Kibs's Profile - Destructoid

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Fuck, seriously?

I hate these bio things.
Following (2)  

Since even top tier videogames need to make money at some point, it's a very good idea to make sure that your games appeal to all sorts of markets, and I feel many games should follow in the Bioshock Infinite footsteps. Not only that, but I feel that Naughty Dog made a horrible mistake by refusing to move that dirty female to the back of their cover art.

As such I feel that more publishers should also make downloadable alternate box art for their games, and have mocked up a few alternate safe covers that will appeal to a more people.

I urge you all to download and replace your current box art for these games to show support for our game industry that so desperately needs to play it safe now more than ever!

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No it's not every day, who gives a crap?

WARNING: Expletives, lots and lots of goddamn expletives.

I know I said I had a post about Fighting Games coming up, and it still is, but this sort of just happened, so deal with it.

Today I'm going to use a magical new system called "read whatever the fuck you want, but you can see points in italics linked to explanations and examples in bold, just match them up with their corresponding number in (parenthesis)." Or as I like to call it: "Fucking Complicated".

First off:

I own an Xbox360, a PS3, a PS2, a PSP, a Wii, and an iPhone. The only relevant console on the market I do not own is a Nintendo DS, but that's going to change pretty soon, assuming the 3DS gives out the magical handjobs Nintendo says it will, and that makes me forget my hate of 3D enough to get one.

No FUCKING glasses, bitches.


Now on to what I'm here to talk about.
I am not a fanboy, I don't claim allegiance to any one console or company, I own more Samsung products than either Microsoft or Sony, so brand me as a Samsung fanboy, but I'll change my views on that when Samsung stops making sexy as hell TVs and Monitors.

Do I like one console more than another? Sure, but not overall, I like different aspects of each of my consoles. One of them may get more use than another from time to time, but that's fucking irrelevant because your mom sucks dick.

During E3 I said something to one of my friends who is a devout Sony Fanboy, I don't remember what it was, but it was either not 100% positive Sony, or not 100% negative Microsoft, but it made him say; "Oh you're just an Xbox fanboy" and I'm sitting there thinking; "No, you're just a fucking Sony fanboy, I'm just NOT being a fanboy, motherfucker". I've spent a lot of time being branded an Xbox fanboy simply for being fair and giving voice to my concerns when others are so ignorantly dismissive and biased.

Since when does giving voice to an opposing opinion make you biased?

Yes I own an Xbox and yes I play it, that doesn't make me a goddamn fucking fanboy. What makes you a fanboy is (1) owning only one console, swearing your allegiance to it, and (2) ignoring any flaws it might have.

I love my girlfriend, she knows this, and she knows that I have to use her as an example. Sorry, hun.

My girlfriend is a Sony fangirl, tried and true, she knows this, I know this, (3) she willingly admits it, I live with it. (1) My Girlfriend owns more than just Sony products, she owns a Nintendo Wii that I got her (custom painted her favorite color, because I'm a FUCKING AWESOME boyfriend, ask her, she'll tell you), a Nintendo DS, she even owns a Zune and somehow thinks it's better than my iPhone, but she's still a Sony fangirl of her own volition, and with the territory comes some of the traits of fangirlism.

Aside from the obvious sworn allegiance, (2) she ignores flaws in her gaming system of choice, or gives excuses for why something that is an intrinsically bad thing is good for her, notice I said "for her". You can talk facts, data, and ergonomics all day, but what fanboyism truly comes down to is opinion. Several things I've brought up in past arguments with her (stupid arguments that change nothing about anyone's opinion because A. You cannot change a fanboy's opinion, and B. Becuase they're fucking pointless to begin with, why should I argue with her when I can be doing something more productive, like NOT spending an hour arguing whether or not Trophies should be automatically synced) I've brought up some incredibly valid points about why the PS3 isn't the best console in every aspect of what it takes to be a gaming console, but that doesn't matter, because in her opinion the PS3 is the best console in every aspect of what it takes to be a gaming console. She'd probably even argue that the PS3 would be a better Xbox than an Xbox if you brought up the subject. But I've learned, I've learnd that it doesn't matter because that's her opinion, and I have my own. I'm not forcing her to buy an Xbox, and she's not forcing me to burn mine, therefore there should be no problems.

But there are (4).

I make it a personal goal to be as fair to each console as possible, that also means I'm also mean to each console when it's called for. Did I ridicule Microsoft for having an incredibly gay presentation for Kinect? You bet I did. Did I ridicule Sony for being full of themselves to the point where they said "We'll try to do for 3D what we did for Blu-Ray" even though implementation of Blu-Ray on the PS3 had a minimal effect on the format wars, and that they had to ask people to put 3D glasses on for their presentation while Nintendo, not two hours earlier, just unveiled that they just did for 3D what most people don't even fucking comprehend the science behind? No FUCKING glasses. You bet I did, sure it takes a little more explaining, but sometimes being retarded is a lot more complicated than dancing around like a flamingo while wearing spandex.

