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FFCC: My Life as a Darklord E3 trailer; at least the word 'Darklord' is cool
Joseph Leray | 7:28 PM on 06.15.2009 5 comments




I would've written this on the front page, but I realized (too late) that the trailer is from E3, and therefore two weeks old. But, I felt the urge to write about it, so I slung it up on my vox.

At GDC earlier this year, to absolutely no fanfare, Square Enix announced Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: My Life as a Darklord. During E3, they released a trailer, to equally little fanfare, even though the WiiWare title will be out later this month. It's the latest in the Crystal Chronicles series,

In a market flooded with knockoff tower defense games and Final Fantasy spin-offs with ridiculously long titles, it's hard to care about a game that combines both. Especially when the entire gimmick (you're evil instead of good) was already fleshed out by games like Codemasters' Overlord.

Nevertheless, I really like the character designs, even if the whole I'm-an-evil-harlequin-bitch vibe is neutered by all the kawaii.

[Via SiliconEra]

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It's not like Chrono DS was the first ever remake
Joseph Leray | 9:49 AM on 07.02.2008 9 comments




In the wake of the veritable internet shitstorm that occured when a "leaked' Weekly Famitsu scan and an official-looking countdown site hinted at a Chrono Trigger DS game, Nathan intoduced me to Chrono Trigger: Resurrection, a fan-made, 3D remake, of sorts. It was never intended to be a fully-fledged game, just ten individual scenes strung together. Square Enix shut it down a few years ago, but I'd never heard of the project before last night.

I'm not quite sure what to make of the project -- it's technically impressive, with production values far higher than I what I imagined a few dudes with no budget would be able to pull off, even if there aren't any textures. However, I'm not sure if I can wrap my mind around the character models or art design, apparently inspired by the Toriyama-designed anime cutscenes from the Final Fantasy Chronicles PSOne collection. Something about it seems off, like Chrono is too bulky and beefy.

That being said, I'm anxious to see how Square will "enhance" CT DS. Don't get me wrong, I love Final Fantasy III DS, another classic remake, but the superdeformed characters didn't always translate very well. This, of course, didn't stop me from sinking several hours into the game, nor will it stop me from enjoying Chrono Trigger, should this rumor pan out. I do, however, think that, when trying to adapt classic games for a modern audience, there's a lot to be said for sprites. See Dragon Quest IX (another Square Enix game), Odin Sphere, and Grim Grimoire for examples of beautiful sprite work.



Anyway, back to Resurrection. It's a nifty little project, and it's a shame that it got cancelled. The animation was fluid and the transition into the first combat (around the 8:14 mark) was absolutely seamless, a design choice I wish more RPG developers would make. The little battle intro transition thing is jarring and adds unnecessary time to already long and sometimes tedious games. It is a convenient way to hide loading times, though. Too bad Resurrection's translation was just as bad as the original. I've never seen someone butcher English the way Frog does.

For comparison, here's some footage of the original Chrono Trigger.

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Let's take a look at some of the narrative elements of Juno, shall we?
Joseph Leray | 11:18 PM on 06.17.2008 25 comments




I should preface this little bit (I'm hesitant to call it a "review" -- it's more the ramblings of a disgruntled hipster and wannabe academic): I am perpetually behind the entertainment times. When the 18 - 24 demographic collectively ejaculated onto Garden State, Zach Braff's lovechild with himself, I missed the proverbial boat. I saw it a few months later when the hype had died down and didn't really see what all the fuss was about, barring, of course, the delightful soundtrack.

In December, when Diablo Cody's Juno hit theaters, things played out similarly: indie soundtrack, quirky protagonist, collective internet boner, consequent ennui. Don't get me wrong -- Juno isn't a bad movie, but it hardly lives up to its own expectations, and that's a shame.

With a character as immediately likeable and clever as Juno, you would think that the writers could've come up with something more than a handful of one-liners. Fast-paced and legitimately funny dialogue is alright, but it's not enough to carry such a character-driven movie. Let's clear the air here: there's no plot to speak of. Juno gets knocked up by her knock-kneed boyfriend, has the minion, and then the credits roll. With no compelling narrative to push the movie along, Juno (rightfully) depends on the strengths of the characters, which, by all accounts, should've been a workable game plan.

The thing about Juno is that it has tons of potential. The characters are charming and endearing, but Cody never really takes them anywhere. It's like she conjured up Juno and Bleeker and Bren, the stepmom, using God knows what kind of arcane voodoo magic and then ran out of pickled skinks and bat wings. Instead of developing or evolving, they just make googly eyes at each other and run amok for two hours, like those brooms in the Sorceror's Apprentice scene of Fantasia.

