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Fox News Anchors Are Godless Right-Wing Douchebags
KenTheGreat1 | 1:10 AM on 01.24.2008 8 comments


Watching the Fox News Channel (on purpose) should only be done by the very
brave: I think that their programming can actually account for ninety percent of all
cases of sudden cranial hemorrhaging (SCH).

For anyone who hasn't seen the story in question, Fox News ran a segment analyzing
Mass Effect and its power to destroy America's children. Now, when I think of credible
journalism, the Fox News Channel is something that never enters my pretty little head for
any reason... but the lies!

I'm not sure what game Fox News was playing, but I don't remember any 'full digital nudity'
or 'graphic sex' in Mass Effect. Did I miss it? Was this some sort of hidden achievement?

No, it wasn't. It was a lie.

I put over 40 hours into Mass Effect. If there was anything in that game even close
what Fox News said, I've obviously missed something.

One thing I haven't missed is that Fox News has been overrun by Nazis Of Credibility,
who are always willing to tell outright lies for a spike in their ratings. Don't forget, these are
the same people who let the clinically insane 'Wacko Jacko' Thompson on national
television for the sole purpose of capitalizing on the deaths of innocent people in the
Virginia Tech shootings. I'm sure that when the news broke, all the Fox News anchors
started rubbing their hands together in sick glee.



Thankfully, people are taking action against this latest breach in news journalism and the
standards it should carry. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I hope Microsoft sues
somebody for this. EA should be putting each and every single one of their
lawyers to work on this, but they chose to take the high road and simply ask for a
retraction.

Yeah, like that will ever happen.

Cooper Lawrence, author of some book, put her two cents into Fox News's report by adding
another string of lies about video games and the people who play them. At least Geoff
Keighley was there to provide some factual balance. Unfortunately, Cooper and her
verbal diarrhea could not stopped.

"... And the research says there's a new study out of University of Maryland right now
that says that boys who play video games cannot tell the difference between what
seeing in the video game and the real world if they don't have a real experience."

Poppycock. What a load of tripe.

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Ryu Must Die: Why The World Doesn't Need SFIV, Part 1
KenTheGreat1 | 4:13 AM on 01.21.2008 17 comments


With the screenshots and interviews ringing in this new year of gaming, one thing is clear:
Street Fighter IV is coming.

Nothing can stop it.

For many fans of Street Fighter, it's like Christmas never stopped. Ryu and Ken are back
for another round of hurricane kicks in an actual sequel, the game is already showing signs
of playability, and SFIV is going back to its 90's-era roots. Young and old gamers have
been asking for this game since they can remember (including myself, at one point in
time), and the dream has finally been cast.

But does the world really need Street Fighter IV?



As a long-time Capcom fan and Street Fighter veteran, I now say no.

Why? Well, there's a lot of different reasons. Some are easy to explain, some are
harder to justify. I can only offer my honesty and ask forgiveness for such simple-minded
words.

Street Fighter III (Third Strike) should be the last true SF sequel, for it is a perfect
game.

That's right: perfect. Excellent graphics, the world's most sophisticated 2D hit-
detection, a roster full of wacky characters, selectable Super Arts, and smooth-as-silk
sprite animations are what establish Third Strike as the King of Fighters.

(See what I did there?)

That's one major reason why I can't stand to see another Street Fighter getting
so much attention. Is it jealousy on my part? Maybe so. Looking back at the multiple
releases of Street Fighter III, it's easy to see how it undersold, yet it still bitters my heart.

For one thing, the Dreamcast never caught the massive popularity that it needed to survive.
Double Impact and Third Strike suffered as result, cast aside in a world that had been
rendered dumbstruck by Tekkens and Soul Calibur. I can personally
guarantee that if Street Fighter III had ever been released on the first PlayStation, it
could've become the highest-selling fighting game of the 90's.

Just like the Dreamcast was misunderstood and unloved, Street Fighter III had been
doomed to temporary obscurity. One by one, we all migrated to other franchises when SF
had peaked. Years later, most gamers who remember their first Hadoken agree that
Street Fighter III was the last great 2D fighting game.

(Although it's neither here nor there, plenty of gamers will always argue such praise for
Mark Of The Wolves, considered by many to be the SNK equivalent to SF Third
Strike. I can only say that such games are beyond the current era, kept alive only by old
fighters and wannabe-arcade kings like myself.)

- KN1

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Street Fighter IV Looks Meh?
KenTheGreat1 | 11:16 PM on 12.06.2007 11 comments


Okay, okay.

I'm going to get all the obvious crap out of the way.

Yes, I'm excited about Street Fighter IV.

Yes, I'm probably going to be tearing into my next EGM issue like a hobo on a fresh steak.
Hell, I'm just glad that Capcom included Ryu, Ken, and Chun-Li. Dhalsim is way over due
for an ass-kicking anyway.

But, I'm not thrilled with the first screenshot. Oh no. No no no. Gah.

If anything, it reminds me of that 90's cartoon.



Lots of my gaming comrades are both excited and scared about Street Fighter IV.

I'm just really fucking scared.

I don't know if it's just me, but I can't look at a non pixelated Street Fighter game. Maybe
I've finally hit my 'old' streak, I dunno. This is why I'm hoping and praying that the first
SFIV gameplay trailer is completely, undoubtedly awesome and soothes my fickle little
fears.

All I want is X-Y movement, fixed arenas, and no/very little 3D animation.

(See more of my gibberish here: kenthegreat1.1up.com)

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Amazon Dot Com > EB Games
KenTheGreat1 | 9:23 PM on 06.03.2007 4 comments


"In the year 2000, gamers will no longer be forced to trudge into EB Games for any title. The interweb will allow every man, woman, and child to buy their and ship their games from home, without even flying their space cars to the space mall."

Let me tell you a tale of triumph:

Recently, a copy of Art of Fighting's anthology caught my eye in an EB Games, and for the attractive price of 20 clams, no less. Unfortunately, the aforementioned location was a problem: I abhor the acrid scent customer service at most EB stores, and I worked at freakin' Disneyland. However, instead of rendering my very soul to EB's cruel embrace, I turned to Amazon and its loving online touch. In less than two minutes, I had Art of Fighting (and Brain Age, woot!) reserved and ordered. I even saved $10 dollars, and there was no shipping charge.

Why can't everything on the planet be like this? I didn't even have to put on pants to get the games I coveted. The progress of future technology can only be measured by how many things I can do in my underwear.

The day that e-stores and digital distribution replace the wicked webs of corporate-driven pawn shops is a day will never come soon enough.

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