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About
I'm a chick, but I look like a dude most of the time anyway so no one complains that I'm playing videogames.

I enjoy yo mama jokes and Speed Racer, which I think was a fantastic movie despite what the rest of the world feels.

I enjoy cartoons, and feel that more feeling and story can be portrayed in an animated format than a live action one. Although, I might have to take back that last statement considering I have a passion for every character in Battlestar Galactica.

I'm wildly opposed to M Night Shyalamallamaman doing the Avatar movies.

I live in Vancouver BC and hope to someday bump into Grace Park on the street so I can trip over my words and babble while fumbling to shake her hand. Same with Callum Rennie.

I spend my time not using my broadcast journalism degree and playing with children instead. I love every second of it.

CURRENT GAMES:
PHOENIX WRIGHT GOGOGOGO

Favourite games:
FFVIII
Breath of Fire III and IV
Chronotrigger
Wind Waker
Majora's
" Phantom Hourglass
We <3 Katamari
Dragonquest VIII
Braid
SC2
Phoenix Wright (all of them even the ones I haven't played)
Professor Layton (all)

many more.

Name: Maya
Age: 27
Occupation: Back at school for Computer Science
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Following (7)  


Well ladies. Pax was pretty much the best time ever. I love you all and miss you incredibly every day. How many more days until Pax East? ...Yeah yeah, I'll make it to MAGfest too. Don't worry.

Anyway. The real point of this blog: Stickers.



Many of you got stickers from me at Pax. However...many of you didn't. Fear not!!! This can be remedied. Now that I've given out some in person, I can start mailing them out. Those of you that have emailed me your address, they'll go out next week. Those of you that haven't, make sure you email me (maya@mayakramer.com) or direct message me here or on twitter (@bushofghosts) with your mailing address to get one.

Now. Payment.

Remember, payment is totally optional. I'm not expecting anyone to pay. However, if you'd LIKE to donate money towards them, my suggested donation is 1$ per sticker and 1$ for shipping costs (regardless of how many you order). You can choose to donate more or less, according to what you can afford. And if you can't pay at all, that's TOTALLY okay.

I love you guys. A lot. I miss you all, even (if not especially) those I didn't get to see at Pax Prime this year.

My Paypal email is maya@mayakramer.com - feel free to send cashmonies, or don't, like I said. But I won't have you say "I didn't have money to give you so I didn't ask for a sticker" - THAT IS BALLS. ASK FOR A STICKER. I WILL SEND YOU ONE. OR TWO. OR THREE. Or however many you like.


CHECK IT OUT MISTER DESTRUCTOID WEARS THEM ON HIS EARS.



I'd also like to take this opportunity to remind you all to add Pinchy Clamps and Grinchy Clamps on facebook. My lobster babies are growing up and travelling the world. Pinchy is now in California with the amazing Suff0cat and Grinchy is in London with Caramel Delicious Justice. It's VERY exciting for us all.

Love you. Miss you. Want you in my pants. Makes me cry to be this far apart. Actually.

Maya
Photo Photo








Hopefully no one freaks out and tells me to make a forum thread instead of posting this here. I've done that already. And I'm making a cblog mainly because I want to be inclusive. I know that overlap between cblogs, forums, twitter and irc is actually rare.

The story is this. I made a similar design for the Astro Headset contest, and decided I actually really would like a high quality sticker of it for my laptop and a few other things. When I went to order them, I found out I could get quantities of 100+ but it is actually difficult to find a place that will print just 20.

So. I am ordering 100 of these stickers, my own design, 4 inches in diameter, on extremely durable sticker paper - suitable for boats and cars and outdoors in general, so stick 'em where you want 'em.

Can't do flasks this year unfortunately due to funding issues but this is significantly cheaper so it'll have to do. If you're coming to PAX, I'll have them there. I am asking for ONE DOLLAH per sticker, just to cover the cost of printing. I've been known to be venal, though, especially when it comes to alcoholic beverages that are offered to me, so feel free to bargain on that front.