For example, at one point, Juno is upset at her babydaddy for going to the prom with someone else. During the particularly nasty repartee, we're expected to feel angry at Bleeker; however, it falls flat because we haven't seen Michael Cera's skinny ass in the past 45 minutes. Instead, Juno's been too busy trying to fuck a married man who is interested in adopting her unborn child. I'll go ahead and tell you now -- that amounts to be a similarly promising but underdeveloped relationship.



The movie is really just a series of jarring interactions with no depth or emotion between painfully flat characters. It's hard to care about Bleeker when he's pushed to the side after about 10 minutes; it's equally hard to care when he goes to the prom with some other girl; and it's ultimately disappointing when Juno finds her true feelings and professes her love for him. They were pulled, presumably, out of her post-partum ass. The flat relationships would have been acceptable had they led to a more profound understanding of the titular character. They don't.

I'm not naive enough to think that all movies should be socially aware, but it's too bad that Juno is never presented with any sort of difficult choices to make. The decision to have the child (rather than abort it) is made in about 30 seconds. She chooses the baby's adoptive parents out of a wanted ad. Bleeker's first line, in reference to the pivotal coitus is, "I've been looking forward to this for a long time." THEN YOU HAD PLENTY OF TIME TO INVEST IN A CONDOM, YOU DUMB TWAT! Unfortunately, Juno never addresses these issues and features very little inner conflict, and it's a weaker movie because of it. Sure, it kept things lighthearted, but it's not good storytelling and it hardly makes a compelling movie. Comedy and character development are hardly mutually exclusive, but Juno seems to have missed that part of English 101.

That being said, it wasn't all bad. The movie features some nice, legitimately funny dialogue and all of the characters are likable, albeit boring. Like I said, it's not a bad movie, but it hardly scratches the surface of the potential to be found in such promising characters.

I was also impressed by some of the visual imagery that Juno manages to provide. For those that don't know, Bleeker is a member of the school track team, and many scenes feature a group of gangly teens running in formation. More often than not, Bleeker's runs are interrupted by conversations with Juno. At one point, after rejecting that married guy's advances, Juno is seen in her car, all alone on the road, as a long train chugs endlessly alongside. Taken in conjunction, these two images create really poignant statements about the fleeting nature of time and biology and the humanity that can be found in the two. Again, it's not a particularly profound or well-explored theme, but it was certainly a nice touch in an otherwise underwhelming experience.

[Cross-posted from mah vawx]

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I got a robot -- Christmas came early edition
Joseph Leray | 10:07 PM on 12.13.2007 25 comments




You read that right -- Christmas came early for me this year, and I got a Smoking Robot. If you don't know yet, check out Niero's explanation of the Destructoid/Smoking Robot connection.

Anyway, the first toy in my big boy toy collection comes courtesy of a special friend that some of you know as she-Orcist. The rest of you may call her Andrea. Head over to her Vox for some pictures. I don't know what else I'll be getting, but if it's half as sweet as this, you'll all be hearing about it.

And no, there aren't any epic credits, or a sweet soundtrack, or a fart noise at the end because I'm not a Workmeng, and I don't know how to use iMovie. I would've done it, but my computer is in a bunch of little pieces on a highway in Alabama (no joke), and even when it was in one piece, it was never sweet enough for movie editing. Think of it as a sneak peak into my life. I'm not a black man, and I'm not Justin Timberlake.

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Monkey + Bulldog = so much win
Joseph Leray | 9:47 PM on 12.04.2007 8 comments


Everything is so much better in Japan, even the non-native wildlife.



Everything epic about this video is made epic-er by this one:



Apparently, anything with enough yen can buy cake in Japan. Even simians.

I'm simultaneously amazed at how cute fat bulldogs are, and how fucking badass chimpanzees are. I'm so conflicted.

This monkeydog hybrid seems to be a recurrent theme in Japan. Fuck Milo and Otis, I'm all about some Pan and James:




Supakawai! ^_^

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Live action meatspin!
Joseph Leray | 9:44 AM on 10.05.2007 8 comments




Actually, I haven't. But I did see Ron tuck his dick between his legs (see mangina) in the middle of a crowded dance floor in Metropolis, possibly the seediest club in the greater Cincinnati area.

This was before we almost got kicked out for contributing to the delinquency of a minor, but after having royally disrupted the electric slide.

Why people are still sliding (electrically) in this day and age is beyond me, as are manginas of all varieties.

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Joseph Leray
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HAY SUP I'm Joseph Leray. I'm from Mississippi and recently graduated Sewanee, the University of the South*, which prevents me from spending as much time writing articles and posting in the forums as I would like.

*Don't worry, no one else has ever heard of it either.

Orcist's Vox.
Orcist on Facebook.


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