Justin Villasenor's Profile - Destructoid

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Hey all, the name’s Justin and I’ve been hanging around Destructoid since late 2006. It’s okay if you don’t recognize me from way back when, as I was originally known as TheGoldenDonut (and still am in the forums). I joined the staff in 2007 as a News Contributor after flooding the tip line on a daily basis, and then I got to write stuff on the front page. Now I mostly just bum around while doing grad school stuff. I'm also learning to code a bit.

That hip, guitar-playing bear is from Kokoro Scan.
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Xbox LIVE:Th3Gold3nDonut
PSN ID:TheGoldenDonut
Steam ID:TheGoldenDonut
Apple ID:TheGoldenDonut
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(This was originally sent out last night in the staff e-mailer but at Niero’s suggestion I’ve decided to put it up here as well. It just really surprised me when I started adding things up how much time I and my fellow News Contributors had actually spent rounding up tips and how much time we’ve saved the editors. If all the stuff people sent in to the tip line was included I’m sure those numbers would be ridiculously higher so thanks to everyone that helps the site out in this regard.)

So I was updating my tip records earlier (yeah, I’m geeky like that :) ) and noticed that I’d just cleared the 5,000 tips sent mark (5049 specifically). Since that struck me as a rather large number I decided to use some algebra to see what else I could gleam from my records.

Firstly, is how much time I actually spent collecting and sending all that data. Assuming each batch took me an hour - it’s actually more like an hour and twenty minutes now since I cover so many different websites (a minimum of 31) – and since my daily average is currently 28.7 that means each tip took around 2.1 minutes each. This means I’ve spent around 175.9 hours in all working at the tip-line.

Next I got to thinking about how much time this meant I’d saved all of you. Around 11.59% of my tips are used for stories (My old average from back in October, actually. Since I used to track it by the [thanks] tags it’s become unknown since I’ve joined the staff. I’d think it’s risen a bit since then but no real way to know for sure.) which would come out to around 585.18. Using that creates a min-max time-saved area of 20.39 to 175.9 hours, since it’s unlikely that one editor would of spent the same amount of time tip-search as I do it would probably fall between there somewhere.

There is more than one editor though; taking the four of you that have used the most of my tips and that most regularly post news stories (Dale, Jim, Colette and Nick) that would bring the time saved area between 81.55 to 703.62 hours.

I’m not the only guy that sends tips in, though. Assuming my esteemed colleagues Adam and Joe have sent in the same amount (they have been at it longer than I have) then it would make our combined time spent tip-finding 527.71 hours. Also, by keeping the four editor minimum from above it would make the estimated amount of time we’ve saved Destructoid somewhere in the ballpark of 244.65 to 2110.86 hours. Yeow! Talk about efficiency.

(Staff responces added at Gameboi’s suggestion. I feel the <3)

I can't believe how much detailed data pulled together regarding tips. I'm in awe.

The bottom line is that there's no way Destructoid's front-page news editorial could function without the hard work for you, Joe, and Adam. You're all amazing, and words can't describe how much I appreciate what you do for us. I really wish there was something I could do or say that could properly express how grateful we are for what you do.

I'm amazed.

That is all.

Yeah, you guys are the cogs that keep the robot moving. <3

You know how much it sucks working at Shack and not having a dedicated crew of news-rounder-uppers to gather info for me? It sucks a whole fucking lot. I miss the tips emailer.

Thanks for being the gas that makes this shit go, Justin.

Yup, you guys are amazing. We love ya.

Wait, you're at Shacknews too? Are you still doing the Ars gig? Why aren't you in my life anymore?!

In other news, I'd like to second everybody else's sentiments: you guys are total life savers.

Yes, thanks guys. I used to scour the Internet just looking for morsels to nibble on. I got lost more than once and found myself at some very bad places along the way. You saved me!

I'll be more blunt. The page would fucking suck without you guys. I told Adam this when I saw him a couple of weeks ago. I've told Joe before, too. Not only do you save us time, you also provide motivation. My g-reader is so huge that its almost unmanageable - I almost hate to look at it. You guys make it easy by taking the whole world of game news and breaking it down into easy to read emails that not only show us what's going on, but show us that we might need to get to work.

If it were up to me, you'd get some kind of compensation for your contributions. I'll buy you dinner the next time I see you. But not Joe - he wakes me up when I'm sick.

Amazing stats by the way.

