says we need stupid things like "happiness" and "positivity" and "quotation marks" around here. Well tear down the pillow fort and throw out the pizza, because I'm about to add some much needed JOURNALISM to this site.
What follows is the most objective and accurate overview of the critically acclaimed Ys
series as long as you don't count this one
and maybe a few others. WARNING: I use intense amounts of undeniable facts. If you have allergies to journalism, reading this article could make two to four of your limbs fall off.
Ys I: Ancient Ys Vanished
In Ys I
, you play as Adol Christin, literally the most badass badass ever conceived. You want to know how this guy fights? HE RUNS RIGHT THE HELL INTO ENEMIES. AND WINS. I mean, look at him
, he's just charging into everyone and doesn't give even the tiniest fuck.
I was one of the grand daddies of the action RPG, yet compared to most RPGs of the era it remains amazingly playable. Oh, what's that? You spent three minutes just to kill a single metal slime in Dragon Warrior
? Well Adol Christin just killed an army
, and he's still going
Ys II: Ancient Ys Vanished - The Final Chapter
In Ys II
, Adol Christin becomes an even more deadly badass by gaining the ability to THROW FIREBALLS AT ENEMIES. Now if this guy even SEES YOU you're dead.
What's that Uncle Ben? With great power comes great responsibility? Well toss your old ass back in the grave, because Ys II
lets Adol set every villager on fire
, and each person has a unique and silly reaction to reward your misdeeds. And if you feel bad, you can just give them apples and they'll like you again. But then after you're done with that, Adol also has the option to turn into a literal monster
that can then go around and frighten all those villagers who thought Adol's reign of terror might be over. Ys II
perfected the art of torturing NPCs, and really, what other criteria matters when judging a game?
Ys III: Wanderers From Ys
I can't say I like this game that much. It's kind of the black sheep of the bunch, and while it can be kind of enjoyable, the side scrolling combat is a little too sloppy for my tastes.
But wait a second, this game would eventually be remade into Ys: Oath In Felghana
, which is one of the best damn games ever MADE. So, by extension, this makes Ys III
one of the best damn games ever made.
Ys IV: Mask of the Sun
On the surface, this may seem like just another Ys
game, but hold on, where have I heard this boss music
Oh right, it's only an SNES version of Yngwie fucking Malmsteen's Far Beyond The Sun
, except somehow Ys IV
manages to make it even more
epic despite only using SNES soundfonts
. You might want to call an emergency hotline, because this game just blew your damn mind without you even playing it.
Ys IV: Dawn of Ys
Some games go multiconsole, and usually those games stay the same with maybe a few technical differences. Except this Turbo CD version of Ys IV
gives you a totally different game with a different storyline and a CD soundtrack, making this indisputably the best port ever made.
I actually haven't played this one, but supposedly this one is better than Mask of the Sun
, so you do the math. Just kidding, too late.
Ys V: Kefin, Lost City of Sand
I haven't played this one either, and I hear this one is kind of an awkward middle child, so I'm going to have to dock some points for that reason. But this one was never released in English, so naturally I can't hold it to the same standards as the other games.
Ys VI: The Ark of Napishtim
Remember how The Legend of Zelda
was already great in the NES and SNES days, but then Ocarina of Time
reinvented the series and changed gaming forever? Guess what, Ark of Napishtim
is the Ocarina of Time
This is a 3D action adventure with all the jumping and attack buttoning that modern gamers have come to expect, but Falcom expertly retained Adol's status as a walking death machine. I mean look at this guy
, he doesn't even give a shit that he's falling to his death and he still manages to kill a giant flying bug monster just because he can
This game also features an opening sequence
that feels incredibly epic despite nothing happening in it. Ys
is so fast paced that even when the series does nothing, my heart is pumping at a dangerous rate. When I die, I can only hope that my cause of death is some kind of heart failure by playing too much Ys
Ys: Oath in Felghana
You're asking me what I thought about Ys: Oath in Felghana
? Don't you remember what I said about Ys III
? Learn to read you fucking spaz.
What's that? There are no strong female characters in gaming? Get ready to pop a literal or metaphorical boner, because I present to you a female character that makes Kratos look like an infant Justin Bieber.
Yunica Tovah wields both an axe and a sword that are larger than she is just because she wants to keep things interesting after she's killed ten thousand different monsters. She is the only character in the game unable to use magic, yet she manages to kick everyone's asses just because who has time for studying when you could be murdering everything with your arms
. And I mean, look at her, she doesn't even have to dress for combat, she could destroy an army on her way home from school.
Speaking of school, you might be thinking "oh, well there's an unlockable schoolgirl
outfit, so clearly she's sexualized." Well think fast douchebag, because her schoolgirl outfit doesn't reveal any additional skin, and it only makes it more embarrassing when she takes your ass down for even suggesting she gets by using her girl parts. I am a grown man in my mid 20s, and Yunica Tovah is my power fantasy.
I could talk about how this is yet another brilliant reimagining of the Ys
formula. I could talk about how the battle system is reminiscent of Secret of Mana
and Kingdom Hearts
while perfecting both and kicking the adrenaline up to 11. I could talk about how all the special moves and team combinations makes it feel like you're playing a different game every time you mix things up.
, I'll settle with telling you that there is not a single bad song in the soundtrack
I give this game a 7^7, but of course I had to round out the result, so unfortunately I can only give this game a
That is the extent of my journalistic criticism regarding this series. I know some fanboys are probably going to complain that I was too harsh, or that I left out some stupid feature that would have increased the score, but I'll have you all know that, when Ys: Memories of Celceta
comes out, I am going to review it as critically as I possibly...
Wait, you're telling me I can listen to the soundtrack online!?
THE SOUNDTRACK OF THIS GAME IS AS GOOD AS YS SEVEN
LOOK WHO CAME: