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KamiMoon's blog

3:45 PM on 03.18.2010

Jims Sterling is Destructoid and Destructoid is Jim Sterling!

This is a preemptive strike on all those who would oppose his will. Consider what destructoid would be like if he was gone. That is right, you would not even go to the site. Admit it. When I go to destructoid I do not even click on any of the posts without a Jim Sterling face. Look how many comments he gets: more than all the other editors combined multiplied by a factor of awesome. Without Jim Sterling, there is nothing here worthwhile.

I began to love Sterling when he led the charge against decadent art games. He rightly put those pretentious f*gg*ts in their place. I read every article he posted on the subject. The drama was delicious. His video was a masterpiece and hysterical. I lapped his hate up. I even started to read his older articles. He is the only reason this site gets hits.

Jim Sterling is the Rush Limbaugh of game journalism. His ratings dwarf all others and his influence is notorious. He is polarizing, entertaining, and he commands a vast following of rock-ribbed loyalists. His enemies are equally vehement in their hatred of the man. They are all little b*tch*s too. Like Rush, Sterling says what he wants and is not afraid of political correctness. This was most evident in his review of Final Fantasy XIII. I agreed with everything he said about the issue, although he did not quite go far enough.

I am taking a bit of tangent here. As far as JRPGs go, I am a proud reactionary. My first was Final Fantasy IV on the SNES. The game literally blew my mind. The opening scene on the air ship with Cecil, commander of the Red Wings, pillaging crystals from f*gg*ts and pwning bat monsters was completely bad*ss. The Red Wings music was fucking epic. Baronís music was kick*ss too. The dragoon who jumped on ppl kicked *ss. The opening scenes moved me, and still move me more than anything these crappy 3D games can do. The subject matter was way more mature and the 16 bit sprites did not make every character look too much like a qu**r anime. Holy Sh*t the ring was a bomb! Holy Sh*t that little girl just summoned this guy that split the earth in two! Basically that whole opening sequence from airship to summoner girl k*cked *ss and is classic. FFXIII ainít got sh*t on that. Damn those were the days.

FOck FFVII and that figgoat Cloud. The whole series went down the tubes when it started having qwefs with spikey blonde hair. Back in the day dark knights were dark knights, white mages were white mages, summoners were summoners, and black mages were black mages. Each character was unique, memorable, and played differently. These new games are terrible in that they homogenize roles just as they homogenize gender.

But everyone forgets Squareís best game: SUPER F*CKING MARIO RPG LEGEND OF THE 7 STARS. This game is blatantly better than FFXIII. Each character has its own list of spells, abilities, and equipment. Each character is unique. The gameplay, the humor, the environment, the minigames, and even the story ruled. You are just plain mentally impaired if you do not like Super Mario RPG. Forget Final Fantasy, make a good Mario RPG in a mature style. Paper Mario was good, but it was for three year olds. I want to see Geno in HD. Look how dark this game was! Stop making games for bubble children and children in the womb. Thatís what the Wii Paper Mario was like: a childish abortion of a game.

Getting back on topic, Heil Sterling! Reading his articles is more fun than playing most of the trash that comes out these days. The last JRPG I enjoyed was Demonís Souls, a game without f*ggots that actually takes skill.

There was no sarcasm in this post. I genuinely love his hate. If Jim leaves, f*ck Destructoid.


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