I love you guys hard. I'm not going to lie. It constantly occurs to me as I'm taking a tip that without you guys my workday would be a completely different experience (and also likely would suck.)


And most of us remember what it was like before you tipsters came down from the heavens, and lay your bounty at our feet. And I said bounty, not "packages". Zip up those pants.

Where would we be without our tipsters? We would suck.

You guys are all absolutely amazing. I would give you each a kidney if you needed it. Oh wait ...

Seriously, though, Destructoid would not even be close to as awesome as it is without you, Joe, and Adam. I <3 you guys so much! :) :) :) :)

That email was amazing. You gotta cblog that!

As always, thanks for your hard work and amazing contribution to the community. If I was into ass tattoos I would consider you.

Another Friday another fun filled evening playing games with people from the Destructoid community. All in all this week ended up being the most diverse, and frustrating *shakes fist at Live*, Friday Night Fight I’ve had yet. The evening began with CronosBlade and I trying to get a match of Bomberman Live started.

While we got Electrobes and tazar to join fairly quickly it took a while to find anyone else that wanted to play. Most of the people we sent invites to proceeded to ignore us, continually send us invites to play Halo 3 or had to play Puzzle Quest with their wives. Eventually bhive01, Savant, PraiseChaos and one of PC’s friends joined up and we had several fun-filled matches, even though we couldn’t tell who was talking most of the time. My favorite moment had to be when I kept Electrobes trapped in a corner for a good minute by repeatedly punching bombs over the side of the map. Good stuff. Eventually though he broke down from the constant messaging and went to join the Halo 3 group. The rest of us played another round or two before deciding to splinter.

Tazar and Cronos decided to try a game of Aegis Wing, which was cool with me since I’d only ever played it once. I was very amused that when I accepted Cronos’s invite it gave me a “This will end your current game session. Are you sure you want to quit?” message even though I was on the dashboard. Apparently Microsoft really does think the Fall Update is a game. Unfortunately tazar had to leave after the first level but Cronos and I continued the fight, doing pretty well until we got to the last boss which used some cheap move to take us both out right before we killed it. After our defeat Cronos decided to quit early for the night so I finally headed over to join up with the guys in Halo (who had continued to repeatedly send me invites).

After nabbing the last spot in a 15/16 room we played several free for all slayer matches that had us spawn with random weapons. It really sucked in the first one because I kept spawning in the middle of Valhalla with only a shotgun. Needless to say I got sniped a lot. A few games in Jim joined and subsequently told us the story of how he got his gametag (Jimmless). We then tried a few team matches, one of which I got stuck on a team by myself (gold team of course) due to mass pre-game team switching shenanigans. At least I didn’t embarrass myself too much. Unfortunately a little after this point Live developed a massive case of fail and decided to boot everyone from the room.

For several minutes afterward I couldn’t join anyone or even check peoples’ party statuses. Eventually Electrobes was able to get the room restarted and people began to rejoin although we ended up losing several people. It didn’t take long for Live to boot me again although this time I don’t think it kicked everyone out. At this point Clockwork invited me to a sparsely populated new room: Jim, Macca, Clockwork, Madninja and TwistedImp (who came out of nowhere) were all that was left. Of course as soon as I joined this room Live kicked me again. *%&*&& ^^(#@$ *&^(. As I was trying to rejoin most of them had decided to head over to Call of Duty 4, except for Jim (who didn’t want to get up and switch disks) and Wardrox, so I headed over there along with em.

As we were trying to form our CoD4 party a new problem struck, for some reason Madninja and Clockwork couldn’t be in the same party at the same time. Eventually it ended up working but only when I hosted. Whatever, at last we were finally able to start. This was actually my first time playing CoD4 and I did pretty well at first. My spree didn’t last long as more people got brought in between matches that were far better at Modern Warfaring than I was. We eventually decided to call it quits around 1:30, although Macca had mysteriously quit a little before then.

I guess if there was one moral I was able to gleam from last night it would have to be: OMG CTZ YOU PLAY ENOUGH HALO IT WON’T KILL YOU TO SPEND A FEW GAMES OF BOMBERMAN WITH US AND WOULD BE FAR MORE ENJOYABLE THAN JUST SPAMMING US WITH INVITES GODDAMMIT, or something like that.

