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12:42 AM on 09.11.2010

PAX WAS AWESOME (and details on stickermania if you weren't there)

Well ladies. Pax was pretty much the best time ever. I love you all and miss you incredibly every day. How many more days until Pax East? ...Yeah yeah, I'll make it to MAGfest too. Don't worry.

Anyway. The real point of this blog: Stickers.



Many of you got stickers from me at Pax. However...many of you didn't. Fear not!!! This can be remedied. Now that I've given out some in person, I can start mailing them out. Those of you that have emailed me your address, they'll go out next week. Those of you that haven't, make sure you email me ([email protected]) or direct message me here or on twitter (@bushofghosts) with your mailing address to get one.

Now. Payment.

Remember, payment is totally optional. I'm not expecting anyone to pay. However, if you'd LIKE to donate money towards them, my suggested donation is 1$ per sticker and 1$ for shipping costs (regardless of how many you order). You can choose to donate more or less, according to what you can afford. And if you can't pay at all, that's TOTALLY okay.

I love you guys. A lot. I miss you all, even (if not especially) those I didn't get to see at Pax Prime this year.

My Paypal email is [email protected] - feel free to send cashmonies, or don't, like I said. But I won't have you say "I didn't have money to give you so I didn't ask for a sticker" - THAT IS BALLS. ASK FOR A STICKER. I WILL SEND YOU ONE. OR TWO. OR THREE. Or however many you like.


CHECK IT OUT MISTER DESTRUCTOID WEARS THEM ON HIS EARS.



I'd also like to take this opportunity to remind you all to add Pinchy Clamps and Grinchy Clamps on facebook. My lobster babies are growing up and travelling the world. Pinchy is now in California with the amazing Suff0cat and Grinchy is in London with Caramel Delicious Justice. It's VERY exciting for us all.

Love you. Miss you. Want you in my pants. Makes me cry to be this far apart. Actually.

Maya   read


6:31 PM on 08.09.2010

PAX stickermania: I have 100 stickers I want to give to you people.

Hopefully no one freaks out and tells me to make a forum thread instead of posting this here. I've done that already. And I'm making a cblog mainly because I want to be inclusive. I know that overlap between cblogs, forums, twitter and irc is actually rare.

The story is this. I made a similar design for the Astro Headset contest, and decided I actually really would like a high quality sticker of it for my laptop and a few other things. When I went to order them, I found out I could get quantities of 100+ but it is actually difficult to find a place that will print just 20.

So. I am ordering 100 of these stickers, my own design, 4 inches in diameter, on extremely durable sticker paper - suitable for boats and cars and outdoors in general, so stick 'em where you want 'em.

Can't do flasks this year unfortunately due to funding issues but this is significantly cheaper so it'll have to do. If you're coming to PAX, I'll have them there. I am asking for ONE DOLLAH per sticker, just to cover the cost of printing. I've been known to be venal, though, especially when it comes to alcoholic beverages that are offered to me, so feel free to bargain on that front.

If you require shipping and feel like donating to the cause, paypal works - let me figure out the best way to ship them (I'll pick up a bit of hard cardboard to make sure they don't get bent) and then let you know how much it'll be. I'm thinking it'll just be 1$ a sticker and 1$ for shipping, regardless of how many stickers you get. PAYMENT IS OPTIONAL FOR ALL DTOIDERS. That's how I roll - and it's not like Destructoid is mine, so I don't plan on making any money off of this.

Holla if you want one. If you can't make it to PAX, shoot me an email with your mailing address and hopefully I can mail you one after that weekend. konavisual[at]gmail[dot]com - I'm going to try my BEST to get a sticker to everyone that wants one. Sorry in advance if this takes a little while.

Not sure what the interest in something like this might be, so just went with 100 to start, and we'll see where it goes. A few other people are also printing stickers - if you are doing so, bring it to PAX and we'll trade stickers!!!! I'd LOVE this to be something that a bunch of us do. I don't see why not.

Here's the design.

  read


3:43 PM on 08.08.2009

I Suck At Games: Period.

And yet I love them all. While I could go on forever about almost every genre, I've chosen to focus on a few in particular; the ones that I'm most disappointed in. Ah yes, where to begin...

FPSs: Oh shit.



