you socially awkward? It doesn't sound like it's had a positive impact on your social life, but that's only because you've let it be an escape for everything, rather than (as Elsa put more eloquently than I) an escape from a hard day at work or another instance where you just need to relax.

All I can say is good luck and I hope you meet some bad ass motherfuckers to hang out with.

Giving up a hobby, or growing concerned that it's the cause of a problem rather than a symptom won't improve your social life. Only your actions can do that. It's clear that you want to improve your situation and I think that probably means you will manage to do that, being self aware is half the battle.

As Elsa said, find a way to socialise that makes you more comfortable. You're out of practice, so going somewhere you don't like with a bunch of people you don't really know probably won't be a good way to enjoy yourself. Find a way to combine your social life with the things you enjoy.

damn, we really do need an edit option for comments... my last line is somehow swimming between the second and third paragraph... the only explanation can be that c-blogs is haunted.

It sounds less like you have a problem, and more like you don't want to try. Your whole article consisted of listing social oppurtunities, followed by a weak excuse. Just talk to the people that you see on an everyday basis.

Don't listen to Elsa. Online multiplayer will only make you more akward and disconnected. Instead find out who among those you already know has common interests with you and get to know them. Invite them to your place, and play an offline versus mode, or whatever you kids call it nowadays. That's the best way to balance games with life.

@Elsa

I did meet one of my closest friends through an online game, but he's in another state that's 2100 miles away from me. While I can talk to him everyday on the phone, it's hard to fight off depression when I can't physically meet him and do something.

I'm not saying your suggestion is bad, though. I have successfully met a very close friend through the internet. We've met several times in our lives and I've even spent a few weeks at his home.

I'm not quite sure what a NARP is, though. You have to forgive me, but the English major in me really hates acronyms. All I can find is National Association of Railroad Passengers and Native American Resource Partners. I'm probably completely off, but I don't know what you're talking about there, haha.

@Bbain

I do actively seek out events. I went to both years of Screwattack's convention and met some people, but again, being in a different state really hampers my communication. I don't speak with these guys as often as other friends, but I can't really turn to them when I need someone. It's just difficult when you're 3000 miles away.

@Fraser Brown

Gaming certainly didn't make me fat. I weigh 160 lbs and can bench press around 120, which is constantly increasing due to me frequenting the gym near my home. If anything, the lack of school and friends has given me plenty of time to bulk up.

The only reason I throw myself into situations I'm more comfortable with is because I find it's best to react under pressure. If I can pull off something when the cards are stacked completely against me, I usually feel really good about myself.

I do see your point entirely, though. I'm not quite sure what else around me shares the same hobbies as me, but I haven't met a lot of gamers in my area. Maybe it's just because I don't ask, but it seems everyone else is interested in the exact opposite of me.

There is one kid I work with who is a pretty big gamer, though. I don't see him quite enough, but I could always talk to him some more.

@DrButler

I don't think you've ever had a problem that keeps you petrified. Sure, it may be a small bit of me not wanting to change or try, but there's also the huge voice in my head that lists off all the things that can go wrong. Even if I can logically tell myself nothing will go wrong, I often cripple under the fear of what can go wrong.

Wow, my responses sound a little negative. I want to thank you all for reading my blog and offering advice. Hell, I didn't even think anyone would finish this read, let alone offer words of wisdom.

I love videogames, play them and think about them whenever I can, and I have a wife, tons of friends, a day job doing social work.

In short, I believe with all my heart that gaming doesn't have to limit your ability to be social. Fear and doubt are what limits you. Gaming is just one thing people turn to when they need relief from those emotions. It could have been books, painting, music, work, piano, drugs, porn, anything at all. For you, it's gaming. That's an important thing to identify.

Once you identify a problem, or in this case, a pattern of behavior that isn't leading to the desired goal (friends, girlfriend, etc) you've got to make smaller goals, and put a plan into action to meet them. Maybe you don't have the courage to ask a girl out. Instead, why not ask some guys to hang out after work. You may not want to. You may not see the point. It may seem like more of a pain than it's worth, but so does bench pressing 25 pounds five times. That's the only way to start down the road that will lead you to bench pressing 250 pounds, if that's something you want to do.

The same goes for gaming. If it feels like a crutch, slowly transform that crutch into a walking stick, and that walking stick into a sword. Change your game playing habits, in terms of both the games you play, and when and why you play them, into something that works for you. It may not happen overnight, but small goals headed in that direction, and a realistic plan to meet them, is a time proven method to achieve effective change.