Getting videogames from my family as gifts has always been something of a mixed bag. In Christmases past they’ve make surprisingly good choices (Mega Man X) and not-so-surprisingly bad ones (007 Everything or Nothing). I still appreciate it though, after all, it means they at least pay enough attention to recognize what one of my most prolific pastimes is. This year I was given Naruto: Rise of a Ninja, apparently because they knew I also liked anime and thusly a videogame based on an anime must be a really solid choice. So was it? Well, yes and no.

Firstly, let me just say that the game’s cell-shaded graphics look wonderful. The characters made great transitions to 3d and the environments are all bright and colorful. It’s something of a shame, then, that there are so few of both. There are only a couple different character designs used for both people inhabiting the Leaf Village and the many bandits you’ll be fighting around it. And while the Leaf Village itself is decently sized the explorable space around it is rather limited. This becomes very evident once side missions start forcing you to retread the same paths over and over again. This is really just part of a much larger problem Rise of a Ninja has, namely, an overall lack of diverse content.

Somehow Ubisoft Montreal managed to take eighty episodes worth of storyline and character interaction and compress it down to around seven hours of game time. It helps even less that there are several spots in the main storyline that feel a bit disjointed due to the way it was edited. Now it isn’t anything terrible huge: events not receiving any mention, some characters not getting shown at all or if shown only for a few seconds in a cutscene, scenes happening slightly different, etc. For someone that’s seen the show it shouldn’t be any trouble filling in the blanks but it could cause people that are newly introduced to the franchise to get confused as to why something is happening or who someone is that just randomly shows up to fight you. Now I can certainly understand why they’d try to keep the storyline as light as possible, mainly to keep newcomers from being overwhelmed by a bunch of names, faces and events and to keep the game from becoming one long cutscene. Still, I think the story could have used a bit more fleshing out just so that newcomers better understand what is actually going on.

Aside from the sparse main storyline there isn’t very much else that Rise of a Ninja offers. The biggest diversion would be the ability to run around the entire Leaf Village, with your ability to explore increasing as new techniques and jutsus are learnt. This can be fun for awhile, until the player realizes that there isn’t much too actually do there besides repeatedly running past the same five identically designed villagers. Collecting bronze and gold coins (much like Crackdown’s agility and secret orbs), making ramen deliveries, playing hide-and-go-seek with Konohamaru, participating in “ninja races” and completing side missions are the other main activities you can find in town.

That may sound like a fair bit but each activity is almost exactly the same with only a very slight difficulty increase to tell them apart. The side missions have a little bit more variety but most fall into the “Go get X back from the bandits” or “Run to this place that you’ve already been to really fast”, at least they also increase your statistics by a much larger amount and give training points that can be spent to let Naruto learn new combos and improve his jutsus to make his fights easier. There’s also an online mode where you can battle people over Xbox Live but considering that the battle system is another area of the game that comes off as being a bit too streamlined (all you need to win is to use one or two of the same combos repeatedly and perform a few button timing sequences to pull off your jutsus) and that people playing online are already very sparse* it really doesn’t add that much.

These flaws don’t necessarily make Rise of a Ninja a bad game but they certainly don’t set it apart from other recent and more noteworthy releases. The game can be a fun way to spend an afternoon but that’s really about it. With no real replayability and considering the fact that trying to complete all the repetitive side activities becomes an extreme exercise in tediousness I really couldn’t recommend anyone to actually buy this game, at least until the prices goes down quite a bit. It’s an okay rent, though.

*This could be in part due to the problems Live has been experiencing over the last week.

Hey there Destructoid community, since Christmas falls before the next update of The Contest Log I’ll just go ahead and give your gifts early. Well, not gifts per se, actually I’m only giving you the opportunity to win gifts which means there really isn’t any difference between this and the last five weeks. Oh well, I’m cheap, so get to entering. :)

A free Virtual Console game, you don’t get to pick it though – Wii Fanboy – Post a comment on the page to be entered. Ends December 20th.

Copy of EverQuest: Secrets of Faydwer and EverQuest II: Rise of Kunark signed by members of the dev team – MMORPG.com – Have to register with the site and fill out an entry form. Ends December 20th.

Copy of Rock Band (no instruments though) and some other themed merchandise – livedaily – Sweepstakes. Only open to US residents. Ends December 20th.

Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion GOTY Edition and a 40gb PS3 – Eurogamer - Register with the site and answer the question to enter. Only open to European residents. Ends December 21st.