I didn't make fun of Nintendo during E3, however, because they didn't deserve it, because Nintendo proved the existence of a God that truly cares about gamers. Praise be to Shigeru Miyamoto.

(4) However, my girlfriend is not as generous. Many of the stupid, pointless arguments we continue to have are based on me retorting to her attitude towards all things Microsoft. Even when something good is announced for the Xbox, she still finds some way to look at it in a negative light, just like it Sony announced that the PS3 would condemn your immortal soul to burn in hell, she'd say that hell is where she wanted to go anyway, and this was a sure-fire way to get there. I'm obviously exaggerating, here...or am I...You get my point. Fanboying doesn't only reach sofaras to ignore flaws in your own console, it makes it so you cannot view the other in a positive light.

I play several games on multiple consoles because I like Achievements, and I like Trophies, and if a multi-platform game is simple enough to 100% on both consoles, or if the game is simply just that good, I will play it on both consoles. While playing these multi-platform games I've noticed some trends. Multi-platform games tend to do better on the Xbox360. If you don't believe me go to and read their head2head reviews, they break that shit down to a science. But let me tell you one thing before you start labeling me as an Xbox fanboy; I came to that conclusion based off of personal experience with the facts. Anyone that states that games are better on one platform over another that has not experienced the game on both platforms is someone who's opinion you can generally ignore because, other than in a few exceptional cases (LOLBayonetta), they don't fucking know. They're just spewing the same fanboy bile they heard from their fellow fanboys who came up with the idea because they're fanboys.

It's a downward spiral; they refuse to play games on a console they don't own because they won't buy the console because they think the games are worse on the console they refuse to buy because they think that the console is worse than the console they own, which makes them think the games are worse on the console they refuse to buy because they think the games are worse on that console because they think that console sucks because THEY'RE A FUCKING FANBOY.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. I've seen less circular reasoning in political debates.

What's wrong with being a fanboy? Generally speaking, nothing. People are fanboys because they have opinions. However, being a fanboy can be very limiting to your experience. Take a 6 year old, their opinion that "vegetables are yucky" is likened to that of a fanboy's hatred of a console. Because the person is so close-minded, and quick to shut out anything from the thing they hate so much, they miss out on all of the good aspects of that thing. Even if one console truly IS better than another, you're forgetting that better simply means "has more good things to offer", that does not mean that everything on the other console in question is automatically bad. Yes, Uncharted may be game of the year, but that doesn't mean Halo 3 is a terrible game, they're both good games, and they're both perfect for the people who like them.

While we're on that subject. People play different genres, and certain people like certain types of games. Just because a console has more of one genre than another doesn't mean that console is just for those people, or that the console doesn't have a right to exist. The Xbox isn't just a console for meat-headed FPS ragetards, and the PS3 isn't just for whiny-emo RPG bitches, simply stated, you can find RPGs on the Xbox, and you can find FPS games on the PS3, they just tend to be found more on one console than another, and those aren't the only genres available, there are a wide range of multi-platform action adventure games, and some exclusives. Not to mention the downloadable games that are exclusive to either console, there are a lot of good games out there from small developers that can't budget for a big release, or the idea for their game simply doesn't warrant a full-sized title. The point is that the only thing limiting a certain console to a certain demographic is your own mind.

The road to recovery.
(3) There are a lot of fanboys out there who deny being a fanboy, but it is apparent due to their actions. The first step towards not being a douche-baggy fanboy is simply admitting that maybe you are that douche-baggy fanboy you accuse others of being, yourself. The next time you're about to hate on an Xbox, or accuse someone of being a Sony fanboy, just stop and ask yourself two questions: 1. Am I really going to change this person's opinion by RAGE-ing at them? 2. Does it really matter what this anonymous person on the internet thinks?

In closing:
Fanboys and fangirls are the cause of a lot of dissension and hatred. My girlfriend hates the Xbox not because of anything Microsoft or the console did, but because she had to deal with Xbox fanboys for a long period of time. The next time you explain to someone why you made your console choice try making your point out reasons why your console works for you, not why the other console sucks. You'll get a lot farther, and everyone else will, hopefully, be a lot more civil. If the choose to fanboy as a response, let them, it will just show who's willing to have an intelligent discussion, and who wants to just fangasm all over the opposition.

Fanboying doesn't help anyone, it only makes you look stupid.


Fun Facts, Motherfuckers:
While the Playstation 3 at one point had a very short list of games, it has recently risen from the ashes and has some of the best exclusive games on the market, and often contains exclusive content for multi-platform games. That is, if you can put up with the frame-tearing, substandard anti-aliasing, and mandatory installs that still manage to yield slower loading times.

