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My name is Ken. I have a deep passion for art and storytelling, video games in particular. You can follow me on Twitter here:

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All together, the first season of the The Walking Dead: The Game is easily one of my favourite games ever made. As such, I have high expectations of season two. Avoiding all of the coverage of the game up to today, I plunged in to the second season hopeful, and came out not feeling overly excited, but satisfied nonetheless.

I will be going fully in-depth with this episode. Expect full spoilers for all of season one, 400 Days, and the latest episode, "All the Remains".

The Technical Stuff

If there's one issue that has plagued this series throughout more than any other, it's the horrible performance. This is a real shame, because it detracts from the overall experience it's working so hard to deliver. The action sequences are really intense, but this level of inconsistency in the framerate should be a high priority for the development team, and sadly, it only seems to have gotten worse.

The performance was terrible for the “last time on”, and one of my choices didn't carry over properly, though the rest seem to have. This is honestly something I expected to be ironed out-at least somewhat- in the new season. The stuttering and poor texture quality in this was worse than what I’d seen in any of the previous episodes. The performance remained steady for the next couple of scenes, but by the action sequence, the game was just running terribly. Just as the action starts and the music kicks in, the flow is ruined by the loading screen. It has the need to save seemingly constantly, and every action you make causes the framerate to plummet. When the game is working however, the action bits are incredibly tense, and very fast-paced, when they work.

As seen in the last season, the animations are still a bit stiff. Though this isn't noticeable often, it’s hard not to notice when it does happen. The art style seems to have been given a face lift, with characters being given bolder outlines, and certain characters having a whole new look. I personally prefer the bolder, darker lines, and either way, it's refreshing to see a bit of a change, if minor, from the look of the original episodes.

The Story and Whatnot

The opening scene gets tense as Clementine is being robbed at gunpoint. The game then quickly kills off one of the only surviving characters from season one, setting the tone for the entire story. I was honestly expecting Omid to last a lot longer. Despite all the sadness and death from the earlier episodes, I honestly just expected Omid to save the day. This is only the first scene, right? They wouldn't kill off such an important and well-loved character less than five minutes in, would they?

After a time skip, we get a slightly more mature Clementine, and a much more depressing and ragged Christa. The implications here are obvious, and depressing. From this point, the pacing will take somewhat predictable highs and lows, following a cycle of dialogue, exploration, and action. For the most part, it works well, with each individual component being spaced apart in such a way that it doesn't rely to heavily on one aspect of the game. The dialogue wasn't quite as hard-hitting as the previous episodes, but then again, this is only episode one. I always felt pretty confident in what I wanted to say, and some of the dialogue choices felt like obvious ones. Who can resist the Clementine sad eyes? The action scenes, as I've said, have some technical issues. However, I also felt like there were more close calls this time around, as the game introduced more quick directional swipes-which seems built for iOS-as well as mashing, which works better on console and PC.

The set-pieces this time around seem intent on hardening Clementine into a jaded survivor of the apocalypse. This episode likes to tease the player with hope, than snatch it away as cruelly as possible. The game gives us two familiar characters, one of whom is pregnant, and then kills one of them, and the unborn child in an instant. After trying to feed the dog, it retaliates and bites me, forcing me to kill it. I expected a close companion. I honestly thought Clem would have a canine companion for longer than a single chapter, but no. Even that gets taken away from her. I wasn't expecting that many feels in this episode, honestly. I was expecting a slow start that would set the stage for future feels. Instead, I got a few in-the-moment moments that actually made me tear up a little. Having to stab the dog, then mercy kill it as it flailed around, impaled on two spikes, is already one of the most horrific and pitiful things I've seen in a game.

After a short stealth section (I say stealth, but in truth, it’s no different than the rest of the game, just with a little extra added tension), you have to clean and stitch your wound, which is easily the most gruesome thing I've seen in the series thus far, rivaling the “The Lizard” scene from Heavy Rain. After another close call with a walker, we get some time to reminisce about Lee, and much to my delight, a few callbacks to the first season. There was also the irresistible option to blackmail an unfaithful pregnant woman, which is nice.

The next scene involves an argument, and depending on your dialogue choices thus far, you can choose to open up to Nick, and forgive him. It’s surprising how this game keeps you guessing with its characters. At first, I thought I’d really like Pete, and hate Luke and Nick, but by the end of the episode, the opposite was true. These characters are certainly not flat, that’s for sure.

I'm not sure how to feel about this new group yet. We've got some characters that have been nice, some not so nice, and some who are absolutely mysterious. It's an interesting group, so I'm willing to give them a chance. Still, I hope we get to see a familiar face or two join the group, to get a good mix of old and new. There's obviously not a lot to work with, since most of the first season has been wrapped up pretty tight (with the exception of Christa), but that's sort of the whole point of The Walking Dead: 400 Days. Seeing some of the characters from that episode would be a good compromise. We did get some good closure on the fate of Roman, but I'm hoping more characters seen previously join the cast. Season two can and should stand on its own, but it still should feel like a proper continuation, both for the universe and Clem's character.