I grew up with the Doom series. It was the first game series I ever actually played on my own, and, because I suck massive donkey balls, it was thusly the first game series I cheated at. Of course, I quickly learned that using my newly found cheat codes in other games did not necessarily aid me as I wished them to - Heretic gave me a big fat weapons wedgie the first time I tried all weapons, and just flat out murdered me when I attempted God mode. So I was forced to play through without God mode, and truly enjoyed it. As soon as multiplayer became a reality with Duke Nukem 3D, my life changed forever.



I spent hours making new maps and networking the 486s together. I was a true addict by the age of about 12. Of course, counterstrike hit shortly thereafter, with Unreal Tournament not far behind, and it became more and more apparent that I just wasn't getting any better - but the fun factor of the game never went down. With the birth of good console gaming I discovered Halo and Call of Duty, and enjoyed it even more...again, never got good. You know the idiot on the team that consistently gets between 5 and 10 kills but is killed about 10-15 times, thusly cancelling out their own score? Yeah. That's me. But I don't give a fuck. There's something satisfying about running around shooting my friends in the FACE. FPSs will always be my first videogame experience, stealing my virginity with a BFG.

RPGs make me their bitch.

Final Fantasy VIII was the first RPG I played that I felt like I knew what the fuck was going on. And I'd played a few before that; the Breath of Fire series, III and IV in particular, took up a lot of my free time as a kid - but that doesn't mean I knew what the fuck was happening. The other month, in fact, I had a nightmare involving me stumbling across a fairy village that was full of fairy corpses - and they were blaming ME for not checking in on them. Don't even get me going on leveling up or getting final weapons. I cannot count how many times I tried to get Lulu's final bullshit sigil or whatever in FFX. Dodging 200 lightning bolts? No thank you. And I couldn't tell you what the actual storyline of any of the final fantasies actually is. Oh, I thought I had it pinned with FFVIII, too. Thought I had the story all worked out...



...and I suddenly realised I was in SPACE, chasing a little pixelated DOT with my analogue stick and NOTHING MADE SENSE ANYMORE. Back to square one. I suck at keeping up with these bloody games.



The issue is that I don't have the patience for RPGs, yet I love the fact that they take me forever to beat - I can play them for hours and hours and even though I'm doing the same fucking thing over and over, I love that the storyline progresses, the characters grow, the battles get harder. I suck at strategically choosing who to give materia to or which summons to assign - and don't even get me STARTED on the job systems, I have NO ability to hone my characters properly. The fact that they started making characters really HOT helps...it's like they know people like me will keep playing just for the chance that there might be another Rikku buttshot...

RTS/RTTs/Sim Games make my brain feel fuzzy.



Force Commander and Command and Conquer stole quite a few hours of my childhood, as did Simcity, which I group in with RTS/RTT types. Not because I replayed them, but rather because it would take me days to complete a mission. I'm not sure what it is, but I've never built up the ability to be strategic in my planning. I get caught up in the moment - blame Attention Deficit Disorder - and suddenly I'm being bombarded by Nazis or Jedi or some shit. While I'm playing at building a road in the shape of the word "PENISLOL" in my SimCity, Godzilla is quietly sneaking around in the water unseen, ready to fuck my city up something fierce. Almost ANYTHING that allows me to create things exactly the way I want them but requires extreme tactical comprehension inevitably crushes me in a fury of SUCKAGE. I sort of like it in a weird way. Anyone that has played an RTS, especially something like a Sim game, can attest to the addictive qualities of the hellspawnish things. It's like I turn into a total masochist, relishing the moments of creation - and getting some weird satisfaction out of seeing it fall. Huh. Destructoid? Remind me to never have children, or to attend planning classes or something before I create a life and bring it into this world. Thanks.


Action/Adventure games fool me into thinking I don't suck.



This upsets me. The Zelda series had me tricked for quite a few years. I honestly thought I was halfway decent at Ocarina of Time - I remember beating it over and over again, so I MUST have been good at it, right? HAH. It took me AN ENTIRE WEEK to get past Dark Link the first time I played that game. SEVEN DAYS. HELLO. And when I went back later and played it, I had looked up the secrets of how to beat him, only because I remember being SO FRUSTRATED as a kid.



And I have a deep dark secret: I've never finished Super Mario Bros 3. Never. I'm so monumentally horrible at it that I've never actually been able to beat it all the way through. Why am I even admitting this to you?! I'm just going to stop talking, I've only just realised how ridiculously terribad I'm making myself sound. Thank God we're on the internet and you can't actually see me.

