Greetings Destructoid community. I thought the original post said this contest ended the day before Christmas, but the main page says 10/23. Either way, I've come too far not to post this. I'm hoping this will "up" the ante, but if not, let it be my Christmas card to you Destructoid.

I present - Bonehenge.





Bonehenge, or a Destructoid Christmas

I

It was the night before Christmas,
And all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring,
Not even a mouse.

But out in the yard,
Was a different story,
There labored one mighty Viking,
His beard frozen and hoary.

I'll erect a fitting monument,
He proudly said,
I'll build it of snow.
And it'll have five giant heads.

No it's not a hydra,
Not a mythical beast,
It’s like Odysseus' Cyclops,
A one-eyed monster,
Blind fury unleashed.

It'll reach up to heaven,
He said in his might,
And moreover exclaimed,
Its girth exceeds its height!

He puffed and he strained,
And he raised up his towers,
Like a ribald college freshman,
He asserted his power.

No matter how long it takes, I'll get it up,
I've worked since the cock crowed,
To craft these pylons, I’ll not stop,
Damn the cold wind as it spits and blows.

His first shaft stood tall,
But a bit lopsided,
Oh such pain when it shattered,
Our mighty hero broke and cried!

The neighbors they mocked him,
And gathered and stared,
“What a waste of an afternoon,
Who on the intertubes will care?

Our hero undaunted,
Bit back a riposte,
With what grim fury he soldiered,
He would not abandon his posts.

II

What consummate joy!
The work was complete,
Yet his shrine still lacked something,
A figure to make it replete.

Zounds! He ejaculated,
To whom I must give honor,
I have shamefully omitted,
In rectification there be an altar.

Here stands my patron,
That great green robot I adore,
His vigilant gaze, unblinking,
Shall watch over this evermore.

The colors of the season,
Are bright red and green,
Thus, led by the light of reason,
I colored my mascot’s head,
With their cheery sheen.

Since the dawn of time,
And Homo erectus appeared,
Men have raised pillars,
To those they revere.

The Egyptians with pyramids,
The Colossus at Rhodes,
Now I, I like a druid,
Raise a Stonehenge, albeit it crude.

III

Nullum gratuitum prandium,
“There's no free lunch,” it's said,
But maybe my hard work will be rewarded,
I have been using my head.
(And five heads are better than one.)

But deep in his heart,
He felt black despair,
Other men boned fat chicks,
All covered in hair.

Will my efforts be enough,
To shower me in glory?
Do fate and the gods ordain a cruel end,
for my story?

This clever reference,
I've beaten to death,
This vein of comedy,
I've mined out its breadth.

So I'll end my narrative,
On a high point you see,
Know the one who grasped at a dream,
So achingly beautiful, my tale to thee.

Homer told of a war,
That spanned ten years,
Dante took us to hell,
And showed us our fears.

Milton showed us Satan,
And Coleridge the sea,
This epic is more humble,
But give that computer to me!

Merry Christmas everyone!



P.S. Also cocks.