The Conclusion Part

The choices this episode were light, and I wasn't all that surprised to find three of the major choices were split 90/10, with two others being 75/25. The options here felt like a no-brainer, and though the moment-to-moment action was still good, I actually think “A New Day” had better setups. Mercy killing the dog seems like the obvious decision, as does saving Nick, the guy who isn't bit. None of these decisions felt difficult to make, which is a shame. Though everyone naturally gravitated towards Carley, I feel that the opening episode of season one still had better “who should you save” decisions, because whilst the first one didn't mean anything, it had an impact on your relationship with another character, and the second at least made me feel bad.

Not a lot of your choices impacted this episode, which makes it feel like this season will stand on its own, rather than a continuation of what’s already happened. Still, the overarching goal seems to have already been put in place, which is to get farther north. Season one waited a few episodes before establishing the “get to Savannah and find a boat” goal, so I’m glad this one has already hinted at a destination. From there however, it’s not entirely clear where the series will go. A lot of the action seems to focus on the situational moments, and not the journey itself.

The purpose of this episode is two-fold: bring some closure by expanding on the aftermath of the season prior, and move forward by starting Clementine's next journey. It arguably accomplishes the former better than the latter, but I overall enjoyed "All That Remains" a little more than "A New Day", which I think I can ultimately attribute to this having an entire season to back it up. There was a lot more action this time around, and the pacing for this season seems to be moving at an entire pace. Whereas the first episode of season one had a nice, quite moment of reflection, this one ends abruptly on a cliffhanger during the climax, cutting out any falling action or denouement. This is something that we see a lot in all forms of The Walking Dead fiction, but it felt a bit too abrasive for me. On the other hand, it's a nice change of pace to see the action moving forward.

Overall, I really liked this episode. I loved Lee, but I think I'm going to enjoy playing as Clementine even more, as we see what will likely be a very profound and satisfying character arc. Like the pilot from the previous season, this wasn't anything too heavy-hitting, but that's to be expected for the setup of the story. I have a feeling that this will be the start of a wild roller coaster ride of feels.
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Having recently gotten back into Borderlands 2, I decided to create a new character, this time playing as the Gunzerker class, Salvador. For those unfamiliar with the franchise, he's basically the tank. However, stats aren't what set Salvador apart from the other characters. Whilst I will say I've dabbled as every class in the series for at least some length of time, the Gunzerker remains my favourite. Why? Because it's probably one of the best examples of a character class in an RPG feeling noticeably different, for all the right reasons.

However, it isn't just that he feels different, because the same can said of Team Fortress 2 and Diablo III. The classes in those games have a different look and feel, because of how they restrict you. You can't be a Pyro with a gatling gun or a Demon Hunter with a two-handed pole arm. In that sense, you're sort of shoe-horned into a specific play style, making them feel different, for somewhat artificial reasons. This doesn't really apply so much to the former example as much as the latter, since that's a multiplayer game in which you have to play a specific role on a team, but it's a good example of what I mean nonetheless.

The Gunzerker class in Borderlands 2 pretty much nails it. On the one hand, his skill trees seem to foster a Gung-ho play style, but it's broad enough that you could conceivably play however you want. The gun play is the core component of Borderlands 2, and your class has no real effect over how you as a player chooses to use the game's weapons. As someone who tends to favour shotguns and assault rifles in most games, this means that no matter which class I pick, I can still play that way, but with a slightly different flavour attached. The downside to this of course, is that it doesn't force me to experiment like some other games do.

There's a bit of a wide spectrum when it comes to character classes in role-playing games. On one end, you have the more flexible systems, like the one found in The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, which allows for organic character growth, but to the point where there aren't really even classes. This system works in that you probably won't feel pigeon-holed to the point of re-rolling halfway through the game, because your character's skills develop based on how you play. Use two-handed weapons? You get better at two-handed weapons. If you fancy yourself a warrior, but you really like to dabble in a couple different types of magic, you don't have to choose. From this, you essentially create your own class, but it doesn't really mean much to me, and I almost always end up making the same kind of character when doing a re-roll.

On the other end of this spectrum, we have more rigid character classes, where the actual tools at your disposal are limited by your class. This is often seen in multiplayer titles such as Team Fortress 2 and Mass Effect 3, but also in more traditional role-playing games such as Diablo III. In these games, you have to settle for whatever appeals to you the most. From there, you can still fine-tune your character, but the feel of the character class is mostly the same regardless of how you spend your skill points. The benefit of this sort of system is that each one feels unique in some way, which gives you a more direct incentive to jump back in as a different character, to see what you missed.

Going back to the topic of this article, the Gunzerker sits squarely in the middle. On the one hand, picking this class doesn't restrict what weapons you can choose, and doesn't even offer specific stat bonuses for certain kinds of guns. However, playing as Salvador made me think and play differently than I would with any other class, even though my play style was mostly the same. The skill tree for Salvador includes both passive and active abilities, which ultimately only fine-tunes your character. The badass tokens, which carries over to all characters, does this to an even smaller degree, meaning by the time you reach the level cap, your character is a perfect reflection of how you like to play the game. You can of course, respec at any time, so the system remains flexible. The single most defining characteristic of each class is each one's respective action skill. This can complement or shape your play style, depending on who you pick. The Siren can single out an enemy, freezing them in mid-air. This makes her an excellent support class. Zer0 has the ability to turn invisible, making backstabs, and by extension, melee damage, more important. You get the idea.