If you require shipping and feel like donating to the cause, paypal works - let me figure out the best way to ship them (I'll pick up a bit of hard cardboard to make sure they don't get bent) and then let you know how much it'll be. I'm thinking it'll just be 1$ a sticker and 1$ for shipping, regardless of how many stickers you get. PAYMENT IS OPTIONAL FOR ALL DTOIDERS. That's how I roll - and it's not like Destructoid is mine, so I don't plan on making any money off of this.

Holla if you want one. If you can't make it to PAX, shoot me an email with your mailing address and hopefully I can mail you one after that weekend. konavisual[at]gmail[dot]com - I'm going to try my BEST to get a sticker to everyone that wants one. Sorry in advance if this takes a little while.

Not sure what the interest in something like this might be, so just went with 100 to start, and we'll see where it goes. A few other people are also printing stickers - if you are doing so, bring it to PAX and we'll trade stickers!!!! I'd LOVE this to be something that a bunch of us do. I don't see why not.

Here's the design.

Photo







Katamaya
3:43 PM on 08.08.2009

And yet I love them all. While I could go on forever about almost every genre, I've chosen to focus on a few in particular; the ones that I'm most disappointed in. Ah yes, where to begin...

FPSs: Oh shit.



I grew up with the Doom series. It was the first game series I ever actually played on my own, and, because I suck massive donkey balls, it was thusly the first game series I cheated at. Of course, I quickly learned that using my newly found cheat codes in other games did not necessarily aid me as I wished them to - Heretic gave me a big fat weapons wedgie the first time I tried all weapons, and just flat out murdered me when I attempted God mode. So I was forced to play through without God mode, and truly enjoyed it. As soon as multiplayer became a reality with Duke Nukem 3D, my life changed forever.



I spent hours making new maps and networking the 486s together. I was a true addict by the age of about 12. Of course, counterstrike hit shortly thereafter, with Unreal Tournament not far behind, and it became more and more apparent that I just wasn't getting any better - but the fun factor of the game never went down. With the birth of good console gaming I discovered Halo and Call of Duty, and enjoyed it even more...again, never got good. You know the idiot on the team that consistently gets between 5 and 10 kills but is killed about 10-15 times, thusly cancelling out their own score? Yeah. That's me. But I don't give a fuck. There's something satisfying about running around shooting my friends in the FACE. FPSs will always be my first videogame experience, stealing my virginity with a BFG.

RPGs make me their bitch.

Final Fantasy VIII was the first RPG I played that I felt like I knew what the fuck was going on. And I'd played a few before that; the Breath of Fire series, III and IV in particular, took up a lot of my free time as a kid - but that doesn't mean I knew what the fuck was happening. The other month, in fact, I had a nightmare involving me stumbling across a fairy village that was full of fairy corpses - and they were blaming ME for not checking in on them. Don't even get me going on leveling up or getting final weapons. I cannot count how many times I tried to get Lulu's final bullshit sigil or whatever in FFX. Dodging 200 lightning bolts? No thank you. And I couldn't tell you what the actual storyline of any of the final fantasies actually is. Oh, I thought I had it pinned with FFVIII, too. Thought I had the story all worked out...



...and I suddenly realised I was in SPACE, chasing a little pixelated DOT with my analogue stick and NOTHING MADE SENSE ANYMORE. Back to square one. I suck at keeping up with these bloody games.



The issue is that I don't have the patience for RPGs, yet I love the fact that they take me forever to beat - I can play them for hours and hours and even though I'm doing the same fucking thing over and over, I love that the storyline progresses, the characters grow, the battles get harder. I suck at strategically choosing who to give materia to or which summons to assign - and don't even get me STARTED on the job systems, I have NO ability to hone my characters properly. The fact that they started making characters really HOT helps...it's like they know people like me will keep playing just for the chance that there might be another Rikku buttshot...

RTS/RTTs/Sim Games make my brain feel fuzzy.