The Xbox360's failure rate is around 50%, but this isn't due to the hardware alone, a lot of people are uneducated on how to take proper care of their console. You can avoid a lot of problems by not using your Xbox in "tower" mode, you're less likely to bump your Xbox and damage your disc, and the RROD is often caused by the Xbox getting hot enough to melt the solder that holds a specific chip in place, keeping your Xbox flat helps to prevent the solder from dripping down or moving out of place if it gets a bit melty. Just because a console is fragile doesn't mean it's bad, it just requires a bit of care. Too bad the target demographic for the Xbox are 13 year old failed abortions who can't comprehend the basic ideas behind not treating their belongings like shit.

The Wii may be a silly wagglefest, but Nintendo doesn't give a shit about hardcore gamers, they've got fucking Mario, Metroid, and Zelda, and a market demographic that could win an election. Plus their E3 Conference will give anyone multiple orgasms.

5:46 AM on 06.10.2010

Because I can.

I'm going to quit in an interesting way. I have some ideas, but does anyone have any suggestions? I'd love to hear your input.

1:30 AM on 06.05.2010

I have, like, 12 things to do, but have not the motivation to do them. One of them even has a deadline (slicing up Tomocast for Sunday), but fuck you, productivity, I have nothing better to do, so I choose to do nothing.

I have a post upcoming about fighting games and how I don't really like them or some shit like that. You don't even know.

Look forward to that if I ever have any time to not procrastinate other shit.

12:14 AM on 04.24.2010

I'm aware this isn't a game, but fuck if I care.

For some time now I've been a member of the d-toid community, not a very active one, but an avid fan of the site. It wasn't always like that, back around a year ago I tried to ease my way into the Kotaku (that will hereby be referred to as "those motherfuckers") community. I tried my best to write well-formed, intelligent comments. The only problem I had with the commenting system was that my comments always needed to be approved by someone. This wasn't a big problem, I figured "they're a big site, they probably get a lot of spam", but the more and more I tried to comment, the more and more I realized the underlying problem. I simply wasn't commenting "right".

Before we get into the really bad stuff, let's talk about the normally bad stuff:
For the longest time I'd been trying to do that "audition" thing those motherfuckers say you have to do to be able to comment, the only problem is that it's never made clear what that was, and how you go about it. From what I understand at this point it involves removing the part of your brain that disagrees with those motherfuckers and something about drinking the blood of a goat.

Now Here's where things get sticky. I eventually got fed up with trying to audition for those motherfuckers (those goats run fast), and I tried my hand at IMing their Japanese Correspondent, Brian Ashcraft (hereby referred to as "Douchey McFaggerson"). I contacted Mr. McFaggerson asking him about the lobotomy and goats blood, he asked me to see a comment of mine, so I pointed him to one, unfortunately in that comment I made a small point that he had misspelled something, or something of that nature, it's too long ago, and carving the upside-down cross into my chest that night caused me to pass out from blood loss, so I'm hazy on the details. He gave me a bit of a reassuring answer, telling me he'd get on the case, but a few weeks passed and after the local farm had started questioning me about their missing goats I felt it was best to try and contact him again.

After explaining to Douchey the case (again) he gave no reply to me, I would have pushed a little, but I had noticed that one of the candles had lit the altar to satan I'd built in honor of those motherfuckers on fire, so I had to deal with that, and explaining the dried goat corpses to the firemen took a while.

Eventually they began a contest that I was interested in, the deadline of that contest being the upcoming Saturday at Midnight, I remember this explicitly, as I had learned that one's experience on those motherfuckers could be enhanced by, and was intended for, you to be on illegal drugs that suspend your disbelief and open your mind to all types of suggestion. I had to get things set up for my entry, and everything was going smoothly, until Saturday rolls around, apparently, to those motherfuckers, "Saturday at midnight" means "Friday at midnight", I was flabbergasted, I quickly went to the original post to see the contest rules, but it had craftily been edited, normally I would have simply accepted this without giving it a second though, but the child I'd taken into slavery (after killing his parents) wasn't back from the drug run.

Come to think of it he never did come back, and the police started coming around my house more often..

But I digress. I logged back on the next morning to see that my account had been banned, as I read the words my eyes truly opened and I felt a heavy burden lift off of my back. It turns out that that was merely the effect of the drugs wearing off, and the crows that were picking away at the hole in the back of my head where I'd cut out part of my grey matter got bored and flew away.

Why do those motherfuckers deserve their E for their effort? Because as much as I hate them, they were at one point a fairly decent news source, even if all of their news came 4 days late. Even now, if you dig deep enough into the pointless posts about "how Utada Hikaru plays tetris", or "how one editor took 5 or 6 pictures at a convention, fapped to them in his hotel room, then posted them up" you can still find one or two posts that actually contain news, and maybe, once in a blue moon, one of them will be just facts, and not "the facts as the editor sees them".

All in all, those motherfuckers, as a website, seem to not enjoy people disagreeing with them, so I will honor their wishes, and henceforth not visit their site.
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1:10 AM on 04.23.2010

So one of the 91.8 DJs has been watching that one show, and apparently they're doing casting calls.

She is auditioning for Glee, or glEE or whatever. Either way, give her a gold star if you like her, even if you don't you can still fap, win/win.