The Gunzerker can dual wield anything. This seems pretty straightforward, making him the tank class, because he has such a high rate of damage per second. After all, it's hard to compete with a character class that can fire an acidic rocket launcher and a fully-automatic flaming sniper rifle simultaneously. Whilst this sounds simple at first, it can actually change how you approach the game. You'll be using your action skill a lot in Borderlands 2, so what guns you have equipped and where you equip them does have an effect on combat. Once you unlock all of the weapon slots, this class really opens up, and numerous permutations of death-dealing become available.

The different combinations and possible permutations of dual-wielded death are what keep this character class interesting. I'm constantly swapping out weapons and trying them out-even if only for one or two fights. Salvador's most defining characteristic, his action skill, makes me want to experiment, but it never pins me into a specific play style. It simply tweaks the way in which I use my play style, meaning I can mess around with a few interesting combinations. What if I have a slag gun in one hand, and a corrosive shotgun in the other? How about two revolvers? Or two machine guns? Let's mix things up a little. Put a Bandit submachine gun in one hand, and a powerful sniper in the other, adding huge chunks of damage dealt on top of a continuous stream of steady damage per second. These are just a few of the different combinations, and each quest and gunfight feels more varied and less of a grind because of them.

Needless to say, I'd like to see more classes like the Gunzerker. The character class still feels flexible, offering a great degree of freedom to the player, whilst remaining distinct from the other classes, moreso than the other classes, in fact. Playing as the Gunzerker changes how I think about playing, prompting me to experiment with the tools at my disposal rather than restricting me to certain tools. Getting tired of Boredomlands? Maybe the Gunzerker is what you need. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go shoot some engineers in the face. With a rocket launcher and a shotgun. At the same time.

Video game technology has come a long way. We've gone from pointy boobs to round ones. It's taken us from polygonal hands to fully-modelled fingers. Most importantly however, we've seen a great variety of long, flowing, manly beards. In the spirit of Movember, here's the top ten best beard I could think of.

10: Wyatt (The Walking Dead: 400 Days)

In spite of the zombie apocalypse, Wyatt manages to maintain an impressive beard, though still a bit unruly. Perhaps not the greatest beard in gaming history, but noteworthy nonetheless.

9: Trevor (Grand Theft Auto V)

Straddling the line between murderous hillbilly and drunken hobo, Trevor grows his manly mane on demand at any local barber shop. Though the "default" Trevor is clean-shaven, I feel it goes without saying that bearded Trevor is the best Trevor.

8: Max Payne (Max Payne 3)

At least half of the budget for this game went into Max's beard. Fact.

7: Hawke (Dragon Age II)

Say what you will about the sequel to Dragon Age: Origins. Most of those things are probably true. However, if one of those things you said was that it's hero didn't have an epic beard, you'd be wrong. When it comes to character creators, I always custom craft my own personal hero. This game is the exception, because none of the other facial hair options matched up to the default protagonist's.

6: Salvador (Borderlands 2)

His beard is blue. I don't think I need to say anything else.

5: Agent York (Deadly Premonition)

Francis York Morgan is one hell of a man. When he's not solving crimes Twin Peaks style, he's kicking undead monster ass. His best feature though, is his beard. What makes this stubble so remarkable is that it must be grown at the expense of extra agent honor. Even whilst working for the FBI, he still manages to fight the system... with his beard.

4: Adam Jensen (Dues Ex: Human Revolution)

His beard is augmented.

3: Captain Price (Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare)

Let's not beat around the bush here. Captain John Price is a badass. Even if you're not a particularly big fan of the Call of Duty franchise, you have to admit that much. He goes into battle wearing mutton chops, you got to respect that.

2: Joel (The Last of Us)

Just look at it. It's beautiful. Ellie wishes she could grow a beard this awesome.

1: Big Boss (Metal Gear)

The first time Big Boss and his big beard made their début over twenty years ago on the MSX home computer, he appeared to us as a scruffy Connery-esque old man. In the prequel, Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater, we get to see the beard from the beginning. With subsequent sequels, we get to see its evolution, from stubble to epic mane. Though it has many iterations, it really doesn't get any better than a Fox Engine beard.

Honourable Mentions

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I love Grand Theft Auto Online. I really do. I've spent a lot of time with it, and I love what Rockstar has set out to do. Sadly, they're also ruining it. The mission system is becoming progressively more broken with each patch. Everything in the game is driven by money, yet missions are little more than a waste of time, for a few reasons.

As someone who's looking for a fun cooperative experience with a few friends, Grand Theft Auto Online can be an exercise in disappointment. Everyone has their preferences. Some like racing, others prefer deathmatches, etc., and they're more-or-less accommodated. If you're the type who likes co-op missions, you'll likely be getting the short end of the stick. This isn't because missions weren't given any attention, because there's plenty of content to keep co-op oriented players happy. No, it's how you access that content that's the problem.

Due to the amount of grinding done by repeating short, high-paying missions, Rockstar has opted to halve the amount of money you make every subsequent time you complete a mission. Isn't it a little unreasonable to do this for every mission? I can understand lowering the payout for missions like Violent Duct, because it's so short, and easily completed. However, halving the payout for harder, more complex missions such as Base Invaders and The Los Santos Connection results in a pitiful payout compared to the amount of work that goes into them. Indiscriminately cutting half of your earnings from every mission forever is a terrible solution, and it has some pretty hefty consequences.