One thing is for sure, you know that continuing to do what you're doing isn't working for you, so any small change is a potentially good one. Try new things, whatever they are, and be proud of yourself for trying. Pride and hope are the antidotes for fear and doubt. It's up to you to mix them and take them daily.

I believe you can do it, homey!

@J Holmes

Wow, damn. I feel honored that you actually read this. I can say that I'm not afraid of change in my gaming habits. Over the years, I've morphed from predominantly platformers to shooters and then RTS games and now I'm probably playing more different genres than you. I'm not sure where else my evolution can take me, but I suppose my extreme love of Street Fighter could lead to some social events.

I do have problems believing in myself. I always liked gaming for how to proved me wrong. I would often doubt I could finish something only to find that I am able to surmount nearly any challenge I put my mind to.

My current place of employment may not be the best place to ask people to hang out, but I do plan on getting a second job soon. While I'm not going to ignore the current people I work with, I think I'd feel a bit more comfortable if my co-workers were at least a few years apart in age, as opposed to 7 or 8.

Anyway, thank you for that response. From that alone, it's easy to understand why you're so likeable in your videos.

@ Jonathan Holmes - I just want to let you know that the stuff you lay down here helps me with the social work I do, and inspires me to pursue it in a socially approval/legal capacity.

You're a good man, Jon. Don't ever change.

- ^v^

*approvable

Let's all hug john and.KingSigy!!

Or better yet, we could make an attempt at saying something relevant to our society.

Oh wait, there is no "our society". Just a bunch of spoiled children who ignore the opinions of others and those who suffer for it. Good luck with the imminent recession and the home invasions that are soon to follow.

@Jon

what a great response. *round of applause*

@KingSigy

If you're having problems making connections with the people you do meet in your daily life, that is ok. There is nothing wrong about being picky, even if it makes you lonely sometimes. There are other places to make friends and meet people with similar interests, and locally too, not just out of state internet/convention/what-have-you friends.

Some suggestions:

1) start going to church. It's ok if you don't believe (I sure as hell don't) but it is a great place to meet people. Find one that doesn't offend you, there are sure to be a bunch of friendly people there.

2) craigslist. I know, I know, it has a terrible reputation, but you'd be surprised. Just be honest and you never know who might respond to a personal you post. cl is not very useful outside major cities though.

3) gk2gk.com. It's not free, but it is a *great* place to meet fellow nerds.

Best of luck!

I forgot one more suggestion until after I posted: try volunteering for causes you like. Whatever that may be. If you don't have any causes you like, pretend! It will force you to socialize, you'll be doing something good for the community, and you will (hopefully) enjoy it. There are tons of volunteer opportunities no matter where you are, and all of them have websites that are just a google search away!

First of all, Siggy, I commend your bravery for posting this at all. Lonliness, anxiety and despair are painful and private things - I speak from experience. So big ups to you for being so open. As you can see, revealing things about yourself to an accepting, supportive audience leads to helpful results.

J. Holmes and Elsa hit it on the head - your gaming is not at fault. The problem lies in the reason you're gaming: using it as an escape from things you're not comfortable in dealing with yet. However, what are you escaping from? Of course I'm filtering your words through my own experiences, but I'd venture an educated guess that you're using games to deal with your depression.

That's a big word that covers a lot of territory, to be sure. There's all sorts of reasons for depression, but the symptoms are a shorter list. Low self-esteem, low self-worth, thoughts of suicide, extreme social anxiety, self-imposed reclusiveness, trading real experiences for manufactured ones, hopelessness - all these feelings and behaviors are extremely common in those that suffer from chronic depression.

There are wonderful people on Dtiod and they all mean well. They have given you some excellent advice. Like the well-meaning people they are, they have also told you that you'll get over these feelings, that life will work itself out, and that with a little effort and some changes you'll be okay. They're being genuine, they're not lying.