Force Commander and Command and Conquer stole quite a few hours of my childhood, as did Simcity, which I group in with RTS/RTT types. Not because I replayed them, but rather because it would take me days to complete a mission. I'm not sure what it is, but I've never built up the ability to be strategic in my planning. I get caught up in the moment - blame Attention Deficit Disorder - and suddenly I'm being bombarded by Nazis or Jedi or some shit. While I'm playing at building a road in the shape of the word "PENISLOL" in my SimCity, Godzilla is quietly sneaking around in the water unseen, ready to fuck my city up something fierce. Almost ANYTHING that allows me to create things exactly the way I want them but requires extreme tactical comprehension inevitably crushes me in a fury of SUCKAGE. I sort of like it in a weird way. Anyone that has played an RTS, especially something like a Sim game, can attest to the addictive qualities of the hellspawnish things. It's like I turn into a total masochist, relishing the moments of creation - and getting some weird satisfaction out of seeing it fall. Huh. Destructoid? Remind me to never have children, or to attend planning classes or something before I create a life and bring it into this world. Thanks.


Action/Adventure games fool me into thinking I don't suck.



This upsets me. The Zelda series had me tricked for quite a few years. I honestly thought I was halfway decent at Ocarina of Time - I remember beating it over and over again, so I MUST have been good at it, right? HAH. It took me AN ENTIRE WEEK to get past Dark Link the first time I played that game. SEVEN DAYS. HELLO. And when I went back later and played it, I had looked up the secrets of how to beat him, only because I remember being SO FRUSTRATED as a kid.



And I have a deep dark secret: I've never finished Super Mario Bros 3. Never. I'm so monumentally horrible at it that I've never actually been able to beat it all the way through. Why am I even admitting this to you?! I'm just going to stop talking, I've only just realised how ridiculously terribad I'm making myself sound. Thank God we're on the internet and you can't actually see me.

In short, I suck.

And if it weren't for the internets, I'd suck even harder. Once computers were hooked up to the tubes and I was able to access user created walkthroughs, videogames started making more sense to me, and I got a liiiiitle bit better at them. But not much. It's confirmation for me, though, that even those who are BRUTAL at videogames like myself can appreciate them for being incredibly fun, and never let it get them down. As long as they're not horribly judged for it, that is. But you'd never judge me based on my lack of skill in videogames...right guys?

<3

*No caption necessary.








...and now sausage.

Stickers I am thinking of making and bringing to PAX, to give away to people who might like to stick them places:





The dinosaur one is self explanatory, but here is where it started.

Any others you might want? I want the necros one to look rushed and sloppy like it is. I like it like that. Thinking of inverting it, white on black instead.

Thoughts are appreciated.

EDIT: If this site didn't feel the need to segregate the cblog and forum communities then I'd post this in the forums exclusively. However, I'd like to open up the idea that I'm making stickers in large quantities and if there are any fantastic ideas from the cbloggers I'll gladly create those stickers and give them away for free.

Free shit is good shit, as I always say.










I've noticed in my brief time here at Dtoid that the overlap between community mediums is actually quite minimal. There are those who prefer the forums, whether it is because they are gracefully manned by a beautiful team of hot sexy individuals or because they're full of hypnotoad and partial nudity - the forums tend to attract a crowd that is extremely eclectic. The cblogs are similar - I've noticed the writing styles vary incredibly and the subjects and content are, overall, extremely impressive - especially for a [mostly] self-regulated, community-driven collection of writings.

Then there is IRC. For those of you who are not necessarily familiar with the term IRC, it refers to Internet Relay Chat - probably one of the oldest, and in my opinion, most effective, methods of live chat online, period. It's that little tab up there next to reddit that you've probably not fingered yet, even though you're sort of bicurious about it. I'll admit, the link is sort of intimidating. It asks you if you trust a certificate and then mentions something about being gang raped, and suddenly you're thrown head first into a room of scrolling text that may or may not make your eyes bleed.

But it doesn't have to be painful. The transition to group chat from something like forums or cblog comments isn't as difficult as it might seem. The keys to survival, and not being gang raped, as it were, are simple:


Tip #1: Ride the motherfucking wave, bitches. Comments and forums give you time to read, time to catch up - you load a blog/thread and even if there are pages and pages of catching up to do, you can scroll back and read at your leisure. IRC tends to be intimidating because of how quickly it moves - everyone is talking at once and new lines of chat are popping up at alarming rates - just let it sort of wash over you. STAY CALM.