As a result, it's easy to dismiss missions as a waste of time, because they fail to reward and incentive the player for doing them. Completing The Lost Santos Connection now nets less than 10,000, which is terrible for a mission of that difficulty. Compared to racing, which can earn you several thousand in less than a couple minutes, missions are a total waste of time. One game of survival pays out $20,000, which feels like a much better time sink than most of the missions.

This lack of satisfaction extends to other activities as well. Pulling off a liquor store robbery seems like a waste of time when your split of the take is only $500. Attacking an armoured truck together is risky, but the low payout and the inability to share the cash you get trivialises that danger. In-game currency is a great way to pat the player on the back and give difficult missions an extra sense of achievement to them. With no way to gain money in the game, is it any surprise people are resorting to exploits and grinding?

Worse than the poor payouts however, is just how inaccessible the missions are. Instead of something sensible like choosing from a list or going somewhere on the map, you have to call one of your contacts, who pulls a random job out of a hat. If you get a job you don't want, tough. You can ask them again, and they'll eventually pick another random job, but only after the game calls you an idiot a few times. This is especially annoying when you have five or six people in a closed crew or friend session, and you want to find a cooperative activity that you can all do. Even more annoying still, I'm getting jobs that take a maximum of only two people. Who wants to volunteer to sit around in freemode whilst everyone else does the mission?

Here's the thing: these missions are fun. I really like some of them. However, unlike every other activity in the game, I have to pick from a grab bag and hope I get what I want. I want to play The Los Santos Connection and Base Invaders again. I'm in the mood for a specific mission, so what do I do? It's extremely frustrating working with this convoluted system when all I want to do is hop straight into some action with my friends, and I can't.

There are ways around this that don't involve a single blanket pay cut for everyone. Here's a few ideas: instead of calling and getting texted a job, you open up a menu for that character, then pick the job you want to do. To prevent grinding, install a time limit that prevents players from hosting that job repeatedly. Let's just say one hour. If I host Flood in the LS River, I won't be able to host that mission again until that time limit runs out. However, one of my three other friends in the game can host it. Of course, to prevent us from going in a circle, you cut the payout for any player who's played that mission within the time limit. So if my friend hosted Flood on the LS river immediately after I did, we'd both get less money that we did before. If a new guy joined in, he could host as well, but he'd get the normal payout, whereas I would still get the reduced one. As I said, this would only last an hour or so. Hell, even an entire day would be better than what Rockstar has done, which is reduce the payout forever.

However, a 50% cut isn't going to cut it. This needs to vary from mission to mission. If I get less than $10,000 for raiding and robbing a military base, why bother? If I stickup some drug dealers for less than a couple grand, what's the point? That won't buy me much of anything, and robbing a liquor store would be more efficient. Because everything in the game is so expensive, this massive pay cut undercuts the missions by taking away the reward. Honestly, our time is better spent in survival and races, until they make those even harder, to prevent the player from actually moving up in the game.

Balancing and maintaining a massive online experience such as this is difficult. There's going to be holes in the design, and I accept that. To say that Grand Theft Auto Online got off to a rocky start would be a bit of an understatement. Though the game as a whole has been a fantastic blast thus far, and it definitely shows a lot of promise, I'm continuously frustrated by flat-out terrible game design, especially when it comes to cooperative missions. I know a lot of this has been done in the name of balancing, but all it seems to have done so far is undermine the player's efforts. Of course, heists could give us quite a large payout, but I can't shake the feeling this is being done to encourage the purchase of GTA$, before it even releases. Sadly, it's hard, if not impossible, to have a balanced economy in a game such as this when you introduce microtransactions.

Rockstar, your mission system is broken. Please fix it. Don't make them feel like a waste of time, and don't make it a hassle just to find something fun for four or five of my friends to do. Just let me jump in and enjoy your game. A lot of these missions are really cool, it's just a real shame I can't play them.
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With Beyond: Two Souls receiving a very mixed reception, I think it's a good idea to go back and pick apart David Cage's previous work, Heavy Rain. It's a game with which I'm all too familiar. Having earned the platinum trophy for it, I know the ins and outs of every scene, every line of dialogue, and every permutation thereof. I'll preface this by saying that I know what I'm talking about when I say this is not a good story, or even a good game. It fails to deliver on just about every level. When it comes to stupidity, Heavy Rain is the gift that keeps on giving.

I don't hate this game. I certainly don't love it, but hate isn't the right word. I'm disappointed. I'm disappointed in David Cage, for holding back the potential of this medium, and in the fans, for taking this garbage as their high standard for art. Sure, no game or story is perfect, but there's a limit. A goof or two or three is one thing. I can understand a discrepancy betwixt shots, or a slight oversight. And Heavy Rain has plenty of those; it's clear David Cage doesn't have any attention to detail.

There's a limit, however. Eventually, those mistakes pile up, and people begin to see through the façade. If you're building an "interactive drama", with narrative at the forefront, plot is twice as important than it usually is (though it's still second to graphics), so it's natural for this game to fall under heavier scrutiny. And when one actually pays attention and uses their brain, they realise that Heavy Rain doesn't just have a few minor mistakes here and there: it's plot is a mangled mess, riddled with holes. The nitpicks I could ignore. Unfortunately, Heavy Rain doesn't just have these minor issues. It has big ones.