In short, I suck.

And if it weren't for the internets, I'd suck even harder. Once computers were hooked up to the tubes and I was able to access user created walkthroughs, videogames started making more sense to me, and I got a liiiiitle bit better at them. But not much. It's confirmation for me, though, that even those who are BRUTAL at videogames like myself can appreciate them for being incredibly fun, and never let it get them down. As long as they're not horribly judged for it, that is. But you'd never judge me based on my lack of skill in videogames...right guys?

<3

*No caption necessary.   read


5:49 AM on 07.29.2009

PAX: Dinosaur Sex and Flaming Afros.

...and now sausage.

Stickers I am thinking of making and bringing to PAX, to give away to people who might like to stick them places:





The dinosaur one is self explanatory, but here is where it started.

Any others you might want? I want the necros one to look rushed and sloppy like it is. I like it like that. Thinking of inverting it, white on black instead.

Thoughts are appreciated.

EDIT: If this site didn't feel the need to segregate the cblog and forum communities then I'd post this in the forums exclusively. However, I'd like to open up the idea that I'm making stickers in large quantities and if there are any fantastic ideas from the cbloggers I'll gladly create those stickers and give them away for free.

Free shit is good shit, as I always say.   read


8:07 AM on 06.30.2009

Dtoid Overlap Tips: How to survive IRC.



I've noticed in my brief time here at Dtoid that the overlap between community mediums is actually quite minimal. There are those who prefer the forums, whether it is because they are gracefully manned by a beautiful team of hot sexy individuals or because they're full of hypnotoad and partial nudity - the forums tend to attract a crowd that is extremely eclectic. The cblogs are similar - I've noticed the writing styles vary incredibly and the subjects and content are, overall, extremely impressive - especially for a [mostly] self-regulated, community-driven collection of writings.

Then there is IRC. For those of you who are not necessarily familiar with the term IRC, it refers to Internet Relay Chat - probably one of the oldest, and in my opinion, most effective, methods of live chat online, period. It's that little tab up there next to reddit that you've probably not fingered yet, even though you're sort of bicurious about it. I'll admit, the link is sort of intimidating. It asks you if you trust a certificate and then mentions something about being gang raped, and suddenly you're thrown head first into a room of scrolling text that may or may not make your eyes bleed.

But it doesn't have to be painful. The transition to group chat from something like forums or cblog comments isn't as difficult as it might seem. The keys to survival, and not being gang raped, as it were, are simple:


Tip #1: Ride the motherfucking wave, bitches. Comments and forums give you time to read, time to catch up - you load a blog/thread and even if there are pages and pages of catching up to do, you can scroll back and read at your leisure. IRC tends to be intimidating because of how quickly it moves - everyone is talking at once and new lines of chat are popping up at alarming rates - just let it sort of wash over you. STAY CALM.


Tip #2: Git 'er dun. Okay, I'm not saying you should be a fucking noob, but if you don't know how to do something, FIND OUT. And BE PATIENT- just because you can't keep up yet and your question scrolls off the screen in record time doesn't mean we haven't seen it. Pasting your question over and over will not get it answered, it'll get you raped by a hot bearded guy from texas. Remember how we wanted to AVOID gang rape? Wait your turn, have the decency to read a summary, and then take it slow. Pick a username you'll like, because we'll probably end up calling you whatever you choose first. Your cblog/forum nickname is absolutely best, as a lot of us overlap between community mediums - so we might already know you. Or you can just type "/nick bushofghostsishot" and I doubt anyone will argue with you ever again. I'm pretty fucking infallible.


Tip #3: Lube up good. Don't try to take it all in at once. Not everything said in chat is relevant to your interests. In fact, 90% of what happens in IRC is *irrelevant* - which is mostly the point. It's sort of like a community pool where everyone has tourette syndrome and no one cares if anyone is listening. Set yourself up with key words that your eyeballs look for in the sea of text.


Tip #4: Get insensitive. Once you get good at all this you can start using an irc client other than java (check out Pew's wicked guide), and program in some key words that ping you - so that irc can be running in the background harmlessly until someone says something you actually care about. Until then, practice not worrying or caring too much if you miss something. At the very worst, someone will private message you with a direct question if they feel like they're being ignored.