Now, Siggy, I'm going to be straight with you. I've dealt with depression most of my life, from childhood on, and I can tell you honestly that it does not simply go away. What you've described above is not a little case of 'the blues.' It's something that has marked every developmental stage of your life. You've been running from it since early childhood, same as me. Your emotions are powerful, powerful things and the negative ones must be taken seriously. I'm sorry, it may not be the sunshiney good-wishes that the others have left you, but to say otherwise, for me, would be a lie because I know better. BUT - KEEP READING! -

THERE IS HOPE! Really! Just because something isn't easy to deal with doesn't mean you're not up to the challenge buddy! Because you totally are! However, to combat an enemy one must first sense the threat. Admitting to yourself that you're seriously depressed is paramount. It's the big first step, and for a lot of people it can be a scary one. There's a stigma associated with depression. Some see it as a sort of personal weakness, or they hear about pysch meds and are afraid some doctor is going to drug them beyond coherency. Well, I can tell you that I personally fight a similar mental cocktail to your own, and do so without any help from a shrink or meds.

That's just me, though. Everyone is unique. I'm not here to tell you what to do. I'm just commenting to tell you that 1. You are not alone. 2. You have reason to hope. 3. You are worthy of love and friends. 4. You can lead a happier life. 5. It won't be easy, but it can get easier.

So, a few positive tips that have helped me greatly over the years, and then a little something about girls. Okay?

Firstly, us depressed folk can become a bit self-absorbed. When we isolate ourselves, we tend to go inward with our thoughts. That exascerbates the anxiety and negative self-image we already have. We harp on our own mistakes, we relive arguments and the like in our minds, we generally wind ourselves up and then crash. The best antidote to this, in fact the best anitdote for depression in general that I know, is simply: DO FOR OTHERS.

Unselfish, unrequested, charitable giving. It's fantastic stuff. Find someone in your family or community that needs something you can do. Maybe they're elderly and you can run their errands. Maybe they're handicapped and you can help with household chores. Maybe they're just really busy and you can pick up the slack. But when you take the initiative, Siggy, and you don't accept anything in return - well it's just a fantastic sense of accomplishment. Your self-worth will instantly level-up. And then these little connective tissues between you and others will begin to heal and regenerate. It will build relationships that you can have confidence in, because who will judge you as a 'social pariah' while you're doing wonderful things for them out of the goodness of your heart? No one, Siggy, that's who.

These acts of kindness are also a great training exercise for when you do find yourself in a relationship. We're all born into this world selfish, screaming for the breast. To be selfless is a skill, and it must be learned. Believe me, a long-term relationship is an unflinching mirror that reveals what we all need to work on. The more practice you get at being self-motivated to give of yourself, the easier romantic love will become. Being a helpful, giving person is also a huge turn-on for the kind of girl who's looking to settle down. It literally makes you more attractive! So don't worry about some supposed inability to relate to women, because women are not all the same. You only have to worry about dating one at a time, right? The girl you ask out is the only one you have to worry about relating to, so don't sweat the rest of them.

Oh, yeah, about that. There's a huge myth about being in love that unfortunately is imprinted on all our brains by every love song, movie and TV show we've ever seen that dealt with the topic. It is this: falling in love will make a sad person happy and cures lonliness. Well, Siggy, as a married man I can tell you that whoever you are before love is the person you'll be afterwards. Oh sure, there's that heady time in the middle when you're all warm and fuzzy and horny and giddy. But like any high, that passes and reality is still there staring at you. This sounds like bad news, I know. But like any knowledge it can give you power. Power over your depression. How?

Waiting for a girl to come along and 'fix' your heart will wear you out. Even more crushing can be the realization that it's not her job to fix you at all. So don't believe in the myth. Your feelings are yours to control. You, Siggy, are not dependant on an outside source to complete you and make it all better. Lonliness and being alone are two different things. The first is an emotion, the second a state of being. Lonliness can be replaced by all sorts of relationships. Being alone is cured by 'getting the girl.' See the difference?

I sincerely hope my thoughts make some sort of sense and that you can take away from them some food for thought, maybe even some enlightenment. Depression, as I said, is powerful. No likes it when someone trifles with their feelings - so don't trifle with your own. Understand the danger they pose, and resolve yourself to combat them. Learn, learn, learn about your depression. Keep a diary if need be, a log of your good days and bad days and most importantly - why you had a good or bad day. And if you feel really lost Siggy, or like all your good efforts are getting you nowhere, then please don't be afraid to seek help from someone. If not a therapist, then at least a parent or mature trusted relative. Please don't shrug this off, and please don't lose hope in yourself. You've got so much life left to live. And of course, keep posting here! There's bunches of rad people who will listen and support you. I'm one of 'em. Peace, dude.

Ahh dude, that feeling sucks. I had a similar experience in my early twenties and it took me nearly 5 years to get back to feeling confident and like my old self. Even then it wasn't the old me, it was something much happier and confident then I could have been without the strife.