Let's start with the little things. I think attention to detail should be extremely important for any artist, but whatever. I might be able to forgive the game when I realise Grace picked up the kids on Saturday, or that Scott never reloads his handgun, or even when chickens are flung at Norman Jayden in an indoor supermarket. In America.

However, dissecting the problems with Heavy Rain's overly ambitious plot isn't just nitpicking. There are huge plot holes too big and too numerous to ignore. This is the game that just keeps on giving when it comes to stupidity. First, there's the inciting incident. For no discernible reason, Ethan's son Jason decides to run away from him. Because, you know, he's mentally retarded. Well, at first, I could forgive him, at least when he got his balloon. He was being stupid, but at least he did a stupid thing for a reason. What follows however, epitomises everything that is wrong with Cage's writing.

After he gets his balloon, Jason runs off, goes through the ridiculously oversized crowd, and runs across the street. Why? Because the plot needs him to be there. When he realises that he's a complete idiot, he runs back across the street without looking both ways. Then, the only car on the road hits him, but not before his father jumps in front of the car, saving him. But wait! He dies anyway. Even though he wasn't hit head on, and the car wasn't moving very fast at all, he dies. Why? Because it's dramatic!

This is quite possibly the worst scene in the entire game, and that's already nigh unforgivable considering the entire plot hinges on this scene. First, he has no reason to cross the street. Now, I could maybe buy this if his son was mentally retarded, but this isn't the case. In fact, had they shown us that he had some sort of mental disorder, this might have actually made me sympathetic, instead of laughing at him when he died.

Second, the entire scenario plays out very slowly. Any one pedestrian could have stopped this from happening simply by stepping two metres out into the road. That's beside the point, however. Even though this car is clearly only going 15, maybe 20 miles an hour. Even though she wasn't driving very fast and stops just as she hits him, and despite the fact that Ethan shielded him from this impact, he still dies. Everything in this entire scene is completely contrived and unbelievable, making the foundation for the entire plot a farce.

Sadly, this sets the tone for the rest of the narrative.

Later on, we get a taste of how certain words were lost in translation. The most prominent example of this is when Shelby is questioning Lauren Winter for the first time. This is supposed to be a serious scene, but the dramatic delivery is undermined both by word choice and the actor's accent. When she says "you don't know what it's like to find your son's body dumped on some wasteland", I'm too fixated on how badly she misused the word "wasteland". A grassy field in the middle of a city on the east coast of the United States is NOT a wasteland. To make things worse, she isn't even the only one who says this. It is later repeated by Scott Shelby and a news anchor, so no, it's not just the French prostitute.

This is only a small part of the story's issue with setting. David Cage really wanted a plot set in America, but he clearly knows very little about the country itself. The actors aren't bad at their jobs per se, they just can't do American accents like say, Andrew Lincoln can. Had this story been set in England, and the actors allowed to actually use their normal accents, a lot of this game's presentation issues could have been fixed.

Later, Ethan goes to a shrink because of how depressed he is, and how that minor bump put him into a coma and caused brain damage. The stand-out mistake in this scene is how the game constantly refers to "schizophrenia", even though it's really referring to dissociative personality disorder. This is a simple mistake that could have been fixed by opening a dictionary or hiring an editor.

After Ethan's child goes missing, he gets a mysterious message and ends up at Lexington Station. After a silly dream sequence with some of the worst voice acting in history, he makes it to the lockers and finds a box. Well, what's in the box? A gun and some origami figures. Nothing out of the ordinary here, right? Well, at least until you realise there's a metal detector on the way in.

Then we have the matter of the "schizo" red herring. This is one of the plot's biggest failures. Originally, Quantic Dream intended to include surreal dream sequences, but later removed these from the game, because they apparently slowed down the pace too much. That didn't stop them from adding in an awkward shark-jumping dream scene in "Lexington Station", though. Thing is, these were supposed to allude to a psychic connection between Scott and Ethan when his son died. Sounds dumb right? Well, not as dumb as removing the explanation, but leaving the false lead. Even though he clearly states he's never made origami, and thus has no way of making them, he ends up with an Origami figure (figger?) in his hand when he comes to from his unexplained random plot blackouts. How is he ending up the killer's home? If he can't make them, is the Origami Killer just stalking him at all times? Well, we know he isn't. This is bad writing. You don't leave unexplained false leads that create plot holes and are completely impossible. That's just thoughtless, ham-fisted drama. Not only is the narrative outright lying to the audience, it's treating them like they're idiots.

And Ethan just rolls with it. This "internal conflict" just keeps on going, even when it's patently obvious he can't be the killer. Even after he cuts his finger off, something which someone had to have seen, he still thinks he's the killer. At this point, they're just hitting the player over the head with this already-ridiculous false lead.

Then there's the Butterfly Trial. After showing up at the abandoned power plant, Ethan decides to crawl inside the dark scary tunnel. After the hatch magically closes by itself, he finds that the entire shaft is filled with glass. Let's think about this for a second. If Ethan can barely fit in there, how the hell could the killer, an overweight middle-aged asthmatic, get the glass in there? The only way this scene could be even remotely possible is if he brought a bag of glass with him, and crawl backwards sprinkling little shards of glass along the way. But hey, emotions, right?

