Right now I'm scared out of my mind after binging on Quarantine and Left 4 Dead, and I come here to see the clogs filled with these. So why not, right?

1. I'm a fat fuck... but I'm a very picky eater
Ever since I was a kid I never liked trying foods. I remember at a cub scout camping trip, I basically held up dinner for a good 15-20 minutes because I'd never tried roast dinner before. The first time I ate pizza was a year ago at a friend's house, and I haven't eaten it since (But I do like it). When people see me turn down meat, they assume I'm vegetarian and start probing around. Really I just don't like the taste.

2. I used to want to be a games tester
Lincoln is a crap town. There's nothing to do, especially if you're a kid. So when my dad told me his friend worked at Salamander Studios (Now Rockstar Lincoln) as a video game designer, I started bugging him to get me a job as a games tester. I was naive, young and knee-deep in my gaming fantasy. My dad indulged me and we went looking for the place, but never found it. Funnily enough, my mum now knows someone who works there, although now it's used for localization testing.

3. My first internet access was broadband
Yeah, be jealous bitches! 256k motherfuckers, back when all my friends had dial-up and spent hours downloading songs off Morpheus. Sad thing is internet speeds are pathetic where I live now.

4. My first Nintendo home console was the Wii
Nintendo was the black sheep where I was brought up. All my friends, including myself, had a Mega Drive. Then we all jumped to the Playstation, acting as if the N64 never happened. I knew one person who had one, but it was covered in dust next to Sony's grey beast. From there came the PS2, Xbox and now 360. Now apparently it's cool to own Nintendo here in the UK, although that didn't end well, and I sold my Wii last year. I did own a lot of Nintendo handhelds though (The brick, pocket, colour, advance and now DS)

5. I used to skate... badly
On my birthday, my friends convinced me to buy a World Industries deck for about £80. I was gullible and stupid, but I did learn to ollie and could probably do a kickflip like 1 in 20-something tries. Plus the trucks were wonky and the board always leaned to the left which wasn't fun at all.

6. I got my nickname out of annoyance
Back when Futurama was on, I'd get called Kif by friends purely to piss me off. And it worked for a good few months. Hell I even received mail to Kif! Then I learned to live with it, and I've been called Kif ever since. Of course when I met new people, they assumed it was Keef for some reason. Oh, and people think my gamertag Kifisonfire is Kifi's On Fire, so I get called Kifi a lot on Xbox Live. It's my fault though. That was back when I thought Alexisonfire was Alex Is On Fire.

7. I've never seen Star Wars
But I did own Empire and Jedi on VHS, which is odd I suppose. Oh, and I still haven't seen Episodes 2 and 3. Maybe that's a good thing though considering things I've read.

8. I'm an achievement whore
Again, this is kind of untrue. I won't play games purely for achievements. You won't see me boasting about a 100% on TMNT or King Kong (Lost Via Domus is my only guilty choice here, because I was misguided and thought it might be good). But games I do love, I will at least try to play up to completion. Achievements are what force me to really play a game. Plus I just love that "bleep bloop" sound.

9. I am kind of lazy
Scratch that, I'm extremely lazy. Let's put this in perspective here. I used to skip school a lot, I didn't study for exams, I would do ANYTHING to get out of homework. And yet I still walked out of school with high enough grades to study A-Levels. I studied Audio Technology and passed, but have yet to go to uni. I've always wanted to work on audio for games, but considering how slim the market is, that might just be a pipedream. I still love recording and writing music though.

10. I was an O.C. fanboy
Like, obsessed, fan-fiction writing, bought-custom-DVDRs-before-the-DVDs-were-even-out fanboy. It's not a proud moment of my life, and if you dug around you'd easily find some of my horrendous shit. What can I say, I was a teenager and I was very easily entertained. Besides, that show was good for the first two seasons and if you say otherwise I'll have to cut a bitch up.