Like yourself I avoided social situations and women, I simply had no interest in anything. I worked, I came home and slept. Twas a sad and lonely experience but I breached that fucker and now I'm very happy with where I'm at.

Reading about my experience and how I'm doing now won't make you happier or more confident or drowning in a sea of playboy models but hopefully it can show you that there is always light at the end of the tunnel (and perhaps some bunny girls).

@Princevaliant

I'd feel bad about attending church. While I used to be a huge believer, I'm an absolute atheist now. I wouldn't want to connect with someone on a false pretense and then have to explain to them I was simply looking for a friend.

I have heard of Gk2Gk, though. I'm not sure if I can afford it at the moment, but that might be a nice place to look into one day. I don't know if I trust Craigslist, but I guess I can use that, too.

@DynamoJoe

You wrote an awful lot, haha. I did manage to read it all and you've given some great suggestions. I saw a therapist two times in my life. The first was because my school demanded I go to one and the second was after my grandmother's death.

Both times I left because I felt like I was getting no where. I was too shy the first time to explore my feelings and the second time, my doctor got stuck on the fact that I was hurt by some girl. I was a lot more focused on my aunt's death, but he only wanted to talk about some girl I was getting over (and pretty well, mind you).

I've tried meds, too, and they didn't really do much. Instead of talking about issues I was having, I'd get more secluded and spacey. Hell, in the beginning I actively tried to kill myself, so I'm not going down that road again.

Your comments about women, though, are what are helping me the most. I will not lie and say that I've constantly sought female attention as a way of curing myself. Knowing that it will not work is probably the best thing for me. I'd hate to fall for someone and then ruin their good time with my bad mood.

Regardless, I'll keep what you and the others have said and refer to it in the future. If I ever feel sad or down, at least I'll have proof that it gets better.

Nothing much more I can add that hasn't been said yet mate, but I heard/read a pretty great quote not too long ago that went a little something like . . . "Don't go looking for someone to be your significant other, because you'll be looking to cater to their wants. Keep doing what you love and one day, you'll meet someone who you can love, and loves you for what you love. It may be lonely now and you may want a quick fix, but if you stay positive and continue to be yourself, things will just naturally work out." <3

When I was in college, people told me that they didn't have time to play games.

I obtained two degrees, took at least 5 classes a semester, did well, had a wife (well, girlfriend/fiance/future wife :D), and raided in WoW 3-4 times a week, in addition to play every game I could get my hands on.

It's all about time management - if you have a significant other, after they go to bed is a GREAT time to play games (of course, only do this once or twice a week), as you can just relax, wind down, and game to your heart's content. If your wife doesn't like you leaving the room, compromise down to playing 3DS or PSP in bed, or what have you.

Thanks a ton for sharing - my advice would be "find time to enjoy your passion". You never want to give that up (even though you may need to moderate it).

I add that desperation a few years back. You know what, I started playing again a sport that I playe as a kid. I didn't make friends, but just the simple act of talking to people dealt with the problem. I would then come back home, feel satisfied, and play a game.

I am also 23.

Simple advice: opportunities, make them happen.

They say the hardest part of any journey is the first step, and you've already taken that by wanting to change your situation. You've received some very good advice here, but the best advice is to start small, as Holmes said, but please - don't ever pretend to be something that you're not. (like suggested by going to church, or pretending to like some group thing just to belong) You'll never be happy building something on false foundation.

Keep pushing yourself to interact with people, whether it's on the net, while gaming online, or people you work with. (Even if you know they're not someone you'd hang out with it still helps with becoming more relaxed around a variety of people) Not everyone is a social magnet, some of us have to work at making close friends by inviting people to do things and go places. Look for other things you enjoy besides games and try to join a group for that, or get involved in activities around it.

As Holmes said, games are not the fault here. It's just one of many things a person can fall back on to find relief from everyday problems. Gaming actually helped me. After 10 years of being totally isolated from friends and interaction with people, gaming gave me the confidence to change a life I hated and become more social. The more you place yourself in contact with people, the more self-confident you'll become. Keep pushing yourself to take those steps and soon you'll believe in yourself. ;)

I would just like to offer another suggestion (though it may have been listed in the plentiful amount of comments already). Exercise, regardless of your physical shape currently, is an incredibly important way to boost your self esteem, confidence, and social attitude. Getting in better shape is intrinsically beneficial for a ton of reasons, but it also releases endorphins that, from personal experience, can literally turn your perspective around.