Let's talk about another character: Norman. A lot of his character arc revolves around his virtual reality glasses. As a side effect of using them, he's losing grips on reality. This is kind of an interesting concept honestly, but shoving it into a modern-day murder mystery just doesn't work. Since there's three other playable characters, this subplot isn't fleshed out nearly enough, and the little that's there actually distracts from the narrative. It's a lose-lose situation.

Completely out-of-place cyberpunk elements aside, isn't it a bit odd that no finds Norman odd? Does the FBI not conduct drug tests, or are they the ones supplying him with Triptocaine? This part of the game needed a lot more exposition, either way.

If Ethan fails to escape the police after the Lizard Trial, Ethan is detained and beaten, even though again, there's no evidence against him. He is eventually broken out by a sympathetic Norman. It strikes me as a bit odd how easily he can facilitate the escape of a high-profile suspect (though he shouldn't be). Is it really so easy for such a notorious person to walk straight out of a police station? And how does no one suspect Norman, when he was the last person with him? Oh wait, this is the same police department that can't figure out Scott is the Origami Killer.

More questions are raised in a later Jayden chapter. If the player looks in the acid bath, they'll find the remains of a police officer. Wait, what? Was no investigation conducted? If a police officer goes missing, don't you think investigators should, you know... investigate? A great place to start would be his last known location, where his corpse is literally just floating around.

In fact, It's obvious David Cage doesn't know anything about police procedure. Throughout the latter half of the game, Ethan finds himself the target of a citywide manhunt. Why? Because of the questionable hearsay about dreams from his ex-wife and nonsensical babble from a psychiatrist that was beaten by a police officer. Both of these things are completely circumstantial, and neither would get any Man convicted in the United States. Also, if there's been more than half a dozen of these murders, what do you suppose the odds are he'd have an alibi?

So in spite of the lack of evidence against our protagonist, they still manage to declare him the killer, start a manhunt, put him in jail, get SWAT to chase him down, and eventually gun him down (provided no one else makes it to the warehouse). Here's the thing David. Suspects are questioned, not shot. Even if the culprit is a corrupt cop, there's no way he would ever have a desk to go back to after ordering a wall of cops to shoot an innocent, unarmed civilian without warning.

Another interesting titbit to ponder: why don't any of the mothers of the victims give those strange boxes and letters to the police? You know, the ones filled with origami figures? And if they did give them to the police, they should still be in their possession, because the case file is still open.

One last thing of note about the police. They're blind. Even whilst Scott and Norman duke it out on the top of a conveyor belt high in the air, exchanging blows and throwing TVs at each other, not a single officer spots them? Not even the ones in the helicopter? No wonder the Origami Killer got away with so many murderers. These people have the worst police department ever!

But wait, there's more! I'm not done talking about America's finest just yet. Why is it that they manage to be constantly on the heels of Ethan Mars (a man they've yet to even question), but they're nowhere to be found when gunshots ring out? The scene in Hassan's shop is kind of short, so I'll let that slide, but what about The Shark trial? Even though half a dozen shotgun blasts ring out (which are known for being quite loud) in an apartment building, which can be followed by a handgun shot, not a single officer arrives on the scene. No one calls the police in in the time frame between the first shot fired and Ethan leaving? Are you serious? But okay. Maybe it's just a bad neighbourhood. I'm willing to let this slide as well.

Even if these two scenes are forgiveable, they're dwarfed by the stupidity of Shelby's rampage in the Kramer mansion. After crashing a car into shooting a couple dozen people with his magical un-silenced handgun that never needs to be reloaded, he just walks away, unpunished. This cannot be rationalised, due to the sheer length of the scene. He even takes his time to have a nice long chat with his buddy Kramer. Meanwhile, even after a prolonged gunfight in the mansion of an extremely affluent and influential business man, the police are nowhere to be seen!

Scott's stupidity doesn't stop there. It would seem that Cage caught Shyamalan Syndrome, putting ridiculous plot twists over logic and proper storytelling. The reveal that Scott is actually the Origami Killer has a more botched execution than Ginggaew Lorsoungnern. First, the unreliable narrator trick doesn't really work when the game includes a feature that allows you to listen to the thoughts of the playable characters. Isn't it really convenient that this serial killer rarely ever thinks about the fact that he's a serial killer? Without a doubt, this is one of, if not the worst example of an unreliable narrator.

However, he does think about them, in a roundabout way. This is much more insulting, as he knows what he's doing, and they game just outright lies to the player again and again. Had we known from the beginning that Scott was the Origami Killer, these plot holes wouldn't exist, and it would have added an actual sense of dramatic irony.

This isn't just poorly executed. It's downright insulting. At best, it insults the intelligence of the audience. It outright lies all for the sake of some stupid plot twist. Let's not forget that Scott murders Manfred, then calls the police on himself. Why tie yourself to the crime? Why would you call the cops before you cleaned up your prints? This entire scene, along with the ridiculous reveal, undermine the "mystery" of the game. Being able to read your character's thoughts was a good idea, and having a playable character be the antagonist was an interesting concept. Sadly, like everything else in this game, the execution is utterly botched.