Tip #2: Git 'er dun. Okay, I'm not saying you should be a fucking noob, but if you don't know how to do something, FIND OUT. And BE PATIENT- just because you can't keep up yet and your question scrolls off the screen in record time doesn't mean we haven't seen it. Pasting your question over and over will not get it answered, it'll get you raped by a hot bearded guy from texas. Remember how we wanted to AVOID gang rape? Wait your turn, have the decency to read a summary, and then take it slow. Pick a username you'll like, because we'll probably end up calling you whatever you choose first. Your cblog/forum nickname is absolutely best, as a lot of us overlap between community mediums - so we might already know you. Or you can just type "/nick bushofghostsishot" and I doubt anyone will argue with you ever again. I'm pretty fucking infallible.


Tip #3: Lube up good. Don't try to take it all in at once. Not everything said in chat is relevant to your interests. In fact, 90% of what happens in IRC is *irrelevant* - which is mostly the point. It's sort of like a community pool where everyone has tourette syndrome and no one cares if anyone is listening. Set yourself up with key words that your eyeballs look for in the sea of text.


Tip #4: Get insensitive. Once you get good at all this you can start using an irc client other than java (check out Pew's wicked guide), and program in some key words that ping you - so that irc can be running in the background harmlessly until someone says something you actually care about. Until then, practice not worrying or caring too much if you miss something. At the very worst, someone will private message you with a direct question if they feel like they're being ignored.


Tip #5: Use the Schwartz. If it's mostly random and only 10% relevant, what USE is IRC? *It's LIVE.* IRC is where we organise our spur of the moment activities - drunk UNO, Castle Crashers parties, Skype orgies, Stickam shows - if you're not familiar with Skype and/or Stickam, and you have a mic and/or webcam, go check it out. IRC is where you get to honestly MEET your fellow dtoiders. It's where we get to *know* each other best - for better or for worse, in sickness and in...who am I kidding, we're all pretty sick in the heads. I'm online most nights, even if I'm doing something else - it's just nice to have other dtoiders around. We're all usually messing about with our own stuff, but we're always happy to see each other. And I can only imagine it's going to make meeting you suckers at PAX/other events just that much more exciting. The power of the internet is a great power - harness that hot tramp and ride her with us.

You know you waaaaaaaaanna. Hey, sometimes the chicks even show their boobs. If that's not a motivator, then sometimes Coonskin shows his boobs, and Wilbo shows his codpiece. If THAT isn't a motivator, you're not fucking HUMAN.

xoxo - see you there!

Maya
Photo








So here's the deal. I was in Seattle this week and to make a long sad story very short, I "accidentally" got "drunk" and let microsoft woo, seduce, and practically assrape me - AND steal 60$ from me in the process. The sex wasn't even good, and I walked away with a lethal limp and empty wallet - and the new knowledge that points purchased in the USA do NOT work in Canada. Nevermind that my American-purchased Gold Membership does, or that msft support told me wrongfully that I can change my location (rapists AND liars!!) - the points don't work.

So. I now have 4000 points sitting here waiting to be used. They're unregistered and up for grabs - as is a one year's Gold Membership that I'm throwing in myself to make a bundle. I want to give them away to someone who TRULY DESERVES them. I was thinking about Mortal Kombat, where I get a bunch of you out into the woods and give you rusty shovels and broken baseball bats and let you cheapshot each other Battle Royale style, but I'm currently being advised to avoid lawsuits and felonies by my lawyer.

I need ideas - what sort of shit would you do for a Gold account and 4000 points? Pretty much anything goes - I'm open to all suggestions, as long as it doesn't involve too much nudity (I've had ENOUGH nudity thanks to Wilbo and his untapped potential.)

But seriously. It's not a huge prize and so it won't be a massively time consuming or talent demanding contest, but I'd like there to be SOME challenge...I just have no ideas. Otherwise I'm just gonna give this shit to Hamza. And none of you wants that...it might go to his giant, swollen, throbbing sharkhead.

haha, I said throb.