Tip #5: Use the Schwartz. If it's mostly random and only 10% relevant, what USE is IRC? *It's LIVE.* IRC is where we organise our spur of the moment activities - drunk UNO, Castle Crashers parties, Skype orgies, Stickam shows - if you're not familiar with Skype and/or Stickam, and you have a mic and/or webcam, go check it out. IRC is where you get to honestly MEET your fellow dtoiders. It's where we get to *know* each other best - for better or for worse, in sickness and in...who am I kidding, we're all pretty sick in the heads. I'm online most nights, even if I'm doing something else - it's just nice to have other dtoiders around. We're all usually messing about with our own stuff, but we're always happy to see each other. And I can only imagine it's going to make meeting you suckers at PAX/other events just that much more exciting. The power of the internet is a great power - harness that hot tramp and ride her with us.

You know you waaaaaaaaanna. Hey, sometimes the chicks even show their boobs. If that's not a motivator, then sometimes Coonskin shows his boobs, and Wilbo shows his codpiece. If THAT isn't a motivator, you're not fucking HUMAN.

xoxo - see you there!

Maya   read


11:43 PM on 06.28.2009

Whore yourself out for 4000 msft points.

So here's the deal. I was in Seattle this week and to make a long sad story very short, I "accidentally" got "drunk" and let microsoft woo, seduce, and practically assrape me - AND steal 60$ from me in the process. The sex wasn't even good, and I walked away with a lethal limp and empty wallet - and the new knowledge that points purchased in the USA do NOT work in Canada. Nevermind that my American-purchased Gold Membership does, or that msft support told me wrongfully that I can change my location (rapists AND liars!!) - the points don't work.

So. I now have 4000 points sitting here waiting to be used. They're unregistered and up for grabs - as is a one year's Gold Membership that I'm throwing in myself to make a bundle. I want to give them away to someone who TRULY DESERVES them. I was thinking about Mortal Kombat, where I get a bunch of you out into the woods and give you rusty shovels and broken baseball bats and let you cheapshot each other Battle Royale style, but I'm currently being advised to avoid lawsuits and felonies by my lawyer.

I need ideas - what sort of shit would you do for a Gold account and 4000 points? Pretty much anything goes - I'm open to all suggestions, as long as it doesn't involve too much nudity (I've had ENOUGH nudity thanks to Wilbo and his untapped potential.)

But seriously. It's not a huge prize and so it won't be a massively time consuming or talent demanding contest, but I'd like there to be SOME challenge...I just have no ideas. Otherwise I'm just gonna give this shit to Hamza. And none of you wants that...it might go to his giant, swollen, throbbing sharkhead.

haha, I said throb.   read


1:22 AM on 04.22.2009

ambulothanatophobia

I have a phobia.

We're not talking a fear, here. We're not talking about some fantasy phobia, either. This phobia does not kick in only when I'm playing Left 4 Dead or Resident Evil. It's not just after watching Night of the Living Dead, and no, it's not cured by humour - Shaun of the Dead was still scary as shit, even if I laughed.

I'm NOT looking forward to the Zombapocalypse, or whatever you want to call it. I think it's the scariest thing imaginable. I'm NOT interested in your zombie survival plans - yes I HAVE read the Zombie Survival Guide and unfortunately I think it was brilliantly written...which means it contributed to, not cured, my phobia. Same goes for World War Z.

I have a very real, very intense fear of something very very imaginary. I have a REAL fear of zombies. This fear extends to the point where I am honestly and genuinely frightened by anyone or anything pretending to be the walking dead. Phobias get in the way of rational thinking. I tend to react out of instinct rather than logic when I'm immersed in my phobia - I've regrettably thrown some punches and nearly drop-kicked a friend who thought it would be funny to pretend to be a zombie in an elevator with me. I gave fair warning, verbally, and held my sanity for a lot longer than most people with phobias.

To all of those who are psyched for the days when zombies walk the earth: you're fucked up. I'm sorry guys, seeing the people you love die a horrible death, ie - your sister being eaten alive by your mother and then in turn attempting to eat you alive - there is NOTHING, repeat, NOTHING cool about that. Now, zombie games can be amazingly fun to play - in the sense that they scare the shit out of me, and require me to be quick with my fingers on a controller. But I know people who honestly would love to act out a zombie game or movie. And no matter how I reason with them, and attempt to get them to the point where they admit it's sorta messed up that they wish the walking dead existed, they just refuse to give.