Later in the game, he traps Madison in his burning apartment building, so she can go up in smoke with the rest of the evidence. There's only one problem with this. The police are sure to come knocking when they find Madison's charred corpse in his old apartment. Seriously, how does he even last this long? Scott can kill half a dozen children, murder Manfred, Madison, and Norman, and gun down a couple dozen bodyguards in a high-end mansion. He can leave prints at the scene of one of those crimes, which is more evidence than they ever find against Ethan Mars, yet the force just lets him walk right out. Despite all of this, he can still get off Scott-free (sorry). I don't care what the trophy says, that isn't the "perfect crime" at all. Scott Shelby is the worst serial killer in history, and the only reason he's survived so long is because he's being perused by the worst police department in history.

Let's go back to our protagonist for a bit. After completing The Shark, Madison finds a perturbed Ethan at the Crossroads Motel. What can follow is the most awkward, contrived, and downright cringe-worthy romance scenes of all time.

Most games cut to black or move the camera away from characters as soon as things get hot. This is done for a reason. This is because kissing, and physical contact in general, is complicated when it comes to animation. I'm not saying it can't be done, but Heavy Rain flops here almost as bad as it does with its awful voice acting.

The hilariously stupid "sex" scene aside, it's the implications of this scene that's irksome. If your only surviving son has been captured by and is mere hours from death, you wouldn't get much sleep. For all his dedication, Ethan seems to completely forget his son is about to die. Hey Ethan! Remember how your son is drowning in rainwater, cold and alone in the captivity of a deranged serial killer? Yeah, me neither. Go ahead and do her. Your dying son can wait. No rush.

Things get even more ridiculous the morning after. It only makes sense that one of the worst sex scenes in the history of the medium is followed by the most ridiculous chase scene ever. Even though the police will gladly gun Ethan down in a later scene for absolutely no reason, they seem unable to draw any kind of firearm when chasing him down in the motel. Should the player choose to jump off the roof, Blake and the entire SWAT team sit and watch as their suspect walks to the nearest taxi and commits grand theft auto. They then continue to sit and watch as he drives away. Darn! It's too bad none of them have cars, helicopters, spike strips, or an entire police force or anything right?

And with zero explanation, they still somehow end up at the abandoned warehouse! How do they get there exactly? It seems unlikely that Norman would say anything to Blake, but he might. But what if he can't find it? Well, maybe they were able to track the taxi cab somehow. That's possible, right? No, wait, that makes no sense. If the police were smart enough to do something like that (they clearly aren't), wouldn't they catch up to him much earlier? Like, when he's parked and trying to figure out the address? Also, they never find him if he ends up at the wrong address. Well, one cop car does pass by, but he does just that. He doesn't even stop. Don't worry. It's not like the target of a manhunt was reported stealing a car matching the exact description of that one.

One could say that the stupidity of these cops is outweighed by Norman's sheer genius. Nahman Jahydahn is capable of following the most ridiculously convenient clues in the history of the murder mystery genre. Let's take a look at the string of "evidence" that can lead Norman to Shaun's location. Most notable is the gold watch. Using his sharp vision, he notices that his assailant is wearing a gold watch. He then makes the connection that some police officers get gold watches when they retire. Since no one else in the entire universe but retired cops can wear gold watches, he deduces that the killer is a retired police officer. This would have been fine as a small bit of foreshadowing, but as the crux of Norman's entire character arc, it just falls flat on its face.

He also tracks down where he lives using the receipts he had in his pocket from a local gas station. Y'know, because no one ever buys gas more than a half kilometre away from their home. Tangentially, there are WAY too many flower shops condensed in one location. Anyone else notice that?

Two more plot discrepancies arrive at the final scene. The first is if Ethan takes the poison. This magical vial of poison makes no sense. We're expected to believe that this liquid somehow kills you in exactly sixty minutes, and that you never feel a thing. As soon as sixty minutes is up, Ethan immediately rejoices, reinforcing the stupidity of the protagonist and the plot. That's not how poison works.

If Ethan makes it there alone, the Origami Killer just lets him go, provided he passed the trials. Fair enough, he got what we wanted; he found a father who loves his son. However, if someone else makes it there, he pulls a gun on Ethan as he's saving his son. Why? This makes absolutely no sense. Why does he want to kill Ethan all of the sudden, when he doesn't want to when no one else shows up? Well, the reason is because David Cage wanted to add more drama and less logic to the climax. If no one else shows up, the Origami Killer is cool with Ethan. If someone does, he magically decides he should kill Ethan, even though he doesn't know anyone else is there. Why? Because it's dramatic! This pretty much sums up Heavy Rain in a nutshell. Inconsistent character motives and ham-fisted drama thrown in without any regard for storytelling.

Oh, and did I mention how screwed up the entire timeline is? The website seems to think Shelby is 45 years old, whereas two contradicting in-game sources place him at 44 and the more likely 48. If it wasn't bad enough that the story contradicted himself, it should be noted that there's no way he could have been more than 10 in the "Twins" and "Hold My Hand" chapters. So when you account for the fact that Sheppard died 30 years ago... that make him 18 in the flashbacks. That's not how math works.

David Cage once said that "We need to forget about video game rules — bosses, missions, game over, etc... are very old words of a very old language". If that statement isn't ludicrous on its own, it's made even worse by the fact that he's the one saying it. Even when he gets something right, I still have trouble siding with him. It's like having Michael Moore as your dietician.