I was always chubby, even after getting my associate's degree, but after utilizing the university gym for a year, I was physically attractive to a number of girls, which was a first for me. It doesn't have to change who you are at all; you just are removing your reasons to not be social and increasing your self esteem simultaneously.

The Dtoid community has once again overwhelmed me with it's compassion, it's open mind and kindness. I've had to deal with a depression not so long ago, and I'll hopefully write something inspiring here, but right now I'm just too blow away by the amazing comments, so much in fact that my mind has drifted somewhere else. So naturally I feel hard pressed to come up with something original but nothing comes to mind right now. However I really hope things will work out for you KingSigy!

@Funktastic

Thanks. It definitely is hard to be myself, but I always try my best to remain true to my heart.

@Magnalon

I'm getting better at time management. While nothing is of utter importance in my life right now, I have managed to plow through 14 Zelda games in the past two months while hitting the gym nearly every day and going to work.

I do need to practice moderation, though. If you were to see me drink, you'd know how hard it is for me to stop something.

@Nic128

I always feel awkward when I speak to someone unprovoked. I don't normally have a problem when they address me, it's just me taking the first step. It's something I'll keep working on while at work, as long as my boss isn't being his typical douchebag self.

@Jaded

I should probably look for some groups, but I'm never sure of what's around my area. Living in the Northeast doesn't provide a lot of opportunities for young people. My aunt did tell me that a bunch of younger nurses work at the Cancer wing at my mom's hospital, so I may volunteer there.

@Arrtemis

You don't have to worry about me exercising. Other than the fact that I injured myself last week, I go to the gym around 5-6 times a week. I haven't had such of a confidence boost, but my energy levels are through the roof.

@Kaggen

You can take your time in giving me a response. I'm just glad you took the time to read this and offer me your support. That shows a lot to me.

Thanks for opening up to us, I know it must have been difficult choosing to hit that publish blog button.

I was in a somewhat similar boat, but I decided to start pushing myself out of that rut, it wasn't easy. In highschool I spent my lunch time hiding in the bathrooms and behind school buildings because I didn't have anyone to hang out with. You just need to learn to overcome you're nervouseness, it's not easy hell I haven't even conqured it. The feelings that you have are not exlusice to you every human needs companionship in some form. You just need to learn to put yourself out there. Not everyone is going to like you and that feeling of rejection you get when people don't like the real you is so miserable. You just have to push yourself out there and if people don't like you, they're either being dicks, or they simply don't like you, not everyone is going to like you. I do my best to be nice and humorous to everyone, but I've had to deal with alot of hatred in my life that nearly broke my sanity.

You're young, about the same age as me. You still have an oppurtinity to change things, it's never to late. I decided to push myself out there and it was a great decison for me, and what I learned from it was that I like to be alone. I found out that I wasn't missing much, everyone needs friends, but not everyone needs lots of friends, sometimes one really good one is enough. I have one best friend, and another that I visit every month or two. I spend most of my time alone, and I'm fine with that. I got a cat, and he's helped fill an emptyness in my life, if you don't already have a pet consider getting one because they make amazing companions.

You're biggest issue just seems to be learning how to socialize. You can read books, watch documentaries, or reaseach on the internet how to become a better socializer. I know it sounds cheesy, but I researched how to socialize and it benefited me, of course though for that research to actually work you have to be practicing what you're reading. What helped me get over it was realizing people are just people, I shouldn't be nervous to talk to them because they're just like me. Even girls, they're human, yes they're different, but they're human and she feels the same nervousness that you do.

One thing that I found suprisingly worked was that I use to slouch when I walked, once I corrected my posture my confidence rose. This might not apply to you, but if you have bad posture try fixing it, one trick is if you're slouching imagine a balloon is on the top of your head making your body straight. Second thing to do is making eye contact with people, and then slowly building up. You're still young Sigy, and you've identified your problem, put effort into socializing and your life will improve. I'm not going to lie and say that it's easy and that your life is going to be sunshine and rainbows from now forward, but if you genuienly true you will be much happier with yourself.

You gotta take small steps in the right direction every day. If you're too desperate, you're going to give up or force it too hard. Keep being yourself, but reach out of your comfort zone every day in some way. Being genuine always helps.

Plus, remember that you are what you are. I have only a handful of good friends, whereas some people have dozens or more. I don't measure my life by others' standards.