A free download code for Undertow on XBLA – Xbox 360 Fanboy - Post a comment on the page to be entered. Only open to US residents. Ends December 21st.

Spiffy $2999 gaming PC – TigerDirect – Sweepstakes. Only open to US residents. Ends December 25th.

JVC LT-42DV8BJ 42 inch LCD TV and JVC TH-UE1 Digital Cinema System – CVG – Sweepstakes, have to register with the site to enter. Only open to UK residents.

A new FC Twin and copies of Breath of Fire, Ogre Battle, Final Fantasy III, Illusion of Gaia and Chrono Triggerars technical – Donate to Child’s Play and send them the receipt to be entered in the drawing to win and other prize packs.

Guitar Hero III bundle, PS2, Les Paul guitar, posters and your entry framed – IGN – Create an album cover within the specifications.

Xbox 360 Elite, VIP accessory kit, Halo 3 Legendary Edition – GamesRadar – Sweepstakes. Only open to US residents. Ends December 31st.

Xbox 360 Elite, 32” LCD TV, Rock Band, guitar controller signed by Bang Camaro, 2 Tickets to a Bang Camaro concert in a city that’s near your home – AT&T Blue Room – Sweepstakes. Only open to US residents. Ends December 31st.

Need For Speed ProStreet branded Xbox 360, VIP accessories kit, wireless racing wheel, 1600 MSoft points, year gold subscription to Live, other stuff – Microsoft – Register your gamertag before January 13th and then play one online match between the 11th-13th to be entered. Only open to US residents.

An 80gb PlayStation 3 and four movies on Blu-Ray – 1up – Sweepstakes. Ends January 15th.

Guitar Hero III for the PS3 and a wireless controller – dailygame – Giveaway that you can enter once per day. Surprisingly it’s open to everyone but the disk is Region 1. Ends January 25th.

an internship with Microsoft Research, Rare or Lionhead Studios. Invitation to GDC, $3000 and a one year subscription to XNA Creators Club – Microsoft – Design a game using XNA Game Studio 2.0 that contains great AI. Contest open to everyone not living in: Quebec, North Korea, Cuba, Iran, Sudan and Syria. Ends January 27th.

Simpsoms-themed Xbox 360 and a DVD of the Simpsons Movie – UGO – Sweepstakes. Only open to US residents. Ends January 31st.

PlayStation 3, a flat screen TV and some cash to throw a party – Maxim – Sweepstakes. Only open to US residents. Ends January 31st.

80gb PlayStation 3, copy of Folklore, a limited edition art book and a strategy guide – IGN- Sweepstakes. Only open to US residents. Ends February 11th.

Nintendo Wii, two Wiimotes, one nunchuck and 2000 VC points – Pringles – Sweepstakes, winner chosen every week. Only open to US residents. Ends March 28th.

$3000 Velocity Micro Gaming PC and a copy of Crysis – A scavenger hunt where you need to blog your findings. Ends December 24th.

A cool 8-bit Simon Belmont figure – Win by getting the most answers right in Chad’s Castlevania-themed quiz. Answer before he posts the results tomorrow.

Copy of Smarty Pants for the Wii, Smarty Pants t-shirt and hoodie – Find a pair of really ugly pants, take pictures, profit? Ends January 1st.

coupon for $5 off any PSP game at Best Buy – BrOnXbOmBr21 – Take a funny picture with you and your PSP (which needs to be displaying the Destructoid homepage). Ends December 22nd.

2008 Nerdcore calendar, chance to be included in a Destructoid nerdcore calendar – Faith – Take a hawt, nerdcore-esque picture of yourself and post it in your blog with the appropriate header. Ends December 29th.

Win a new game of your choice that isn’t more than $60 – Cowzilla3 – Make a donation to Child’s Play, the person with the highest donation wins. Ends along with CP’s donation period.

Chance to win a copy of Capcom Classics Collection Vol 1 (PS2), Resident Evil: Deadly Silence (DS), Mega Man Starforce:Pegasus or Viewtiful Joe: Red Hot Rumble (PSP). - Tron Knotts – Pick one of four Capcom characters that you think will be added to Brawl.

Limited edition copy of Mass Effect and an Xbox 360 signed by the devs at BioWare – AT&T Blue Room – Sweepstakes. Ends December 19th.

Drawn to Life for the DS – Shakfire – Sweepstakes. Ends December 19th.

