Weekend after weekend watching and listening to my friend and my brothers agonized screaming, hair pulling and teeth grinding it’s finally my turn to prove my worth. And with that though i grab my semi-broken PS3 controller (the left analog stick is iffy as hell, works wonders on those narrow beams!), wipe off my pre-sweat from my forehead as I fully submit myself to this marathon of agony, bliss, emasculation. Let’s play Dark Souls, it’s the funnest game on the block!

But this time I’m not alone, I’ve got my science loving ateist PC gamer friend with me too, he only plays console at my place and I was curious how he would react to a game this , uh , let’s go with niche.

It’s more than delightful to see that there are some people in Dark Souls community that seem to be fond of the act of giving. Watch my friends face twisting in horror as me and my brother starts screaming that he has been invaded by an evil phantom that is trying to steal his humanity and souls (note that he is still trying to comprehend how the game is played). Then something strange happens the dark shadow starts dancing and making all kind of gestures and in an instant the once intimidating shouts now slowly turn into encouragements - He’s dropping stuff, pick them up! Hurry before they disappear!


Is it wrong to want to have sex with the bosses because of reasons part vengence and part attraction?

And what do we have here? Oh , Lord Gwyn’s great sword + 5 , an occult club + 5 , a heap of rare minerals, the list goes on. Needless to say my friends mind was blown,fucked then in total ecstasy, all in a matter of minutes. It has been relatively smooth sailing since then, I mean obviously we have died a lot but with a complete lexicon that’s eager to share most of the time ( my brother and his friend ) coupled with my relatively experienced understanding of Demon Souls and my glimpses of when they played it have turned Dark Souls to a really enjoyable experience. Oh yeah, about that lexicon thing, it works wonders when they aren’t deliberately trying to lure us off cliffs, bastards.

But what this random gesture of kindness have robbed me of in challenge it has made up for in envy and hate. It’s a guilty pleasure to watch the people around me cringe as I smash that boss they spent hours beating on my first try. And to seal the deal I sometimes blurt stuff like - What , this creature didn’t die by one swing, is this game broken or something? Oh they try to hide it so well but I can see into their souls how it hurts them, ha! But I don’t feel robbed of the experience in any way, I had my fair share of challenges in Demon Souls and I’m still as vulnerable as ever as I run around with my skimpy waist cloth. I seriously look like Conan the barbarian with my great-sword resting on my shoulder, and I don’t even have armor to rest it on , just my bare shoulders , how bad ass is that?

So that’s it , grab a friend buy the freaking game, trow your ps3 or xbox over your shoulder or force him to then help each other or the opposite on your way towards glory!

Also here’s a poem I wrote about something that happened to me recently in game.

Oh curious little moth how beautiful your wings are, please don’t impale me with your teal laser beams. Time passes by as me and my friend wait, oh where art thou little moth? Even more time passes and my friend tells me goodbye, I wait upon the castle wall as you continue to ignore me. Oh little moth what is it with the far away mountains that enthuses you so? Oh how I wish you would come back....


Troll in central park is always relevant!

When the game’s bosses get so freaking self aware that they figure out that glitching away and forcing me to take my own life is smarter than getting killed I get creative.