This is why it bothers me so much that people love Heavy Rain. Not because they're opinions are different than mine, but because it drags this medium down. As a movie, this would have failed. As a novel, this would have failed. As anything else, the God-awful writing, script, and voice acting would have made it an abomination, and it is an abomination. It's an interactive drama with a horrible plot. The story is at the centre of the entire experience, and it's completely corrupt to the core. It's characters are all paper-thin clichés designed to tug at your heart strings, the "plot" is a farce, and the voice acting ranges from bad to ear-bleeding.

Heavy Rain isn't a good game, and it's certainly not a good story; it’s a rough draft, and a bad one at that.

Given the amount of exposure I've had to Divekick, it seems inevitable that I would have bought it. What I wasn't sure of though, was whether or not I'd like it. Despite my salt and fighting game ineptitude, I came away with a sense of satisfaction, and will likely come back to it very soon.

Divekick started as a joke: what if you made a fighting game with two buttons? This joke has since grown, becoming a clever deconstruction of the fighting game genre, and it does hold up. Divekick proves that you don't need to memorise mind-numbing combos to have a good fighting game. It's all about precision, positioning, and of course, the mind games. This is a game that gives your mind more of a workout than you're fingers. Quick-thinking is the key to victory, and mashing buttons wildly is guaranteed to end in frustration.

What makes Divekick's mechanics (or lack thereof) work is its simplicity and accessibility. Despite shedding the unintelligible depth of most fighting games, it still manages to be addicting. The rounds go by fast; the maximum time limit is twenty seconds, and every attack is a one-hit knockout. It's a fighting game boiled down to those clutch moments, making every fight feel epic. If time runs low, the winner is decided by whomever is closer to the line (draws only occur in the case of both players being of equal distance from the line or in the event of a double K.O.). This might sound kind of arbitrary, but it makes for an entertaining scramble, as players try to position themselves to the centre of the stage without getting kicked. It's in this desperation that you can strike, further enforcing the "positioning" and "mind games" angle.

All of this makes for a game that you'll always want to play one more round of. The short length of the matches makes it easy to get into, especially when you're salty. When hanging out with friends, this can lead to having a few hours of laughs. When playing online, it can lead to a bad KDR.

The background is entirely aesthetic, as it is in similar games (I say similar, but in truth there aren't any games like this one) such as Street Fighter and BlazBlue. However, the characters aren't merely for show. They all approach the diving and kicking gameplay a little differently. Dive and Kick are your Ken and Ryu characters, both of whom are simple, but slightly different in small ways. Them there's S-Kill, who teleports instead of jumping. Of course, there's always Kenny, who is a random character each round, making him impossible to properly counter. My favourite however, is the storm himself, Zubaz. Instead of traditional kicks, he moves through the air (players can control the trajectory by holding down the dive button) and leaves behind a trail of lightning that will K.O. the enemy instead, adding a completely new dimension when playing as him. You have to think one move ahead of your opponent, trapping them in your trail. Jefailey is a cross between Zangief and Dan, moving more slowly than the other characters, and dropkicking instead of truly divekicking. When he wins, his head gets bigger, making him easier to hit. The roster certainly feels diverse, which is saying a lot for a game with two buttons.

There's more to the game than that however, each character can build a super gauge which is activated by holding both buttons in the air simultaneously. Each character has two super: one in the air and one on the ground. Another interesting feature that switches things up is the concussion mechanic. If you score a headshot on the opposing player, they will be "concussed" and will move more slowly for a short period of time.

In addition, players can also use gems, of which there are four. The first three increase either diving, kicking, or super meter fill rate by 10%. In addition to those three, there's the YOLO gem, which increases all three by 30%, but puts the player in a state of self-imposed sudden death, meaning if you get kicked even once, you lose the match. That might sound foolish, but then again, that's what I told my friend before he cleared me Redacted.

Needless to say, we're not friends anymore.

If it seems like I'm ignoring single player, it's because Divekick does as well. The only single player option available is the arcade mode, which takes the player through that character's story, which is mostly parody. However, versus isn't even available unless you have a second controller available, meaning you can't set up quick matches with the AI. There aren't any challenges or trials, either. Though it isn't a huge deal, I would have also liked to be able to pick my stage when playing some of the modes. My biggest complaint about Divekick is simply its lack of features. It feels bare bones compared to other games, and I'm not just talking about the button layout. If you find online more frustrating than fun, and you don't have a lot of friends around who want to dive and/or kick with you, you'll likely get bored quick. That said, I've had a lot of fun online, even though I've lost every game I've played. The single player mode could use a bit of work, and a few extra features, but for those with a few close friends, versus mode is the perfect fighting game for playing with a few friends and a few beers. That's how good Divekick is. It's still incredibly fun to play even when you're drunk.

Especially when you're drunk.

For fighting game fans, this comes highly recommended. Despite its simplicity, it feels like a game made for the fighting game community, who will get all the jokes. This game references everything from Street Fighter to Sp00ky, from Weaponlord to Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. For a lot of people, these jokes will go straight over their heads, but the wacky characters and zaniness of the overall game will still make non-fighting game fans laugh. For those who can't get into them, due to the steep learning curve involved in so many of these types of games, Divekick is a relatively simple game that removes the needless complexity without sacrificing what makes fighting games so great. It boils them down to their most essential components, creating a game that makes every match feel like a clutch moment.
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