Halo 3 themed Xbox 360 and a 50’ HDTV – Ziddio - Make a Halo 3 gameplay video. Ends December 19th.

PlayStation 2 SingStar bundle and a copy of Buzz! The Mega Quiz1up – Sweepstakes, pick the editor you think will win at an upcoming Buzz! Competition. Only open to US residents. Ends December 19th.

Assassin’s Creed and a 60gb PS3 (the best one) to play it on – AT&T Blue Room – Sweepstakes. Only open to US residents. Ends December 19th.

Call of Duty 4 CE, CoD4 t-shirt, CoD4 hardcover art book, CoD4 official strategy guide – 1p Start – Type a gun sound effect on the contest page to be entered. Ends December 19th. (thanks PacoDG!)

Crackdown for the 360 – TwistedChopper – Sweepstakes. Ends December 20th.

Halo-themed Xbox 360, Halo 3 and a bunch of other games, books and accessories - Fanscape - Sweepstakes. Ends December 20th. (thanks kwaselow!)

Guitar Hero III (your choice of PS3 or 360 version) and a signed Dragonforce guitar – Eurogamer – Answer the easy question to be entered. Must register with the site to be eligible for entry. Open to European residents only. Ends December 21st.

Copy of Soul Caliber Legends and a Wii – Maxim – Sweepstakes. Ends December 21st.

PlayStation 2 bundles – StarPulse – Sweepstakes. Ends December 21st.

Custom painted Empire Earth III themed PC, copy of Empire Earth IIIGamesRadar – Sweepstakes. Ends December 21st.

A customized PS3 and a SplitFish FraxFX controller – 1up – Sweepstakes, identify some celebrities. Ends December 21st.

Nintendo Wii – Circuit City – Daily drawing. Ends December 22nd. (thanks Adam!)

Enyce customized PlayStation 3 – XXLMag – Sweepstakes. Ends December 22nd.

$250-$1000 – YoYo Games - Design a Web 2.0 game with the theme of “winter.” Ends December 23rd.

A copy of Soldier of Fortune: Payback and an Xbox 360 – 1up – Sweepstakes. Ends December 24th.

Tenchu Z, Forza 2 and Spider-Man 3 all for the 360 – FreeVideogameStuff – Sign up for their mailing list, RSS Feed or link back to their site to enter. Only open to US residents. Ends December 24th.

$750 in cash, Logitech 2.1 surround system, copy of Virtua Fighter 5 for the 360 – IGN – Online tournament. Only open to US residents. Ends December 24th.

a DS Lite, My Word Coach and a set of luggage (?) – SelfConnected – Sweepstakes. Ends December 24th.

Rock Band bundle for the PS3 or 360 – FutureShop - Sweepstakes. Only open to residents of Canada. Ends December 28th.

an Xbox 360 – Kellogg’s – Sweepstakes. Ends December 29th.

5 videogames or other electronic stuff – Maxim – Sweepstakes. December 30th.

Tony Hawk’s Proving Ground for the 360 and DD-66 shoes – Vans – Sweepstakes. Ends December 30th.

WWE vs Smackdown 2008 (360 version) – 360style – Make a one minute long video of yourself acting like an imaginary wrestler. Ends December 30th. (thanks Avid!)

Nintendo DS, Bleach: Blade of Fate, Bleach DVD box set, poster – GamesRadar – Sweepstakes. Ends December 30th.

Nintendo Wii bundle – WinningSurveys - Sweepstakes, you have to fill out some lame survey first. Ends December 31st.

Daxter PSP bundle – GamesRadar – Sweepstakes. Ends December 31st.

$1000 gift card, Silent Hill Origins and The Silent Hill ExperienceIGN - Sweepstakes. Only open to US residents. Ends December 31st.

$500 Amazon gift card and a bunch of possible runner up prizes – CheapAssGamer – For every $5 donated to Child’s Play via their ChipIn system you’ll get one entry in the raffle. Ends December 31st.

Custom-painted PC with Unreal Tournament 3 artwork, copy of Unreal Tournament 3GamesRadar – Sweepstakes. Ends December 31st.

LCD HDTV, an Xbox 360, a copy of Rock Band, a wireless guitar and drum set and a $250 Wendy’s gift certificate – GamesRadar – Sweepstakes. Ends December 31st.

iBuyPower NZXT water-cooled gaming PC – 1up – Sweepstakes. Ends December 31st.