The impending doom is what gets me. Fast zombies I can live with - if I get caught it'll all be over pretty quick. Left 4 Dead, 28 Days Later, those zombies I can handle, and watch the movies or play the games. It's the slow ones. The ones that shuffle. Those ones are the scary ones. The ones that give you false hope - you think you're going to make it out alive, because you're so much quicker. But if you've ever experienced exhaustion, you know that eventually, your body goes on strike - eventually you have to rest. And those zombies, they're going to keep shuffling. They don't need to sleep. They'll slowly catch up to you. And when they do, they'll slowly kill you - slowly eat you alive. Slowly turn you into one of them. Five minutes is a long time to live through being eaten alive. Ever stubbed your toe? That's a long ten seconds. Think about it.

Yes, I know zombies don't exist. My nightmares do, though, and I have them at least once a week. It's a plague. And my understanding of what a zombie epidemic would be is real too. so quit it guys. You know you'd all be the first to go, too, because you'd be running out there with a fucking machine gun forgetting that there isn't actually a checkpoint with extra ammo waiting for you at the subway. There's a bunch of very hungry, very real zombies, and you've got a lead pipe left in your pocket, because you can carry three things, not twenty. Good luck with that shit - and if you do make it out, good luck with the PTSD. I'll be in Hawai'i - and if the infection gets out there, well, I'll die happy at least.

xoxo

M   read


6:22 PM on 04.21.2009

It's hot in Topeka.

It's really interesting that my first post got picked up and dragged through 25 comments of "you're a troll" and "fuck you" - this place must be a troll smorgasbord. All they have to do is type ten words about chicks on the internet and people with copious amounts of free time feed them delicious profanity and hatred.

Anyway, that's irrelevant. As was the sarcasm of my first blog. Clearly.

I've been attempting to make more time to play - but it's getting really difficult. I've moved my TV to the living room, and my roommate is having a good time with it. Not an avid gamer, she started on Feeding Frenzy, getting frustrated easily and usually playing on lite mode. I had been attempting to get my greedy little hands on Beautiful Katamari since getting the 360, and finally ended up ordering it from ebay. When that came, noobie roommate was entranced. She started playing and didn't stop for days. It's a great gateway game - simple to play but difficult to master for someone who has never held a controller before. And it's entertaining for anyone...she has a mild (read:intense) case of the ADDs so katamari was a feast to her multitasking eyes. I admit, I like it for the same reasons.

Shortly after, I was in the microsoft store and picked up a copy of Fable. I've been meaning to play for years, but never had the means, and before trying out Fable 2 I figured I should give Fable a run. I got about 2 hours of play in, and my roommate watched quietly from her chair. She didn't ask too many questions, nor did she say much - I didn't suggest she try it only because I didn't think an rpg would be up her alley, so to speak.

I was wrong. I came home from work that day to find her sitting on the couch, well into the game. She *loves* it. So much so that she has finished the game 4 times in 2 weeks. I know it's a short game, but this is someone who has never really played videogames before. Someone whose father didn't allow consoles in the house. Someone who comes into my room regularly solely to talk about how she's "not an addict....right?" - to which I always say "of course not" - because I've done the same with other games.

But I'm debating on whether to pick up Fable 2 or not. Firstly, I don't know how to move the TV back into my room with the 360 - I feel like she's having fun and I want her to keep having fun - but she needs to job search as well. I know she's a big girl and can take care of herself, but I also know how I get when my friends enable me in my procrastination. Maybe moving the TV won't make a difference - she might spend the days while Im at work in here, for all I know, playing. Which she is welcome to do, since she's one of my closest friends. But...I can't help feeling sort of...guilty. If I buy Fable 2 will she procrastinate more in job searching or working ? I haven't touched the 360 in months. And yes, if I really wanted to, I'd boot her off and play. But honestly? Gaming is my "alone time" - I like to do it when I'm solo and need to regenerate. So having it in the living room makes me not interested in playing *anyway*...

I guess I should just move the bloody thing. I'll need to clean my room before I do - it's disgusting in here. And then pack the tv up...I'm paranoid of breaking it on the way up the stairs.

Oh well. Go Canucks - you're my last hope - I wish the Sens were in, but you'll do this time around.

Not exactly a game review, but that'll come later. When I'm actually playing Fable. I suppose I could get her to do it! hah.

-M-   read


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