Nintendo Wii, Super Mario Galaxy and Rush Hour 3 – AOTS UserCreated – Create a fake instructional video or public service announcement. Only open to US residents. Ends January 1st.

Xbox 360 Elite, 360 VIP Accessory Kit and Halo 3 Legendary Edition – GamesRadar – Sweepstakes. Only open to US residents. Ends January 5th.

Castlevania: The Dracula X Chronicles1up – Sweepstakes. Only open to US residents. Ends January 7th.

DanceDanceRevolution SuperNova2 (PS2), DanceDanceRevolution Universe 2 (360), DanceDanceRevolution Hottest Party (Wii) – IGN - Sweepstakes. Only open to US residents. Ends January 7th.

PC or Xbox 360 custom painted with the F.E.A.R. Perseus Mandate artwork and a copy of the game – GamesRadar – Sweepstakes. Ends January 7th.

Win a PSP, a copy of Daxter and meet a WWE wrestler - WWE - Sweepstakes, must be a site member. Ends January 15. (thanks kwaselow!)

Limited edition Stranglehold console, signed copies of the game, trip to Hong Kong – EuroGamer - Create a short film for Stranglehold out of provided materials. Only open to European residents. Ends mid-January.

Panasonic-pt-ax200u gaming projector – ProjectorPeople – Sweepstakes. Only open to US residents. Ends January 21st.

Xbox 360 – MXGames – Sweepstakes. Ends January 31st.

DS Lite and a copy of Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney: Trial and Tribulations1up - Sweepstakes, also an option trial thingy you can participate in. Ends February 1st.

A publishing contract for the InstantAction game platform, a license to Unity Pro with Asset Server, Unity Indie license – GarageGames – Must send in at least a playable demo to GameDevContest08@GarageGames.com that contains some sort of multiplayer component. Ends February 10th.

Nintendo Wii or iPod Nano – Chaago - Sweepstakes, have to sign up for some lame newsletter. Ends February 28.

Cash prizes and registered UK students are entered in a drawing to win a 360 Elite each month – Microsoft – The 6th annual Imagine Cup Contest, open to all college students. Has nine different fields you can enter with the universal theme being the environment. Entry deadlines vary, but they aren’t until next year.

50,000 Microsoft Points – VUgames – Sweepstakes, you only need to enter once as it saves your entry until you win. Ends November 1st 2008. (thanks Corncobtacular!)

There you go everyone, good luck!

Here’s what looks like a good opportunity for someone that’s been wanting to get their foot in the videogame journalism door. Modojo, a site that covers portables and mobile games, is sending out a call for new writers. One very important part of this announcement is when they say “Previous experience is not required.” thereby granting a chance to us common folk. Plus, if you’ve been around Destructoid a while, chances are you’ve got several (hopefully) good examples of your writing to show off in the form of CBlog entries that could help tip things in your favor.

After giving the site a quick look-over it seems most of the focus is on game reviews, with the news section not receiving all that much attention. They’re accepting people for both positions but that might be something to keep in mind. Also, new hires won’t be getting any money at first but they do “intend to expand our paid editorial ranks.”

On September 25th of this year the United States was hit by a third strain of the virulent Halococcus pathogen, infecting 2.7 million consoles within the first week of its outbreak. The Halo 3 (as it shall be referred to for short) infection has continued to spread to Xbox 360s around the nation; taking advantage of unprotected contact between consoles, quickly spreading throughout their Liveous systems. While antibiotics have been released by Valve [Pharmaceuticals] and Infinity Ward [Industries] they have clearly been unable to stamp out the encroaching illness.

After crunching the newest numbers provided by The NPD [Medical] Group, GameDaily [Labs] has concluded that things are even worse than originally projected, “4.1 million [cases] have been [reported] in the U.S. With 7.9 million Xbox 360s purchased in the U.S. to date, some simple math indicates that a [frightening] 52 percent of all Xbox 360 owners in America have [“]picked up[”] Halo 3.” This means that half of the people on your friends list could be in possession of an infected console, whether they realize it or not.

So far, the only ways to remotely identify an infected console is by inflammation in the Achievemynth nodes and increased vulgarity in the accessing player. However, as these methods are not foolproof it is important to note that the only way to completely protect your system is through abstinence. Remember, every time you open your 360’s disk tray you’re opening it up to possible infection.

This public message brought to you by the Centers for [Console] Disease Control and Prevention.